The First Crow
by belle717
Summary: The circumstances surrounding Tara's departure from Charming, then her return. Tara/Jax.
1. Chapter 1

Chapter 1

Tara inhaled sharply as her hands were cuffed behind her back for the third time in eight months. She hung her head as Deputy Uhl guided her into the back seat of the his police cruiser. She glared sharply at Jax as she saw him being cuffed and placed in the back of another deputy's car. This was not what she had planned for her life.

She sat back and got as comfortable as she could with her hands behind her back. A few minutes later, the car pulled up at the station and she saw Gemma leaning against the police station's walls. Of course it was Gemma who would be the one to bail her out again. But this was all Jax's fault anyway. At least Deputy Uhl was decent enough to let her get dressed. She couldn't believe she let her self get so carried away that she would have sex on Main Street.

Deputy Uhl helped her out of the car and she was led to one of the cells in the back. Jax was placed in the cell next to hers and she sat on the bed, her head in her hands and refused to acknowledge Jax.

"Tara, baby," Jax pleaded from three feet away.

After fifteen minutes of listening to him try to get her to acknowledge him, she dropped her hands from her face and took a deep breath before standing up and walking to the wall.

"All I can say to you right now Jax, is that I'm happy they caught up with us later this evening rather than earlier."

At that, Chief Unser opened the door to her cell. She turned and walked out to where Gemma was standing, Jax following behind, hands in his pockets and head down.

"Gemma," Tara said confidently, "can you take me to my Dad's?"

Gemma looked at Jax, then back to Tara and nodded. Jax walked to the car and opened the passenger side door. He pulled the seat forward and tried to help Tara into the back but she pushed him off her. Gemma looked at him with a questioning look and he shrugged before climbing into the car.

Gemma climbed in and started the car, glancing at Tara in the back seat and then turned toward Elm Street.

When Gemma pulled over in front of the small box house on Elm Street, Jax got out and pulled the seat forward again. He offered his hand to Tara and she pointedly ignored it, careful not to touch him as she got out of the car. She walked toward the house never looking back.

When Tara entered the house that was supposed to be her home, she found her father passed out on the floor. She sighed and went to her room, and started shuffling through some papers. She found what she was looking for, the paper from University of San Diego that deferred her enrollment for one year. It was October, possibly still early enough to get in for the spring semester.

She went to the kitchen to find the family address book. When she located the book, she flipped through the pages looking for the phone number of her father's cousin who lived in San Diego. When she found it, she lifted her father's phone and dialed the number.

"Bruce," she said when she heard a man answer the phone. "Its Tara, Max's daughter."

The next morning, Opie was leaving to go to the shop for the day when he saw a strange car in the Knowles's driveway. Right before he started his bike, he saw Tara walk out of the door with two suitcases in her hands. Opie started his bike and took off toward the shop.

When he pulled into the lot, he saw Jax working on a car in the first bay. He jumped off his bike and jogged up to Jax. "Where is Tara going?"

Jax looked up. "What?"

"There is a strange car at her house and I saw her walk out of the house with two suitcases."

"Shit," Jax said and took off running for his bike.

Tara knew that Opie would see her cousin's car in the driveway. She knew what time he would leave for work and she timed it so he would see her with the suitcases. He took her bait when he drove out as fast as he could on his bike.

She timed it so that she would be taking her final load out to the car when Jax arrived. As she walked out the door she could hear the roar of a bike approaching. She lifted a suitcase into the trunk and turned just as Jax arrived.

Jax got off his bike and walked toward Tara.

"What's going on here Tara?"

"Jax."

"Goin on vacation?"

"I got accepted to University of San Diego. I start in January. I will be staying with my cousin until I start."

"You're going to San Diego." Jax stated.

Tara nodded.

"What does this mean with us?"

"It means we are done," Tara said matter of factly.

"How can you leave, just like that Tara."

"Its not just like that Jax," Tara said shaking her head. "I can't keep doing this. I want more out of life Jax. I don't want spend my days waiting for you to be arrested, or fuck, Jax, killed. I definitely don't want to see the inside of another jail cell. If I stay, that is what I will do."

"And if you go?"

"I will have a chance at a normal life. I will get to become a doctor. I will get to live my life without fear of losing the most important person in my life."

"So, that tat on your back means nothing? When you got that, you made a commitment to me and to the future of SAMCRO."

"I love you, Jax, I don' know if that will stop, but I can't live like this," Tara said strongly. "I need to go to San Diego. I need to try to be something more than an "old lady."

"Tara," Jax pleaded again.

Tara heard her cousin come out of the house. He walked to the driver's side of the car and got in. Tara nodded to him and looked back at Jax.

She took a step forward and placed her hands on his chest, over his leather. She ran her fingers over the patches over his heart, reading each of them. She looked up into his pleading blue eyes, reached up and kissed Jax softly on the lips. Just as he started to respond, she pulled back. Seeing tears start to fill his eyes and feeling tears starting to run down her cheeks, she leaned forward one last time, gave him a soft kiss on the lips and turned to get in the car. Jax reached forward and touched the window of her door just as the car pulled away.

When Tara turned back, just as the car started to round the corner, she saw Jax sitting on the ground, his elbows on his knees, head bent, hand on the back of his head.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

10 ½ years later...

Tara inhaled sharply as the doctor inserted the syringe into her uterus. She wasn't supposed to feel anything, but she could feel a sharp cramping as the doctor took the fetus from her body. It was for the best. Joshua Kohn was a dangerous man and add a pregnancy to the mix and he might kill her in one of his fits of rage. She had moved and changed her number twice, while taking a new job at a hospital that assured her that her name would not be released in promotional materials. She still worried he would find her.

Her fear had distracted her from the procedure going on.

"All done," the doctor said before launching into the post-procedure care and notes.

A short while later, Tara was unlocking her door when she heard him say her name.

"Tara," Joshua said again as she turned around. "Did you think I wouldn't find you? Did you think you could hide from me? Silly, silly girl. I love you so much, why won't you let me love you?"

"Joshua," Tara said. "I'm tired, it has been a very long day. Can we get drinks after my shift tomorrow?"

She turned to open the door when she felt him grab her arm. "Ow, Joshua, you are hurting me."

"Don't blow me off tomorrow, you will regret it."

"I won't Joshua, I'm just tired," Tara said as she closed the door behind her.

Tara spent the next four months avoiding Joshua. She had gotten a restraining order when he had punched her leaving a bruise on her cheek. However, the restraining order had seemed to enrage him and make him more obsessed with her.

After one particularly frightening display, Tara made up her mind to leave Chicago. She spoke to her supervisor, telling him of the situation and that she wanted to go home to Charming. Her supervisor understood and made a call to the hospital there to get her a job as a pediatric resident She wanted her return to Charming to be a quiet affair. She arranged with her landlord to sell anything she left and give the money to a charity. She wouldn't be leaving any forwarding information.

It was early June when she arrived at her father's house in Charming. It had been closed up for a while, so she opened the windows and looked around at the pack rat her father had become. She went out to the garage and found his Cutlass under two tons of newspaper. She hoped it would work. She pushed the papers off and climbed in and turned the key and listened as it sputtered to life.

She backed out of the driveway and drove to the grocery store. She parked the car and kept her sunglasses on until she got into the store. She wasn't sure if people would recognize her, but she had seen some bikes across the street.

She took a cart and began filling it with essentials for the house, including a lot of garbage bags. She saw one of the younger girls who had been classified as a crow eater soon before she had left town. A tall blonde who was pregnant, and seemingly strung out on something. Tara shook her head and kept moving.

A couple of rows later, she heard the blond talking to another woman about the status of her relationship and her plan to win Jax back. Tara nearly fell over. Jax?! Was the father of the junkie's baby?! What the hell had happened to the Club? 11 years ago they never would have dealt with a junkie as even a crow eater, let alone as someone's old lady.

Tara kept moving. She had a little over an hour before she was due for her orientation shift at the hospital.

After she paid, she drove back to the house to bring the bags of non perishables in and grabbed her bag and left for the hospital.

It had been a long orientation. She was shadowing one of the doctors in her department when she heard a voice she recognized behind a curtain in the emergency room. The doctor she was shadowing opened the curtain.

"Mrs. Winston?" she said.

"Yes," the brunette stood up and went next to the bed with the eight year old boy in it.

"And this is Kenny?"

"Yes, Ma'am," the young boy said.

"I am Dr. Shepherd and this is my associate, Dr. Knowles."

At her last name, Donna's head snapped toward Tara.

"Tara?"

"Donna," Tara said smiling.

Donna stepped forward to hug Tara.

"You're a doctor now." Donna stated more than questioned.

Tara nodded. "So what happened to Kenny here?"

Donna smiled. "Touch football that wasn't exactly touch football."

Tara and Dr. Shepherd nodded. Dr. Shepherd stepped forward and examined Kenny. They suspected a concussion.

"Dr. Knowles, would you accompany Kenny to get a CAT scan? The nurses will show you around down there while you go and you can catch up with Mrs. Winston."

Tara nodded and turned to smile at Kenny and the girl next to him.

"I'm sorry, I never asked your name."

"I'm Ellie."

"Well, Ellie, do you want to help me take care of your brother?"

The young girl nodded.

Tara smiled. "Can you play thumb war with him while we wait for the nurse?"

Ellie smiled and jumped up on the bed.

Donna smiled at Tara. Tara raised her eyebrows. "Winston? So you finally got Ope to commit?"

Donna nodded.

"And how is he?"

"He just got out of jail."

Tara's smile faded. "I'm sorry Donna, how long?"

"Five years."

"So how are you guys now?"

"Ok," Donna said trying to put a smile on her face. Then she looked panicked. "Does Jax know you are back?"

Tara shook her head. "No, and I prefer it that way for now. I've only been back about five hours."

Donna nodded. "Your secret is safe with me."

"So, I was at the market earlier and saw this pregnant blonde woman," Tara started.

"Wendy," Donna interjected. "She and Jax got married three years ago, separated a year ago, reunited eight months ago and got pregnant six months ago. If that is where you were going."

"Uh, yeah," Tara blushed. "You close to her?"

"Would prefer not to go with in 100 yards of her."

Tara smiled and then the nurse walked in.

Two hours later, Kenny was released, having been diagnosed with a mild concussion.

As Tara gave them their parting instructions, Donna leaned in and hugged Tara. "Welcome home, Tara, and by the way, Wendy and Jax split for good two months ago. He is living in his old room above the clubhouse."

Tara stood open mouthed as she watched her friend usher her children out of the hospital.


	3. Chapter 3

A/N: After this chapter, I will be taking a break. I asked for the first season for Christmas and I need to see those episodes before I continue. The story will continue as what is going on in Tara's life while the season unfolds. So set an alert so that you will know when I am back.

Chapter 3

Two days later, Donna was sitting in Tara's kitchen drinking some coffee. Tara was puttering around cleaning out some drawers.

"Thank you so much for coming over and hanging out with me while I do this," Tara said sitting down

"Its nice watching someone else work for once," Donna deadpanned.

Tara laughed and picked up a lid from a pull top can. "Why would anyone wash this and save it?"

"I don't think your dad threw anything away, ever," Donna said looking at the three garbage bags Tara had filled in the 30 minutes she had been there.

Tara shook her head and continued chucking things into the garbage bag.

After a few moments, Tara tried to casually dig for information. "So, has the news of my return spread to Teller-Morrow yet?"

Donna smiled as she sipped her coffee. "I don't think so. Ope just noticed there was activity at your house this morning. I brushed his comment off. He is working at the lumber yard, trying to stay clean and away from the Club for me. We'll see how long that lasts."

"How is that going?"

"Things are great," Donna said with her jaw clenching.

"So you will talk to me about that at some point right?"

"Mmmmm" Donna replied. "I'm glad you are back Tara. I've missed you. All of the other women are infatuated with the Club. Even if you and Jax got back together, you would be with me on the reality band wagon."

"I'm not getting back with Jax."

"Then why did you come home, Tara?"

Tara opened her mouth to deny it. She stopped what she was doing, hands still in the drawer. "Because I know that SAMCRO and Jax will protect me."

Donna coughed as she swallowed her coffee. "What?"

"I'm in some trouble, but I don't know when or if that trouble will catch up with me," Tara admitted.

"What kind of trouble?" Donna said reaching for Tara's hand.

"A guy," Tara said.

"What guy?"

"About eight months ago, I started dating this man, Joshua Kohn. He is an agent with the Bureau of Alcohol, Tobacco and Firearms," Tara paused as Donna shook her head. "About five months ago, I found out I was pregnant. That night, he came in to my apartment while I was changing and he saw this." Tara said standing up and lifting the back of her shirt.

Donna sighed when she saw a tattoo matching hers. A crow carrying a crystal ball adorned with an "A".

"Turns out the Sons had come across his desk recently and he recognized the symbolism of the ink. He became obsessed with my involvement, which had to be great for me to have the tattoo. He became obsessed and snooped through my apartment when I was working a double. He found a photo of me and Jax that was taken right after he was patched. Then he became violent. He stalked me, he hit me, he threatened me. I got an abortion, I switched apartments and jobs and eventually I had to disappear."

Donna stood and went next to Tara.

"I know that whereever I go, he will find me," Tara said leaning into Donna. "Here, at least, I have a chance at protection."

Donna hugged her. "You have to tell Jax." She felt Tara shake her head. "You have to tell him you are home and why."

"I can't."

"Tara, he can't protect you if he doesn't know you are here and he can't protect you if he doesn't know you need protection."

"Gemma will kill me."

"Gemma loved you."

"After I left, she came to San Diego and threatened to kill me if I ever contacted Jax again," Tara looked into Donna's eyes. "You have to promise me you won't tell anyone."

"He will find out you are back," Donna said.

"Please just let me do this my way, Donna, I need to do this my way. And I didn't know it, but I need you too."

Donna nodded. "Your way."


	4. Chapter 4

A/N: Merry Christmas! Time for more of Tara and Jax.

Chapter 4

Tara had had a bad night shift at the hospital, and was taking out her frustration on the overgrown bushes on the side of her father's garage. She was so focused she never heard the roar of the Harley coming down her street.

Jax hadn't checked on Opie in a little over a week. It was Sunday around noon, so he rode over to Opie's with a bucket of chicken and side dishes for the family. As he passed the former home of the only love in his life, he was stunned to see the garage door and the front door wide open. He pulled up at Opie's house and turned to look toward Tara's father's house, only to see Tara swinging at the bushes that had become overgrown at the side of the garage.

Donna saw Jax pull up in front of the house and turn to look toward Tara's. She went out the front door and went up to Jax. She touched his arm.

"Jax."

He turned to look at her. "Donna," he said turning back toward Tara's. "How long has she been here?"

"3 days."

Jax hung his head.

"She didn't know how to approach you, she was nervous," Donna said.

Jax nodded and handed Donna the food then started walking toward Tara.

"Jax," Donna pleaded as Opie came up beside her.

Opie took quick stock of the situation and pulled Donna into a hug. He guided her toward the swing in the yard, knowing he would never coax her back into the house.

Tara swung the hoe at the roots of the bush she had just taken out. She felt someone touch her arm and she screamed and swung around to find the face of the man she had always loved.

"Jax!"

"You are back."

Tara dropped the hoe and looked at him. "Yeah."

"I didn't think you would ever come back."

"Me either."

"Then why are you here?"

Tara sighed and looked at him. "To take care of this," Tara said gesturing to the house.

Jax nodded. "Why have you been hiding out?"

"I haven't been hiding out Jax."

"Then why haven't I seen you around?"

"I've been here for three days and been at work for 32 hours in those three days," Tara said. "And all I could think of in the thirty hours I have had off is 'I need sleep' and 'I need to tell Jax I'm in Charming.'"

"Work?"

"I got a position at St. Thomas," Tara said. "I'm a general surgeon."

"That's amazing Tara," Jax said.

"Thanks," Tara looked down. "I hear your wife is pregnant."

"Yeah," Jax shrugged. "We are separated."

"Have you seen her?" Tara said thinking of the pregnant junkie she saw in the grocery store.

Jax shook his head.

"You should," Tara said.

Jax shrugged again. "So," he said stepping closer. "Where does this put us?"

Jax was right in front of her, his lips inches from hers, the closest he had been in eleven years. Tara looked away. "Friends?"

"Do you think we can be just friends, Tara?"

"No, but I want to try," Tara said stepping back and picking up her hoe. "Charming is small, I live across the street from your best friend, don't you think it would be best for everyone if we start off as friends."

Jax stepped back.

"It might also keep Gemma from killing me."

Jax laughed. "If you need help with this," Jax said gesturing to the bushes, "just let me know. We have a new prospect, he needs stuff to do."

Tara laughed. "I would greatly appreciate it, I've been doing this for two hours."

Jax took stock of the minimal progress that had been made in two hours. "He will be by tomorrow."

"Thanks," Tara said propping the hoe up against the side of the house and removing her work gloves. She glanced toward the Winston's. "Donna and Ope are waiting for you, you should go over there."

"Naw," Jax said. "You go eat, Ma has food at the clubhouse for us single guys."

Tara and Jax walked across the street to the Winston's house. Opie and Donna stood up as Jax got on his bike and Tara approached the couple. They all turned around to watch Jax ride away.

"So?" Donna said.

"So," Tara said looking at Opie. "Jax brought lunch and told me to come over and eat. Do you want me to set the table?"

Donna nodded, put her arm around Tara's shoulder and walked they walked into the house.


	5. Chapter 5

A/N: Now into season one. I have no rights to Sons of Anarchy except as a fan.

Chapter 5

(Pilot)

Tara smiled at the nurse in the OB wing as she filled out a chart near Dr. Demet, the neonatal surgeon.

Dr. Demet and Tara's pagers went off, an OB emergency in the ER. When they got to the ER, Tara was stunned to see Wendy on the gurney, unconscious, pale as a ghost, and hemorrhaging.

The EMTs began rattling off vitals and information about Wendy. Tara paused for a second and switched into doctor mode. All of her feelings about this woman, the child she was carrying and the father of the child would have to wait. There were two lives that depended on her being able to forget herself.

Within minutes, they were wheeling Wendy into an OR for an emergency C-section, far too early for the child to have a good chance at life. The baby was taken to the NICU and placed in a incubator after his problems were diagnosed.

Dr. Demet pulled her into a consult where they decided to get Wendy stable and then take the baby into surgery. Her heart skipped a beat as Dr. Demet gave her the list of life-threatening conditions and her breath hitched when Dr. Demet told her that the child had a 20% chance at survival. And, obviously they would have to wait for the father's consent to do the surgery, Jax would be in momentarily.

"Dr. Knowles, please check on Wendy while I go prepare for the baby's surgery," Dr. Demet said. "We will do it as soon as we have the father's consent."

Tara nodded. "Can I scrub in?"

Dr. Demet smiled and nodded. "See you in the OR."

Tara went to Wendy's room and checked her chart while the nurse settled her in. She was giving her some follow up instructions when she saw the bikers approaching.

Tara set Wendy's chart down and went to the sliding glass door of Wendy's room. As Jax approached the room, Tara opened the door and slipped out of the room closing the door behind her. She stopped in front of the handle of the door, hoping to be able to keep Jax from storming Wendy's room in a rage when she gave him the news.

Jax looked into the room and with a sigh, turned to face Tara.

He hooked his thumbs in his pockets as Tara crossed her arms in front of her "What the hell happened?"

Tara glanced at Gemma who was beside Jax. Looking back at him, she asked "When was the last time you saw her?"

Jax shook his head. "A couple of weeks."

Tara glanced at Gemma again. "Her hands and feet were full of tracks." As Tara said 'tracks' she looked back into Jax's eyes. "The toxicology reports aren't back yet, but its most likely crank."

Jax swallowed hard and looked at Wendy lying in the hospital bed, her stomach horribly flat. "The baby?" He whispered not taking his eyes off his wife, who was no longer pregnant. His eyes were wide with fear as he turned to Tara's voice.

"We had to do an emergency C-section," Tara answered. She couldn't take the look of fear in his eyes and looked to Gemma. Looking anywhere was better than seeing Jax afraid. "He's 10 weeks premature."

Jax looked to his left, not sure who Tara was looking at. "Holy shit," Jax said shifting his weight away from Tara. But his fatherly instincts were kicking in and he had to know everything.

Tara looked back at Jax, "Come on, lets sit down and I'll walk you through it."

Jax shook his head stepping forward. "Just tell me."

Gemma stepped forward, concern all over her face as Jax looked to her for strength.

Tara wasn't sure she could tell him this. She knew it would tear him up to know that the baby had the same heart defect that had killed his brother.

"He's got a congenital heart defect and gastroscisis, a tear in his abdomen," Tara said. She spoke to both Gemma and Jax, looking to Gemma when she couldn't handle telling this horrible news to Jax anymore. She shook her head, she couldn't look at either of them as she said this next part, so she focused on Jax's reaper Tshirt. "The gastro and the early birth are from the drugs, but the CHD is probably..."

"The family flaw," Gemma stepped in to relieve Tara from this news.

"Yes, its genetic. Either one would be serious, but not life threatening," Tara looked up at Jax, knowing he would need to see her eyes for this next part, but not sure how to say it. "However the two of them together," she paused, seeing Jax shake his head in disbelief and step back from her. Pain and anger in his eyes. She couldn't believe she had agreed to talk to him. "Dr. Demet gives him a 20% chance. I'm afraid that's being optimistic."

"Oh my God," Gemma said turning to Jax. She swallowed as she heard Jax starting to process everything.

"She never wanted to talk to me,: Jax said shaking his head at Gemma. He looked back to Tara. "I didn't know."

Tara looked at Wendy in her bed. "Her OB said she missed her last three appointments. No one knew," she said shaking her head. She looked back at Jax. They had to talk about the surgery they had to do to treat the baby. "Dr. Demet wants to fix his belly first then if he stabilizes he will go in and try to repair the heart. I'm sorry Jax," she said the thing she had wanted to say so much in the past minute that felt like a year. She stepped back, and offered to take Jax to the baby before turning to the door. "I can take you to see him now."

Tara walked through the "Authorized Personnel Only" door behind her that would take her to the NICU.

Jax watched Tara walk away from him. His heart starting to beat again. "Tara," he called following her to the door. "You don't have to do this," he said close to her again, shaking his head. "I'm sure you've got other patients."

Tara shook her head, interrupting Jax, unable to understand how he was putting her feelings above his own. "I asked Dr. Demet if I could assist," she paused, looking down again, her emotions catching up with her. "I want to help your son."

Jax nodded, and started to smile. "His name is Abel."

Tara looked to the side again, tears starting to form. She loved that name. She smiled and looked back to him. "Thats a good name." She watched as Jax backed away from her and turned to walk away. "Jax!"

Gemma started to follow him, but was stopped by Clay's gentle hand on her arm. "Jackson."

Jax turned and waved her back "Go with Tara, I've got something to do."

They all watched him go, and Clay turned back to Gemma and the doctor.

"Watch his back," Clay said to Bobby and Chibs as he followed Gemma and Tara to go see the baby.

Tara, Gemma, and Clay watched Jax walk down the hallway. Bobby and Chibs were close behind him.

Clay looked at the two women who were staring down the hall in disbelief. "Let's go see the baby."

Tara led the couple down the hallway. "I want to prepare you. Abel has a lot of tubes and wires connected to him. He is very small, not even two pounds." Tara stopped at a door. "He is too small and too unstable to be held. But you can go in and look at him."

Tara waited near the door as the intimidating couple became vulnerable looking at their grandchild. She wanted to be near in case they had any questions and because they only had about thirty minutes before Abel would be taken into surgery.

Three hours later, Tara approached Gemma and the woman she remembered as Luann to tell them the outcome of Abel's surgery.

"Abel's stomach surgery went well, but its putting a strain on his system," Tara said to Gemma. She hated doing this, always bad news to this family that she had wanted to be a part of. "Dr. Demet doesn't want to wait. He thinks we should do the heart surgery now."

Luann jumped in. "That's good right, that he doesn't want to wait?"

Tara welcomed the chance not to look at Gemma. She nodded. "Its the best choice, yes."

Gemma nodded. "Thanks," she said as she and Luann turned away.

Tara stepped forward. "Can we talk?"

Gemma handed her purse to Luann and followed Tara a little down the hall. "What is it?"

"Wendy's in really bad shape," Tara said looking at Gemma. "She's still detoxing, she can't stop crying." Tara bit her lip waiting for Gemma to show some emotion for her daughter-in-law.

"And?" Gemma asked.

Tara was surprised that was all Gemma said. "I was hoping maybe you could talk to her, let her know she is not all alone."

Gemma stopped. "Trust me, nothin I'm going to say to that crank whore is going to make her feel loved."

Tara looked over Gemma's shoulder, realizing she shouldn't be surprised. "I forgot just how forthright you can be."

Gemma hardened. "You forgot a lot of things, sweetheart."

Tara narrowed her eyes. "If you have a problem with me assisting on Abel's case, just say so."

Gemma narrowed her eyes. "Are you a good doctor?"

"Yes."

"Then I don't have a problem," Gemma said leaning in.

"Good," Tara said defensively. "And people change. I'm not the same girl I was 10 years ago."

"I am," Gemma said sarcastically.

Tara turned to go and felt the top of her scrubs lifted. She turned around knocking Gemma's hand away from her, glaring at the woman who had once been a mother figure in her life.

"I guess there's somethings you can't change," Gemma said hands folded in front of her.

"I leave it there," Tara said trying to hide the emotion she felt about the tattoo adorning her lower back. "so I remember all that shit's behind me."

"I forgot just how 'clever' you can be," Gemma said in her trade mark smart ass tone.

Tara watched Gemma walk away, not able to believe the nerve of her. To insinuate that she was lying about why she still had her tattoo. Gemma hadn't looked kindly on her since Wendy was brought into the hospital. It hurt her to know that Gemma really didn't trust her, even as a doctor to her grandson.

At that thought, her pager went off again. She was being paged back to the OR, it was time for Abel's heart surgery.

Tara was changing scrubs in the doctor's lounge when she was paged to the nurse's station. As she came out of the room, she saw Jax walking down the hall toward her. She smiled because she only had good things to tell him this time.

Jax lifted his hands. "Is everything ok?"

Tara nodded. "Everything's good." She let out a nervous laugh and wrapped her arms around Jax when he hugged her. Their hug quickly turned from one of celebration to a hug between lovers. Tara tried to pull back, resisting the urge to kiss him. Jax leaned his forehead against hers. Both had their eyes closed as Tara rationalized kissing him.

When she opened her eyes, she saw blood on his shirt collar and she pushed herself away, horrified as she realized what he had been doing while she was in surgery saving his child's life. He had been taking one. She looked down at her white doctor's coat and saw the blood had transferred to her. She reached up to make sure the blood wasn't from his own wound. As she unzipped his jacket, he leaned away and looked down, realizing his mistake. Then he looked to see her face.

She pulled her hands away. "Clean yourself up Jax."

He stepped back, shaking his head, he walked away from her, to the hospital bathroom.

Tara turned to watch him walk away and then went to discard her coat. She walked to the baby viewing window, something she did when she was upset by her day. Looking at the newborns always calmed her and gave her hope.


	6. Chapter 6

A/N: I have no rights to Sons of Anarchy.

Chapter 6

(Seeds)

The next morning, Tara was at the hospital for her day shift. As she drove over there in her dad's car she realized she would have to have it fixed, as soon as she had a minute. As if she would have a minute. The doctors at this small hospital were treating her like an intern. She got all of the shit jobs, did a lot of running to the lab. The only place she felt useful was on Abel's case and that could just be because of her personal feelings for Abel's father.

In the doctor's lounge, she made polite chit chat with another doctor on the day shift before going to check on Abel's status through the night.

She entered the room and found their best nurse on the case.

"How is he?" Tara said picking up the chart.

The nurse smiled. "He is doing so much better, like a different baby."

Tara was talking to the nurse about Abel's care that day when she saw someone stop at the window. She glanced over and saw Jax smile when he saw here in the room. She smiled back and began to move toward the door as he waved to her.

She went out the door and watched Jax look at Abel.

"He's moving around a lot more," Jax said looking back to Tara.

She looked back at him, "Yeah, all his vitals are up," she said smiling at him.

Jax looked to Abel before looking back at Tara. "Any permanent damage? Because of the drugs? Brain or anything?"

"Can't know for sure, but everything so far points to full recovery."

"How long has he got to be in that thing?"

Tara looked at Abel. "Could be weeks, but he will be in the NICU for two to three months."

Jax looked away from Tara. "Hey, look," he said turning to sit down. "I'm sorry about last night. It was..."

Tara interrupted him. "I really don't want to know," she said looking at the floor.

Jax looked away and leaned back in the seat crossing his legs. "Right."

He looked at her and smiled. Tara put on a nervous smile. "What?"

"I just figured you'd land a million miles from this place," Jax said. "You always hated it here."

Tara turned away hating to hear the truth about her teen aged self.

"Naw, I didn't hate Charming, Jax," she explained. "Its just...me in it, at the time."

"Yeah," Jax said biting his lip.

Tara had to change the subject. It was too uncomfortable. She sat next to him. "It looks like Wendy is going to be ok."

Jax laughed and gave her a mischeivous look. "Define ok."

Tara smiled. "We are taking her through sedated detox. She will be out for a few days," she looked down, wanting to ask the obvious. "You two..Are you together?"

Jax looked at Tara's lap. "Naw, I filed over a year ago. She got clean about ten months back," he said looking in Tara's eyes. "We tried to reconcile. It didn't work out too well," he said with a smile.

Tara smiled and looked toward Abel's room. "Well it looks like one good thing came out of it."

Jax smiled and looked there too. "Yeah," he agreed. He looked to his lap. "Yeah, I guess it did." He paused, knowing this conversation was over. "I should get going."

"Yeah," Tara agreed with a nod. "I'm late for rounds."

They both leaned forward and Tara heard Jax sigh. She looked to him and found his blue eyes soft and a loving smile on his lips.

"Its good to have you back," he said. He waited a moment, then patted her knee before getting up to leave.

Tara watched him walk away. She worried where they were headed, but she was happy to be home, in his protection again.

Tara sat back in her chair in the cafeteria. Toying with her food, she contemplated her conversation with Jax. She kept hearing him say "Its good to have you back." What did he mean by that? "Its good to have you back." Ugh! Tara thought as she threw down the fry she had been playing with.

"Um, hi," she heard. She turned her head and saw a woman she recognized as a pediatrician with offices in the hospital doctor's wing.

"Hi," Tara said with a cautious smile.

"Can I sit with you?" the blond asked.

"Sure," Tara said sitting up.

"I'm Rachel Meyer," the blond said sitting in the chair across from Tara.

"Tara Knowles."

"Yeah, I heard we had a new surgeon in the hospital," Rachel said. "And when I told my husband your name he shot soda through his nose."

Tara raised her eyebrows. "Cole Meyer?"

Rachel smiled. "We got married out of college, he came here and opened an office supply store while I was in medical school. After my residency at St. Theresa in Sacremento, I came here to start my practice."

"I just finished my residency at Chicago Presbyterian last year, then my dad died, so I decided to come home and close up his house, maybe stay."

"I have to admit, I was hoping to run into you," Rachel said taking a bite of her sandwich.

"Really," Tara said suspiciously.

"Well, Cole told me about you and Jax Teller in high school and now you are back and you are his son's doctor," Rachel said putting her sandwich down. "I figured you could use an impartial friend."

Tara smiled. "I guess I could."

"So, you looked like you were in deep thought when I came up."

"Jax came by earlier," Tara said. "He told me he is single and that "Its good to have me back.'"

"Ah," Rachel said. "That's interesting."

"Yeah," Tara said eating her fry. "And frustrating. I just, I am really in a bad place and I think coming back to Charming is probably the latest in a string of bad decisions I have made. I am scared to death that I will hurt Jax again."

Rachel smiled. "I have a lasagna ready to cook for tonight, come for dinner."

"No, its alright, you don't have to do that."

"I want to," Rachel said. "I do have an ulterior motive in seeking you out. Charming isn't the most inviting place."

Tara laughed. "No, it really isn't. I would love lasagna for dinner tonight. Thank you."

Tara set her bag down on the nurse's station desk to pull out her car keys before leaving the safety of the hospital. Before she found her keys she heard the distinct clickety clack of high heeled boots. She looked up to see Gemma approaching her.

She sighed as she put her bag on her shoulder and walked to meet Gemma.

"Gemma," Tara said.

"Abel seems better," Gemma said half expecting what this conversation would really be about. "Stronger."

"Yeah," Tara said nodding. "He's a lucky kid, both he and his mom escaped death in the same night," Tara said innocently.

"Yeah," Gemma replied. "I heard about Wendy, very sad," Gemma said without an ounce of concern showing on her face. She shrugged. "I can't say I'm surprised," she said as she stepped around Tara to get on the elevator.

"Guess you wouldn't be," Tara instigated, only half turning around.

"Got something on your mind," Gemma asked turning around.

Tara raised her eyebrows and shook her head, playing the innocent act up. "No, something weighing on yours?"

Gemma smirked and shifted away from Tara. "Junkie tell you something?"

"No, she's still sedated," Tara said walking toward Gemma. "But I talked to her after that baby was born, she was...crushed, she hated herself. But she wanted to live. Now somebody else popped her with that needle, or at the very least, gave her the loaded gun," Tara said and turned to press the elevator button.

Gemma stepped up next to her, both women adjusting their purse straps and looking at the elevator lights.

"Guess you think 'I'm' that somebody," Gemma said staring straight ahead. "Guess I was the one shootin into her fingers and toes the whole god damned time she was pregnant."

"No," Tara said still looking straight ahead. "That sins on her. But if I were a cop, I'd call that motive."

"Well," Gemma said looking at Tara. "Thank God you're only a doctor."

Tara nodded. "Well, we'll see what Wendy says when she comes out of detox," Tara said before looking at Gemma, who was again looking straight ahead. "Or maybe I'll bounce my theory off of Jax and see where he lands on it." Tara looked toward the elevator doors again, eyes cast down.

Gemma turned fully toward Tara. "That's how you're going to win his heart back, accusing his mother of trying to murder his ex-wife. Come on," Gemma said, her voice lowering. "You are smarter than that."

"I am not trying to win back anybody."

"No," Gemma replied. "Then why'd you come back to Charming?"

"Because of the job," Tara answered.

"Which one? Doctor or detective," Gemma said before turning toward the elevator doors again.

Tara leaned into Gemma's turned face. "You still think you can just say or do anything you want in this town, don't you? Everything comes round Gemma, no one is untouchable."

Tara turned back toward the elevator and Gemma leaned in to Tara's turned face, just inches away. Tara clenhed her jaw, not believing the woman next to her was so bold.

"You wanna touch me sweetheart?" Gemma asked in a lowered, menacing voice. "Will that make you happy?"

At that the elevator door binged and opened. Tara shook her head and walked forward into the waiting elevator, leaving Gemma waiting. Tara turned and returned the stare Gemma was giving her. When the doors closed, Tara sighed and slumped her shoulders. Every moment with that woman took all of her strength, will power and concentration.

Tara tried to shake off the frustration of her encounter with Gemma before arriving at Rachel and Cole's house. She could still hear Gemma's taunting voice. That woman!

She pulled up in front of a house in the nicer neighborhood of Charming. She got out of her car with a bottle of wine she picked up at the local liquor store. Before she could knock on the door, Cole Meyer, looking a little older, but still the same as before, opened it for her.

"Tara!" He exclaimed. "It's been forever. I'm glad you could come over."

Tara smiled at him and handed him the bottle of wine. She remembered they had been in many of the same classes at Charming High. He had been on the basketball team and they had been friends when Jax and his entourage weren't around. He had never felt comfortable with the bikers.

He guided her into the kitchen where Rachel was tossing a salad. "Hey Tara," Rachel said.

Tara listened as Cole and Rachel chatted about getting dinner on the table. She followed them into the dining room and sat down.

"So Tara, what do you think of Charming now?"

"Hasn't changed much," Tara said. "Tell me what has been going on around here."

"Well, you hit the nail on the head," Cole said. "Nothing has changed. We still have the elementary school fund raiser in the fall and next week is Fun Town and business owners still pay a protection fee to Clay."

"Is that what this is about Cole?" Tara asked. "Become friends with me so I can ask Clay to waive your 'fee'?"

"No," Cole said unconvincingly.

"Because I have news for you," Tara said standing up. "I have no influence over Jax, Clay or Gemma. I am only Abel's doctor."

Tara began walking toward the door.

Rachel threw Cole a disgusted look and stood to follow Tara.

"Tara, please," Rachel said. "Don't go. He is an idiot. That is not why I invited you over."

"Rachel, its ok," Tara said. "Let's just do lunch tomorrow," she said as she walked out the door.

The next morning, Tara went out to get her paper and saw Donna getting groceries out of her car. Tara walked over to help her.

"Hey Donna," Tara said as she approached the truck.

"Hey Tara," Donna replied tensely.

"What's up?" Tara said picking up a bag.

"That woman."

"Ah, Gemma," Tara said following Donna into the house. "I had a run in with her last night."

"She just...UGH!" Donna said setting her bags down.

"Wanna talk about it?"

"The grocery won't take my checks anymore," Donna said sitting down with her head in her hands.

"Oh," Tara said sitting with her. "That's not the end of the world."

"It was embarrassing and then Gemma was behind me in line and bought the stuff I had to put back because I didn't have enough cash."

"Ah," Tara said. "Are they pressuring Opie to get back in?"

"Yeah," Donna said. "And they are making the case for me too, you know financially too."

"How do you feel about that?"

"I don't want him back in," Donna said sitting down while Tara unpacked the groceries. "I can't take that chance again, Tara. What if he gets caught again? Five years is just the tip of the iceberg."

"What does Opie say?"

"He is frustrated because things are different with the guys since he isn't fully in," Donna said. "And he is frustrated that he has to work so hard to barely make ends meet."

Tara sat down next to Donna and put her hand on her arm. "And you are frustrated because he is not happy even though he is out?"

Donna put her other hand on Tara's and let a tear slip down her cheek.

For the next few days, Tara would have lunch with Rachel, who seemed to genuinely just want a friend in Charming and she would see Donna for breakfast or before dinner. She had finally found a routine, granted, not one that let her get her car fixed, since she was still working 12 to 16 hour shifts. She tended to miss Jax and Gemma when they stopped to see Abel, she wasn't avoiding them, it just worked out that way. Well, to be perfectly honest with herself, she did plan consults, surgeries and procedures when she knew they were most likely to be in.

She spent her nights in fear of what was coming. She knew it was only a matter of time before Joshua tracked her down in Charming. She was scared he would be out of control when he got to Charming. Even worse, what if he was in control when he got to Charming.


	7. Chapter 7

A/N: I have no rights to Sons of Anarchy.

Chapter 7

(Fun Town)

Tara leaned against the wall in Wendy Teller's room as the lawyer and the nurse oversaw Wendy's statement about where she got the drugs and how the hospital was in no fault for her overdose.

When the lawyer and the nurse left, she pushed herself from the wall and moved toward Wendy's bed.

"Feeling better?" she asked looking at her feet.

Wendy wouldn't make eye contact either. She stared at her hands folded on the table in front of her. "A little dopey," she said with a snort. "So to speak."

Tara nodded. "When you are feeling better, I will take you to see your son."

Wendy looked at Tara. "Yeah, right," she said in a whisper. "Has Jax been around?"

Tara shook her head and looked at the blanket over Wendy. "I don't know."

Wendy looked down, obviously disappointed.

"They said you had a friend smuggle in that syringe of meth," Tara said with knowing eyes.

"Yeah," Wendy said not looking up. "I just signed the affidavit. The hospital's a little nervous about the the liability issues."

Tara raised her eyebrows. "I'm sure they are."

Both women nodded slightly at each other, knowing the other woman knew the truth but neither of them were strong enough to go up against Gemma Teller.

Wendy started laughing.

"What?" Tara asked.

"The two women who love Jackson Teller," Wendy said with a laugh. "Couldn't be at more opposite ends of the shit spectrum."

"We're not that different," Tara assured Wendy.

"Save it sweetheart, I don't need a pep talk, I know what I am," Wendy said laying back.

"So do I," Tara said. "And you're not suicidal. You didn't have anyone smuggle in that dose. I have a pretty good idea who might have delivered it."

"Don't go down that road," Wendy said shaking her head.

"She the one who injected you," Tara asked suspiciously.

"No," Wendy said strongly, not making eye contact. "I stared at that 5 mil tube for over an hour, and then I pumped it into my favorite vein. End of story."

"Why?" Tara asked with a pained look on her face.

Wendy laughed again. "God if you don't know why, then you and me are nothing alike," she said shaking her head.

Tara left Wendy's room and leaned against the wall. Wendy was a tough person to read. She could not believe that Jax could have loved someone like that.

"Dr. Knowles," Rachel said.

"Dr. Meyer," Tara acknowledged.

"Lunch?"

Tara nodded and went to the nurses station to put Wendy's chart away before following Rachel.

They went through the cafeteria line and then sat down. Tara took a bite of her turkey sandwich before Rachel spoke.

"Do you remember Elliot Oswald?" she asked.

"Vaguely," Tara said. "He is ten years older than me, I think."

"That might be about right," Rachel nodded.

"Why?"

"His daughter, Tristan, was raped last night at Fun Town."

"That is horrible," Tara said. "Do they know who?"

"No, the police and the Sons are working on it, from what I hear."

"Well the rapist had better hope the police catch him first," Tara said remembering some of the things SAMCRO had done when she was younger.

After lunch,Tara walked down the hall way signing an order on a patient's chart. Her cell phone started to ring so she handed the chart to the nurse and kept walking.

"Hello," Tara answered.

"Hey," she heard Joshua Kohn say casually. "I'm glad I'm not sick, you're a tough doctor to find..."

Tara didn't let him finish before she hung up the phone in a panic. 'Shit,' she thought. 'He found me already.'

She didn't have time to ponder the call because Deputy Chief Hale approached her.

"You ok?" Hale asked.

Tara, flustered, stumbled over her words. "Wha...Yeah, just, work," she said shaking her head.

"Oswald girl?" he asked.

"End of the hall," Tara said pointing.

Tara looked down, still in a panic as Hale walked toward the Oswald girl's room.

Tara went into a supply closet and leaned against the wall. She doubled over, hyperventilating. What was she going to do? She needed to talk to Jax, she needed to do so many things before Joshua tracked her down. She had only been gone weeks, not even a full month. God, if she hadn't come back to Charming, she wouldn't have had a shot.

She thought about if her restraining order against Joshua was in effect in Charming. She needed to find out. She needed to put her gun in her purse. She needed to get better locks on her doors. She needed an alarm system.

She would be working double shifts for the next week, she wouldn't be able to do any of these things.

Tara was filling out a chart at the nurse's station when she saw Gemma walk down the hall past her. She shut the file she was working on and turned.

"Wendy's out of detox," she said loudly.

Gemma turned, eyes down before looking at Tara.

"Thought you'd want to know in case you wanted to bring her flowers or something," Tara said innocently.

Gemma turned away from Tara and continued down the hall way.

Tara was filling out a chart at a nurse's station while Deputy Hale was leaning up there talking to her. She could ask him about the restraining order.

"They think they are protecting her buy putting up a wall around her," Hale said.

"Maybe Tristan needs to talk to somebody," Tara said.

"I need something, anything to help me find this guy so we're not doing this again with another girl," Hale said.

"I know Karen needs to sign some insurance forms," Tara said. "I'll try to get an admin to keep her busy for a while."

"Thank you," Hale said starting to walk away.

Tara grabbed his arm. "I need a favor, too," Tara put her arm back on the desk and looked down, trying to play off the favor as miniscule. "Its more of a question really," Tara said and smiled and laughed. "Its going to sound very dramatic."

Hale blushed a little. "Ok."

"If I had a restraining order against someone in another city, would it still be valid if I went someplace else?"

"It depends," Hale said. "Every state's a little different. You think this someone might be coming here?"

Tara shook her head and furrowed her brow. "No, no I doubt it," she looked down wondering if she should tell him the story. She decided it couldn't hurt. "There was this guy I dated in Chicago during my internship. Things got weird. HE got a little...its hard to explain."

Hale looked down. "Well, you want to give me his name, I'll run it through the system."

"No, that's ok," Tara shook her head. "I'm just being paranoid."

"How long ago did you get the R.O.?"

"Um, about six or seven months ago."

"I'll make some general calls, ok, see if its still in play out here."

"Thanks," Tara nodded visibly relaxing.

Tara knew she could trust Deputy Chief Hale. It was a perk of living in a small town. Still, even though it was a small town, she knew she wasn't safe.

As she left the hospital that night, she was very aware of her surroundings. Every shadow, every sound, she noticed. She got into her car, her heart pounding, her hands shaky. God, if it was going to be like this every time she went outside, she wouldn't make it.

When she pulled up in her driveway, she grabbed her bag and jumped out of the car and practically ran into the house. She paced the living room of her house, she had to be at work at noon and it was 3 a.m., but she was so scared she couldn't fall asleep. All of the noises were so loud. All of the shadows were moving. Every light was on in her house, but still she felt like it was too dark.

If she were really brave, she would run across to Donna and Opie's house.

She sat down at the kitchen table and flipped through a magazine. Eventually, she calmed down and fell asleep on the kitchen table.


	8. Chapter 8

A/N: I have no rights to Sons of Anarchy.

Chapter 8

(Patch Over)

Tara woke up the next morning, her face stuck to the pages of Redbook. She stretched her back, and tried to rub out the kink in her neck. She looked at the clock, it as 9. If she packed, she could drop her car off at Teller Morrow and then make it to the hospital in time to shower before her shift. Scenes from the movie Psycho entered her mind every time she thought about showering in the house by herself.

She packed her bag and walked out to her car. She looked around her yard. She decided it was safe and then began walking to her car. She stopped short.

Rose petals. There were rose petals on her windshield. Shit. It couldn't be coincidence. She didn't have a rose bush. None of the neighbors had a rose bush. Fuck. It had to be Joshua. So fast, how in the hell did he get here that fast?

Get in the car. She had to get in the car. Drive. She had to drive. Joshua wasn't on her property. But he knew where it was. She had to get into public. Teller Morrow. Hospital. Safety.

Wait, her gun, she needed her gun.

She walked back into the house and to the hall closet. She pulled out a box full of stuffed animals and games. At the bottom of the box was a Tshirt wrapped around her handgun. She hated that she might need it. She knew that by putting it in her purse, she was sealing her fate.

Tara pulled into the parking lot of Teller Morrow, apparently just in time as Jax was sitting on his bike with his helmet on.

Smile, Tara, she thought to herself. Be casual.

She waved out the window and smiled.

She parked the car and got out as Jax walked up to her.

"Hey," Jax said. "Everything ok?"

She nodded and closed the door.

"I was hoping you could help with the Cutlass," she said. "Its in pretty bad shape," she said pushing her hair behind her ear.

Jax looked at the car. "Shit," he said walking toward it. "This was your dad's right?"

"It was in the garage under two tons of newspaper," Tara said

Jax walked around the car looking at it. Tara followed him, remembering too those good times they had had in her dad's car.

"Just bring it around back," Jax said leaning down to look in the passenger side window. "I'll have Lowell take a look at it."

"Ok, thanks," Tara said softly.

Jax turned around.

She had to make her move.

She stepped forward and put her hand on the car. "I was hoping you could give me a lift to the hospital."

Jax stepped closer to her. "Actually, I'm just heading out for a couple of days."

Tara tried not to look disappointed or frightened. "Ok," she paused. "Anything comes up with the baby, who should I call?"

Jax straightened up, looking concerned. "He's out of the woods, right?"

Shit, Tara thought looking down. "Yeah, um, just in case of procedural stuff."

Jax nodded and waved when he heard a car horn honk. "Just let my mom know if you need anything," he said as Gemma stopped the car next to them.

"Everything ok?" Gemma asked.

"Yeah, fine," Jax said moving to Gemma's car. "She's just here to get her car fixed."

Gemma gave a suspiciously look to Tara.

Jax bent lower. "Actually, could you give Tara a ride to the hospital? She's got to leave the Cutlass here."

"No, thats ok," Tara said straightening up.

"I'd love to give the good doctor a lift," Gemma said eying Tara. She looked at Jax. "Where are you going?"

"To visit Uncle Jury."

"Nevada?" Gemma said. "By yourself?"

"With Bobby," Jax answered.

Gemma sighed. "Does Clay know?"

"Relax Mom," Jax said. "Bye," he said leaning in to kiss his mother goodbye.

Then, he turned to Tara, put his hand on her side and kissed her just on the side of her mouth. He turned and sauntered toward his bike.

Tara leaned against her car as Jax took off. That was weird. That was good. Why did he have to be headed for Nevada, today of all days.

Half Sack came over and drove her car to the shop and she followed on foot, welcoming the few seconds she had to process her latest interaction with Jackson Teller. Lowell met her by her car and they talked about what she wanted done with it and went into the office with Half Sack to fill out a form with her phone number and contact information.

When she got out of the office, Lowell told her Gemma was in the car, waiting for her. So she walked over and opened the door to the car. She put her handbag inside, and had barely closed the door when she heard Half Sack call her.

"Hey Doc, I need you to sign this."

She got back out of the car, leaving her handbag and went back to sign the form for the prospect.

She smiled at him and then went back to the car, got in and started to buckle her seat belt.

"Mind if I smoke?" Gemma asked, her cigarette already lit.

"And if I said yes?" Tara asked settling back in her seat.

"Right," Gemma said turning to put the car in drive.

They rode in an uncomfortable silence for a few minutes.

"Must be heard living in that house alone," Gemma said.

"Hard to get lonely," Tara said, not wanting Gemma to know her true feelings. "My dad was a bit of a pack rat. You can barely turn around without stepping on some piece of history."

"Clay's the same way," Gemma said stopping at the door of the hospital. "He never throws anything out. He still has underwear from 1967. Me, I hate clutter."

"I get that," Tara said turning to look forward. She reached down for her bag. "Thanks."

"Wanna tell me why you're carrying?"

Tara turned to look at Gemma. Of course she had gone through her purse. She knew better than to leave her personal property in the reach of Gemma.

"The gun, in your bag," Gemma said waiting for an answer.

Stall, she thought. "You went through my bag?"

"I spotted it," Gemma said innocently. "I'm very observant."

"I started carrying when I lived in Chicago," Tara said lying through her teeth. "I lived in a rough neighborhood. Just haven't gotten around to getting rid of it yet."

"A Baretta's not a tampon," Gemma replied. "You don't just forget its in your bag. Is it registered?"

"I have a permit," Tara answered. "Its legal."

"You know how to use it?"

Tara inhaled. "Yeah, I do," she said before turning and climbing out of the car.

She talked to one of the nurses who got off at the same time she did that night. Maria, a nurse who had been assisting with Abel, said she would be happy to give Dr. Knowles a ride home.

After her shift, Tara was waiting for Maria in the cafeteria. She got a meal to go, she really didn't feel up to cooking anything.

"Dr. Knowles," Maria said.

"Oh, hi Maria, after hours its Tara."

"Tara, you ready?"

"Very," Tara said getting up.

Tara was very happy to have someone to walk outside with. She concentrated on talking to Maria instead of the sounds and shadows of the parking lot. Maria chattered all the way to Tara's house. Maria pulled into Tara's driveway.

Tara smiled at Maria. "Thank you so much," Tara said. "I really appreciate this."

"Oh, Tara," Maria said. "Anytime."

Tara got out of the car, very vigilant about her surroundings and rushed into her house. She locked the door behind her and went about turning on all of the lights, checking all of the closets, behind all the doors and under all the beds.

Once she felt the house was secure, she changed into her pajamas and laid down on the couch.

Tara heard a knock on the door while she was drinking her fourth cup of coffee. She had a short shift that day, the second shift at the hospital. She went to the door and cautiously opened it only to find Gemma.

She gave her a puzzled look. "Hi."

Gemma was holding up her keys. "Cars ready," she said. "Figured you'd need it for work."

"Oh, yeah," Tara said taking the keys from Gemma. "You drove it here," Tara said looking at the tow truck in her driveway, which had to be Gemma's ride back to the shop.

Gemma stepped inside the door way. "I'm thinking me and you got off to a bad start. It's my way of saying sorry."

Gemma turned and walked into the house.

"That's nice of you," Tara said, still holding the door open. "Thanks."

Tara couldn't figure out why Gemma had had a change of heart or why she was walking into her house.

"Wow," Gemma said stopping and looking around the living room. "You weren't kidding about the clutter."

"Oh, I'm working through it a room at a time," Tara said closing the door.

Gemma leaned forward and picked up a picture frame. "Oh, yeah, your dad was real handsome. Kinda nuts, but cute," she said turning to Tara.

She should just ask the question. "Yeah," she said putting her hands in her back pockets. "Why are you here Gemma?"

"Your car."

"Yeah, the good samaritan bits not really playing out. What do you want?"

Gemma sighed. "You left Charming because it was incestuous, backwards and small minded. That's pretty much a direct quote. I don't forget," Gemma said casually looking through the boxes that were stacked in the living room. "And then you leave Chicago to come back to this. A shit filled house, with a mediocre gig at a community hospital."

"I needed to tie up family business," Tara said.

"People don't upend their lives to pack up a dead relative's house," Gemma said.

"You seem to be spending a lot of time and energy worrying about my life," Tara said, wishing this woman would stop questioning her motives. "Do I scare you that much Gemma?"

"I don't forget," Gemma said. "I'm not worried about you," she said moving closer to Tara. "Just the people you touch. Jax is in a real strange place. He doesn't need any outside voices in his head. You stay clear of him."

Tara closed her eyes. "We're not 19 years old any more, you can' dictate what he does, who he sees..."

"I'm his mother," Gemma interrupted. "And until I'm dead and cold, I'm going to do anything I have to to protect him."

Gemma stepped around Tara and went to the door. When she got there, she turned.

"Oh, and I'm not sure why you're carrying a gun," Gemma said reaching into her purse. "But if you're going to use one, make sure to be safe," she said pulling out a handgun and handing it to Tara. "No serial numbers."

Tara inhaled sharply and looked at the gun for a moment before taking it. Gemma turned and left Tara staring at this new, untraceable gun. Would she really need to use a gun? Or was it just for her peace of mind?

Tara had a very uneventful shift and it was close to being over when a nurse came up to her and handed her a manila envelope.

"Dr. Knowles, this came for you."

As she took the envelope, she felt a hand touch her back. She turned to see who it was, and when she saw Jax, she smiled, thankful he was home.

"Hey, how's it going?"

"Fine," Tara answered. "Your mom's in there."

"Where else would she be?"

"How was Nevada?"

Jax looked down and lifted his cut from his body, showing her his unharmed torso. "Uneventful," he said with a smirk.

Tara smiled and looked down to the envelope in her hands as he smiled and went to see Abel. She watched him go, with a smile on her face. How could he always make her feel that way? Like she was the most important person.

Tara walked past the window of the NICU and saw Jax lovingly looking at his son. She opened the envelope there and pulled out a photo, apparently taken in the early hours of the morning. It was of Jax and some girl having sex. Taken through the window. Tara studied the photo, shaking and looked unbelieving through the window of the NICU to where Jax had looked up at her with this beautiful smile on his face.

She was unable to control her emotions as she stared at him, her mouth open, she pushed the photo back in the envelope and turned and walked away.

Tara knew that she didn't have any hold on Jax. He was absolutely free to do what he wanted. Who he wanted. She couldn't think like that. She just needed to change and go home, maybe find some fun thing to watch on TV while she packed up a bedroom.

She hurried to her car, trying to not get worried about shadows and sounds. She hoped everything would be ok tonight. She just needed a little bit of a break. She had the next three days off. She would hole up in her house and work on cleaning it.

Two days later, there was a knock on the door. Tara was wearing knit shorts, a tank top and her hair piled on top of her head. She opened the door cautiously to find Donna standing on her door step.

"Hi," Tara said.

"You haven't left this house in two days."

"Are you spying on me," Tara said stepping back to let Donna in.

Donna held up two newspapers. Tara took them from her.

"Joshua is in Charming."

"Have you seen him?"

"No."

"Then how do you know?"

"He called me and then I found rose petals on my windshield."

"That doesn't mean..."

"Yeah, it does," Tara interrupted. "He always gave me pink roses. They were pink rose petals."

"Oh, Tara," Donna said putting her arm around her shoulder.


	9. Chapter 9

A/N: I have no rights to Sons of Anarchy.

Chapter 9

(Giving Back)

"Was that just Jax leaving?" Tara said walking across the street for coffee with Donna.

"Yeah, he was just getting some baby things," Donna said pouring Tara a cup of fresh coffee.

"Mmmmm," Tara said taking a drink.

"Opie just told me he is doing fireworks at Taste of Charming for Gemma," Donna said innocently. "Do you want to come with us?"

Tara thought for a moment. "I work the overnight shift the night before, but I can meet you there."

"Good," Donna said. "That means I won't have to spend a lot of time with Gemma and her groupies."

Tara chuckled as they started chit chatting about things before she had to go to the hospital.

Tara had been in a general surgery, an appendectomy. She got off the elevator, heading to the doctor's lounge to shower and change. She took off her surgical cap and looked up to see Joshua sitting in a waiting room. He stood, smiling when he saw her and she stopped, stone cold, heart skipping a beat before racing.

"Can we talk?" he asked.

Tara stood, opening her mouth, not sure what to say. She looked around and decided to take him into a quieter waiting room. She walked through the door and he followed. She turned, wide eyed, aware, heart racing, mind stunned.

Joshua raised his hands. "I just wanted to give you a heads up, let you know I'm in town. I'm here on ATF business."

Tara crossed her arms over her chest. "What business?"

"Its an interstate weapons case," Joshua said. "I shouldn't be telling you this. It originated in South Chicago, a big arms deal, led back here. Sons of Anarchy are involved."

"The rose petals and the sick photo, are they business too?"

"No, I just know you really love pink roses," Joshua said. "And I don't want to see you get hurt Tara, not by that guy."

"I'm not with him," Tara said shaking her head. If Joshua thought that she and Jax were together, things would get very ugly. She hoped she could convince him.

Joshua nodded and pursed his lips. "First love dies hard."

"That restraining order is still in effect," Tara said, her anger spilling over. "You come near my house or to my work again and I will file a report."

"Ok, ok," Joshua said interrupting her. "Actually my federal jurisdiction takes precedence over state ordered mandates," he said watching Tara's face fall. "But I understand how you feel. And I promise, no more contact."

Tara narrowed her eyes at him, knowing he was absolutely lying to her.

"Its been good talking to you," Joshua said. "I missed that," he said before turning to leave the room.

Tara watched out the window as he put his earbuds back in his ears and walked to the elevator.

She sat down in the doctors lounge and tried to calm her nerves. She would change and go to Taste of Charming where Donna, Jax and the rest of SAMCRO would be. What safer place was there than a fundraiser where all of the Charming was present.

She showered and pulled on her jeans, and a black tank top. She dried her hair and wore it down. She left the hospital and got in her car to go over to the elementary school. She could hear the crowd from the parking lot and relaxed immensely as she walked into the festivities.

Tara smiled at one of the nurses who passed with her family and continued on, looking for Donna when she saw Joshua, grilling burgers at the police department food stand. He looked very cozy with all of the officers. She couldn't believe her luck, he had gotten in good with the police department here too. It would be just like in Chicago where she had to fight at several precincts just to get the restraining order.

She turned, panicking and high tailed it back to her car. Donna would understand, but at least she knew that Joshua wasn't waiting in her bedroom for her.

Tara was sitting on her front steps when Donna and Opie got home that night. Donna got out of the car and went across the street.

"Tara, you ok?"

Tara shook her head and didn't look up.

"What happened? We were looking for you."

"He was there."

"Yeah, Jax was there."

"No, Joshua."

"What!"

"He was grilling burgers with the cops," Tara said before sobbing. "Now, I can't trust them, I can't go to them for help."

Donna hugged Tara and saw Opie start to come across the street. Donna put her hand up and rocked Tara.

"Maybe you should talk to Jax now."

Tara shook her head and sobbed harder.

"Ok, ok," Donna said stroking her hair. "If you feel scared or need your house checked out, come get Opie. I will just give him some general story about you finding someone in your garage or peeping or something."

Tara nodded and let Donna continue to hug her.


	10. Chapter 10

A/N: I have no rights to Sons of Anarchy.

Chapter 10

(AK-51 and Old Bones)

Tara was about half way through her shift and decided to run to the bathroom. She passed Abel's room and looked in the window, as always and saw Joshua standing over Abel's bed.

Her heart raced again, he was crazy enough to harm Abel. She opened the door and tried to keep her voice calm.

"What are you doing here?"

"Uh," Joshua stumbled. "I was curious."

"This incubation chamber is for medical personnel and family only," Tara said sternly.

"It still hurts me," Joshua said looking at Abel.

Tara looked down. She would be about seven months pregnant if she hadn't gotten the abortion. The same age as Abel.

"Be at SAMCRO in 45 minutes if you want to see his future, and yours too maybe," Joshua said, coming out of his daze before he walked out of the room.

Tara watched him walk out of the room and went to check Abel. He was ok. Joshua hadn't harmed him.

She decided to make a few more patient stops before taking her lunch and heading over to SAMCRO to see what Joshua was talking about.

She drove up to Teller Morrow and found armed police at the gates and saw a row of Sons lying, face down on the ground, laughing.

Isn't this what she had run from 11 years ago? This is what she had feared her life would be like. Like Donna, fighting so hard to keep Opie straight so he wouldn't get arrested again and go away for five more years. Like Gemma, so hardened she had her own set of moral codes.

She wondered if she could spin the two lives angle. A prestigious doctor by day, the wife of an outlaw biker by night. She wondered if Jax would even want to go there. Of course he did. Is this what she was now? She had come full circle. She was back at the beginning.

Tara was in the NICU waiting room talking to a patients parents when she saw Jax get off the elevator. She excused herself and went into the hallway.

"Are you ok?" she asked Jax as she approached.

"Yeah, why?"

"I was going past the clubhouse yesterday and I saw these cops," Tara said, hands on her hips.

"Ahh," Jax started moving toward Abel's room. "That was a bunch of bullshit. We've got this ATF agent harassing us. Following me, he showed up here, the guy's nuts. Looking for dirt that doesn't exist."

Tara couldn't believe Joshua was following Jax. Her heart raced again. She was scared, now more than ever before. Tara stopped.

"Um...duhh.. I'm just finishing up my rounds," she stumbled. "Do you mind giving me a ride home?"

"Sure," Jax's face filled with concern. "What's going on?"

Tara looked away trying to come up with something other than the truth. She shook her head. "Shitty day, my nerves are kind of shot," she said crossing her arms over her chest, trying to give Jax a smile.

He put his hand on her shoulder. "Alright, well, I'll be with the kid."

Tara backed away, with a strained smile on her face. "Alright, thanks," she said turning and walking away.

She went around a corner and tried to catch her breath. She was finished with her rounds, but knew she would need a moment. She went into the doctor's lounge to change.

Twenty minutes later, she went to Abel's room. Jax got up from the chair, said goodbye t the baby and put his arm around Tara leading her out of the hospital to his motorcycle. He handed her his helmet and they got on. She hadn't been on a motorcycle in 11 years and tensely put her arms around Jax's stomach.

"You alright?" Jax asked.

"Yeah," she said nodding before he turned on the bike. As he starting driving, she put her cheek on his shoulder, trying to get her nerves in check.

When Jax parked in her driveway, she climbed off and started to take off her helmet.

"I appreciate the lift," she said handing him his helmet.

"No problem," Jax said getting off his bike. He looked around the driveway. "Where's the Cutlass?"

"It was at the hospital," Tara said knowing that she had to come clean with him now.

"Still not running right?"

Tara looked around, checking out the yard and then back at Jax. She smiled. "Its running ok."

Jax turned and looked at the silver hatchback. "This worry I'm getting here, does it have anything to do with that car that's been following us?"

Tara's heart stopped and she looked around quickly.

"The compact parked half way down the block," Jax said turning around.

She saw it. Fuck, fuck it was Joshua. That man. And here she would have been alone if she hadn't thought to have Jax bring her home. She backed up, eyes still on the car and then turned quickly to walk into the house.

Jax followed her. "Tara? What the hell's going on?"

Tara lost control of the tears brimming in her eyes. She turned around, keys in hand, Jax right there.

"That ATF agent, that's been looking into you guys," Tara nodded and paused. "I think he's here for me."

"What are you talking about?"

"I was with him...in Chicago...it got violent, I tried to end it...he started stalking me."

She had finally let that out.

Jax turned and started to walk across the lawn.

"Jax, don't, he's dangerous," she said stepping forward.

Jax half turned around. "Go back inside Tara and lock the door."

Tara turned immediately and opened the door going inside.

Tara locked the door and leaned against it. Her back to the door, she took a deep breath and tried to calm her heart. She turned and looked out the window where she could see that Jax and Joshua were having a confrontation. She pulled her phone out ready to call Hale. She saw Jax turn and walk back toward her house. He waited outside of Tara's for Joshua to leave. When he was picked up by a police officer, Jax took off.

Tara paced around the house, she couldn't be here alone. Not after that confrontation. Joshua would be hot around the collar after Jax busted his chops. She sat down, trying to relax.

Tara had gone to the hospital several hours after Jax had talked to Joshua. She felt vulnerable in her house alone. She went into the doctors lounge to read up on premature babies born to drug addicts and maybe take a nap.

When she opened her eyes, Deputy Chief Hale was standing in the doorway.

"Why didn't you tell me it was Kohn?" Hale asked.

Tara began to sit up.

"Jax told you?"

"I didn't know that Kohn was the guy that was stalking you," Hale said walking over to the couch. "I could have..."

"I tried getting help in Chicago, complained to his superiors, made things worse," Tara interrupted. "I went to three precincts before someone would even give me that restraining order. I doubted you could do anything," she said looking at the coffee table.

"Tara," Hale said sitting down. "Kohn's boss doesn't even know that he is here. This guy is in deep shit. He's done."

"Really?" Tara said feeling hopeful.

"He is leaving Charming, I promise," Hale said forcefully. "And I am sorry."

Tara didn't quite believe that Kohn would leave. But she was happy to know that Hale and Charming PD were back on her side.

A nurse told Tara that Abel's family was in and she went to check in with them. She found Jax and Clay standing over Abel, obviously not talking about the baby, but she kept a smile on her face as she entered the room.

"Hey, Doc," Clay greeted.

"Hey."

"Kid looks strong, huh?"

"Yeah," Tara agreed as all three of the adults looked at the baby.

Clay moved toward the door. "Well, you have a good night, alright." He said, touching her back as he left the room.

Tara smiled, confused by the affection and nice tone of Clay's voice.

"A nurse said you wanted to see me?"

"Yeah," Jax said with a concerned look on his face. "I was just checking in. You ok?"

"Yeah," Tara said looking down. "I talked to Hale, he assured me Joshua was leaving," she looked at Jax as he nodded at her. "Thanks for handling that."

"Oh, you're welcome," Jax said. "You don't have to worry about that guy anymore."

Tara smiled and looked down at Abel.

Tara went down to the cafeteria at lunchtime and picked at a salad. She hadn't eaten in days. She was worried about whether or not Joshua was actually gone or if he was lurking in Lodi.

The chair across from her pulled out. Tara looked up and smiled.

"Hey Rachel."

"Tara, Tara," Rachel said.

"What?"

"Hale is looking for you."

Tara nodded and looked up as Hale walked in.

"Speak of the devil," Tara said. "I'm going to go talk to him."

Rachel nodded.

"David," Tara said approaching him.

"Tara," Hale said. "I sent Joshua out to catch a plane back to Chicago."

"Thanks."

"Of course, it was after Joshua and Jax got into an altercation at Floyd's."

"What?"

"Jax threw Joshua through a plate glass window after Joshua stabbed Jax in the thigh with a pair of scissors."

"Oh, my God," Tara said putting her hand up to her mouth.

"They are both ok," Hale said. "I just thought you should know."

"Thanks."

Tara pulled into her driveway. It was late, her shift had just ended and she saw Jax's motorcycle in her driveway, and Jax, sitting on her steps, hood up, smoking, drinking.

She got out of her car. "Jesus, are you ok?"

"Yeah."

"Hale told me what happened," she said walking to him. She sat down next to him, facing him.

"Kohn's gone," Jax said plainly. "I watched him leave town."

Tara felt relieved and put one hand on Jax's arm and the other on his back, then leaned forward and put her head on his shoulder. He leaned into her. "Thank you," she whispered.

Jax pulled back and tried to read her face.

"What is it?" Tara asked pulling back too, rubbing his back.

"You left Chicago because you were afraid this guy was going to hurt you," Jax said.

"One of the reasons," Tara said putting up her defenses.

"Did you come back here because you knew I'd hurt this guy? Do what the cops wouldn't do?"

"God," Tara said. "No, I mean, I had no idea he would follow me. And I had no idea you would still even be here."

Jax looked away, thinking about what she said.

Tara turned forward. "That doesn't sound like you, Jax," she paused. "It sounds like your mother."

He met her eyes and turned away. "Well, you're safe now."

He stood to go, leaving Tara on the front porch.


	11. Chapter 11

A/N: I have no rights to Sons of Anarchy.

Just a note: I agree with you Running Wild. But something I never noticed before watching the episodes so closely is that some of the episodes cover maybe 18 hours. Most of which is Tara in the hospital. So, sometimes, I don't have much to work with. For example: By the time we get to Patch Over, Episode 4, its only been 10 days since Abel was born. Another example: This episode, The Pull, is only over maybe six hours.

Chapter 11:

(The Pull)

Tara had the day shift, something she was thankful for even though Joshua was back in Chicago, having his career thrown down the garbage chute. She was having a calm day. Checking on patients, ordering tests and diagnosing illnesses. Today was the day when Abel was going to get out of the incubation chamber. The first day he could be held by his family.

About halfway through her shift, she was paged to the NICU. Here it goes, she thought as she walked into the NICU. Jax and Gemma were standing by Abel's 'toaster' as Jax liked to call it.

"There is a rocking chair in the next room, if you want to wait while I get him off the machines and ready for you," Tara said gesturing.

Jax smiled at her and kissed her cheek before going in to the next room.

Tara took her time getting Abel ready. He had gained a lot of weight, and all of his vitals were like a normal newborns.

"Are your ready, little guy?" she said picking him up, wrapped in a blanket and wearing a Sons of Anarchy baby cap.

She walked into the next room, carrying Jax's son. When Jax stood up, he looked nervous, but his face lit up with a smile as Tara approached him. Tara met his smile. She stood in front of him, and they smiled at each other before she handed Abel to him. He looked down at his son, finally in his arms and smiled, proudly, like a father should when he holds his son fo the first time.

"Hey," Jax said laughing lightly as he backed up to sit in the rocking chair. "I don't know how to break this to you kid, but I'm your old man," Jax said to Abel who cooed and waved his hand.

Tara and Gemma looked on for a moment and then turned and left Jax alone with his son.

Tara waited in the NICU for a while until Jax came in with Abel.

"I've got to go," he said handing Abel to Tara. "Ma, meet us at the shop, and be careful."

Tara looked at Gemma and Gemma just shrugged and left for the shop.

"Did you have a good visit with your daddy?" Tara asked him as she got him back in his bed. She talked to the nurse for a moment and then went on to her next patient.

Her cell phone rang a short while later.

"Hello?"

"Tara," Jax said. "I need your help."

"What is it?"

"We need medical supplies," he said. "I can't tell you why because you are a doctor, but I need surgical equipment."

"I have my bag at the house, meet me there in 15 minutes," Tara said, rushing toward the doctors lounge.

"15," Jax said hanging up the phone.

Tara thought the worst as she rushed to change and get home. She stopped by the nurse's station to tell them she had an emergency at home she had to attend to. She drove quickly home and found Jax waiting on her steps for her. She got out of her car, smiled at him and went to the door. Jax stood closely behind her, so close she could feel the warmth of his body. Tara unlocked the door and walked in, Jax following. She threw her keys down on the table and put her bag down.

"I appreciate you helping us out," Jax said closing the door.

"I'll see what I have in my kit," Tara said. "I, I couldn't take anything from St. Thomas. They inventory," she said walking to a cabinet near the living room.

"Yeah, of course," Jax said following her. "What ever you have is fine."

Tara pulled out her kit and looked in while walking over to Jax. She handed it to Jax. "Here's some of the things you need."

"Great," Jax said. "Thanks."

Tara crossed her arms over her chest. "Um, I'm not sure what's going on Jax, but I hope it works out OK."

"Yep," Jax said seriously. "I'm sorry."

"For what?"

His face softened. "You know, when I found out you were back in town, I ran the scenario of how this would work. You and me."

Tara gave him a small smile. "What'd it look like?" she said with a laugh, not making eye contact.

"Like this," Jax said. "You wondering what kind of bad shit I was doin'. And me saying I'm sorry."

"Yeah," Tara said nodding. "I guess this conversation feels familiar."

"Yeah, cause I'm the same guy, wearing the same cut," Jax shook his head. "But you, you're someone different Doc. That's a good thing," he said before he turned and left.

She had to say something. She couldn't let it go at that. She couldn't let their relationship be the same as it was 11 years ago. He wasn't really the same.

When he opened the door she spoke. "Tonight," she said waiting for him to turn around. "I saw a father who loves his son, no fear of being vulnerable, of letting someone in. It might be the same cut, but its not the same guy."

Her eyes were filled with emotion that she had kept from him, the truth of her feelings and how they had changed for him, and how they hadn't.

One side of his mouth lifted in a half smile. "Goodnight," he said walking out the door.

Tara held her breath for a moment after he left. She closed her eyes, She rubbed her neck. Jax was so different, and he had become a man she could love. He wasn't blindly following Clay's lead anymore, he still may be an outlaw, but he was doing it in a humane way now. She hadn't seen blood on him since the night Abel was born.

She turned and went into her bedroom. She sat on her bed. She was so tired. She put her elbows on her knees and pulled the clip out of her hair and tossed it on the bedside table. Right next to an iPod.

An iPod. Why was her iPod on the nightstand? She always kept hers plugged in to the player on the dresser. No one had been in her bedroom. Not since she got back to Charming had she had another human in her bedroom, yet there was an iPod on her nightstand. She turned to look at her dresser and sure enough, her's was plugged in.

Joshua was addicted to his iPod. She got up to leave the room just as Joshua came into the room.

"No, help!" she screamed as Joshua covered her mouth with his hand and wrestled her to the ground, trying to keep her quiet because Jax hadn't left the driveway yet. She kept screaming. "No, help!" But Joshua had gotten her to the ground and put a pillow over her face to quiet the screams until Jax was gone. She tried to get up, to kick him, but he was on top of her, straddling her. Jax had to hear her. _He was just outside. Please, let him hear her cries._

"Bye Mr. Crow," Tara heard before Joshua lifted the pillow from her face. "Shhh, shhhh, Ok?" Joshua calmed her.

She took some deep breaths having been smothered by a pillow. "No Help!" she cried futilely before Joshua covered her mouth with his hand again.

"No screaming, you understand?" Joshua said before lifting his hand again.

She breathed heavily. _Calm down, play his game._ "You're hurting me."

"I'm sorry," he said sitting back a bit. He pulled the pillow away and climbed off of her, but picked her up as he stood. "I'm sorry I had to do it this way Tara, but I just, I needed five minutes, and I knew there was no other way."

He was hugging her to him. She didn't want to touch him, but she had to play the game. _Play the game. _ He sat her on the bed while he was talking.

"You're in a lot of trouble, Joshua," Tara said, fear all over her face. "Please just leave. I won't say anything."

"Just 5 minutes," Josh said losing his cool. "Five minutes," he said while Tara was trying to talk to him. "I need five god damned minutes," he hollered.

Tara, frightened, moved back on the bed a bit, waiting for him to strike her. "Ok!" He slammed the door. "Sure, five minutes."

He calmed. "Let's start over...ok?"

She nodded slightly. _Calm down, play the game. He is less violent when you play his game._

He pulled the chair over in front of her and leaned forward, taking her hand. "Thank you for giving me this chance, I know that my behavior has been less than chivalrous, and I apologize for that. Sometimes, love, passion inspires a man's baser instincts. He does things he's not proud of."

_Stop sitting here like a moron. Nod. _ She nodded.

"I'm sorry for those things. I never meant to scare you. A restraining order, come on. That was so out of the blue and it made me feel like some kind of psycho."

_Because you are._ "I'm sorry," she said, careful not to say the wrong thought.

"I heard you talking to Teller out there," Joshua said. "It sounded kind of intimate. You and him. That can never happen, you know that."

Tara nodded.

"That's ok," he assured her. "Water under the bridge."

_Smile._ She smiled.

"All that matters is this moment," Joshua continued. "Right now, you and me, Tara...we have...a chance to put it all on the table. Work it out, build the foundation that this relationship needs.

_He wants you to agree. _ "Yes," she closed her eyes nodding. "Right."

"Actually, why don't you start," Joshua said moving next to her on the bed.

_Crap. I start. _ "Ok," she said stalling. She sighed. "I guess, I should talk about...what do you want me to..."

"No, sweetie," Joshua interrped. "This is about what you want. This is your opportunity to clear the air. Tell me everything you want to change in our relationship. Be straight with me. Be completely honest."

_I want you to go, I want you to die, I want you to burn in hell. I can't say those things. _"Ok, I guess, you know...I was concerned back in Chicago, you were very possessive."

"Yes, that's true, yes," he interrupted.

"And I," she stumbled. "I got..."

"Frightened," he supplied. She nodded. "I know. Sometimes my energy can be very big. I'm an intense guy and I, I, I own that."

"Yes, right, I got frightened, that's why I filed the restraining order."

"But you know now that there was nothing to be afraid of."

No, there is something very big to be terrified of.

She nodded.

"You just weren't used to being loved," Joshua continued. "So deeply," he said leaning in for a kiss.

_No, no, don't touch me. _She leaned backward and he never touched her lips.

He laughed and so did she. "Ok, relax. Tartar, my little worry wort. Is there anything else you need to tell me? Get off your conscience."

_God, where was he going?_

"Our baby, I thought you'd want to mention that."

"I had an abortion at 6 weeks, it was never really a baby," she looked away.

"That's right, you had an abortion," he said standing. "You never bothered to ask me how I felt about it. It was my baby too."

"It was never a baby!"

Joshua slapped her. "You never gave him a chance!"

She got up and ran toward the door, but Joshua pulled her back and the world went black.

She could hear music. She could hear Joshua babbling about 'our chance.' She was on the bed. _Crap!_ She opened her eyes and saw him shirtless by her bed, leaning down to light a candle. _His gun!_

He climbed on the bed. "Let me give you that gift," he said ripping her shirt open and diving into her chest.

"No, no," Tara said squirming. "No, Josh, wait, wait, please, Josh." She had to touch him to make this believable. "Not this way, its, its a fresh start. Gentle, like I know you can. Please baby," she said, tears on her cheeks. "I know you don't want to hurt me. I know you don't, I know you love me."

Joshua stopped. "You do, don't you."

Tara nodded, their lips so close, it repulsed her. She had to calm him down so she could get his gun.

"Then love me," she said squeezing her eyes shut as she kissed him. _Don't cry!_

"I'm sorry," Joshua said. "I don't want to hurt you. I"m just in so much pain when I think about you. Do you have any idea how this feels?"

"Shhh, I know, I know, baby, I'm with you now. Its just you and me," she said, trying to keep a smile on his face. "Joshy, Tartar, Together."

She pulled him in for a kiss and started to roll him onto his back. When he was on her back, she pulled away, smiling, gesturing for him to stay. She stood next to the bed and pushed her jeans off.

"I love you so much," Joshua said.

She pushed her hair behind her ears, and climbed up the bed, trying to calculate the best way to grab the gun and shoot it before he realized. She kissed his nipple, his neck, his lips, his eye, and then made her move. She reached for the gun and pulled back, knocking its cover off. Joshua started to sit up, but she got it, and got off a shot.

She shot him in the abdomen and got off to the side of the bed. Joshua got on the other side, holding his stomach. He looked down, crying out in pain.

"You stupid bitch," he hollered stumbling backward, he hit the wall and slid down it. "Call an ambulance, I'll bleed out."

Tara was in shock. She had shot him. Shit, she had shot him. This was horrible, it would ruin her. She needed Jax. She needed to make sure Joshua didn't move. She kept the gun pointed at him and moved to the dresser.

"Tara, Tara, I'm sorry," Joshua pleaded. "Don't let me die. I, I, I'm sorry."

Tara picked up her phone, gun still trained on Joshua and called Jax's prepaid.

"Yeah," he said.

"You have to come back, Jax," Tara pleaded with him. "Please come back."

"What's wrong?"

"Just come back, please."

"I'll be right there."

Tara hung up the phone, Joshua still pleading with her. She went into the living room and paced back and forth, gun still in her hand. Still in her underwear, bra and ripped top. Back and forth, she paced, biting her thumb nail. Where the hell was Jax? He couldn't have gotten that far.

She heard a knock at the door and took quick steps over to open it. She pulled it open quickly and saw Jax there. Thank God.

Jax looked her up and down. "Holy shit," he said coming in and closing the door behind him.

"I couldn't stop him," Tara started babbling quickly. "I tried talking to him."

Jax pulled her into a hug. She mumbled into his chest. "Its alright, its alright," Jax tried to soothe her.

"Where is he?"

"Bedroom," Tara answered.

Jax knew that it wasn't good. Tara holding a gun and Joshua still in the house. He looked her up and down again.

"Here, give me that," he said taking the gun and striding toward the bedroom. Tara grabbed his arm, scared of Joshua, scared of what would happen when Jax got into that bedroom. He didn't stop so she followed behind him.

Tara saw Joshua trying to get up and stopped at the doorway, turning away from it. Jax was there to protect her, nothing would happen to her. She tried to calm down with those thoughts, but her nerves were absolutely fried.

Joshua looked up and saw Jax limp into the room holding his gun.

"Oh, shit," Joshua said. "You stupid bitch."

Tara knew that would set Jax off, so she grabbed his arm and pulled him back to her. Her heart started racing again. Why couldn't she catch her breath?

"I didn't know what to do, Jax so I shot him. I had to. What do I do? What do I do? What do I do?"

"Ok," Jax said, not able to watch Tara break down. "We call this in. You're not going to get charged for this. You'll patch him up. He'll do a few years for assault. Then he's going to be out, free to do this again," he shook his head.

Tara shook her hands, her whole body really and shrieked. "Ugh, I can't do this again, Jax," he pulled her to him. "Please, I can't do this again, not again," she sobbed into his cut.

"Is this your solution?" Joshua called from the bedroom. "You pathetic whore!"

Tara kept shaking her head. Jax pulled away and stalked into the bedroom.

"Once a biker slut," he hollered as Jax raised the gun. "Always a biker..."

His sentence was cut off by Jax shooting him, point blank, in the temple. Blood splattered the wall. Joshua fell to the side as Tara screamed. Jax walked over to make sure he had done it, listening to Tara scream. He leaned over and set the gun down. He sat down on the bed, taking a deep breath. He rubbed his hand over his mouth and just looked at the man he had just killed.

Tara slowly moved into the room. Both hands over her mouth. Was he really dead? Was it really over forever? This was good. This was not good. There was a dead man on her bedroom floor. This was a big problem. But it was a good big problem. Jax could handle this. He would know exactly what to do.

She looked at Jax, then back at Joshua as she sat down on the bed next to Jax. She was safe. She started to sob, she rocked back and forth a little. Jax turned to her, took her in his arms. "Its ok, its ok," he tried to quiet her tears.

She cried while Jax rubbed her hair, her back. She loved him, she realized and she realized that he loved her. He came running when she had called. He killed the man that had hurt her, that was calling her horrible names in front of him. And now, he was comforting her. He loved her.

She stopped her tears and pulled back a little, almost kissing him. This was a horrible time to kiss him. She leaned her forehead against his cheek as he pushed her hair back from her face. She put her hand to his cheek and gave him a small kiss. Then held his arm, his hand on her cheek, his wrist, she put both hands on his wrist. If he wanted this, he would make the next move.

And he did. He leaned in and kissed her lovingly. When he pulled away, Tara frantically tried to pull him back to her. As they kissed passionately, Jax pulled Tara back with him. She straddled him, kissing him, her hands on his chest, his neck, his hair. Hs hand on her hips, her sides, her back, pushing her hair out of her face. He pushed her torn top off her shoulders before he rolled her over. He shed his cut, shirt and pants before lying next to her, kissing her neck, fondling her breasts. Reacquainting himself with the body of the woman he longed for his whole life.

Tara couldn't stop touching him, his hair, his face, his arms. She ran her hands over his back before rolling over to climb on top of him. She removed her bra and leaned down to kiss him, grinding herself against his very hard cock. He rolled her to the side, pulled off her panties and his boxers, putting himself between her legs, he kissed her nipples as he sought out her clit, teasing it a he kissed her neck, her collarbone, the valley between her breasts. She moaned as he pulled back and kissed her. He entered her slowly. She pulled up her knees and arched her back. Jax kissed down her neck. He moved in her slowly, feeling her. He kissed her lips again, she pressed herself against him as she came, quietly moaning Jax's name as he came too.

They fell asleep, naked, wrapped in each other's arms and awoke with the early morning light. Jax kissed her, stroked her hair and got out of bed to deal with Joshua.


	12. Chapter 12

A/N: I don't have any rights to SOA.

A/N 2: I owe you all a sex scene and I'm sorry, I just don't have it in me this week. That's what the wait has been. I figured you would forgive me for not putting a sex scene in if I updated sooner than later and added in a good Donna/Tara scene.

Chapter 12

(Hell Followed)

Tara took a shower while Jax dealt with their problem.

"I'll be back," Jax called into the bathroom while she was washing her hair.

"Alright," Tara called.

She got out of the shower a few minutes later. She dried off, trying to keep her mind clear. She wrapped up in her blue terry cloth robe and started brushing her teeth. She killed Joshua. She saw herself in the mirror and stopped brushing. She had killed Joshua and then had sex with the gunman while his body laid on her floor. How could she do that? How could she have made the choice to go off track?

She threw her toothbrush down and ran to the toilet, hurling up the water she had had before she showered. She couldn't believe it was true, she had been a party to murder. She leaned back against the wall and her eyes landed on the partially mopped up blood on her linoleum. She would have to clean that. Bleach. Then replace the flooring in these too rooms, and paint the bedroom. She leaned over and threw up again, just as Jax came back in the house.

He walked over, kissed her forehead and got in the shower. She stayed on the floor while he showered.

He got dressed. "I got to go, Tara," he said. "Will you be alright?"

Tara nodded. "I'm going to clean, go to work, call someone for flooring, got any suggestions?"

"I'll make the call," Jax said. "Are you sure you should go in today?"

"No," Tara said shaking her head. "I could take a personal day."

"I think that's a good idea."

He leaned down and kissed her cheek before leaving. She heard the door close, and then she heard a bike pull up behind a car. She could hear Gemma and someone else outside.

"Ma, she's not in there, leave her alone," she heard Jax raise his voice to Gemma.

She definitely didn't have the strength to handle Gemma today. She stood up, pulled on some jeans and a long sleeved, blue knit top and left for the hospital when she heard everyone leave her driveway. She couldn't stay in that house alone all day. She would go crazy.

She made her rounds, nothing exciting for the day which was comforting, and ended with Abel. She did an exam, checking his development and to see if there were any indications for a neurological problem.

She saw Jax coming and wrapped him back up. When Jax walked in, he looked at Abel. "How's he doin?"

"Good. Strong willed little guy," she said before lowering her voice to talk to Abel.

"I thought you were going to take a personal day," Jax said taking in her rough appearance, hair in a sloppy ponytail, bags under her eyes.

Tara snorted. "I tried to, I had to get out of there, you know, its a light day."

"You ok?"

Tara looked at him and shook her head. "I don't know," she said before turning and getting some hand sanitizer. She leaned against the wall, rubbing the sanitizer into her hands. "What'd you do with him?"

Jax straightened from his position leaning against the wall, shaking his head. He started walking to her. "It's done."

He went and stood in the doorway next to Tara., back against the door jamb. She turned to him. "What did we do?"

He put his hands over his mouth, then covered his face. When he pulled them down, he shook his head.

He hasn't done this before, Tara thought. He's having a hard time with this too. That thought made her feel better.

"When Kohn showed up in Charming he knew this could only end up one of two ways," Jax said, his face showing how tired and upset he was. "Either him dead, or you dead. It ended the right way."

Tara let out a sigh and shook her head. "Maybe I came back here knowing the same thing," she said, finally telling him the truth of her return. "This was the only place I felt safe," she told him, trying not to cry.

"It was survival," Jax said. "You did what you had to do."

Tara nodded. "Is that how this works. You make up your own moral code for everything?" She asked taking a deep breath.

Jax looked hurt. "I never killed anyone like this before, Tara. I don't know what the code is," he said looking down, breaking eye contact.

"I'm sorry," Tara breathed out. She had hurt him. He had protected her and she had really hurt him with that statement.

"I've been waking up everyday since he was born with a sick feeling, wondering who was going to die today, and it scares the shit out of me. Then I woke up this morning and it was gone. I think that scares me more."

Tara stepped forward. "Hey," she said pulling on his cut. "You're in shock."

"I don't think anything could shock me anymore," Jax said not making eye contact.

Tara swallowed hard. She had to be there for him. "What do you want me to do? How can I help?"

Jax looked vulnerable. "Don't go anywhere."

"I'm not," Tara said as seriously as she could. They held eye contact as Jax processed that she was in it with him.

He sighed and dropped his head. "I need you to come to the clubhouse with me. Those medical supplies I needed, bullet wounds. Guy's got a bad infection, we're going to lose him."

Tara nodded. "I'll borrow some things."

Tara sent Jax back to the clubhouse and then went to the supply closet and grabbed gloves, gauze, antibiotics, IV equipment and syringes, among other things. She went to the doctors lounge and grabbed her bag and filled it with her supplies. She checked out at the nurses station and got in her car and headed over to the clubhouse.

The prospect was waiting outside for her. He led her into the clubhouse and Gemma crooked her finger at her.

Tara followed Gemma into the Chapel. She saw a lot of blood, a man laying on the table with a giant wound on the back of his leg and a Son with his hand stuck up in the wound.

"Oh my God," she said in disbelief.

"He took two slugs," Gemma told her. "We got one. The little Dutch boys keeping the blood dyke from bursting," she said as Tara moved into the room and started unpacking what she needed.

"Here's some vancomycin, this will kill anything," Tara said, taking out a bottle of pills and handing it to Gemma. "Give him two now and one every four hours."

Gemma opened the bottle and then started slapping the Irish man's cheek to wake him up. "Hey, you gotta wake up, hey, hey, wake up." When he roused, she put the pills in front of her face. "Here take these, Doc's here, she's going to fix you up, here you go."

"Ohhh," Cameron, the Irish man, said. "How's it look?"

"Look's like you got shot," Tara said, her gloves on and filling a syringe with more antibiotics to kill the infection.

"The doctor is a friend of the club," Gemma said to Cameron, giving Tara a pointed look. "You're in good hands," Gemma said as Tara poked the open wound with the needle.

"Ah," Cameron yelped before he groaned. "Are you Irish, Doc?"

"Half."

"Oh, the half that's a doctor?"

"I'm not sure," Tara replied moving around the blood covered table.

"You should find that out," Cameron said. "Its good to know."

Tara handed Gemma gloves and gauze, indicating she would need her help.

"Oh," Gemma said. "Where do you want me to put it?"

Tara raised her eyes to Gemma. Up your ass would be great, Tara thought.

"Careful," Gemma warned.

"Ok, I'm going to have a..." she wasn't sure who the guy with his hand up Cameron's ass was.

"Juice," he supplied.

"Juice, pull his finger out and I want you to shove that gauze into the wound and I'm going to close it off with this clamp, ok."

"You sure you know what you're doing?" Gemma challenged.

"Guess we'll find out," Tara accepted her challenge. "You ready, one...two...three," she said helping Juice remove his finger as blood spurted up. Tara quickly clamped the vein while Gemma pushed the gauze in.

"Holy shit," Juice said looking on. "Good job Doc. Can I go wash my hands now?"

"Yeah," Tara nodded while working. "Hey, you did great Juice. You helped, you helped save his life."

Juice's face lit up like a child's. "Thanks," he said proudly before leaving the room.

After the door closed, Gemma leaned over. "That was very sweet."

Tara wasn't sure if Gemma was serious.

"No, I mean it, that guy's not used to good feedback."

"Ok, I'm a little out of my element here," Tara said. "I'm not quite sure how all of this works."

"For now," Gemma said looking at Cameron. "You keep him alive. Beyond that, I got no idea how this works."

Tara and Gemma continued to work on Cameron, Tara carefully directing Gemma and Gemma politely following orders. Tara removed the other bullet, repaired the damage, cleaned the wound and closed the wound. She cleaned up the area, sterilizing the work space and medical tools while Chibs, Bobby and Juice moved Cameron onto a gurney that she was sure she did not want to know how they got. Gemma oversaw Cameron's move.

Jax came in just as Cameron was wheeled out of the Chapel. "How is he?"

"I got the slugs out and stopped the bleeding," Tara said moving closer to Jax. "If the penicillin kills the infection, he should make it."

Jax nodded. "How is she?" he asked looking at his mother.

Tara followed his gaze. "Ahh," Tara let out a breath. "Can't stop that bleeding. She still wants me dead, you know that right?" she said looking back at Jax.

Jax nodded, then shook his head, looking back at Gemma. "I'll handle my mother," he said. "I have to talk to the guys. Why don't you go change in my room and then come out and hang with us for the fight."

Tara nodded and headed back to the dorms. She changed into her jeans and tank top. After she was dressed, she looked around the room. It was basically the same as it had been eleven years before. Photos of them still in the mirror, food, desk, a few more amenities, like a microwave and mini fridge.

She sat down on the bed. Same, lumpy mattress.

Fight night. That meant scantily clad sweetbutts and crow eaters. Where did she fit in that picture? There would be lots of booze, lots of weed, lots of PDAs. She was nervous to head back into that life. Especially since she didn't know where she was headed.

She walked out of the room and into the lot. Jax nodded at her and she stopped and waited for him. He came up to her. "Hey, baby."

She smiled and leaned into him as he put his arm around her shoulder and they walked forward. They sat on a picnic table and watched club members beat each other up in the ring.

Tara and Jax went back to his room, both still exhausted from the previous nights activities. Jax handed her a Tshirt and she went to the bathroom to change. She stared at herself in the mirror, wearing a Sons of Anarchy Tshirt. She had come full circle. She left eleven years ago, fought to change herself into a normal person, became a doctor and here she was, sleeping at the clubhouse, wearing a Sons on Anarchy Tshirt. She felt like she was in the Twilight Zone.

She walked out tentatively. Jax was laying in bed, biting his nails. When she walked out, she put his hand down and smiled. "That's a good look for you," he said.

"I think," she said blushing. She walked over to the bed and Jax scooted over and reached his hand out. She took his hand and pulled the covers back with her other hand. She climbed under his covers, burying her face in his neck, wrapping her arms around his body. She felt his arms encircle her and she felt completely safe, completely at ease.

He rubbed her arm, she opened her eyes and played with his chain. He turned to look at her.

"Are we crazy?" she asked.

He looked playful and thoughtful while he rubbed her arm. "Can I answer that later?"

She nodded and leaned in to kiss him, then let him take control.

The next morning, Jax leaned in to kiss her good bye. He was dressed, with his cut no where in sight.

"Make yourself comfortable," Jax said.

Tara nodded and waited for Jax to leave the room before getting up and getting dressed. She walked down the hall way and felt a sense of deja vu when she found men and women passed out all over the clubhouse. She walked into the kitchen and reached for a coffee cup when Gemma startled her.

"Good morning," Gemma greeted.

Tara felt like she had done the walk of shame.

"Good morning," she replied.

"Thanks for saving the Irish man," Gemma said. "He'd be dead if it wasn't for you."

"You're welcome," Tara said, fixing her coffee.

She heard Gemma get up and walk over to her. "Can I ask you a question?" she asked.

"I'm tired," Tara said. "I'm not really up for a fight."

"Oh, no fight, just trying to figure out what's going on. You and Jax are obviously reconnected."

"Honestly, I don't know what we are," Tara interruped, turning to Gemma.

"That's what concerns me," Gemma said looking to the clubhouse. "You're clearly not one of them."

Tara followed her gaze. "Glad that's clear."

"So what happens next?"

Tara took in a deep breath and shook her head. "I don't know."

"You become his old lady? What does that look like? Operating on kids during the day, patching up bullet wounds at night."

"Ok, I get it," Tara said, putting her coffee down and turning to walk away.

"I know you hate me," Gemma baited. "But this isn't me, being some overbearing bitch. This is someone telling you the truth. You and Jax is a bad idea. And someone better start thinking clearly before both of you get hurt."

That got to her. She nodded, holding back tears, but failing and turned to lean on a stool. "Well, it wouldn't be my first bad idea. Shit seems to follow me where ever I go."

"You know," Gemma said leaning in. "You are smarter and more strong willed than anyone I've ever met," Gemma said. Tara shook her head before looking at Gemma. "We need to shine some of that on this thing with Jax. He's no smart enough right now to do whats right. YOU have to be the one to break this off. Save both of you from something bad."

Tara couldn't believe what she was hearing. Did Gemma really hate her so much that she did not want Jax to date her?

Gemma turned to leave and Tara let more tears fall.

Tara went up onto the roof, she knew that was Jax's hideout, but that Jax was gone, on some mission that she was sure she wanted no knowledge of.

She saw Donna pull up and start to walk into the clubhouse. She whistled and Donna looked up. Tara waved and Donna smiled at her before waving back.

Tara sat back down and Donna climbed the ladder up to her.

"Lots of activity at your house a couple of days ago," Donna said. "Then, you were MIA."

"Jax and I seem to have reconnected," Tara said.

Donna smiled, then suppressed that smile. "Why is that a bad thing?"

"Gemma wants me to end it."

"Ugh," Donna said shaking her head. "That woman is infuriating," Donna touched Tara's leg. "Listen, not that Ope and I were gossiping, but well, we were."

"What?"

"He said Jax is happier than he has been in years," Donna said. "Eleven to be specific."

Tara blushed. "But do I really want to cross the Queen?"

"You've kept that heat off me," Donna offered. "Why weren't you home last night?"

"Spent the night here," Tara said with a sheepish grin.

Donna laughed. "Been a long time since either of us stayed at the clubhouse."

Tara nodded. "Fight night."

"Wooey," Donna said. "Trial by fire. Can't believe your first night back at the clubhouse was fight night. Did you get any sleep?"

"Well, we had a pretty weird night the night before last, so we turned in early last night."

Donna nudged her.

They sat silently watching the activity at the shop.

Jax, Opie and Bobby pulled up and got out of an old car. Donna looked at Tara as she watched Jax walk into the shop to talk to Clay.

"You love him," Donna said.

"It's complicated."

"You love him," Donna said.

"I don't know."

"Yeah," Donna said. "You do know. My guess is that you have always loved him and have never even come close to loving anyone else."

"Jax killed Joshua night before last, after I shot Joshua."

"What?!" Donna said standing up.

"Oh, my God, that felt good," Tara said.

"What?!"

"Sit down, I'll fill in some blanks."

Donna sat, staring at Tara stunned.

"Jax needed something from my house and met me at home to get it," Tara started. "I stayed after he left and Joshua was hiding out in my house. He tackled me and hit me, threw me against a wall and tried to rape me. I got a hold of his gun and shot him, then called Jax. Jax came over and when Joshua started screaming that I was a biker slut, he shot him."

"Ok," Donna said putting an arm around Tara. "Well, at least its over. That's why you stayed at the clubhouse last night."

"That and Jax and I have rekindled our physical relationship."

"Is that a good thing?"

"Gemma wants me to end it, remember?"

Donna nodded.

"What do I do about Gemma?"

Donna thought for a minute. "Tell Jax, its about all you can do."

Tara nodded and the old friends sat quietly on the roof until they were spotted by Jax.

"Do you love him?" Donna asked. As Tara opened her mouth, Donna stopped her. "It's complicated."


	13. Chapter 13

A/N: I have no rights to SOA.

Chapter 13

(Better Half)

Two days later, Tara was sitting up on the roof just thinking about Gemma and Jax. Could she break it off? She would have to leave town again to do it. She really didn't want that. She was happy at St. Thomas. She was happy with Jax. She was happy being back where she knew she belonged. The only thing she wanted to change was his tendency to be on the outside of the law, but at the same time, it was part of who he was.

"Hey," she heard.

She jumped. "Oh, God, Jax, you scared me."

"You were pretty deep in thought."

"Just escaping your mother."

Jax chuckled. "She just left for the day, you can come down off the roof."

Tara nodded and he started down the ladder first. When he got to the ground, he steadied her by holding her waist. He led her into the clubhouse where there was yet another party starting, this one more sedated than most.

They went up to the bar and sat next to Juice, who was working on a computer.

"What are you always doing on there?" Tara asked.

"Well, today," Juice said. "I'm not working on any club business," he said for more Jax's benefits than Tara's. "I'm watching Youtube videos."

Tara stood and walked around to see what Juice was watching. "I watched Youtube a lot to wind down when I lived in Chicago."

Tara spent an hour watching videos with Juice, both laughing loudly at most of the videos. Jax came up behind her and wrapped his arms around her waist.

"Wanna come outside with me?"

Tara nodded. She stood up. "Thanks Juice."

"Anytime Doc."

Tara and Jax went out to a picnic table. Jax sat on top of it and pulled Tara to him to kiss her. She put her hands in his hair.

While they were kissing, they heard a car pull up behind them. Jax pulled back and Tara turned.

The driver got out of the car.

"Donna?" Tara asked turning and walking toward the car.

"Can we talk?" Donna asked walking toward the ladder to the roof.

"Yeah," Tara said following her. She saw the kids in the back seat and a lot of stuff in the car. She turned back to look at Jax who shrugged.

When Tara got to the top of the ladder she found Donna pacing.

"What's going on?"

"I want to finally talk to you about Opie."

"Oh, ok," Tara said sitting.

"When he got out, the kids didn't know him anymore," Donna started. "I didn't really know him anymore. He promised to stay straight, Daddy made some calls and got him a job at the lumber yard, and he tried, but we had gotten so behind while he was in that we couldn't dig out. He's back in Tara, and I can't deal with it. I'm so frightened I can't eat, I can't sleep. I would die if he had to go back."

Donna sat and Tara hugged her. "I wish I had known you were having such a hard time."

"I didn't tell you, I couldn't."

Tara hugged her tighter. "So why are the kids in the car with all their earthly possessions?"

"We are going to stay with my parents for a few days," Donna said. "Then, I will probably be back to pack up our stuff."

"Are you sure that is what you want to do?"

Donna shook her head. "If I keep pushing him in a way that he is not able to go, he is going to get killed."

Tara nodded and pulled her closer again. "Call me when you come back and I will come over and help you pack up." She reached in her pocket and pulled out a large wad of bills and handed it to Donna.

"Tara, no, I can't take this."

"Donna, I should have kept in touch. I should have been here for all the important things. Think of this as a gift for the kids. I missed all of their birthdays."

Donna let a tear slip down her cheek. The girls stood and hugged. They climbed down the ladder and hugged again at the driver's door. Both started crying. Donna pulled out of the hug. Tara brushed Donna's hair out of her face.

"Be careful."

Donna nodded, got in the car and drove away.

Tara stood there and watched her go, tears on her cheeks. Jax watched the interaction and when Donna pulled away, stood and went to Tara.

When Donna's car was out of sight, Tara turned and hugged Jax.

He rubbed her hair. "What's wrong?"

"Go easy on Ope for a few days," Tara said, pulling out of Jax's embrace. "Donna's leaving."

Jax turned and put his hand over his face. "He's in the clubhouse."

"I can't go in there, I look like a mess."

Jax turned, "Let's go to my room," he said before bending over and throwing Tara over his shoulder.

He walked into the clubhouse and Tara could hear the hoots and hollers of the party goers. When they were out of eyesight, he put her down and they walked to his room.

Tara laid down on the bed and Jax laid next to her. They just held each other until they fell asleep.

Tara looked up and saw a woman standing at the nursery window watching her with Abel. She looked up to a nurse and handed her the chart before walking out into the hallway.

"Can I help you?"

"Dr. Knowles?"

"Yeah," Tara said walking out of the nursery.

"I'm Agent Stahl, ATF," Stahl said. Tara's heart stopped. "May I ask you some questions?"

Tara put her hands in her pockets. "Of course."

Stahl turned and went to sit on a couch. Tara looked around and then followed her cautiously. She sat down, heart racing now, trying to figure out what was about to happen.

"I'm trying to wrap my brain around your history with SAMCRO," Stahl said.

"Excuse me?"

"Well, your mom died when you were nine, you left Charming and your drunk daddy eleven years ago, moved in with an aunt in San Diego?"

"My father's cousin," Tara corrected.

"Right, right," Stahl said. "You graduated UCS with honors, you were the top of the class at Loyola Med and you did your internship at Chicago Presbyterian. Really, very impressive," Stahl said condescendingly.

Tara nodded and smiled. "Yeah, I know, I was there." She narrowed her eyes at Stahl.

"Yes," Stahl said. "And now you're here. At St. Redneck's, getting dirty with the bad boys again. How does that happen?"

Tara shifted. "My personal life is really none of your business. What do you want?"

"Fair enough," Stahl conceded. "Do you know of any illegal activity that Jax Teller or the Sons of Anarchy are involved in?"

Tara tried to keep a blank face. "No, I don't."

She could tell Stahl didn't believe her. "Well, that was easy," Stahl said. "Well, listen if you do think of something or you see something that just doesn't feel right would you please give me a call?" She said handing Tara her card.

Tara took it. Yeah, right, she thought as she nodded.

"Thank you for your time Doctor," Stahl said standing and walking away.

"What exactly is it that you are hoping to find?" Tara called.

Stahl turned.

"I'm just wondering what digging up dirt on old girlfriends gets you."

"Is that what Kohn liked, your inquisitive nature?"

Tara's heart skipped again. She knows about Kohn, she thought.

"You know, I understand, that he never got off the plane in Chicago, he's MIA. Threw away his career for love. I just hope your not doing the same," Stahl said before walking away.

Tara took in a deep breath, closed her eyes and leaned against the wall. She tried to calm her heart, steady her breathing.

"What did Stahl want?"

She opened her eyes. She stood and walked back into the nursery.

"She knew all about me, she knows about us," Tara whispered.

"Its all smoke," Jax reassured her. "Look they got nothing on SAMCRO so now they are harassing people close to us. I'm sorry."

Tara looked down, trying to keep her tears in check.

"You didn't say anything?" Jax asked.

"No, of course not," Tara replied. "She, she mentioned Kohn, said he was MIA."

Jax shrugged and shook his head. "Kohn was a wanted man, he didn't show up in Chicago because he didn't want to go to jail. Probably half way around the world by now."

Tara sighed and looked to the hallway again. "Yeah, half way."

"This'll never blow back on you," Jax said. "That's a promise. I wouldn't let you get hurt." Tara relaxed. "Ok?" Jax said, pulling her into him.

Tara closed her eyes and wrapped her arms around Jax's waist, letting him protect her again.

Tara walked into the clubhouse and saw some crow eater cozying up to Jax. He ignored her for the most part, but Tara felt this raging jealousy building inside of her. This was one of the biggest downsides of being with Jax.

Tara went to Jax's dorm room and started packing her bag. She couldn't be here. This kind of thing happened all the time but never when a girlfriend was present. She had to have her own place.

Jax opened the door and saw her packing her bag. "Where are you going?"

"I think its time for me to go home."

"Why?"

"I just, I want...the floors are done. Its time to go home."

"Fine," Jax said picking up her bags. "I will take you home."

Tara unlocked her front door and walked into the house with Jax behind her. She walked directly to the bedroom, walking in with out turning on the light. She half expected to she Joshua's body still on the floor or blood still staining the carpet. Jax flipped on the light and she saw a perfect room. Newly refinished hardwood floors, new bathroom linoleum, fresh paint in both rooms. She inhaled sharply, walking to the edge of the bed. She put her bag down and put her hands on her hips.

"I can stay," Jax said, a little upset.

"No," Tara said turning around, nervous, talking with her hands. "I just, gotta be ok here, you know?"

Jax nodded. "Yeah."

Tara nodded.

"I'm going to go," Jax said turning to leave.

"Hey, what would have happened," she paused waiting for Jax to come back to the room. "If you'd left with me eleven years ago?"

Jax sighed and leaned back against the door frame. "I don't know Tara," he said walking back into the room. "What would have happened if you'd stayed?" he asked crossing his arms over his chest and leaning against the dresser.

Tara crossed her arms, "Maybe I wouldn't have killed someone."

"You didn't," Jax said. "You're going to get past this. You won't feel like this forever."

Tara turned to look at the doorway where Joshua had died.

"Honestly Tara."

Tara turned back to him. "Your mom says that I have to end this. That what ever we're doing here can't work."

"Do you believe her?"

Tara looked pained. "What is this? I mean, is it just about the Kohn thing? I," she paused. "What do you want?"

"I want you to stop listening to my crazy mom and get some sleep," Jax said standing.

"We can't keep looking the other way, we have to think about this," Tara pleaded.

Jax covered his face with his hands.

"What the hell are we doing?"

Jax turned to her and stepped closer to her.

"Do you love me?"

Yes, no, yes, Tara thought. I can't even if I do, she thought knowing Jax wanted an answer.

"Its a simple question, babe," Jax said.

"Its not a simple answer," Tara said dejectedly.

"Then, no," Jax said. He closed the distance between them, put his hands on either side of her head and kissed her. "I'm going to go, ok?"

Tara nodded, confused and watched him leave before turning to stay at the bathroom doorway again.

Tara wanted to know what her future was with Jax. Were they supposed to be together or had their relationship run its course? No. She wanted Jax. She knew that. She absolutely wanted Jax. She just wasn't sure she could deal with the cut that came with him.

She went into the kitchen and got a beer and sat in the living room to watch TV. Something mindless, something completely unreal. "The Girls Next Door." How completely unreal can it get? Tara watched an endless stream of blonds in bikinis until she fell asleep on the couch.

She woke up the next morning to her cell phone ringing.

"Yeah?" she answered.

"Hey," she heard Jax say.

"Good morning," she said sitting up.

"Morning," he said sounding a little happier. "Our friend is heading out of town this afternoon and we were hoping you could check up on him."

"That would be good, I would like to check on him."

"I'll pick you up in 30."

Tara got up and hopped in the shower. She got out and put on some makeup, dried her hair and put on a pair of jeans, boots, a sweetheart neckline corset top and a blazer. She heard a motorcycle pull up in her driveway and walked out the door, locking it behind her.

"Morning," Jax said walking up to her.

"Morning," Tara said smiling.

Jax gave her a soft kiss and led her to his Harley. He handed her a helmet and got on the bike. She climbed on behind him and wrapped her arms around his waist. He started the bike and they took off, headed to a location that she wasn't sure of.

Tara rolled down Cameron's boxers. "You're healing nicely."

"Thanks, Doc," Cameron said.

Tara nodded and stood. She walked over to Jax. "His dressings need to be changed every day, as long as he doesn't move around too much, he should be fine."

"Thanks," he said and paused, not breaking eye contact with her. "Did you sleep ok?"

"Yeah," Tara said caressing his chin.

"Yeah," Jax said.

Tara smiled at him. He loved her.

"Irish man good to go?" Gemma said breaking up the moment.

"Yeah," Jax said.

Gemma stood in front of Tara and leaned in to give her a kiss on the cheek. "Thanks Doc."

Tara just stood there and nodded. She couldn't even deal with that now.

"Ready for the road trip, kids?" Happy said walking in.

Tara followed Jax to the door, he kissed her cheek before going out to his bike. She leaned against the door frame, holding Jax's gaze in hers. She did love him. He held up his fingers in the peace sign and put his helmet on.

She felt Gemma come up behind her to watch them leave. Was she always going to be watching motorcycles pull away from her? Was she always going to be listening the roar of a Harley die away as it got further and further from her? Probably yes.


	14. Chapter 14

A/N: I have no rights to SOA.

A/N: A Capybara is a semi aquatic rodent. Food for thought about the episode.

Chapter 14

(Capybara)

Tara was lying on the couch. The living room, her dad's room and the kitchen were cleaned out. Her room had never become cluttered and the closets were filled with only things that needed to be saved. The garage was another story. One she didn't have the patience for at the moment.

It had been days since she had seen Jax at the cabin. She missed him. She was sure he had been at the hospital the past few days, but she had been on nights the past few days. The positive of working at a small hospital was that nights were usually calm in the pedes area. She had spent a lot of time with Abel, happy that his apnea alarms hadn't been going off like they had been in previous weeks. He was almost ready to go home.

Her phone rang. It was Donna.

"Are you back?" she answered her phone.

"Yeah, come over here."

"Just a second."

Tara got up and went ot the door. She walked out her door and locked it behind her. She jogged over to the Winstons and Donna met her at the door.

They hugged. "Are we packing?"

Donna nodded. "Yeah, my parents said we could stay with them for a while."

Tara followed her inside and started assembling boxes. Donna started filling them and chatting about her parents.

Several hours and a lot of laughter later they had gotten all of the toys packed when there was a knock at the door.

Tara followed Donna to the door. When she opened it, Agent Stahl was on the door step. "Donna Winston?" she asked.

"Yes," Donna replied looking back at Tara.

"I'm Agent Stahl, ATF, can I speak to you for a moment?"

Donna opened the screen door and stepped back.

Stahl stepped in the door and saw Tara. "Dr. Knowles, lovely to run into you again."

Tara nodded and checked her watch. It was two in the afternoon. She turned to Donna. "I have to get to the hospital to check on Abel. Call me before you leave."

Donna nodded and hugged Tara tightly.

"They are harassing those close to SAMCRO looking for info," Tara whispered into Donna's ear.

"I'll stop by before I head out," Donna said pulling out of the hug.

"Please," Tara said.

Tara left and went to the grocery. She really just had to get away from Stahl. She didn't have to check on Abel. She went back home and found Donna sitting on her front steps.

"Donna?"

"That woman is a bitch."

"Yeah, I know."

"I called my parents, they are bringing the kids home."

"You're not leaving?"

"Not yet."

"Ok," Tara said. "Need help unpacking?"

Donna nodded.

Two days later, she was trying to sleep because she was back on days when she heard a lot of traffic on the street. She got up, wrapped herself in her robe and went out onto the front porch, leaving the light off.

Four black SUVs and town cars were parked in front of Donna and Opie's. She saw Donna being led out holding Ellie's hand. A few minutes later, Opie came out carrying Kenny. They got in separate SUVs and the SUVs left. A little while later, two suits came out with luggage, loaded it in the car and left.

Tara shook her head. Stahl was a crafty bitch. Not cuffing Opie. Tara stood and went back in, hoping she was the only nosy neighbor.

The next day, Tara was walking by the nurse's station when she heard June call her name.

"Dr. Knowles?"

"Yes, June," she said turning around.

"Gemma Teller is in with Abel."

"Thanks," Tara said turning to head to the NICU.

She walked into Abel's incubation room and saw Gemma holding Abel in the rocking chair.

"Oh, he's taking to the bottle much better," Gemma said setting the bottle down when Tara walked in. "How's his sleep apnea?"

"The last two nights, no alarms, he's almost through it," Tara said putting her hands in her pockets.

"When will we be able to take him home?" Gemma asked with a smile.

"Probably tomorrow."

"You hear that baby boy," Gemma said to Abel. "You're going home."

"Can I ask you a practical question?" Tara asked as Gemma stood to put Abel in his bed. "Who's going to take care of him?"

"Well, I will," Gemma said. "Who do you think?"

"Day and night?" Tara asked. "Are you ready for that?"

"I think I can handle it," Gemma replied settling a sleepy Abel into his bed. "Why?"

"I don't think Jax is ready for this," Tara said. "He has no idea what he is in for."

"On that, we agree," Gemma said. "His father was clueless too. They figure it out. Got no choice, right?"

"Yeah," Tara said looking longingly at Abel. She already loved him. She knew that one day she would be the mother to this little boy.

"You want kids?" Gemma asked.

"Sure, right time, right person," Tara tried to play the question off.

"Getting close to finding that?"

Tara sighed. "What are you asking me Gemma?"

"If you're in Jax's life, you're in his life," Gemma said. "I got every right to know how you feel about kids."

"I don't think what Jax and I have...it's...we haven't discussed it," Tara finally admitted.

"Well maybe you should," Gemma said. "Big responsibilities come with my son. You better think about that. Figure out if you can take them on," Gemma said as she stepped forward.

"I'm just spending time with Jax, there is nothing to figure out," Tara said defensively. "If it becomes something different, you'll be the first to know."

"Well, good," Gemma said stepping back. "Because I don't mind playing mommy for a while, but eventually, I'd like to just sit back and be Grandma."

"Dr. Knowles to the NICU, Dr. Knowles to the NICU," Tara heard the page as she was coming out of another patient's room.

When she got there, she saw Wendy in the waiting room.

"I just wanted to see him," Wendy said defensively.

"Alright, let me go get him," Tara said walking into the NICU. She picked up Abel and checked his chart. It was time for another feeding. She got his bottle and he cried for it. So she started feeding him before letting Wendy into the room.

"Oh my God Abel, oh he got so big," Wendy said tearfully.

Tara smiled at the mother of the child she had been caring for.

"Look at you," Wendy said taking the baby from Tara.

"You got him?"

"I got him," Wendy replied holding his bottle. "Wow, oh my God, he's so beautiful."

"Yeah, he is," Tara said. "He looks like Jax, doesn't he?"

Wendy sat down in the rocking chair.

"Thank you so much, I know you weren't supposed to do this."

"Its ok," Tara said shaking her head and holding up her hands. "Do you have a plan, Wendy?"

"I got into a sober living house in Indian Village," she replied.

"Thats good," Tara said encouragingly.

"How's Jax?"

"He's ok, I think," Tara said looking down. It had been a few days since she had seen him. The club was shaken up about something going on. She didn't ask questions. She didn't want to know.

"God, I miss him so much," Wendy said.

"Yeah," Tara said guiltily. "I can imagine."

She watched Wendy with Abel. She had conveniently forgotten that Abel had a mother, that Jax had a wife. In her mind, with everything going on, there was no mother and wife to those boys.

Tara stayed until Abel finished his bottle. She handed the baby off to a nurse to be burped.

"He has another feeding in two hours," Tara said. "Jax usually comes by for that one."

Wendy nodded. "I will see you in two hours."

Tara and Rachel were eating in the doctor's lounge when she was paged to the NICU again.

"Is Abel alright?" Rachel asked.

"Yeah, why?"

"You are getting paged to the NICU a lot."

"Abel has what a psychologist would call a dysfunctional family," Tara said rolling her eyes at Rachel teasingly.

"You mean Abel's daddy likes to keep you company after hours."

"Usually, that's the case," Tara said opening the door. "Today, its the dysfunctional family."

Wendy was waiting in the hall. "Jax is in there."

"Ok."

"Will you tell him I'm here?"

Tara nodded and walked into the NICU. Jax was holding Abel, feeding him.

"Hey," she said.

"Hey," he greeted her.

"You doing ok?"

"I don't think he's hungry," he said rocking Abel and smiling.

"Someone's here to see you," Tara said with a smile, turning.

Jax stood and walked toward the window with Tara.

Wendy was standing in the waiting room.

"You do this?" Jax asked Tara.

"No," Tara answered. "She came on her own."

Jax laid Abel down and followed Tara out of the NICU.

"Thanks," Wendy said.

"You're welcome," Tara said feeling the tension. She saw June standing nearby with Abel's chart. "You need me to sign that?" Tara walked to the nurse's station, to give them a minute. She waited as long as she could before walking back to the NICU waiting room, making notes in Abel's chart.

She tried not to look into the window when she walked in there, but it was hard. Jax and Abel were in there. As much as they weren't really her boys, in her heart, they were. She wanted them to be hers. She saw Jax giving Wendy a key. She felt her heart starting to break. Jax and his big heart. Always looking out for others.

Jax knelt down next to Wendy and put his hand on her thigh and Tara closed the chart. Did he still love Wendy? Was she just a way to pass his time until Wendy came back? Her heart stopped as she watched the moment between the couple. She couldn't stand there any more. She turned and walked back to the doctor's lounge where Rachel was still sitting.

"You ok?"

Tara shook her head and plopped down in a chair.

"Want to talk?"

Tara shook her head. "Wendy is back and Jax might still love her."

"Did he say that?"

Tara shook her head again.

"She's just his baby's mama," Rachel said. "If I have learned anything in the God-forsaken town it is that Jax Teller loves Tara Knowles. Always has, always will."

Tara threw a pillow at Rachel. "You are full of shit."

"Not as much as you'd think," Rachel said standing and walking out of the lounge.

As Tara was getting out of her car at home that night, she heard a motorcycle coming down the street. She turned and saw Jax pull up in front of Opie's house. She tossed her bags back in her car as Jax and Opie left again. She walked over to the Winston's and knocked on the door.

The door opened. "Exciting day?" Tara asked Donna.

"You could say that," Donna answered opening the screen door.

Tara followed Donna into the house and went into the kitchen to make them some coffee while Donna sat at the table.

"Want to tell me about it?" Tara said, moving around the kitchen.

"They arrested Bobby Elvis this morning on a murder charge," Donna said. "It seems that Opie was there, but they can't get a positive ID on him. Stahl is setting him up as a rat and we are just praying Clay doesn't fall for Stahl's game."

"Where are the kids?"

"Mary came to get them."

Tara dropped the spoon she was holding. "Mary?"

"Yeah."

Tara brought over the coffee. "How do you feel about all of this?"

"Opie said he didn't kill anyone," Donna said. "He asked me to trust him. Then, here comes Mary, who tells me that she tried to get Opie out of Charming when we were 16 and that he ran directly back. She told me to get out before Opie poisons the kids. Then Stahl tells me to get out before my family gets torn apart."

Tara nodded.

"I made my decision today. I'm not bailing on my family. Opie is my family. Which means SAMCRO is my family. Which means I have to trust Jax."

"Its Clay I would worry about," Tara said taking a sip. "Jax will believe Opie. We all grew up together. Opie would never rat on Jax. Jax would never turn his back on Opie. They are as close to brothers as they can get with out sharing a blood line."

"I have to put my faith in Jax," Donna said setting her cup down.

Tara reached across the table and held Donna's hand. "We can trust Jax."


	15. Chapter 15

A/N: I have no rights to SOA.

A/N2: Here is the scene I owe you.

Chapter 15

(Sleep)

Tara sat on her front porch sipping coffee. She heard the roar of a motorcycle approaching and saw Opie driving down the street, followed by Jax.

They exchanged some words and Opie went into the house. Jax saw Tara on her porch and walked over.

"How'd it go?" Tara asked as Jax sat down.

"I don't know," he said hanging his head.

"I trust them, they wouldn't throw us under," Tara said.

Jax put his arm around Tara. "I trust Opie, too, but I can't get a good read on Clay and that scares the shit out of me."

"Do you want some good news?"

Jax smiled and looked at her. "Yeah, I could use it."

"If Abel gets through tonight without an alarm, he will be discharged tomorrow."

"Really?!"

"Yeah." Tara smiled.

Jax leaned forward and nipped at Tara's lips. He turned to her and stood in front of her. He took her coffee cup from her an set it aside before picking her up. He carried her into the house and locked the door behind them. He slid his hands under her top until his hands covered her lacy bra. He broke away and lifted her top off. He kissed down her cleavage. She sighed and leaned back against the door.

Jax picked her up again and carried her to the bed, laying her down on the bed, he shed his leather and his T-shirt. He pulled off her boots and crawled up the bed to kiss her again. Tara ran her hands over he muscles of his back. He moved to kiss her breast, teasing her nipples beneath the lace. She moaned and arched her back. She rolled them over, her on top straddling him. She kissed down his chest and began working on unbuttoning his pants.

While she kissed a trail down his stomach, he unhooked her bra. When she had his pants unbuttoned, he flipped them back over and discarded the last of his clothing before pulling off her bra. He again attacked her breast, swirling his tongue over her nipple, teasing the other one with his fingers.

Tara moaned again and Jax moved his hand under her skirt, pushing aside the lace of her thong. He felt how wet she was already. He dipped his finger into her slightly and then moved to rub her clit. Tara moaned under his fingers.

Tara pulled his face back up to hers, kissing him hard. When he pulled away, she looked in his eyes. "I need you in me, now," she said in a husky tone.

Tara pulled back and rid her of her skirt and thong and crawled back up the bed so his cock was resting at her opening. She hooked her ankles behind his back and put her hands on his cheeks and brought him forward to kiss her as he entered her. He moved in her, while kissing her for a few moments before she flipped them over and leaned back, her hands on his chest at first to help her find her rhythm on him. He reached up and teased her nipples. She rode his cock until she felt herself starting to orgasm. When he felt her begin to orgasm and felt her walls contracting around him he joined her and came hard as she collapsed on top of him, panting and quivering.

Jax kissed her temple and wrapped his arms around her. She took a few moments to recover before looking up at him and kissing him again.

"I..." Tara began.

Jax laughed and then rolled them over and reached to pull a sheet over them. "God, Tara, you are fucking amazing."

"You are god-like," Tara said turning to her side, putting her arm over Jax's chest and playing with his bullet.

Jax rubbed her arm until they both fell to sleep.

Tara felt Jax wake up suddenly. He had a lot of nightmares, he always had since his father was killed, so she was used to him waking with a start near her. He pulled her to him and she reached up to touch his jaw, rubbing her thumb over his goatee. He kissed her forehead and rubbed her back. She could feel the sun on her face, but couldn't bring her self to open her eyes. This moment, waking with Jax, was perfection.

"I love you," she whispered sleepily before falling back to sleep.

A short while later, Jax kissed her forehead again. "It's time to get up."

Tara kissed his chin and rolled over to get out of bed on her side. She walked into her bathroom and turned on the shower.

"Dr. Knowles to the NICU," she heard herself paged to Abel's room again.

She went up to the room and saw Jax through the window. "Hey," she said entering the room.

"I think that's all," Jax said handing her a clipboard.

"Its just some, liability stuff," Tara explained. She watched at Jax smiled down at his son proudly.

Jax looked back at her. "Is something wrong?"

"Its just," Tara started. "With Abel leaving, I realize its not just you," she said looking down. "You have a son, we need to think about what we are doing."

Jax turned and leaned against the wall sighing. "Oh, man, you really want to talk about this, huh? It was the one upside of Wendy, she was usually too wasted for relationship chats," he said teasingly.

Tara however was not in the mood for teasing. "Well, I'm painfully sober."

Jax smiled. "I can see that," he bit his lip. "I'm not getting out of this, am I?"

Tara shook her head. "No."

Jax walked away from Abel.

"Our shit was crazy, Tara," Jax said leaning against the door. "That I gotta be with you every minute or I'm going to kill myself type of crazy."

Tara nodded and quietly agreed. "I know."

"Fuck," Jax said walking toward Tara. "They way I feel about you, it hasn't changed and I can still go there. But this can't be that, so we gotta figure out what's right. But I'm not trying to avoid this, what we have. I just gotta, well, take a minute to know what to do."

Tara smiled, finally an answer from him. He wasn't in love with Wendy, he was in love with her. "Ok. You can have a minute."

Jax reached forward, touching her neck before pulling her in to kiss her. He held her, one hand on each side of her head. He kissed her sweetly, lovingly. Tara reached up and touched his hair. As he pulled away, he rested his forehead on hers, looking at her lovingly. He put his arms around her to keep her close. Tara smiled at him, her hand rubbing his side.

Tara looked down. "I have surgery in thirty minutes."

"Yeah," Jax said. "I have to go...work."

"Thanks for that."

"Anytime."

Tara walked into the doctor's lounge after the surgery and saw Rachel.

"How did the surgery go?"

"Well," Tara said.

"I saw your little display in the NICU earlier," Rachel said.

Tara blushed. "We are talking about what we are to each other."

"I already know what you are," Rachel said. "I wish you two would catch on."

"Why?"

"Cause, while you are fun to tease about your angst," Rachel started while standing, "what I am really looking for is juicy details."

"Shower, three orgasms," Tara said not looking at her.

Rachel fell back in her chair. "I'm exhausted for you," Rachel sighed. "I'm feeding you, have you been to Nikki's Corner Cafe yet?"

Tara shook her head.

"They have the best chef salad," Rachel said as an orthopedic doctor walked in.

"Nikki's," the other doctor said.

"Hey Lana," Rachel said. "Have you met Tara?"

"No, but you are legend around here lately," Lana said reaching to shake Tara's hand. "Lana Murphy."

"Nice to meet you," Tara replied shaking her hand. "Do you want to go to lunch with us?"

"That would be great," Lana said opening her locker.

The doctors walked out of the cafe and Tara saw Wendy walking toward her on the sidewalk.

"I'll, uh, meet you back there," Tara said to Rachel.

"Ok," Rachel said.

"Take care," Lana replied, before they turned to walk away.

Tara turned to Wendy. "Hey, you looking for me?"

"Yeah," Wendy replied. "I need to ask you a question."

"Ok," Tara nodded.

"Are you with Jax?"

Tara looked down. "I, uh, don't know how to answer that."

"Do you love him?"

Tara looked back up and took a deep breath in. "I'm not comfortable having this conversation with you."

"I don't give a shit what your comfortable with. We've spoken at least a half a dozen times of the last couple of days, you don't think you might have mentioned that you're sleeping with my husband."

Tara knew that she had conveniently forgotten about Wendy in all of this. "Ex-husband."

"Two more months before that's official, ok? He's my husband. And Abel is our son."

"Ok," Tara said putting her hand up. "You need to check into your sober living facility and get some time. If you and Jax are supposed to be together, he'll be there when you get out."

"And where will you be?"

Tara narrowed her eyes at Wendy. "I have to get back to work," she said before turning and walking away.

"She'll never let you be with him," Wendy called behind her. Tara stopped and turned. "Gemma hates you. She'll do whatever she can to keep you guys apart. You may as well quit while you're still ahead, or alive, for that matter." Wendy shook her head and walked away.

Tara stalked into the doctor's lounge, not looking around the room. She slammed her locker open and threw her bag into her locker. She turned around and saw Rachel and Lana standing by the coffee maker.

"How's Wendy?" Rachel asked setting the carafe down.

"Infuriating," Tara said plopping down on the bench in front of her locker.

"Care to explain," Lana said.

"She asked me if I love Jax."

"That's a pertinent question," Rachel said slowly.

"Then she threatened me with Gemma, insinuating that Gemma would have me killed," Tara said throwing her hands up in the air.

Rachel and Lana walked over and sat down on either side of Tara. "Well," Lana started, "that is always a possibility with SAMCRO, but Jax loves you so he will do anything in his power to keep you safe."

"I know I am safe with him, but how can I talk to him about this without sounding like a whiny tattletale? He can't protect me from something he doesn't know is a threat."

"True," Rachel said, putting her arm around Tara. "You just need to ride this Wendy thing out, she will be in her sober living facility in a day or two and you need to win Gemma over. She apparently loved you at one point, she will again."

"Dr. Knowles to the NICU."

"Aggghhh, its her, and Jax and her."

"Hey, true, but your shift is over after this," Lana said.

"Then its Abel's homecoming party, at least I can get drunk there."

"And Donna will be there, right?" Rachel asked hopefully.

"I don't know, I haven't talked to her about it."

"She will be, I'm sure, her husband is Jax's best friend."

"Dr. Knowles to the NICU."

Tara stood to go. "See you tomorrow," she said before walking away.

Tara walked to the NICU, and took Abel's chart from the nurse. She signed off on the last few notes and looked up to see Gemma at the window. She nodded that she could come in. As Gemma walked in, Tara picked Abel up.

"Jax is on his way up," Gemma said.

Tara handed Abel to her. "Let's meet him at the nurse's station."

Gemma took Abel and kissed his forehead as Tara led her out of the nursery.

"This might be your most insidious move yet," Tara said walking beside Gemma.

Gemma snorted. "You have to be more specific."

"Convincing Wendy she might actually have a shot at winning back Jax and her family. That's a lot of false hope to lay on a recovering addict."

"I don't know where you are going with this, but I was trying to help Wendy," Gemma said as they turned a corner. "Encourage her efforts to change."

They were approaching the nurse's station and saw Jax and Wendy walking toward them.

"Yes," Tara said, thinking she might actually have the last word. "You are the embodiment of encouragement."

"Hey," Jax greeted them. "Hey, little man," he said excited as he took Abel from Gemma. "I'm busting you outta this place." Abel started fussing. "Its ok."

He looked at Tara. "Thanks, Doc," he said with a smile. Tara smiled back at him.

"Yeah," Wendy said to break their moment. "We appreciate it."

"Alright," Gemma said. "Let's get this family home."

Tara shook her head and started walking toward the doctor's lounge. Her shift was over and she had to go to Abel's homecoming party.

Tara walked into Jax's house.

"Hey," Jax said meeting her at the door. "Good day?"

"Of course, I sent my prize patient home," Tara smiled.

"Tara!" Donna called.

Tara turned and hugged a smiling Donna.

"Come with me," she said before pulling back from the hug. Donna took Tara's hand and pulled her into the kitchen. They stopped just inside the door of the kitchen. "Man the daggers those women are throwing you!"

Tara dropped her chin to her chest. "I got into it with both of them today."

"Good timing," Donna said pushing her arm.

Tara laughed. "So, what's up with you?"

"Mary took the kids to Fun Town."

"What?" Tara smiled. "Seriously."

"Mary just wants to spend some time with Opie."

"That's terrific," Tara said as Juice walked up.

"Hey, Tara, Donna."

"Hey Juice, what is going on?"

Juice took a swig of his beer as he shrugged.

"Mom!" Ellie called.

Donna smiled, "That's me."

Donna hugged Tara before walking into the living room, leaving Tara and Juice to chat.

Tara needed a beer. It had been thirty minutes and she could feel the hate coming from Gemma and Wendy. She went the kitchen and welcomed the reprieve as she got a beer and opened it. Donna followed her into the kitchen and patted her back.

Tara smiled at her and went back into the living room. She watched as Wendy sat down next to Piney who was using Kenny has a table for his beer. When Wendy shot her another hateful look, she walked further into the room and sat on the arm of the couch Jax was sitting on.

"You ok?" he asked quietly.

Tara nodded. "Yeah."

Wendy gave her another hateful glance and Tara retaliated by leaning over and kissing Jax. Jax looked around the room and realized what was happening. Wendy and Gemma both ganging up on Tara.

"I'll be right back," Jax said standing. He touched Tara's knee. "Can I talk to you for a second?"

Tara followed him to the nursery and set her beer down. "What's the matter?"

"Nothing, its just, Wendy's like a heartbeat sober. We don't want to do anything to set her off."

Tara's eyes filled with tears. "Because she's still in love you with you?"

"No, I'm just saying we should be cool with whatever this is around her, you know?"

"What ever THIS is?"

"You know what I mean."

"No, I don't," Tara said turning to walk away.

Jax reached out for her arm. "Tara," he said exasperated, trying to pull her back to him.

"No," Tara said loudly, hurt by his words, she slapped him across the face. She was as surprised as he was by the slap. She was always second with him. Second to the club, second to Wendy, second to Gemma. He said he loved her but she was second in his world. She turned to leave, ignoring him calling her name. Juice was in the doorway by the kitchen and she shoved past him to get her bag. She walked out the door with looking back at him.

She ran to her car and got in. She put her hands on the steering wheel and then rested her forehead on her hands. She slapped him. How could she have slapped him? I just hurt so much that he wasn't willing to go to bat for her.

She heard a knock on her window and looked up. Juice was standing there looking at her. She rolled down her window. "Hey Juice."

"Can I drive you home?"

Tara nodded and scooted across the seat.

Juice opened the door and got in. He started the car and back out of the driveway. He drove down the street and turned a corner. "Did you slap Jax?"

Tara groaned. "Yes."

"I'm sure he deserved it."

"No, I overreacted," Tara said. "I don't know if I am cut out for all of this."

"Don't doubt yourself so much," Juice said. "You are a terrific asset to SAMCRO and Jax."

"But I will always be second to SAMCRO."

"No," Juice said. "Jax's head has been in a strange place lately, but when he come out of the clouds, you will be his top priority."

"I'm not sure I can last that long."

"Try," Juice said pulling into her driveway.

They both got out of the car and Juice walked her to her door.

"Don't do anything rash," Juice said.

Tara hugged him and went in the house. She went to the bedroom and changed into pajamas before going to bed.


	16. Chapter 16

A/N: I have no rights to SOA.

A/N 2: Ok, this is the final episode of season 1. This story will go on hiatus until I can get my hands on Season 2. I might break down and download it from Amazon....Make sure to story alert it if you want to see more and please send me some love in the form of a review. Happy Reading!

Chapter 16

(The Revelator)

Tara woke early the next morning and went to the kitchen to make some coffee. She sat at the table and looked around. The house was ready. Cleaned out, new fixtures, new flooring, fresh paint, all she really needed were new appliances. She could do that today and then sell the house. She loved Jax so much but knew she would never be able to be SAMCRO.

She picked up the phone, the same phone she had used to run away eleven years ago. She dialed the number to her boss at Chicago Presbyterian, the same one who had helped her when she needed to disappear.

She listened to the phone ringing. "Dr. Bell," the friendly, red haired doctor answered.

"Hello, Dr. Bell, it is Dr. Tara Knowles."

"Dr. Knowles!" she exclaimed. "It is good to hear from you. Is everything alright?"

"Well, actually, I am thinking about coming back to Chicago, my problem has disappeared, and I miss my life in Chicago."

"He has disappeared?"

"Well, he was in custody and is AWOL. No one has seen him in weeks."

"Well, Dr. Knowles, I would be happy to have you back, I could make a place for you here," Dr. Bell answered. "Just let me know what you decide to do."

"Thank you so much, Dr. Bell," Tara said. "I will be in touch."

Tara got ready for work and left. She noticed a lot of vehicles at Donna's, but was running late for the day. She headed toward the hospital and turned onto Elm Street and was stopped by a police barricade. She looked past the police tape and saw Opie's truck and blood. She got out of the car and walked toward the tape, her mouth open.

She was scared. This was fast. She couldn't believe that Clay had carried out a hit on Opie so quickly. Then she remembered the cars and started back to her car. She had to go to Donna.

"Tara!"

Tara turned to see Hale approaching her.

"David," Tara said. "What happened?"

She waited as Hale dropped his head. She was scared to hear what was about to come out of his mouth.

"There was a drive-by last night," David said to the ground. "Donna was killed."

Tara stepped back. "What?" She said her eye filling with tears. "No, that can't be."

Hale stepped forward and pulled her into a hug.

"She left the party last night and was shot through the back window. She died instantly."

Tara started to sob. Hale rubbed her back.

"Do they know who?"

"Not officially."

"Unofficially?" Tara asked and Hale shook his head, unwilling to voice his suspicions. "It was Clay. Maybe not Clay, but it came from Clay, that bastard." Tara said pulling out of the hug.

She got in her car and backed up to head to the hospital. Maybe Wendy was right, maybe she should get out of town before she was the next 'drive-by' in Charming. If Clay was in the business of killing women, she had to be next on his hit list.

She walked into the hospital a few minutes later and started her rounds. After her rounds, she went into a hernia surgery on a newborn. She lost herself in the surgery. She cut out her emotions and thoughts and fixed the small child on her table.

After the surgery was over, she met Lana and Rachel in the hallway and listened to them chatter, not noticing how they avoided the hot topic in town.

"I might be transferring back to Chicago Presbyterian," Tara announced.

"What?" Lana asked.

"I don't want to talk about it, but I might be going back to Chicago."

She saw Jax waiting for her near the lounge and excused herself from her friends.

"Excuse me," she said.

Rachel saw Jax standing there and nodded, going into the lounge to wait for Tara.

"Can I have a minute?" Jax asked when he was standing in front of her.

"Yeah, sure," Tara said nodding, her eyes already wet. She led him into one of the private waiting rooms and sat down in the lone chair away from the others. Jax sat close to her and leaned forward, his elbows on his knees. She sat back in the chair. She had to tell him she was leaving.

"I heard about what happened to Donna," she said trying not to cry. "God, I'm so sorry."

"Thanks," Jax said with a voice full of emotion.

"Does anybody know what happened?" Tara asked wondering if he knew the truth or if he was in the dark.

He shook his head and looked at her. "No," he whispered.

"Look," Jax said changing the subject. "I know you're busy. I just wanted to make sure you're alright."

"I appreciate that," Tara said. She sighed and shook her head. "I'm sorry about last night, I..."

"It's ok," Jax said, his eyes on his shoes.

"No, no, it's not ok," Tara said, her voice full of emotion. She looked up to the sky and felt tears coming again. "Nothing is ok." She thought of everything that happened with Jax, Joshua, Donna. Everything started to bubble to the surface. Jax reached over and touched her knee to comfort her. "The last few weeks I..." Tara swallowed hard. "I tried to follow your lead, you know, find some kind of compartment to put all of this stuff in. But...it's just...I can't. I don't sleep, I'm more scared now than I ever was. I'm scared of getting caught. I'm scared of NOT getting caught. I mean, we got away with murder," she said leaning forward. "What does that make me?"

"A survivor," Jax answered squeezing her knee.

Tara sat forward in her chair and picked his hand off her knee. She held it in hers and kissed it.

"I think you're a good man," she started and could already see the fear and vulnerability in his eyes. "With a big heart. I believe you try to do as much good as you can," she sighed. "You live a life I don't think I'll ever really understand." She saw the tears in his eyes as he pulled his hand away from her. She couldn't look him in the eyes. The one thing he had asked her to do was stay and she couldn't. "I called Chicago Presbyterian today and they said they'd take me back and I think it's the best choice."

Jax leaned back abruptly and put his hand to his face He smirked, but she knew he was trying not to cry in front of her. He let out his breath, almost laughing.

"Don't you ever get tired of it? Running?"

"I'm not running," Tara shook her head. She knew she was. "I'm just being realistic, Jax."

He started to get up, avoiding her eyes. "Call it whatever you want," he walked across the room before turning back to her. "Your life is a series of hit and runs. The minute someone makes you feel uncomfortable, tests your loyalty, little Tara packs her bags and hits the road."

Tara shook her head before he continued. "But I guess you got what you wanted from me, right? Used me to do your dirty work."

That made her angry. "That's not fair," she said standing.

"Not fair," Jax said walking back toward her angrily. "You wanna know how many women I've slept with over the last ten years?"

"Don't do this!" Tara tried to stop him from confirming her suspicions.

"Hundreds! Maybe more, I don't know," Jax said, tears filling his eyes. Tara turned her face away from him at the words. They were as good as a slap in the face. "I barely see their faces," Tara could hear the tears in his voice. "I married Wendy because I was lonely, because I got tired of the endless disconnect."

Tara blinked hard at his words. He was so angry. But the truth was coming. A truth she needed to hear.

"It was just a sad time out," Jax said shaking his head. "Because when I'm inside someone, there's only one face I see."

Tara closed her eyes, absorbing that truth. She looked back at him. He refused to meet her eyes, moving quickly from ceiling to wall to floor.

"When you came home," he started again. "It was like some kind of sign to me, like my past coming round, giving me another shot, to do this different, better. Now that chance is running back to Chicago."

Tara had no response. She opened her mouth and closed it again. Jax stepped forward and kissed her hard on the lips, his hands on either side of her face. She wanted to take it back, but she could feel him disconnect from her.

He turned and walked toward the door. "Take care, Doc," he said before walking out of the room.

Tara sat down. She put her face in her hands and let her tears fall. She cried for a long time and heard the door open. She glanced up and saw Rachel and Lana. Rachel sat in the chair Jax had been in and Lana pulled a chair to the other side.

Rachel and Lana put their hands on her back, rubbing and patting it to try to calm her tears. "Tara," Rachel said softly. "What happened?"

"I...I...I," Tara hiccuped.

"Its ok," Lana said.

Tara shook her head. "He loved me, and I broke his heart."

Rachel put her head on Tara's shoulder. "His heart will only break if you get on that plane."

Tara lifted her head. "Can you cover my rounds, Rachel?"

"Of course."

She stood up and walked out of the waiting room. She went to the room that had become her favorite, Abel's incubation room. Even though he was gone, she had a lot of good, comforting memories there. She pulled her hair out of her clip and sat in the rocking chair of the dark room.

She stared at the baby bed her mind blank for hours. She wanted to talk to Jax. She needed to see Abel.

Tara knocked on Jax's door, really hoping to find Jax, but realizing that the chance of that was slim.

Gemma opened the door. "Hey Doc," she said opening the door wider and turning to go back to the living room. "It's kind of late for a house call."

Tara stepped inside and closed the door before following Gemma into the living room. Gemma sat down, not welcoming Tara in any way. Wendy was sitting on the couch with the baby.

"I was on my way home from work and just thought I'd stop by and check in," she said standing uncomfortably in the entrance to the living room. "Guess I miss him, you know?"

"Yeah," Wendy replied. "I do."

Tara realized that neither woman would invite her to sit, so she sat on the couch, next to Wendy, crossing her legs. Gemma shifted on the other couch. No one spoke and Tara could hear the clock ticking on the wall.

"How is he?"

She woke up the next morning and got dressed for the funeral. She put her suitcases on her bed. When she had gotten home, there had been a Fed-Ex envelope on her front step. It was from Dr. Bell and it contained a plane ticket for the night after the funeral and a note encouraging her to come back.

The note from Dr. Bell almost made her mind. She was wanted in Chicago. She could have a normal life there. She put her suitcases on the bed, opened them and the sat down. Could she really pack up and leave Charming and Jax behind? Hadn't she already ruined any chances she had with Jax?

No, not necessarily, she knew. She had to go to the funeral and talk to Jax. If he could forgive her for almost making the same mistake twice, she would stay.

Tara got to the funeral and Juice gave her a hug.

"Where's Jax?"

Juice shook his head. "But come sit with me," Juice said putting his arm around her.

Tara smiled and nodded. He walked her into the church and guided her into a pew behind Clay and Gemma.

The service started a few minutes later. She sat there, tears in her eyes, that occasionally spilled over. She tired to clear her mind and only noticed the pretty music of the service. Juice guided her out and into a limo at the front of the church. She got in with other women affiliated with SAMCRO. The mood of the limo was heavy. No one spoke the entire ride.

The limo started moving and they were surrounded by the roar of motorcycles. There was an estimated 150 members of Sons of Anarchy and other friendly motorcycle clubs.

The limo stopped and the door opened. Juice was waiting for Tara and guided her to one of the chairs at the gravesite. She realized she must be categorized as an old lady to have a seat. Juice stood beside her, holding Jax's cut that he had left at the clubhouse before disappearing the night before.

Tara couldn't concentrate on the priest. She decided she had to stay for Jax, for Opie, for the club, for the kids. They all needed a stabilizing influence. She was sad for the loss of Donna, for the kids, and for Opie. She wished she knew if Jax was alright. He had been AWOL since dusk the day before and she knew that something had to really be up for him to miss Donna's funeral.

She looked up and saw Jax walking toward the funeral and reached to take his cut from Juice. She gave one last defiant look to Gemma who was seated with Wendy with the family and went to Jax. She met his eyes as she walked toward him. She knew that this was all he needed to know what her decision was. That if she put the cut on his back, he would know she was with him and the club, or better or for worse. She held his eyes for a moment after they met. Then she held up the cut to help him put it on.

Jax turned and shrugged it on. He turned back to her. Tara touched his jaw and checked his busted lip, then touched his hair. She stepped forward and met him in a kiss. She felt his hand on her hip and pulled back, looking into his eyes.

He nodded and she smiled. "Yeah," he said nodding before stepping back from her. She walked by his side to the edge of the service. She watched as he walked to the casket, took a rose, and stared down Clay, Gemma and Tig. She saw him kiss the rose, lay it on the casket, make eye contact with Opie and turn to go.

She knew then that Jax had found out that Clay had ordered a hit and that Tig had been the one to kill Donna. She watched him walk across the cemetery, toward Tommy's and his father's grave.

She took her seat again and watched as Piney stood to follow Jax. He had a large envelope in his hands. She tried to listen to the priest's words, but couldn't because she knew if she did, Donna's death would be real to her and she didn't want that.

Piney returned just before the end of the service. She watched as everyone began to disperse and realized the service must have ended. She watched Opie, Piney, Mary and the kids shake hands with everyone. She stood and walked toward Mary and hugged her.

"Its good to see you Mary," she smiled sadly.

"You too, baby," she said patting her shoulder.

Piney pulled her into a hug. "You are good for Jax."

Tara smiled and kissed his cheek.

Tara squatted down in front of the kids and pulled them into a hug. "I love you guys."

They nodded, tears in their eyes.

Opie was next. She stood and stepped in front of him. Opie pulled her into a hug. "Thank you for being such a good friend to Donna," he whispered. "She has been so happy since you came home."

Tara let a tear slip down her cheek. "I'm going to miss her so much, she was such a great woman."

Opie nodded.

"Anything you need, Ope, you know where I am."

"Thanks Tara."

She kissed his cheek and then turned to find Jax behind her. He stepped up and hugged Opie and then took Tara's hand and led her to his bike.


	17. Chapter 17

A/N: I have no rights to SOA.

A/N: I'm back! I downloaded from Amazon. I love SOA!

Chapter 17

Tara sat down at the kitchen table and took a sip of her coffee. It was six in the morning and she had been called in to the hospital for an emergency surgery six hours earlier. She still had scrubs on and was enjoying the quiet of the house.

Staring out the window, she thought of her decision to stay in Charming. She needed to tell Jax about her abortion and the baby she would have had that would be right about Abel's age. But she knew that Jax was in a funny place, worried about Opie out on his walkabout, trying to play the part of the loyal vice president to Clay, despite everything that had happened.

"What has you so worried?" she heard Jax ask.

She jumped. She turned and put her hand to her chest, feeling it pounding. "Jesus, Jax, don't sneak up on me."

"When did you get back?"

"A few minutes ago," she replied leaning back in her chair again. "Coffee is fresh."

Jax kissed the top of Tara's head as he walked to the coffee pot. "What has you so worried?"

Tara set her coffee cup down. "You," she stated simply.

"Me?"

Tara nodded. "And Opie, and Clay, and Donna, and the kids, and me and Abel."

"That is a lot of worry for this early in the morning."

Tara smiled.

"What specifically are you thinking about?"

"Jax," Tara paused and sighed.

"Just tell me, Tara," Jax said sitting down across from her.

"When I was in Chicago, before Joshua got violent, I got pregnant," Tara said looking down.

Jax sat back.

"The night I found out was the first night Joshua hit me, the next day I called his supervisor and things got worse. A week later, I had an abortion."

Jax leaned forward and caught her hands.

"Ok."

"If I had not had the abortion, the baby would have been about Abel's age."

Jax pulled her into his lap. "Thank you for telling me."

Tara nodded, relieved that he took it calmly and relieved that that weight was off her chest. She rested against Jax's chest and enjoyed the quiet again. Jax leaned his head against hers as he gently rubbed her thigh.

"How did the surgery go?"

"Well...he should make a full recovery."

"Why don't you go sleep for a few hours?"

"No, I'm awake for the day. Why are you up so early?"

"Heard you come in, was waiting for you to come to bed."

Tara smiled and kissed his temple. "Do you want some breakfast?"

Jax smiled. "Yeah, but I'll make it."

"I could live with that," Tara said standing.

"Why don't you go take a shower, get changed, while I make you some breakfast."

Tara smiled, kissed his cheek and left the room.

The next week, Tara stopped at the grocery on her way over to Jax's house. She let herself in and put the groceries on the table.

"Damnit!" Jax hollered.

"Jax," she called turning to find him. She walked down the hallway and turned the corner and walked into the bedroom. "Jax?"

The room was strewn with clothes, Jax was leaning in the closet, using an electric drill.

"Jax?"

Jax stepped out of the closet and smiled. "Hey Tara." He put down the drill and walked over to her, kissing her softly and turning to look at the room. He pulled her in front of her. "I know its a mess, but I swear I will clean it up."

"Why does it look like your closet exploded?"

"I'm clearing out some of the closet and some drawers for you."

Tara stared at the room. She stepped away from Jax and looking in the closet and saw he had installed a couple of organizers and an extra rack. She turned and smiled at him.

"I wanted to have your duffle bag unpacked before you got home," Jax said from the doorway.

"Home?"

Jax smiled. "Home."

Early one morning, Jax's phone rang. He reached over Tara's head and picked up the phone. "Hello?" he whispered.

Tara opened her eyes and propped herself up on her elbows.

"Fine, be there in a few," Jax said snapping the phone shut. He offered Tara a said smile. "So much for our day off."

Tara smiled. "I'll hang with Abel, work on my culinary skills and make you some dinner when you get home."

Jax got up and pulled on some jeans and a Tshirt. "I'll order a pizza before I come home."

Tara threw her pillow at him and watched him dodge the pillow laughing. He walked back over the bed and gave her a kiss before turning to leave.

"Jax?" Tara called as he got the doorway. He turned. "Sausage and mushroom."

He grinned and turned to leave.

Several hours later, Tara and Abel were laying on the couch. He had been especially fussy that morning and would only calm down while laying on Tara's chest while she rubbed his back.

Tara heard the door open and Abel stirred. "Shh, Shh," she calmed him. "Hello?" she whispered.

Gemma stepped into Tara's line of sight. "Bad morning?"

Tara nodded.

"Jax showed up at the clubhouse so I figured you would like me to come watch Abel so you could go do your own thing today," Gemma said.

"I'm fine, Gemma, thanks though," Tara said rubbing Abel's back.

Gemma stood and stared at Tara and Abel. Tara knew she was staring and refused to meet her glare. Abel was quieting down and Tara knew she had to stay calm to get him to finally drop off for a nap.

After a few moments, Gemma picked up her purse and stalked out the door, giving it a good slam as she left.


	18. Chapter 18

A/N: I have no rights to SOA.

Chapter 18

Season 1, Episode 1 Albification

Tara met Gemma with Abel on the pediatric floor of the hospital for one of Abel's checkups. A nurse too Abel back and they ran some blood tests and other tests on his heart. When lab technician brought the results to Tara, she was pleased.

She turned to go back to the waiting room where Gemma was settling Abel into his car seat. Walking through the door, she smiled. "He's perfect."

"The echos?" Gemma asked.

"Clean," Tara replied. "The CBCs, CNPs are all normal. His weight needs to come up a little, but other than that..."

"But he's still real fussy with his feedings," Gemma interrupted.

"Could be the lactose," Tara supplied. She raised her eyebrows. "We could try soy base."

"I don't want to turn him into a little vegan pussy," Gemma said sarcastically.

Tara made a note in Abel's chart. "He can drink it in his wife beater onsie," she said not looking up.

"Oh," Gemma said. "Dr. Funny. How's his sleep apnea?"

Tara closed the chart and eyed Gemma.

"You're there pretty much every night."

"The times I'm there he is sleeping fine."

"Good," Gemma said turning to pick up Abel.

After checking in on a few more patients she had a moment to call Jax and tell him about Abel's test results.

She put the last of her charts on the nurse's station desk and turned to call Jax.

"Hey," Jax answered.

"Hey Baby," Tara said with a smile.

"How's the kid?"

"That is one tough little man," Tara said walking through the halls. "Lab work is all good. Heart and tummy looking strong."

"That's great," Jax answered unenthusiastically.

"You ok?"

"Yeah, I'm just in the middle of it."

"Uh, am I going to see you later?" Tara said looking down the hallway, seeing Rachel and Lana coming toward her.

"I don't know," Jax answered. "I got to drop something in Haywood and then we got Bobby's party. Gemma said she'd stay with the kid."

"I'll come by, relieve her," Tara said.

"K, that'd be good."

Tara turned and shyly bid him goodbye. "Love you."

"I love you too," Jax answered sincerely, with a catch in his voice.

"So, you two are that serious?" Rachel asked as they walked to the lounge.

Tara smiled and nodded.

"Less than a month ago, you were ready to run back to Chicago," Lana probed.

"He loves me," Tara said. "How many times can you find someone in your life that loves you so much he would do anything for you? Would pine for you for eleven years? When I found that out, I couldn't walk away, ever. And, he cleared out the closet for me."

Rachel and Lana looked at each other and Rachel looked back at Tara and wiped a fake tear from her eye.

The girls all laughed. "You are so full of shit," Lana said. "We have heard stories about how great of a lay he is."

Tara blushed which made Lana and Rachel laugh harder.

After work, Tara changed her clothes and headed over to Jax's house. Gemma's car was in the driveway, but she let herself in anyway.

"Jax?" she heard Gemma call.

"It's me," she answered as she walked down the hall to Abel's room. She saw Gemma sitting in the rocker, feeding Abel. "I told Jax I'd come by."

"You didn't need to do that."

"I wanted to."

Gemma stood and put Abel in his crib. Tara followed her and looked down at Abel, touching his belly.

"You on the pill?"

Tara smiled at Gemma.

"Just wondering, you got that look."

"The aching, empty womb look?"

"Something like that," Gemma said turning to walk away.

Tara knew she was being baited, but decided to take the bait and followed Gemma to the living room. She leaned against the post and crossed her arms.

"You think I'm using Jax to get knocked up?"

"No, Jesus, I hope not," Gemma said turning to her. "If you are going to trap someone, make sure they've got money," she said sarcastically.

"Where are you on this, Gemma, me and Jax?"

"What do you care what I think?"

"Jax cares," Tara said raising her eyebrows.

Gemma put her purse down. "You really want my advice?" Tara nodded. "Total disclosure."

"What do you mean?" Tara said shifting.

"Its the only way it works with you and him. You're too smart, too...too neurotic to live in the vague. He needs to tell you everything. No truth, no pussy. Draw the line."

Tara looked down. This was the only woman she ever knew who used the word pussy so often in conversation.

"I'm not sure I want to know."

Gemma shook her head. "Then this will never last," she said before picking up her purse and walking toward the door.

Tara turned. "Did John Teller tell you everything?"

Gemma turned. "You love the man, you learn to love the club. If you can do that, there is no truth you can't handle."

Gemma walked back toward Tara, kissed her cheek and turned to leave again. "Good night."

Tara sat on the couch and thought about what Gemma said. Could she really deal with knowing all of the ugly truths about the life Jax lived? Could she really deal with not knowing? Gemma had been doing this with the club for over thirty years, surely she would know what she was talking about when it came to full disclosure. No doubt Gemma knew every move Clay Morrow and John Teller had ever made. She would have to talk to Jax.

She went to change into her pajamas and then curled up on the couch with a book. A little while later, she heard the truck pull up and Jax walked in.

"Hey," he greeted her as he walked into the room.

"What happened to the party?"

"I saw Bobby, I didn't feel like staying," Jax answered as he took off his cut and his holster. He sighed.

"What's the matter?" Tara asked, knowing something was weighing heavy on his soul.

"I'm just tired," Jax replied. He walked toward her. "I'm going to take a shower," he told her as he leaned down to kiss her. He turned away quickly and walked down the hall to the bathroom.

Tara watched him walk down the hall and waited a few minutes to get up to follow him. She wanted to know what was wrong. She agreed with Gemma's full disclosure idea. By the time she got to the bathroom, he was already in the shower. His clothes were strewn all over the floor. She looked at him, trying to decide how to broach the topic with him, then decided to pick up his clothes and take them to the laundry room.

She looked down as she walked down the hall and saw his handkerchief in his pocket. It was stained. She pulled it out and found it covered in blood. She stopped and heard the water shut off, so she turned around. She knew this was the opportunity to bring up the total disclosure idea with him. Even though she was frightened of what he would say.

She walked back to the bathroom, holding the handkerchief. Jax watched her as she approached.

"You know why I run away from shit all the time?" Tara asked him. "Cause I don't trust anyone. If I'm going to stay, I need to know the truth."

"I've been telling you the truth."

Tara paused and then shook her head. "Not just what you think I can handle. I need all of it. Its the only way I'll know if I can do this."

She watched as Jax brushed water from his face. He came to her, took the handkerchief and set it aside. She could tell he was torn. That he was worried that if he told her the whole truth it would push her away. He looked vulnerable. Then, he pushed that away and put on his SAMCRO mask and looked her directly in the eyes.

"I helped Opie kill man today," Jax paused. "Retaliation for Donna. Shot him in the head," he broke eye contact with her.

Tears began to fill her eyes. Not only because he had helped kill someone, but because he had done it for Donna.

Jax looked at her again. "I'm going to bed."

Tara watched him walk to the bedroom. She stood there for a moment, processing the information. She could handle this information. She turned and took his clothes to the laundry room and then walked to the bedroom. She found Jax laying there, on his side, his face covered. She knew he was worried, scared even about her reaction. She walked into the bedroom, climbed in bed behind Jax and put her arm around him. He took her hand, kissed it and held her close before falling asleep.


	19. Chapter 19

A/N: I have no rights to SOA.

Chapter 19

Season 2, Episode 2: Small Tears

She felt Jax move and heard a ringing. Their nights were constantly interrupted by ringing cell phones. She hoped it was a dream.

She felt Jax lift his head and reach. "Tara, its you," he said dropping his head back to the pillow. She rolled over and reached for her ringing cell phone. Half sitting, she looked at the number on the caller ID. She had no idea who it was, but she knew she should answer. "Hello?" she whispered.

"Tara?" she heard Gemma ask.

"Yeah, wha-"

"Are you at Jax's house?"

"Yeah, Ge-" Gemma interrupted her questions again. What was going on?

"Meet me at your house, as soon as possible. Don't say anything to Jax."

"G-"

Gemma interrupted her again. "Please Tara, soon," Gemma pleaded.

"Ok, I'm on my way," Tara said before ending the call.

She got out of bed and slipped into the clothes she had laid out on the chair.

"Tara?" Jax asked, sleepily.

"I have to go to the hospital, Neeta will be here in the morning, if I don't get back in time," Tara said going back to the bed and kissing Jax on the corner of his mouth.

"I love you, Tara."

"I love you."

Tara quietly walked toward the front door, checking in on Abel as she walked past the nursery. He was sleeping well. She got in her car and drove the couple of blocks to her house. Chief Unser's car was parked in her driveway. She pulled in next to him, got out of her car and looked to the police chief who was climbing out of his driver's seat.

Unser shook his head and walked around the car and opened the passenger door to help Gemma out of the car. Tara saw the disheveled version of Gemma Teller and furrowed her brow before turning to lead them in to the house.

She led Gemma to her bedroom and handed her a terry cloth robe that would be more comfortable than the blanket and jacket she was currently wrapped in. Tara began to take note of the marks visible on Gemma's face and body.

"Why don't you go wait on the couch while I get something to clean your cuts with?" Tara finally said.

Gemma gave a slow nod and turned to go back to Tara's living room where Unser was waiting. Tara gathered cotton balls and alcohol to clean the wounds and bandages to cover them.

She sat on the edge of the couch near Gemma and set up her work station and began to clean the cut on Gemma's left cheek, the one closest to her.

"Jax see you leave?" Gemma asked.

"I told him I was at the hospital," Tara said. "You need to tell me what happened, so I can help you," Tara said, still dabbing at the cut on Gemma's cheek.

Gemma exhaled, still staring at the coffee table in front of her. "Use your imagination."

Tara stopped dabbing at the cut.

Unser stood. "Maybe we should let her rest a while?"

Tara turned, panic on her face. "We have to get her to the hospital."

"No," Gemma said firmly.

"I can't treat you in my living room," Tara said looking back to Gemma.

"Look, I'd have to check in, there'd be insurance and shit," Gemma said turning her eyes back to the coffee table. "Everybody would know."

Tara paused. "We'll go home, get you some clothes, then go pick up Abel and sign him in. We'll say we are running more tests."

"You could get fired for that," Gemma said looking at Tara.

"I'll figure it out," Tara replied.

"Promise me," Gemma started turning her eyes back to that spot on the coffee table, "you won't tell anyone."

"Gemma..." Tara looked back at Gemma.

"Promise."

"We gotta tell Clay," Unser said.

"Not Clay," Gemma said shaking her head. "Not Jax...no one."

Tara looked at Unser. He shook his head and raised his arms in defeat. "Alright."

Tara looked back at the stuff on the table. "I won't say anything."

She packed up her bag and stood as Unser reached for his jacket. She stood and stepped closer to him.

"They're going to see her face."

Unser swallowed. "I know. Stay with her alright?" he said as he walked out the door.

Tara watched him close the door and then sat down the couch and reached for Gemma's hand. She held her hand for a long time while Gemma sat quietly crying.

Jax & Tara

When morning came, Tara led Gemma out to her car and helped her into the passenger seat. She went around the car and got in. She started the car and backed out, then drove to Gemma's house. She helped her inside, neither of them speaking and helped her change into a loose fitting outfit.

"Let's go get Abel," Tara said.

Gemma nodded and followed Tara back to the car. Tara helped her in and got in the drivers side and sat. "Are you sure you don't want to tell Clay?"

"No one."

Tara nodded and drove her car over to Jax's house. Tara pulled into the driveway behind a wooden paneled station wagon.

"Shit," Gemma said. "Neeta started today."

Gemma got out of the car and walked into the house.

Tara put her head on the steering wheel and tried to figure out how to take care of Gemma without 'taking care of Gemma' officially.

She followed Gemma into the house and heard Neeta and Gemma talking about Abel's need for more tests.

"Is something wrong?" Neeta asked.

"No," Tara said from the doorway. "I'm Dr. Knowles. I'm his doctor," Tara explained as she watched Gemma carry Abel out of the house.

"Want to tell me what's going on here?" Neeta asked.

"I need to get...Both of them to the hospital," Tara explained.

Neeta nodded. "Maybe I should follow you."

"That would be good," Tara nodded turning to go out to her car.

Tara drove them to the hospital and 'admitted' Abel for more tests and then made Gemma hand the baby over to Neeta. She led her into an exam room and instructed her to undress and put the gown on, just like a normal gynecological exam. Tara gathered the instruments she needed to do the exam while Gemma changed.

Through the exam, Gemma stayed stiff, in obvious pain and Tara tried to be gentle. She knew there was no need for small talk, just to get done quickly.

Tara put down the tool she was using and flipped off the light. "There's a number of small tears, nothing that won't heal on its own." She took off her gloves and reached to help Gemma sit up. "I'll start you on antibiotics right away."

Gemma tried to say something.

"It's standard procedure to treat for chlamydia and gonorrhea even before the test results are back."

She reached up and took the butterfly bandage off of Gemma's cheek and picked up a Q-tip and rubbed more ointment on it.

"Mmmm," Tara said. "We should have a plastic surgeon look at this."

Gemma moved her head. "I've been hit before."

Tara put a new bandage over the cut as they heard a knock on the door. She went to the door and saw Unser standing there. She cracked the door.

"Sorry to interrupt, Doc," he said, acting a little squirrely. "But I need a word with Gemma."

"Let him in."

Tara stepped back and Unser walked in. "Oh, sorry," he said when he saw Gemma in the hospital gown.

"What is it?" Gemma asked.

"Clay's here" Unser said to the wall.

"You son of a bitch," Gemma replied.

"I told him you were in a car accident."

"Well, what?"

"I ran your Caddy into a concrete barrier out by the utility shed," he paused and looked at Tara. "Take my head off if you want, but I just didn't see any other way to sell this." The room was quiet. "He don't know about nothing else," Unser swore.

"I'll go and talk to him," Tara offered.

Gemma shook her head. "I don't want to see him yet."

"Actually," Unser decided to admit. "They are all here...Jax and the guys"

"Jesus Christ," Gemma swore. "Is there anyone you didn't tell?"

"I'll...I'll handle it," Tara said walking out of the door.

"Maybe I should help her?" Unser offered.

Tara went to the desk and wrote out the prescriptions for Gemma, trying to calm herself enough to talk to the guys without breaking down and telling them what she knew.

"Hey," she head.

She turned and saw Jax approaching her. "Hey," she said letting him kiss her cheek. She closed the chart.

"How is she?"

Tara knew that what she was going to say went completely against the "total disclosure" agreement she had with Jax. She also knew that he was quick to pick up on her bullshit.

"She's fine. Just a few bruises."

Jax visibly relaxed. "Ok, good." He looked at her and she knew he could tell something was wrong. "And you?"

She tried to smile at him and then raised her eyebrows. What was Jax referring to?

"Look, I'm glad you asked me for the truth," Jax said, completely misreading her. "Means a lot to me you want to try to figure out how to make this work."

Tara's eyes filled. She looked down. "Yeah." She knew she needed out of the situation with Jax. With everything with Gemma, she had forgotten what he had disclosed to her just hours ago.

"I have to let Clay know," Tara said pointing behind her and turning and walking down the hallway.

"Yeah," Jax said following her.

They turned the corner and she saw Neeta and Abel and the whole of SAMCRO. Clay walked toward the front of the group.

"What's going on? Is she ok?"

"Yeah," Tara answered. "Um, when she hit the barrier, she took a pretty good shot to the face. There's some swelling. I have to run a few more tests, but she's going to be fine."

"But, uh, it's nothing serious?" Clay asked.

Tara uncomfortably shook her head. "No."

"Can I see her?" Clay asked.

"Its going to be a little while," Tara covered.

"Ok, well, I appreciate you taking care of her, Doc," Clay said.

"Oh, of course," Tara said shaking her head. This was part of her life now. Caring for the medical needs of the MC. She walked away and sighed deeply when she got clear of SAMCRO.

Jax & Tara

Tara finished her shift at St. Thomas and headed back over to Jax's house to check on Gemma. She had been talking to Neeta most of the day, keeping track of Gemma.

She let herself into the house, and went to the nursery where Gemma was sleeping in the rocking chair. She walked into the room and checked Abel in his crib, then knelt down in front of Gemma. She touched Gemma's knee. "Gemma," she whispered.

Gemma jolted awake and Tara took her hand away.

"Sorry I'm so late," Tara apologized.

"Ah, well, what time is it?" Gemma asked with a groggy voice.

"Its 10," Tara answered. "How are you?"

"I'm fine," Gemma answered getting up from her chair.

"Gemma," Tara said, stopping her. "You need to talk to someone about what happened. It doesn't mean you're weak..."

"That's why I've got you," Gemma said leaning in to Tara. Gemma turned to leave the nursery just as Tara's cell phone rang with another unfamiliar number.

"Hello?"

"Doc?"

"Yes."

"We need you to bring your kit to the clubhouse," Chibs said in his thick Scottish accent.

"I'm on my way," Tara replied walking toward the kitchen.

"Excuse me," Tara said to Gemma and Neeta. "Gemma."

"What?" Gemma said turning.

"I have to go the clubhouse, medical emergency."

"Oh shit," Gemma shook her head.

"Stay here," Tara said.

"No," Gemma said.

"Go ahead," Neeta supplied. "I'll watch him."

Gemma headed out the door and Tara smiled and nodded at Neeta before following her.

Gemma got into Tara's car and Tara backed out of the driveway and drove quickly to the clubhouse where they found Bobby with a gunshot wound to the shoulder.

Tara did a quick assessment of the situation.

"Is it alright?" Bobby asked.

"Well, you are lucky it went straight through," Tara supplied and continued working with Half Sack's assistance as her nurse.

"Ah, Jesus Christ," Jax said walking into the clubhouse seeing Tara once again working on a gunshot wound.

"Mayans crashed our little Niner delivery man," Tig said to fill Jax in on the situation.

"You ok, Bro?" Jax asked Bobby.

Bobby nodded. "I'm in good hands."

"Niners got away with two cases of the Aks," Half Sack continued the story.

Tara heard Clay call Jax to the table. Then she carried some of the bloody rags to the kitchen and saw Gemma staring at John Teller's motorcycle. She needed to comprehend that later, right now she had to help Bobby Elvis. It was going to be a long night.


	20. Chapter 20

A/N: I have no rights to SOA.

Chapter 20

Season 2, Episode 3: Fix

Tara fell onto the bed, scrubs still on, hair still in a bun. She had been working 18-20 hour days for the past three weeks. In her scant time off, she had been checking in on her unofficial patients, Gemma and Bobby and sleeping, a lot of nights on the hospital sofas. Two of the doctors in her area had left unexpectedly and she had been picking up the slack while they brought in replacements. They had arrived and were properly acquainted with St. Thomas so she had the next three days off of work. She just wanted to be with Jax and Abel. But not tonight. Sleep was what she had in store for her.

Neeta was still there with Abel, but she needed to leave because she too had been working crazy hours because Tara hadn't been able to help and Gemma was still having a tough time. Tara didn't feel confident in her ability to care for the baby by herself. She reached for her cell phone in her pants pocket and picked it up. It felt like it weighed 100 pounds. She flipped it open and typed out a cryptic text to Jax. "Neeta leaving. Must sleep. Come home."

She pressed send, dropped her heavy hand to the bedspread and passed out. It was noon.

Jax & Tara

Tara opened her eyes, hearing Abel's cry. She heard movement and knew that he was being taken care of. It took her a little while, but she realized she was under the blankets, her hair was down, her shoes were off and she was wearing one of Jax's T-shirts.

"Jax?" she called.

Jax appeared in the doorway a few seconds later with Abel.

"Hey Little Man, look who has joined the land of the living?" Jax said to Abel as he crossed the room and sat on the bed.

Tara sat up and reached for Abel. Jax handed the baby to her and scooted back into the bed to wrap his arm around Tara while she held Abel in her lap.

"When did you get home?"

"Around 1, Clay was peeved, but that felt good," Jax said with his mischievous smirk.

"What time is it?"

"Eleven."

"I slept for eleven hours?"

"You were out too. I changed your clothes and stood you up and put you under the covers and you just moaned at me."

Tara laughed.

"When do you have to work again?" Jax asked her.

"I have three days off."

"Any plans?"

"Spend time with you and Abel."

"I think I can swing tomorrow off if you want to go for a ride with me."

"That sounds amazing."

"I was just about to put Abel down," Jax said. "Do you think you can sleep some more?"

"I need to get something to eat and go to the bathroom, but yeah."

"I'll meet you in the kitchen."

Jax & Tara

After Neeta got to the house the next morning, Jax and Tara packed a bag with a blanket, a book for each of them and climbed onto his bike.

Jax drove them out to the national park and they drove on the dirt roads out there. Tara enjoyed the feeling of the wind in her hair, the rumble of the bike and the closeness of Jax. She kept her hands clasped around him and relished in the warmth of his body and the sun on her back.

He pulled over and they got off the bike. He turned her around and kissed her. "I've missed you the past few weeks," he whispered while holding her flush to his body, his hands resting on her ass.

"Me too," Tara said leaning in to give him another kiss.

He let her go and grabbed the bag. He pulled the blanket out and spread it. She reached in the bag and grabbed her book and laid on the blanket to start reading. Jax sat on a rock nearby and opened his binder. It contained his father's manuscript and blank pages that he was using as a journal.

Tara rested on her side, facing Jax while reading and enjoying the quiet and the calm that she felt around him.

"Homework?" Jax asked after a long time.

Tara picked up the book and showed him the cover.

"The Jungle?" Jax asked. He put his book down and stood up, walking over to where Tara was lying.

"Know it?" Tara asked as Jax climbed over her to lie behind her.

"It almost turned me vegan," Jax replied. He leaned over her and kissed her hand.

"This is really twisted, but I'm actually craving a big steak," Tara confessed.

Jax looked down at her, moved her hand to his crotch. "I got a porterhouse right here for you baby."

Tara giggled and pulled her hand back. "You're a class act, Teller."

Jax dropped her hand and put his hand on her cheek. "Give me a kiss."

He put his lips to hers and she didn't respond, except with a giggle. He smiled and went back in for another and Tara jerked her head away, once, twice, and letting him kiss her on his third attempt.

His hands went to her breast. He squeezed it and then rolled her over, continuing to kiss her and straddled her waist. He started to unbutton her shirt.

Tara held his wrists gently. "Here?"

"Just us carnivores," Jax replied, leaning in to kiss her as his hands worked quickly on her shirt buttons.

Just as Tara let herself succumb to another of his crazy ideas, his cell phone began to ring.

Tara sighed and turned her head as Jax climbed off of her.

"Its you," Tara said reaching for his phone in his cut by her head. She turned to her side and looked at the caller ID.

"Shit," Jax cursed.

"Porn hotline," Tara said handing the phone over her shoulder to him.

They both laid on their backs, Tara adjusting her shirt as she did.

"Yeah," Jax answered and listened. "He did what? Who told him to do that?"

Tara rolled over to look at Jax as he exclaimed. Another drama over at CaraCara, big surprise. She knew that, as ironic as it was, CaraCara was going to continue to be a cock blocker in their lives.

"Jesus Christ, all right," Jax said, flipping his phone shut.

"Chlamydia outbreak?" Tara asked, only slightly joking.

"I'm sorry, I'll drop you at home," Jax said put his phone back in the pocket on his cut.

"Take me," Tara said reaching for his hand.

"Yeah?" Jax asked.

"Maybe we can still salvage the day," Tara said leaning in for a kiss.

"Ok," Jax agreed, kissing her.

Tara pulled away and got up, pulling the blanket up behind her. She folded the blanket, picked up her book and packed the bag.

Jax & Tara

A few minutes later, they pulled up at CaraCara, and Jax parked the bike. He climbed off, with Tara following him. He pulled off his helmet.

"I'll wait," Tara said as Jax started to walk away.

"Five minutes," Jax said with a smile, turning back to her and giving her a kiss.

Tara smiled, even with the porn interruption, it was still a pretty good day. She perched herself on the bike and got out her cell phone to return the texts she had gotten that morning and been ignoring. Rachel and Lena were wondering how her day off was going.

A car pulled up, music loud and Tara looked up to see one of the porn princesses getting out of her car. She ignored her and went back to her text.

"Uh, shouldn't you be polishing that bike sweetie," Ima, the porn princess said loudly. "Jax likes it nice and shiny."

Tara was appalled. She shook her head and vented to Rachel about the porn princess.

The next thing Tara knew, Gemma was pulling up in her new Escalade with Clay and Tig following behind her.

"What the hell you doing here?" Clay called to Gemma.

"Luann called, she's freaking out," Gemma answered.

"Its club business, you got no reason to intervene," Clay said getting off his bike.

"I'm not going to intervene, she's my friend, she needs to talk," Gemma said trying to end the conversation.

"So when she wants to talk, you what, drop everything?"

"Jesus," Gemma said turning back. "What are you, Three?"

Tig walked over and perched next to Tara on Jax's bike. Tig made her very uncomfortable, so she readjusted.

"Get back to the garage," Clay ordered.

"Excuse me?"

"Last thing I need is for you running diva over a god damn cum factory," Clay said getting in Gemma's face.

"Asshole," Gemma responded turning around.

Tara watched as Gemma walked toward the door and Clay picked up a cinderblock and threw it at the Escalade.

Tara jumped up as Gemma turned back around

"You stupid, piece of shit," Gemma hollered as she stalked back to the car, tears ready to stream down her face.

Tara pulled off her sunglasses and ran inside to find Jax sitting with Ima.

"Jax!" she called.

He stood, concerned by the look on her face, and stepped toward her.

"He's occupied, honey," Ima said stepping in front of Jax. "You should wait outside like you were told."

Tara couldn't believe this little bitch.

"Ok," Jax said stopping the impending confrontation. "I'm sorry," Jax said putting his arm around Tara guiding her away. "She's a little out of her mind."

"Well, she's not the only one," Tara said rushing him outside.

When they got out the door, they heard Clay holler. "You want to see a good pounding?"

"Come on bad ass," Gemma challenge. "Lay hands on me, I'll slit your god damned throat. You are pathetic," she finished turning to walk away.

Clay lunged after her, grabbing her shoulders, causing Gemma to scream and turn around. "Agh, Don't," Jax stepped between them, pushing Clay off as Gemma backed away. "Don't you Touch...Don't" Gemma said breaking down in tears.

Tara stared at Clay as she walked over to Gemma, putting an arm around her back. Gemma grabbed for Tara's arm as she sobbed.

Tara watched Jax stare Clay down, and she wished she could fill in he blanks on this breakdown, but she just held Gemma as she cried. Clay took off on his bike with Tig in tow and Jax called for the wrecker to come get the SUV.

By the time Dawg got there with the wrecker, Gemma had calmed down enough to ride back with him and Jax had gotten another phone call about drugs at the lumber yard.

"I'm sorry about today," Jax said.

"I have a couple of things I need to take care of today anyway, drop me at my car and I will meet you at the shop later," Tara offered.

Jax kissed her and then took her back to the house.

Jax & Tara

Tara walked into the office at Teller-Morrow. Gemma needed her HIV test.

She gave Gemma wry smile as she held up the cup for Gemma's urine.

"Thirsty?" Gemma asked.

"HIV test, you're due," Tara said.

Gemma dropped her glasses and pen to the desk and stood up to take the cup. She turned when she got to the door. "I haven't had sex since it happened," Gemma said.

"Makes sense," Tara replied. "You're still healing."

"Pussy's not the problem," Gemma said. "Its my head."

"You need time."

"I need something," Gemma retorted.

"Where's Clay with all of this?"

"What? Did you miss the car show earlier? He hates me."

"That's not true," Tara replied.

"I don't know," Gemma said turning to go use the restroom.

As Gemma left, Tara heard the roar of Jax's bike pull into the parking lot. Crazy that she had memorized the sound so quickly. She turned toward the window and saw the scantily clad Ima climb off the back of the bike wearing her helmet.

"Son of a Bitch," Tara muttered watching.

Gemma returned to the room as Ima kissed Jax.

"You good with that rubbing on Jax?"

"I'm...I trust him," Tara lied.

"Its not him you worry about," Gemma informed. "Its them. They think he's a free dick. You gotta educate. Set the bitch straight. Others see it, Everyone knows."

Tara was appalled. "What like hit her?"

"Hit, kick, scratch, whatever."

Tara smiled and shook her head. "I'm not eighteen years old anymore Gemma, my cat fighting days are behind me."

"Well, we'll see," Gemma said with a knowing smile. "My pee," she said holding the cup up.

"Thanks," Tara said taking the cup.

Jax & Tara

After dropping off Gemma's sample to the lab, Tara went home and relieved Neeta. She picked Abel up out of his swing and sat down on the floor to play with his musical octopus. Abel laughed every time a new note played. That was how Jax found them a little later. Both of them laughing when Abel played a note.

"Hey," Jax greeted, sitting down next to them. He kissed Tara's cheek as Abel played a note and laughed again. He and Tara laughed with him.

The three played for several hours until it was time for Abel's nap. Tara laid the sleeping baby down and found Jax in the kitchen pulling out steaks.

"I thought I would grill," Jax said.

"That sounds terrific," Tara smiled. "I'll make some potatoes and green beans."

Jax smiled and kissed her cheek. "I have to go to CaraCara tonight."

"So you are sucking up?"

"As hard as possible," Jax smirked. "You can come if you want."

"I don't really want to go," Tara said. "I will stay with Abel."

"If you change your mind, we can call my mom to come over."

"I don't think so, baby, now go make me some of that steak I wanted earlier," Tara said smacking his ass as she walked past him.

Jax & Tara

Tara was sitting in the house. Abel was asleep and Jax had been gone for well over an hour. She had been reading the same page in 'The Jungle' for about twenty minutes. She couldn't get the memory of Ima pressing up against Jax out of her head.

She put the book down and picked up her cell phone to dial Gemma's number.

She listened to it ring back to her until she heard Gemma answer.

"Gemma, I need you to come watch Abel," Tara said.

"Why? What's wrong?"

"I have to go cat fight at the wrap party."

"Be right there."

Jax & Tara

Tara pulled up at the warehouse. Music was spilling out of the doors and porn stars were clinging to bikers. She took a deep breath and tried to get back into the mentality she had perfected in high school. She could cat fight like the best of them then.

She walked in the doors and looked for Jax. She saw him sitting with Opie by the booze table.

"This is a closed party," she heard Ima say.

She looked at the little princess, sitting in her chair.

"I'm looking for Jax."

"Honey," Ima said getting up. "He's got all he can handle tonight, don't worry." Ima stood in front of Tara.

Tara nodded. "I'm sure he does," she said as she started to walk around the little whore in front of her.

Ima sidestepped in front of Tara. "I said Get out...Bitch," Ima challenged Tara.

Tara stopped. She couldn't do this. She shouldn't have to do this.

"What part of that is so complicated?" Ima asked.

"Get out...of my face," Tara ground out, stepping closer to Ima.

Ima just smiled at her. Tara decided to take the high road. This girl wanted to be hit so she could run to Jax crying. She stepped back and walked to the bathrooms.

Ima followed her. "That's right, you better run, you little skank."

Tara slammed open the door and went to the sinks. She put her hands on the edge and took several deep breaths to bring that old familiar rage back under control. She had fought long and hard for eleven years to turn that old biker bitch part of her self off and one porn princess had brought it back to the surface.

She heard the door open. "Tara?" Jax said.

"Be out in a minute," she snapped.

"Don't let them get to you," Jax said walking in to the bathroom.

"Do they get to you?" Tara snapped again, turning to face him.

"We talked about this," Jax replied. "Its business, they're just..."

Tara snapped. She pushed him back and paused as he stumbled back a few steps. She followed him and decided the healthiest way to deal with her rage was to rip his clothes off.

She reached forward and ripped his shirt open, shoving him to the wall. He smiled as she pulled his shirt off and found his lips with hers. They kissed frantically as she unfastened his belt and jeans. He took control and pushed her back, pulling her shirt open, squeezing her breasts roughly then unfastening her pants and ripping them off her creamy white legs.

Tara shoved his pants down to his ankles and let him lift her ass to the counter. She wrapped one leg around him as he began to shove his cock into her. They kissed roughly as Tara grabbed his waist and steadied herself with one hand on the wall. Jax began sucking on he collarbone as the door opened, Tara opened her eyes to find Ima standing in the doorway. Tara eyed the girl with a satisfied smirk on her face, silently begging her to try to make a play for Jax after this. Ima backed out the door and Tara smiled, brought her hand to the back of Jax's head and kissed him hard as he pumped into her. Within seconds, Jax came.

He held her on the edge of the counter for a minute and then pulled away from her, gently setting her back on the ground. He reached down and pulled up his pants, fastening them before helping Tara right herself.

"Let's go home," Jax said kissing her earlobe.

Tara smiled and lifted her eyebrows. "No, let's stay. After the last few weeks, I could use a drink."

Jax wrapped his arm around her waist. "We are missing a few buttons."

"Its a porn studio, what is there to be ashamed of?"

Jax kissed her again and led her out of the door and back to his seat by Opie. He climbed into his chair and pulled Tara onto his lap. Opie raised his eyebrows at Jax who gave him a big grin. Opie chuckled.

"Tara, want a drink?"

"That would be great Opie, thanks," Tara with a smile.

Tara could tell that Ima was already spreading the word. Jax leaned forward and kissed Tara's neck, which was noticed by a lot of the girls. Opie handed Tara a mixed drink.

"Opie, are you trying to get me drunk?" Tara asked.

"Well, it looks like Jax already got lucky, so it doesn't matter if you pass out drunk tonight."

Tara blushed and Jax punched Opie in the shoulder.


	21. Chapter 21

A/N: I have no rights to SOA.

A/N2: My husband has been out of town and I have been lonely, so I've been comforting myself with Jax. He will be home any minute. Sorry!

Chapter 21

Season 2, Episode 4: Eureka

Tara enjoyed her next two days off with Jax and Abel. She cooked dinner for Jax one night and he took her to dinner the last night of her mini vacation. Abel had been smiling and gurgling at her and she was so glad to be his primary caregiver for a couple of days.

Jax had talked to her about selling or renting her house and she wasn't sure she was ready to just yet. It would take a lot to get the house ready for either.

On her first morning back to St. Thomas, Jax was getting ready for a motorcycle run with the club. She got up, showered and fixed her hair and made breakfast while Jax showered and got ready to leave. She walked down to their bedroom with a cup of coffee and saw Jax at the dresser putting on his rings and chains.

"What's the run?" she asked softly.

"Blood drive, Children's Hospital in Eureka," Jax answered.

"SAMCRO, Community Servants," she said sarcastically.

Jax smiled at her leaning against the door frame. "That's what we are all about baby."

"Yeah."

They shared a look, one that only people who love each other can, very intimite, very telling. He walked over to her and she pushed away from the wall. He took the cup from her hands and set it on the dresser, then put his hands on either side of her face and kissed her, gently. As the kiss became less gentle, Abel started crying.

"Mmmm," Jax moaned before pulling away. "My boy, Master of timing."

Tara smiled and turned to go pick up the crying baby, but Jax caught her hand and pulled her back. "I love you," Jax said sincerely.

"I love you, too," Tara said.

Jax leaned in and pecked her lips. "I got him."

Tara went and sat on the bed. Jax's cut was there and she reached over and touched it, running her fingers over the reaper on the back. It suddenly occurred to her, it had been four months since she came back, four months since she and Jax had started their dance and over six weeks since they had become official. She was basically living in his house, caring for his baby and he was absolutely in love with her.

She turned her head as Jax came back to the bedroom, bouncing the now happy baby. He leaned against the doorway and saw the look of revelation on her face.

"What?"

"I'm your old lady," Tara admitted with awe in her voice.

Jax laughed, joy in his face and blew her a kiss as he turned to leave. "Come on," he said to Abel. "Let's get you some breakfast."

Tara smiled at him, because it made her happy, but it also scared her. She had to get over that fear of what that meant.

She followed the boys to the kitchen and took Abel to feed him while Jax ate.

"You working today?"

"Yep, back to the grind," Tara said. "Neeta should be here anytime, now."

Abel and Jax finished eating at about the same time and Jax took Abel to burp him while Tara ate.

Jax followed Tara to the bedroom while she was changing for work. "I'll be gone overnight, if you have to work too late, you can call my mom to cover for you," Jax said touching her hair as she slipped on her shoes. "You know I appreciate everything you do for us, right?"

Tara stood up and took Abel from Jax. She kissed Abel's head and then turned to kiss Jax. "You know I love both of you, right? That I would do anything for Abel?"

Jax nodded as he put his arms around her. "Yeah I know, that doesn't mean I should take it for granted."

They heard the door open and Neeta call out. "Hello?"

Tara kissed Jax before turning to go and see Neeta. "Hey Neeta," Tara greeted. Abel reached for Neeta and Neeta took him kissing him. Jax came up behind him. "Hey Neeta."

"I've got to go," Jax said.

"Me too," Tara said. "I should be home by 6, if I won't be, I will call Gemma to relieve you."

"Alright," Neeta said.

Tara leaned in and kissed Abel's forehead. Jax did the same and followed Tara out the door.

Jax followed Tara to her driver's side door. He turned her around and leaned her against the side of the car. "I'll miss you," he said before kissing her.

"Be careful," Tara replied as Jax opened the door for her.

She got in and Jax closed the door behind her. She started the car and gave him a smile before she backed out.

Jax & Tara

Tara had been seeing patients and doing rounds for several hours when she was paged to the nurses station.

"I got your page," Tara said to the nurse.

"Unser is looking for you," the new hospital administrator informed her.

"Is everything ok?" Tara asked.

"You tell me," she said. "You seem to get a lot of visitors, both sides of the law."

Tara tried to read this woman's face, but couldn't.

The nurse, now off the phone, smiled. "You don't get anymore visitors than other doctors, your's are use hotter than most," the nurse winked. "Unser is in the chapel."

"Thanks," Tara said furrowing her brow. She walked down to the chapel and saw the Chief sitting there. "Chief?"

"I didn't mean to pull you away from anything," Unser apologized.

Tara went and sat next to him. "What is it?"

"Gemma," Unser replied.

"Something happen?"

"She's out of sorts, its a matter of time before she hurts someone, herself, I'm...not sure how to help her," Unser said.

"Well, she has to talk to somebody about what happened," Tara said. Unser sat back. "I tried," Tara said, watching the chief's face. "You care about her."

"I've known her since she was 12," Unser started. "Me and Emily Kohl's is the ones that tried to talk her out of running away." Tara gave him a questioning look. "She split when she was 16, came back 10 years later with a baby and a motorcycle club. Sorta like you did, except without the baby and such."

Tara nodded slightly. "Yeah."

"You and Jax seem to be doing ok," Unser said.

"We're trying to figure it out," Tara replied. "What do you...make of us? The doctor...and the biker?"

"I've seen stranger pairings," Unser smiled.

"Uh, excuse me," the administrator interrupted. "The cardio-respiratory tech is looking for you."

"Thank you," Tara said. "I've gotta go," Tara said to Unser before she walked out of the chapel.

"Don't think to hard on it, Doc," Unser called behind him. "When you come across something that don't make you miserable...Enjoy it."

Tara smiled and gave him a nod before going to consult with the cardio-respiratory tech about some tests she had ordered for a patient. In her heart, she knew that she was where she was supposed to be, but it was her head that kept getting in the way.

Jax & Tara

At four that afternoon, Tara got saddled with a ton of new patients, courtesy of the new administrator. She stopped in the doctor's lounge for a moment to call Gemma.

"Hello?" she heard Gemma answer.

"Hey, Gemma, it's Tara."

"Hey Tara, what's wrong?"

"I'm not going to make it home by six, can you go relieve Neeta for me?"

"Sure, baby, I will see you later."

"Thanks," she replied and hung up the phone as Margaret, the administrator peeked her head in the room.

"Sorry, I had to call my boyfriend's mother to tell her I wouldn't be able to relieve the babysitter," Tara explained and left the room. She hated being watched by this woman and she couldn't figure out why she was on her hit list. She did a great job, and had a great relationship with her patients, and was on her way to setting up a thriving practice. Who was this woman anyway?

Jax & Tara

By the time Tara got home, it was almost ten and Gemma had fallen asleep in the rocking chair. She touched Gemma's knee and whispered her name.

Gemma opened her eyes, "Tara?"

"Yeah," Tara said straightening up. "Why don't you stay here, you can sleep in the extra bedroom."

Gemma nodded and Tara brought her to the extra bedroom and bid her goodnight. Tara went to the living room and sat down on the couch and turned the television on to watch the evening news.


	22. Chapter 22

A/N: I have no rights to SOA.

Chapter 22

Season 2, Episode 5: Smite

Smite: to afflict or attack with deadly or disastrous effect

Tara was cleaning up the breakfast mess one morning and the door opened. Some days the house was like a train station with the number of people coming and going. It was Gemma.

"Hey," Gemma greeted.

"Good morning," Tara replied.

"Baby with Neeta?"

"At the park," Tara answered.

Gemma went to fill a coffee cup. "Jax?"

"Cleaning out the garage," Tara answered. To put my stuff in, is what she thought, but didn't tell the matriarch.

Gemma sat at the table with a slight groan of pain.

Tara continued wiping down the table. "You still that sore?"

"Its getting worse, just so god damn stiff," Gemma said picking up her mug of coffee.

"Are you dry?"

"Like the Mojave Vagina," Gemma said sarcastically.

"Its the stress, your body isn't producing enough estrogen...I'll write you a prescription."

Tara turned and leaned against the counter, drying her hands on a kitchen towel. The back door opened and Jax came in carrying a box.

"Hey Ma," Jax greeted Gemma.

"Hey Honey."

"Did you take a box of clothes from the garage?" Jax asked Tara.

"I haven't done anything out there," Tara said setting the towel down.

"I'm missing a box."

"Uh, I cleaned some shit out there before the baby came home," Gemma offered. "There was a box of laundry had a serious stink to it."

"Well, where is it?"

"Tossed it," Gemma said flippantly. "Just a bunch of old Tshirts, funky underwear. Why?" Gemma looked at Tara and Tara realized that there was something unsaid here. That Jax was looking for something important and that Gemma had disposed of it purposely.

Tara slowly looked at Jax.

"What are you looking for?" Gemma finished.

"An old Harley manual, hard to find," Jax lied.

"Sorry," Gemma apologized insincerely.

The door opened again and Jax continued to stare down his mother.

"Good morning, Children," Chibs said from the door.

"Hello," Tara greeted, thankful for the distraction.

"I thought the prospect was with you," Jax said to Chibs.

"Oh no no, Wee Minds is on light duty. He's getting his sack filled."

"Excuse me," Gemma said.

"He's completing himself," Chibs joked. "We are supposed to meet Clay, at the shop."

"Well, I'm ready," Jax said leaning down to pick up the box he had dropped. "I just need to dump these in my truck."

Chibs walked up behind Jax and grabbed his waist, humping him while he was bent over.

"Oh sweet boy," Chibs said as Jax jumped and laughed. "Pleasure," Chibs said taking the box from Jax.

"Remembering breakfast with Daddy?" Jax joked.

"Oh yeah, cuppers and milk cakes, delicious," Chibs replied walking out the front door.

Jax put on his holster and leaned over to kiss Tara before picking up his cut. "See you later," he said looking directly at Gemma.

"Bye Babe," Gemma said watching him leave.

Tara eyed Gemma and when the door closed, she decided to ask.

"What was that about?"

"What?"

"He wasn't looking for a Harley manual was he?"

"I don't know what you are talking about."

"Never mind," Tara decided it wasn't worth it. She and Gemma had a tenuous relationship at best. "I have some errands to run, if you want to tag along, we can hit the pharmacy while we are out."

"Sure baby," Gemma smiled taking another sip of her coffee.

Tara went to the bedroom to change. She had a mid-shift, and planned to use the morning to grocery shop.

Jax & Tara

The first stop they made was the pharmacy to get Gemma's prescription.

As they were walking out, Gemma asked for clarification. "I just rub this shit on?"

"On your wrists, two pumps no more," Tara explained. "And if you notice a big hormonal spike, it means you've done too much."

"My whole life is a hormonal spike sweetheart," Gemma cracked as she put the medicine in her purse.

Tara rolled her eyes and smirked as she walked to the driver's side door of her car. As she was unlocking the door, she noticed Gemma walking quickly away.

"What is it?" Tara called. "Gemma?"

She saw the blonde staring at Gemma and when the blonde began running, Gemma gave chase.

"Gemma!" Tara called as she too began to run. "Shit!"

Tara saw the girl get in a truck and Gemma stop at the corner. She slowed to a walk and came up behind Gemma touching her shoulder.

The next thing she knew was she felt a blinding pain and she was hunched over holding her nose, which was bleeding heavily.

"Jesus Christ," Tara said. She could hear Gemma apologizing but the pain was so much worse than she had ever imagined.

"Oh, man, I'm sorry," Gemma said when she finally got a good look at Tara. "I'll drive you to work so you can get patched up."

Tara nodded and handed Gemma her keys.

Jax & Tara

Tara found Gemma waiting for her in the chapel. Her nose was broken and the bruise was still forming. Tara sat down next to Gemma who looked at her.

"Sorry," Gemma apologized again.

"I guess I'm lucky you didn't blow my head off," Tara tried to joke. "Are you ok? That running couldn't have felt good."

"Yeah, I'm fine."

"Who was the girl?" Tara waited while Gemma tried to control her emotions. "Jesus Christ, Gemma you have to talk about what happened." Tara could see Gemma fighting tears. "I know what its like to keep something like this inside."

"I doubt that," Gemma replied.

"You know why I was carrying that gun a few months ago?"

"The fed. You had a restraining order."

"Yeah."

"He went after you?"

Tara nodded. "Yeah."

"Raped you?"

"It almost went there, I was able to stop him."

"Does Jax know?"

"I had to tell someone, I knew it would eat me up if I didn't."

"What did Jax do?"

"There was nothing he could do, Kohn was already gone. My point is, you need to get this thing out of your head before you kill someone or get yourself killed," Tara reached down and picked up a business card. "I made an appointment for you, Dr. Lich, she's a friend, she's easy to talk to."

"A shrink?"

"You're going to talk to her or I'm going to tell Hale you assaulted me. Throw your crazy ass in jail."

Gemma looked at Tara. Tara smiled and Gemma took the card.

Tara got up to go get ready for her shift.

"If the tables were reversed and you came to me with what happened, shit, I'd have cut you off a long time ago," Gemma admitted. "That's my way of saying, what you're doing for me, the club...means a lot."

"You're welcome," Tara turned to go. "You still have to see the shrink, main level, room 114."

"Yes ma'am."

Jax & Tara

Tara was in the lounge changing into her scrubs when Rachel and Lena came in.

Rachel sat down laughing when she saw Tara's face. "I heard Mommie Dearest clocked you on the street, but I didn't believe it."

Lena laughed with her. "I guess you do have mother-in-law issues."

"It was seriously an accident," Tara tried not to laugh. "Though, I always knew she would clock me one at some point."

"Didn't she just break another girl's nose?"

"Yes and she poisoned Jax's ex-wife while she was recovering from her C-section," Tara shook her head. "I'm lucky she didn't shoot me," Tara said sitting down.

The girls laughed until Margaret stepped in and gave them the eye and left again.

"That woman is the biggest kill joy," Rachel vented.

"She has it out for me," Tara said. "I don't know why."

"Because you landed yourself the hottest man in town," Lena supplied.

"You just want a bad ass biker for yourself," Rachel joked.

"No, you don't," Tara said too seriously.

Jax & Tara

Tara stood at the nurse's station, making some notes in a couple of charts after her rounds and felt someone come up next to her. She looked up and saw Jax looking concerned.

"What happened?" Jax asked.

She closed her chart and turned and walked away from the desk. "It was nothing, it was just stupid," Tara explained.

"My mom did that," Jax supplied.

"We were on the street, I came up behind her and must have startled her," Tara explained.

"That's a solid shot to the face," Jax said, obviously not believing the accident story.

"It was an accident," Tara tried to reaffirm.

"You know this total disclosure thing works both ways," Jax said, still not believing that the broken nose was an accident.

"I know," Tara said, trying to make him understand that beyond all odds, the fact that his mother breaking her nose was actually an accident. Then she heard Margaret and turned and saw her at the desk. "I have to get back," she whispered and leaned up to kiss his cheek.

She turned and jogged back to the desk. "I'm almost finished with the R.O.s" Tara explained pointing to the file Margaret was looking at.

Margaret turned and saw Jax coming behind Tara, watching them.

"If you need to speak with someone, file a report, you can take a..."

"Why would I want to do that?" Tara interrupted.

"I know your guy is part of the motorcycle gang here."

"Club, its a motorcycle club," Tara corrected, understanding that Margaret assumed the broken nose was Jax's doing.

"Right, well I hope the club doesn't become a problem."

"My personal life has nothing to do with the hospital."

"I know, but when that personal life hits you in the face hard enough it can't help but impact your work, and then it does become the hospital's problem. Just a head's up from a friend," Margaret said before walking away.

Tara couldn't believe the gall that woman had. Jax would never hit her.

"Dr. Knowles? What's wrong?" Lena stopped and asked.

Tara sputtered. "That...she...I..."

"Full sentences, Tara."

"She thinks Jax broke my nose!"

Lena burst out laughing. "Half the town saw Gemma hit you. It will be ok."

Tara just stared at Lena and nodded.

Tara went back to her charts and then went to her office to do some reading on a procedure she was performing that afternoon.

Rachel knocked and came in, closing the door behind her. "Um, Lena told me what Margaret said and I thought I should tell you that Jax, Opie and others were arrested an hour ago for fighting in the street with some of the white supremacists."

"Fuck," Tara said leaning back. "Thanks Rachel, I appreciate it."

Tara sat there for a long time wondering how she could survive professionally with the club behind her. Margaret had it out for her because of her involvement, and it was only a matter of time before something happened that set up her red flags.

And Abel, God, what were they setting up for Abel to go into.

Jax & Tara

Tara got home that afternoon and relieved Neeta. Abel was napping and she was perplexed by everything that Margaret had insinuated.

She stared at Abel and watched the sweet, innocent boy sleeping and worried about his eventual entrance into the club. Could she stand by and let him see and do the things that Jax saw and did on a daily basis? Could she watch him go to jail repeatedly for crimes that he was caught doing? How could she as a 'parent' let that happen?

She sat in the chair and worried about Abel and Jax and herself until she heard the door open.

Jax walked in the room and looked into the crib. "Hey, you ok?" he asked Tara.

She murmured.

"How's the nose?"

She looked at him and then down to her lap to contain tears.

"I've been sitting here watching him, trying to figure out how I fit into all of this."

"What do you mean?"

"The violence, the porn, the other girls, your mother," Tara held back tears again. "I try to rationalize, but I...its not normal."

"What's normal?"

"I can't shake this feeling that something bad is going to happen. To him, to us. I just don't know how to live with that. I'm trying to find my place here, Jax."

"Wait here, I wanna show you something," Jax said turning to leave the room.

Tara stood and went to Abel.

Jax returned and touched her hip, guiding her to the futon near the crib to sit next to him.

He was holding the binder he had been writing in a few days before.

"My dad wrote this before he died," Jax explained. "Its his vision for the club, what went wrong and how to save it." Tara looked at the binder and then back to Jax, not sure what he was talking about. "I'm going to get us out of all of those things that you are afraid of. You stay with me and I promise I'll find your place."

Tara's eyes filled again. He handed her the binder and she knew that taking it was another level of commitment to the Sons of Anarchy, to Jax. She looked down at the binder and saw the Reaper on the cover. She opened it and read the title and looked at Jax. He nodded to her. He wanted her to read it. So she did.

Jax & Tara

Jax left Tara to head back to the clubhouse for a meeting. She sat and read until Neeta came back for the evening shift and Gemma stopped by to see the baby.

"I've got some work to do at the shop, want to tag along, the boy's should be done with Church by now," Gemma offered after a little while.

"Thanks, let me go change," Tara accepted and left the living room to change into civilian clothes.

When they pulled up, they noticed Jax and Piney were sitting at the picnic table looking like they had the weight of the world on their shoulders.

"What's going on?" Gemma asked as they approached Jax and Piney.

"Tough vote," Jax offered.

Gemma removed her sunglasses. "Where is he?"

"Inside," Piney answered.

Jax looked at Tara, and reached for her hand after Piney moved away from the table. "So you swayed them your way?" Tara asked.

"The less violent way," Jax said hugging her to him.

Tara held his arm while he dealt with the stress of the vote. She knew all she could do was be his rock through this period of change.

Then, she heard it, the explosion, just 100 yards away. She saw Chibs flying from the force of the blast and felt the heat of the fire. Jax jumped from the table and ran to Chibs, followed quickly by the other guys.

Jax screamed for her and she ran over, seeing the blood around his head. She leaned down and tried to hear a heartbeat in his chest and couldn't so she started unbuttoning the leather and the fabric. She could hear a heartbeat. She lifted his eye lids, she felt for breath. There was nothing she could do on this lot, she knew that, it was a head injury. She just kept checking for a heartbeat and breathing until the ambulance arrived to secure him.

The EMTs got there and she filled them in, giving them stats on his pulse and breathing and what had happened. He had landed on his head after the blast. The EMTs secured his neck and got him on a backboard, then hooked him up to some monitors before loading him into the ambulance and taking him to the hospital.


	23. Chapter 23

A/N: I have no rights to SOA.

Chapter 23

Season 2, Episode 6: Falx Cerebri

Falx Cerebri: the larger of two folds of the dura matter separating the hemispheres of the brain

Tara walked back to the group after the ambulance drove away and gave them some information about Chibs condition. The lot was filled with police officers, firemen and onlookers. Night had fallen while they were stabilizing Chibs.

She went to the bathroom to wash her hands, then found Gemma back at the picnic table.

"Hey, I'm going to head over to St. Thomas," she said. "I'll give you a call as soon as I hear anything."

"Ok, thanks," Gemma said.

Jax walked by and Gemma reached for a hug. "Hey baby, they are waiting for you inside."

"Ok," he leaned down and kissed her.

Then he turned and kissed Tara on the cheek. He noticed the look on her face.

"What?"

"Someone blew up your friend with a car bomb."

"We don't know what happened."

"Jesus Christ, we watched it happen," Tara said unbelieving. "Who the hell would do that? Why would anyone do that?" She saw Gemma and then realized. It was the same people, trying to break the club. When Gemma didn't crack, they went for the members.

"Look, I'm not sure who did it, that's the truth. Probably the same guys who had Otto jumped."

Tara hadn't heard about Otto. Shit. "Are you in danger?" She saw the look in Jax's eyes and knew their agreement meant he couldn't lie to her. "Am I?" She shook her head when he didn't say anything. "Oh God."

"Look, I'm sure nothing's going to happen," Jax tried to reassure her. "Just got to be smart, a little more cautious, all right? It's going to be ok, babe."

Tara shook her head. "No its not."

"I have to go deal with this," Jax said, reluctant to leave Tara, but knowing that he had to. Tara nodded and Jax went inside.

When the door closed, she looked at Gemma. "This explosion. It was the same people who attacked you?"

"And if it was?"

"Maybe if you had told somebody about what happened..."

"This isn't on me," Gemma exclaimed and stood to walk into the clubhouse.

Tara turned and headed to the hospital to help with Chibs.

Jax & Tara

Tara spent the night at the hospital, working with the doctor assigned to Chib's case. She stayed right through her shift also, checking on Chibs every hour. Around noon, she saw Gemma in the hallway.

"Chibs is stable, but critical," Tara said sitting down. "He landed on the back of his head, caused a subdural hemotoma....A large blood clot. A brain bleed is severe, but if it subsides, not life threatening. All we can do now is monitor it."

"If it gets worse?"

"They'll have to go in and relieve the pressure."

"Jesus Christ, cut open his head?"

"Oh, no, hopefully it won't come to that," Tara said. "I'm sorry about what I said earlier, I didn't mean.."

"Don't," Gemma interrupted her. "Its a shitty day for all of us."

Gemma stood to leave.

Tara followed her. "Hey, do you mind if I head home with you?"

Gemma nodded. "Sure."

"I'll just finish up a few things," Tara smiled.

"I'll wait for you downstairs."

Tara went to sign a few charts, release a few patients and get her bag out of her locker.

Jax & Tara

Gemma and Tara hit the grocery store on the way to the house. When they came in the door, Gemma put her keys and her gun on the plate by the door. Tara stopped in front of it and looked at the gun.

"Still have the one I gave you?" Gemma asked.

Tara looked at her. "No, I got rid of it after Kohn left."

"Wait here," Gemma said walking away.

A few minutes later she came back with two hat boxes. She pulled the lids off and revealed an assortment of handguns.

"Jesus Christ, do you and Clay really need this many guns?"

"These are just mine," Gemma said looking at them.

Tara felt like she had stepped into an alternate universe. She watched Gemma reach in and choose a gun. She handed her one.

"Here, see how this feels."

Tara took it. "Its ok, its not too heavy."

".38, that'll blow a good hole," Gemma said reaching over the counter for her bag. She selected a few more guns and put them in her bag, then handed Tara two boxes of ammunition.

"What's this for?"

"Let's go."

"Where?" Tara asked.

Gemma just nodded to the door and opened it.

Jax & Tara

It took Tara a few minutes to realize they were heading to CaraCara. She didn't realize until Gemma was taping "Johnny Loves Morgan" posters on the wall that this was target practice.

Gemma took a shot and hit "Morgan" right in the heart. She took two more shots and then nodded for Tara to take a turn.

Tara stepped up and aimed the gun.

"Now squeeze slowly, it'll have some kick."

Tara shot twice, missing the poster both times.

"No," Gemma said setting her stuff down. "You're gripping too hard. You want to hold it firm, but let it breath," she explained touching Tara's back. She got behind her and held her arms. "Now put the sight on what you want dead, then take a breath and..."

Tara shot three times, her aim improving each time. She was feeling more confident.

Gemma went and taped up a fresh poster.

"Is it always like this?" Tara asked.

"No," Gemma said. "You came back to a really bad time. It settles down, gets downright boring, I promise."

Tara hoped she was telling the truth. Just then, Ima, the porn princess, pulled up and got out of her car. She turned and saw Tara.

Tara decided to play with her a little bit. She lifted the gun, spun the revolver and aimed at Ima. Ima turned and hightailed it into the studio. Tara put down the gun and stifled a laugh. "That was fun."

"You're going to love this," Gemma said stepping around Tara. She picked up a gun and shot out the tire on Ima's car. Then turned and smiled at Tara, who was trying to suppress another laugh.

Then Tara raised the gun and shot the door three times.

After that, both women continued to shoot the hell out of Ima's car, laughing and smiling the whole time.

Jax & Tara

Jax sent Tara a text asking her where she was. She had just been dropped off at her car at the shop, so he asked her to wait.

While she was waiting she texted Rachel about what she had spent the day doing.

Rachel was impressed that Tara actually shot up the porn princess's car.

Tara heard Jax's bike pull into the lot and put her phone in her bag.

"Hey!" Jax greeted.

"How's Chibs doing?"

"The bleeding stopped, he's still critical, but if it holds, he'll be out of the woods."

Jax sighed with relief. "That's great, thank you."

Tara rubbed his arm. "Mmmhmm."

"I'm sorry about all of this, I'll tell you as much as I know."

"Its ok, it'll ease up," Tara said, surprisingly calm after her bonding with Gemma.

"Yeah it will," Jax said leaning in to kiss her.

Tara turned to leave, happy that all he wanted was information on Chibs.

"Oh, I got a call from Luann," Jax said and Tara had to suppress a smile as she turned. "Apparently there was some kind of firearm incident out at CaraCara."

Tara nodded. "No kidding." She turned to get in the car, trying to play off what he was telling her he knew.

"I love you," Jax said with a proud smile on his face.

"You should," Tara said pulling the door shut and driving home to relieve Neeta.

While she waited for Jax to get home, she read some more of John Teller's manuscript until the house phone rang.

Tara got up to answer the phone and was surprised to hear the operator on the other end. "Are you willing to accept a collect call from San Joaquin County Jail from...Jackson Teller?"

"Uh, yes."

"Tara?"

"Jax? What-"

"I'm having a really bad night, I don't have long to talk."

"Ok," Tara could hardly believe this.

"I love you, Tara, can you take care of Abel?"

"Of course."

"Clay called Rosen, who should have called Gemma by now. Go to Gemma."

"Clay? Both of you are in jail?"

"All of us, almost. Me, Clay, Bobby, Juice, Tig, Hap."

"Jesus Christ, Jax."

"I know, Tara, I'm sorry. Rosen will have the details, go talk to Gemma."

"Ok," Tara said still in shock.

"Tara?"

"Yeah?"

"Be cautious," Jax warned. "I love you so much."

"I love you."

Jax hung up the phone, just as there was a knock at the door. "Tara?" she heard Gemma call from the other side.

Tara opened the door and saw Gemma.

"Pack up, you and the baby are staying at my house."

Season 2, Episode 7: Gilead

Tara had to go to the hospital for rounds to release a few patients and then she took the rest of the day off. She met Gemma at the clubhouse and waited for the lawyer.

When Rosen arrived, they all sat down.

"They're jammin us," Gemma ranted. "Seven figure bail, no court date, its bullshit."

"Apparently they have security tapes," Rosen raised his eyebrows. "Women and children running for their lives."

Tara let her head fall back. She hated this.

"You saw what happened to Otto, they got no protection."

"I know," Rosen said.

"What about a bondsman?" Tara asked.

"500,000 a head at ten percent, you'd need 300K to get the six of them out."

"I can post the house," Gemma offered.

"My dad's too," Tara said.

"Ok, well that's enough to get out Clay, maybe Jax, that's it," Rosen said.

"No, Clay won't leave them behind."

"I'm sorry Gemma," Rosen reached into his pocket. "Clay needs you to call LaRoy, deliver this message. ASAP. I never saw it, never gave it to you."

Rosen stood to leave and Gemma leaned back and sighed. Tara stared at Gemma.

Jax & Tara

Gemma called Tara and since Abel was sleeping, they decided to make dinner for Kenny and Ellie at Jax's house. Tara grilled up some hamburgers and made some macaroni and cheese and green beans for dinner and had it ready when Gemma got there with the kids.

They sat and ate dinner, talking about Kenny and Ellie's school and the fun things Mary had done with them recently.

After dinner, Gemma told them to get their homework out and finish it at the table while they waited for Opie.

Gemma read a book and helped them when they needed help while Tara changed Abel and gave him a bath. Tara had Abel cleaned up and ready for his bottle when she heard a knock on the door and went to open it. She saw one of the porn girls on her porch.

"Hi, I'm here to pick up Opie's kids," the blonde said. Tara couldn't believe Opie. "I'm Lyla."

"I know who you are," Tara said crossing her arms. "Where's Opie?"

"He's doing something for the club," Lyla explained.

"Porn girls here for Kenny and Ellie," Tara called back to Gemma.

"You're kidding me," Gemma said walking up behind Tara.

"I gotta pick up my kid at my mom's, I told Opie I'd take them all out for something to eat," Lyla said.

"We already fed them," Gemma said.

"Ok..I'm just trying to help Opie," Lyla defended herself.

"We don't know you," Tara said. "We are not going to just turn two kids over to some..." Tara tapered off. This would be a time to channel Gemma.

"Some hottie your boyfriend jerks off to," Lyla sniped.

"My guy's not into the underdeveloped tween thing," Tara snarled back.

"Why don't you go pick up your own kid," Gemma said stepping into the forefront. "We'll tell Opie there has been a change in plans. Come on," Gemma said pulling Tara back and shutting the door.

Tara whirled around. "Is he out of his god damn mind?" Then she went back to the kitchen to help Kenny with his math homework.

A little while later, Gemma came into the kitchen. "I'm going to go to the shop to wait for Opie and get some paperwork done."

"Alright, I will be here."

The Teller train station stayed busy as she heard another knock on the door and opened it to find Opie standing there.

"Hey Tara, Lyla said the kids were still here."

"Yeah, Opie, they had already eaten and were working on their homework when she got here," Tara said leading him into the kitchen. Tara stood behind the kids and Opie faced them.

"Ok kids, lets go," Opie said to his kids. "Thank Tara."

"Thanks Tara," Kenny said walking past her with his bag.

"Thank you Tara," Ellie said following him.

"Your welcome," Tara said brushing Ellie's hair as she passed.

"Kids, wait in the car," Opie said.

When the kids were outside, Tara started. "They are good kids."

"Look," Opie said crossing his arms. "I'm sorry about the Lyla thing. I wouldn't have done it if I didn't trust her."

"I guess we made a judgment call," Tara explained. "Maybe you weren't thinking clearly."

"That sounds like a judgment call."

"She's a porn star."

"She's a single mom. She's just trying to make it work like the rest of us," Opie and Tara stared into each other's eyes. Tara understood then that Opie couldn't be a single father and that Lyla was likely going to take Donna's place. Lyla was not fit to take Donna's place.

"How's Jax doing with it?"

"He's figuring it out."

"Good he has you to help him."

"You'll find someone, Ope," Tara said. "Time's right, it'll happen."

"I went by my place, all of Mary's shit is gone," Opie explained. "She split."

"I'm sorry."

"She couldn't be a mom twenty years ago, can't do it now."

"We'll help with the kids," Tara offered. "You're not alone, Ope."

"Yeah, I am," Opie rejected the offer. "Good night."

The phone rang then, before Tara had a chance to process her conversation with Opie. "Hello?" Tara answered.

"Elliot posted bail," Gemma said.

"Are you kidding me?"

"No, they will be back in an hour."

"I'll be right there."

Tara put Abel in his car seat and went over to Teller Morrow to wait for the guys to come home. Gemma and Tara just sat, waiting, silently for their MC to come back. When they heard a vehicle pull into the lot, they turned their heads and looked out the window.

Standing, they walked out of the office and out into the parking lot. Tara gasped when she saw Clay emerge with cuts on his face. Then Jax, too with cuts on his face. Clay and the other four uninjured members went into the clubhouse and Jax walked away from the clubhouse, toward the shop.

He walked right past her and Gemma and when Tara went to follow him, Gemma stopped her. She turned to look at Gemma who just shook her head and then watched Jax walk into the shop, alone.


	24. Chapter 24

A/N: I have no rights to SOA

A/N2: This is probably it till Tuesday. Enjoy! I also took a touch of creative license with a conversation, partially because I couldn't understand what was said. Let me know where it is.

Chapter 24

Season 2, Episode 8: Potlatch

The morning after the guys were bailed out, she heard Jax get up, shower and dress and go into the kitchen. She gave him some time to smoke a cigarette, get his morning orange juice and read before going into the kitchen to talk to him about her reading.

She carried the binder into the kitchen and set it on the table in front of him. "I finished it."

She sat down, not sure how to begin.

"What do you want me to say?" Jax said leaning back in his chair.

"You keep saying you want to change things, but...you keep repeating old behavior. You can't have it both ways."

Jax leaned forward. "Is there anything you love, so much, that you would protect it, no matter what the cost? The damage it did to you?"

"Yeah," Tara admitted. "Your child."

"That's how I feel about this club," Jax admitted. "Since I was five, Tara, all I ever wanted was a Harley and a cut," Jax shook his head. "Look, change won't happen quick, or without blood. But, it'll happen...it has to.

Jax stood up and Tara watched him put on his beloved cut.

"I'll see you later," Jax said, turning to leave without kissing her goodbye.

Tara leaned forward, disdainfully looking at the binder on the table. She was worried and she needed knew she needed to be his rock, but men were stubborn jack-asses.

Jax & Tara

Tara spent the day working at the hospital. She had two surgeries and then she wanted to check in on Chibs, who was still critical, but stable. The blood clot hadn't grown and was even showing signs of subsiding.

Tara walked into Chibs's room and found Gemma in a stand off with a pretty black woman. "Hello?"

Gemma greeted her. "Dr. Knowles...Fiona Larkin."

"Nice to meet you...I'm afraid ICU is for immediate family only," Tara said walking into the room.

"She is family," Gemma conceded.

"I'm his wife."

"O...Kay," Tara said watching Gemma, who clearly hated Fiona. It was good to not be on the receiving end of that hate anymore.

Jax & Tara

Tara filled Fiona in on the details and then sent her out because she had been there for over the 15 minute time limit. Gemma and Tara followed her down the hall.

"I didn't know Chibs was married," Tara said.

"Well, they never got divorced," Gemma explained. "Its been a long time since they were together."

"I'm sensing she's not a favorite," Tara said with a smile.

"There have been three women I'm afraid of," Gemma said stopping. "My mother, my third grade math teacher and that Irish bitch. Hey, where is Chibs at with his insurance and shit?"

"He'll be off critical in a day or two," Tara said. "He'll have to finish his recovery at Stockton."

"That can't happen," Gemma said getting agitated. "Not with her around, he can't be out of our sight."

"There is nothing I can do."

"There's always something we can do."

Tara heard the elevator ding and saw Margaret approach the nurse's desk. Tara turned and got closer to Gemma.

"You see that redhead," Tara asked. Gemma looked. "Margaret Murphy, chief administrator, she has been up my ass about the club. I try to do anything, she'll be all over it. Can't happen," Tara said before walking away.

Jax & Tara

Tara was eating lunch with Rachel and Lena in the lounge an hour or so later when Margaret came in and handed Tara an envelope.

"What is this?"

Margaret just walked away and Tara looked at Rachel and Lena before opening the envelope. She started to read it and and got as far as the page title and her name before stopping.

"What?" Lena asked.

"Its a hostile work environment claim, filed by Margaret Murphy against me."

"Why? Did you hit her?" Rachel asked. Tara glared at her. "What you spent your afternoon off shooting up a porn stars car? You could have hit her."

"Rachel," Lena chastised while reaching for the claim. She paused reading it. "No, she had a proxy, according to this."

"Who is your proxy?" Rachel asked.

"Fucking Gemma," Tara got up from the table, chair screeching.

"It says your proxy threatened her in the elevator, telling her to 'get off your ass or else.'" Lena read.

"Jesus Christ," Tara cursed. She could feel her blood pressure rising.

"What are you going to do?" Lena asked.

"What can I do? My boyfriend's mother is fucking threatening my boss," Tara summarized. "I'm fucked."

"Hanging with Jax has certainly dirtied up your vocabulary," Rachel joked, trying to ease Tara's anger.

"Yeah, well that's not the only thing he has dirtied up," Tara said walking out of the lounge. She had to calm herself enough to finish her work. As she was sweet and friendly with patients she seethed underneath. She couldn't wait to get her hands on Gemma's neck.

Jax & Tara

Tara went home after work, changed and headed over to the Morrow household for dinner and to talk to Gemma. She went in through the front door and walked through the dining room to find Gemma in the kitchen with some of the crow eaters.

"I thought you were bringing a salad," Gemma said when Tara stopped at her side.

"I've been busy," Tara said. She turned and walked into the dining room.

"What?" Gemma asked as she followed her.

Tara held up the contents of the envelope. "This is a hostile work environment claim filed against me and my proxy by Margaret Murphy."

"Huh, are you kidding me? What a bunch of pussies."

"You threatened her."

"I had a passionate conversation with her in the elevator."

Tara snapped. "This is my livelihood. Do you have ANY idea how HARD I have worked to get to where I am?"

"I get it."

"Do you, this could cost me my god damn job!" Tara exclaimed as Gemma walked away from her. "The club is the club, my life is my life. Stay out of it!"

"Hey," Lyla said uncomfortably, having entered with Kenny, Ellie and Piper in the middle of the disagreement.

"Perfect," Tara glared at Gemma. "Serving hand jobs for dessert?"

"That's real nice in front of the kids," Lyla exclaimed and slammed her casserole down before stomping out of the house.

Tara went to the living room to cool off and Jax came in. "What the hell happened?"

"Your mother," Tara said taking off her jacket and going back to the dining room.

Jax stopped her and Tara leaned against the buffet table.

"Can you ease up on Lyla," Jax said. "She's just..."

"I know," Tara shook her head. "Doing her best." She scoffed. "Trust me, I keep hanging out with this family, I may be sucking cock to pay my bills too."

"What the hell's the matter with you?" Jax said quietly.

Tara glared over his shoulder at Gemma. "Ask your mother."

"What happened?" Jax asked Gemma as she breezed by.

"Come on everybody," Gemma ordered. "Come on let's sit down."

Jax put his hand on Tara's waist and turned her around and kissed her temple as he guided her to their seats near the head of the table.

"Where the hell were you?" Clay exploded when he came in followed by Tig, Half Sack and Happy.

"What are you talking about?" Jax asked.

"I got two guys laying in hospital beds and the rest of you decide not to pick up your god damn phones?"

"We were neck deep in our own pile of shit," Bobby interrupted trying to diffuse Clay's anger at Jax.

"Well, we almost got killed trying to take back our guns man," Tig explained.

"Club business, not here asshole," Bobby stopped him.

Tig shoved Bobby and Bobby retaliated. Opie immediately reached for Bobby as Half Sack reached for Tig to pull them apart.

"Hey, they were helping me, Clay," Opie said stepping in front of Tig.

"We had some payback to deliver at CaraCara," Jax explained.

"Well hopefully it went a little better than the Trammel task," Tig threw out.

"Oh blow me, shithead," Opie defended himself.

"Excuse me," Hale called from the door.

Tara turned. This could not be good if Hale had ventured to the Morrow home.

"Sorry to interrupt, but I figured I should tell you this in person," Hale said walking into the dining room. "We just found Luann Delaney off of County 18, beaten to death. There are no other details right now. I'm sorry."

Hale turned to leave, leaving a stunned, highly volatile crowd in his wake.

"Did you cause this?" Clay asked Jax

"What are you talking about?" Jax stood up straight.

"The pay back at CaraCara?"

"This is on me Clay," Opie interrupted.

"And me too," Bobby said.

"What did you guys do?" Tig asked.

"I'm not talking to you asshole," Bobby retorted.

"What did you guys do?" Tig asked again before lunging at Opie and Bobby.

The guys started hollering trying to stop the fighting, but only adding to it.

"Do you see what you are doing to this club?" Clay asked Jax. "Do you see what you are doing to this club!" Clay hollered at Jax causing the fight behind him to subside.

"I was risking my ass for this club!" Jax hollered back.

"Bullshit," Clay retorted.

"You are as blind as you are crippled," Jax said turning away.

"No," Clay stopped him. "The blind guy's in jail, with no wife, because you just got her killed!"

Jax turned and lunged at Clay, shoving him back. "I'm not the one murdering women!"

The fight began again, this time between Jax and Clay.

Gemma picked up the platter in front of her and slammed it to the table, causing all of the men to stop and remember the women and children at the table with them. Gemma looked like she was about to break down in tears. Luann had been her best friend, if Gemma could have a best friend.

Jax took Tara's hand and led her out the kitchen door. He walked her to her car and put her in the drivers seat. "I will follow you home, we have a lot to talk about apparently."

Tara nodded and waited for him to get on his bike. Then, started her car and headed to his house. A few minutes later, she pulled in his driveway and Jax pulled up beside her. She got out of the car and he got off his bike and walked over to her and put his arm around her waist to guide her in to the house.

Jax went to the kitchen and took off his cut and his holster. Tara flopped on the couch and waited for him.

He walked into the living room and handed Tara a beer. She scooted up on the couch and took a swig. Jax lifted her legs and sat on the couch, laying her legs in his lap.

"So how was your day, honey?" Tara asked with a smart ass grin on her lips.

"Oh, just the usual, someone murdered my guard dog, then I dropped a laptop in an aquarium," Jax said. "Then I got held at gun point and went to my mom's for dinner where Lyla called you an arrogant bitch."

"Sounds like a great day."

"It was, how was yours?"

"Your mother threatened my boss who then filed a hostile work environment claim against me and my proxy."

"That explains your mood."

"Yes it does," Tara said. "Why were you held at gunpoint?"

"Simple misunderstanding, nothing to worry about."

"I will take that as an explanation," Tara decided to let that drop.

"Listen, nothing that happened today had anything to do with Chibs," Jax said.

Tara nodded and took another swig.

"I'm sorry about my mom," Jax apologized.

"Its not your fault."

"You will never have to resort to CaraCara as a source of income," Jax added with a wink.

"No, I couldn't get cast there, I don't have that underdeveloped tween look," Tara winked back.

The door opened and Neeta walked in carrying Abel.

"Oh, shit," Jax said standing. "Neeta, I didn't even realize you had him over there, thanks for bringing him home."

"Its alright, Jackson," Neeta said handing him over. "It was a rough night, I'm just glad I was there for you. What time tomorrow, Tara?"

"I have to be in at ten."

"I will be back around nine then, have a good night," Neeta said turning to leave.

"Night," Jax said. "Come on, Tara, let's go to bed."


	25. Chapter 25

A/N: I have no rights to SOA

A/N2: I live in Nashville and if you haven't heard, we had major flooding at the beginning of the month and life here is just starting to be less chaotic. Sorry for taking so long!

Chapter 25

Season 2, Episode 9: Fa Guan

Jax got up early and kissed Tara's forehead.

"You're up early," Tara whispered.

"I have to go talk to Otto."

"I'm sorry about LuAnn."

Jax nodded. "Go back to sleep for a little while, Neeta is here already."

Tara smiled and turned over in bed to go back to sleep.

Jax & Tara

"Thanks, Carl," Tara said to the radiology technician. "You always handle the children well and get good shots."

Carl smiled and then glanced behind Tara.

"Excuse me, Doctor?"

Tara turned, still holding the films she had just looked over with Carl. "Chief." Tara turned back around and smiled at Carl before walking down the hall with Unser.

"Have you seen Jax?"

"He is upstairs visiting Chibs in ICU."

"I really need to see him," Unser said.

"I'll go get him for you," Tara smiled patting the chief's arm.

She checked through the window to see if Jax was in the room. They were discussing club business so she decided to wait a minute.

She opened the door after a minute.

"Hey Doc," Chibs greeted.

"Hey," Jax smiled.

"Just checking up," Tara explained to Chibs. "Chief Unser is looking for you," she said to Jax.

"Kay," Jax said looking back at Chibs. "We'll handle it, you just get better."

Chibs nodded and Jax patted his knee as he got up from the bed.

Jax stopped in front of Tara. "You ok?"

Tara nodded, even though her morning had been atrocious. Margaret had assigned her to grunt work for the week. "Yeah."

He kissed the side of her mouth before he left the room.

Tara looked at Chibs. "I talked to Dr. Gallagher, we're taking you off the critical list. You should be able to go home in about a week or so."

"Oh, that's good news," Chibs said quietly. "I appreciate you looking after me Tara. You're a good girl."

"You're welcome," Tara responded. "You do know your insurance is lapsed."

"Well, I do. It seems I've aged into the unaffordable bracket."

Tara looked down, knowing that she had bad news. "You are going to have to finish your recuperation at Stockton Memorial."

"Come on Doc, give me a few more days," Chibs said.

"There's nothing I can do, its out of my hands...hospital policy."

"Then I'll do the rest of my mending at home."

"Stockton has a good cranial expert."

"I don't give a shit about my head," Chibs started to get worked up. "Do you think I'm going to be laying on my god damn back somewhere unprotected?"

Tara shook her head. She had to find out what everyone was so afraid of at Stockton Memorial.

Jax & Tara

Dr. Demet and Dr. Moll were helping Tara with a case and they walked down the hall discussing treatment options. Tara saw Gemma get off the elevator and told them she would meet them in the lounge.

She walked up to Gemma and stood there, unsure of what was about to happen.

"I wanted to say I am sorry," Gemma said finally. "I shouldn't have interfered with things around here."

Tara nodded. She really needed guidance. She looked around. "I told Chibs I was transferring him to Stockton Memorial and he freaked out, panicked, said he would be unprotected."

"Someone just blew him up, he's a little twitchy," Gemma said with her smart ass voice. "But you do what you gotta do and we'll figure out a way to keep him safe."

This was what she didn't understand. "Safe from What? Jesus, Gemma, when does this settle, when does this stop?"

Gemma shook her head. "I don't know baby."

Tara looked down. She had to protect Chibs. He was like family and he protected Jax without a second thought. She had to do the same. She took Gemma's arm and led her to a corner and began to coach her on how to keep Chibs at St. Thomas.

Jax & Tara

Two hours later, Tara was paged to Chibs' room. Two nurses were checking his vitals and Chibs was moaning and writhing on the bed.

"What happened?" Tara asked.

"Severe head pain, can't see out his right eye," one of the nurses replied. "Dr. Gallagher ordered an MRI."

Was this real, or was this fake?

She went over to him and lifted his right eye lid. Chibs stopped moaning and opened his other eye. "Thanks Doc," he whispered before continuing to moan.

Tara turned and went to the head nurse. "He should be put back on critical."

"Dr. Gallagher already did."

Tara looked back at Chibs and then turned to leave. Margaret Murphy was going to be all over this. She just wanted to go home, snuggle with Abel and have a couple of beers.

She walked into the lounge and found Lena and Rachel.

"I have an idea," Tara proclaimed.

They both turned to her and raised their eyebrows.

"I have to go relieve Neeta of her duties, but how about a girls night at my place?"

Rachel smiled. "That sounds like a plan!"

"Alright, meet me at Jax's in half an hour," Tara said turning to change into her street clothes.

When the girls got there, the pizza boy was just leaving and Tara answered the door holding Abel.

"Oh, a little reaper cap!" Lena exclaimed reaching to touch Abel's knit cap.

"Yes, you are looking at the third generation of the Sons of Anarchy royalty, ladies," Tara said leading them to the living room where she had pizza, beer, chips and various sweet snacks lined up on the coffee table.

The girls all sat down in the living room and started attacking the food.

"Where is Jax tonight?"

"Doing his step daddy's bidding," Tara replied before taking a swig of beer.

Jax & Tara

The next morning Tara woke up with a slight headache and neck ache, mostly from sleeping on the living room floor. Lena was flopped over in the chair and Rachel was hanging off the couch. She gently woke them both. "I hate to say it, but we could have successful crow eater careers if the medical field flops," Tara smiled.

"Ugh, I have to go home and shower before my shift," Lena said standing up.

"Me too," Rachel said stretching. "Thanks Tara."

"Anytime ladies," Tara said watching them walk toward the door. When she heard their car pull out of the driveway, she went to take a shower before Abel woke.

She stood under the water and let her muscles. She put her arms on the wall and leaned against the wall while the water streamed over her back. She stood back and soaped up the washrag and began to wash the smell of stale beer and pizza off.

As she washed, she felt someone watching her and she turned to see Jax stripping in the hallway. She smiled coyly at him as he got into the shower.

"Good morning," Tara cooed as she wrapped her arms around his neck and kissed him.

"Good morning to you too," Jax said kissing down her neck.

She rubbed his back with the washrag and then brought it around to his chest. She worked the washrag over his strong chest and shoulders, then his sculpted abs.

Jax kissed her again, harder this time and Tara could feel his arousal against her. She leaned up against the wall and Jax kneaded her breasts, flicking her nipples. Tara ground against him and wrapped her arms around his neck and Jax moved his hands to her hips and lifted her. She wrapped her legs around his waist and moaned as Jax lowered her onto him.

Jax growled playfully as they began to move together. Tara leaned her head back and pressed her breasts against Jax's chest.

Tara felt the orgasm building and let the friction against Jax take her to the next level. She gasped as she reached orgasm and felt Jax come with her. Jax stayed pressed into her and nuzzled her neck.

Tara ran her hands through Jax's hair and kissed his forehead.

As he pulled away and lowered her to the ground, Jax kissed her forehead. "Why does the house look like a frat house?"

Tara smiled and winked as they heard Abel start to cry.

Tara got out of the shower to take care of Abel and Jax went to take a quick nap. He slept for a couple of hours and Tara spent the morning feeding and playing with Abel. The phone range and she hurried to answer it before it woke Jax.

"Hello?"

"Tara, its David Hale."

"David, what can I do for you this morning?"

"I just tried Jax on his cell, but he didn't answer."

"He is still asleep, can I help you?"

"Well, we need him over at CaraCara."

"Why?" Tara waited for a response and didn't get one. "David, I'm not waking him up for some diva drama."

"CaraCara burned down over night."

"Jesus Christ, ok, I will send him over," Tara said hanging up the phone. Apparently the phone had woken Jax who walked into the kitchen as she was hanging up. "That was Hale," Tara explained, holding Abel on one hip and the house phone in her other hand. "He just tried you on the cell."

Tara hated this. She hated CaraCara but it was the answer on how to get the club legit.

"What?" Jax asked.

Tara gulped and put the phone down. "CaraCara burned down last night."

Jax turned and kicked a chair over. "God Damn It!" Jax hollered with such conviction it scared Abel who started to whimper.

Tara held him close and rubbed his back.

"Jax, please."

Jax shook his head and left the kitchen. Tara heard something break in the bedroom and Abel started screaming. Jax walked out the door a minute later and Tara went to the nursery to calm the baby down.


	26. Chapter 26

A/N: I have no rights to SOA

Chapter 26

Season 2, Episode 10: Balm

After Jax left to go to CaraCara, Tara got ready for the day. Chibs was being released and she had to go sign his release forms. When she got to the hospital, Happy and Half Sack were waiting with Chibs. Tara wheeled in a wheelchair.

"Hospital Policy, Chibs," Tara smiled. Half Sack took the over the driving and Tara did her best to keep Half Sack and Chibs under control until they saw Jax and Bobby.

"Run, Prospect," Chibs ordered as Tara pushed the button to open the doors. Half Sack took off at a full run pushing the wheelchair and Chibs hollered something unintelligible in his thick Scottish accent.

He skidded to a stop in front of them. "Jackie Boy, Elvis," Chibs said standing and ripping off his bandage.

Bobby helped him into his cut. "Clearly there has been some brain damage."

Chibs turned and hugged him. Tara stopped just behind the guys. She noticed the hall had cleared.

"I'm pretty sure he was this stupid before he got here," Jax said giving Chibs a hug too.

Tara followed behind them as Jax and Chibs led the group, their heads hung holding a conversation in a whisper.

"Let's get you home," Jax said, handing Chibs over to Happy and Bobby.

Jax turned and put his hands on her shoulders. She put her hands on his waist and he moved his hands to her head. "Thank you," Jax said leaning in to kiss her. "See you later."

Tara was happy to see Chibs healthy and safe. Despite herself, seeing those guys so happy made her happy. She turned and saw Margaret's disapproving glare. She gave her an uncomfortable smile and turned to go get her bag. She decided to go home and relax before her shift. She could read there.

Jax & Tara

Tara was reading on the couch, and Neeta was doing some cleaning in the kitchen when Tara heard a knock on the door.

"I got it Neeta," Tara said standing to open the door. "Agent Stahl," Tara said surprised when she opened the door.

"Dr. Knowles," Stahl said. "I'm not surprised to find you here. Can I come in?"

Tara looked at her.

"I just want to talk to Jax."

"He's not here."

"Get him here."

Tara stepped back and watched as Stahl went into the living room and sat on the couch. She picked up a magazine and started flipping through it. Tara took out her phone and texted Jax to come home.

Neeta came to the kitchen door.

"Oh, Neeta, why don't you go to the store while I'm still home?"

Neeta nodded and picked up her purse before leaving. Just as Neeta walked out, Abel cried from playpen. Tara went to pick him up and carried him into the kitchen to watch for Jax. He pulled up and Tara carried Abel to the door.

Jax came in. "What's up? Your text was vague."

Tara turned and led Jax into the living room where Stahl was lounging on their couch reading a motorcycle magazine.

"You got a warrant?" Jax asked.

Tara stood on the other side of the room watching the interaction.

"You see me searching?"

"Well, I got nothing to say to you," Jax said. He turned and went to Tara. "Hey, what's happening little man?" he greeted Abel, kissing his head. "Where's Neeta?"

"I sent her out for groceries."

"Look at you two, Ozzie and Harriet," Stahl said breaking the moment. She tossed her magazine down.

"Oh, shut up," Tara said with malice. She knew this woman had something to do with Donna's murder.

"Get out, now," Jax said protectively.

"I was just curious Jax, I just wanted to know why you were leaving SAMCRO," Stahl said.

Tara raised her eyebrows. What did that woman just say? How did Stahl know before she did?

"Give me a minute," Jax said to Tara.

Tara cocked her head to the side and decided to be obedient for once. She went into the nursery and laid Abel down and rubbed his tummy until he fell asleep. She could hear Stahl and Jax talking. She heard the door close and Jax walk into the nursery.

"You ok?"

Tara turned. "What was she talking about?"

"I'm joining the nomad charter of the Sons," Jax said. "It means I'm still a member of the MC, I'm just not attached to any one town."

"Leave Charming?" Tara couldn't believe this turn of events. SAMCRO was Jax's life. Charming was the only place Jax had ever wanted to live.

"No," Jax shook his head. "The rest of the nomads are spread out up north. I'd attend Church in different places, put a few more miles on my bike. I gotta do this Tara. I need space between me and Clay."

"How do you fix SAMCRO if you are not a part of it?"

"I can't do what I need to do with this guy in place," Jax said forcefully. "I ride independently for a few years and wait for him to step down."

"A few years?" Tara said stepping forward. "We've barely made it through the past few months." Jax nodded. Then Tara came to a realization. "You made this decision with out me."

"Its the right thing."

"If its the right thing then why were you afraid to tell me?" Tara asked skeptical of this decision.

Jax took a deep breath. "You're going to be late for work, I'll wait for Neeta."

Jax turned and left the nursery. Tara tried to figure out what to do. She turned to Abel, then turned and left the house. Gemma would know what to do.

Tara drove over to Teller Morrow and found Gemma in the office. She went in and closed the door.

Gemma took off her glasses. "What?"

Tara walked in, trying to figure out what to say. She sat down in front of Gemma's desk, and crossed her legs.

"Jax says he's joining the Nomad charter," Tara said. "Needs to get away from Clay."

"Jesus Christ," Gemma said standing up quickly and turning away.

"The shit that's been going on around here, maybe its a good solution," Tara tried, not really sure if this Nomad thing was a good idea or not.

"No, its not," Gemma said turning around. "Nomad is...nomad is MC pergatory. No family, no roots."

"He seems convinced that this is the best thing."

"Yeah, well he's so deep in his hate for Clay, he don't know what's best."

"But isn't that hatred a good reason to step away," Tara said. She understood why Jax was stepping away from SAMCRO, she was here to find out what it would mean for her and Abel.

"Look," Gemma said. "You don't want Jax in a charter scattered across four states. On the road alone. The list of enemies we have. You want that phone call telling you where to pick up the body?"

Tara looked down. That is what it would mean. Jax out there completely unprotected. He would be dead with in the year.

"Shit," Gemma said turning away.

They stayed like that for a long time. "I have to go to the hospital. I have a surgery this afternoon."

"Call me later," Gemma said.

Tara nodded as she walked out.

As she drove she contemplated what she should do. She had no cards to play with Jax on this. She could not convince him to stay. She knew that if he did, either he would kill Clay or Clay would kill him, that is if nothing changed.

She pulled up to the hospital and went in. She had to get changed and get scrubbed in.

She walked past the operating room nurse's station and saw Margaret there, choosing to ignore her.

"Dr. Mason didn't call you?" Margaret said as she walked by.

"Well, I haven't returned yet," Tara said. "I have to scrub in, I have an umbilical hernia repair."

"Dr. Barkley is taking the surgery," Margaret said.

"Why?"

"The rouse you played with Phillip Telford."

"I don't know what you are talking about."

"Faking symptoms to extend his critical status. It as unethical, dangerous and a breach of insurance law."

"He said he had severe head pain."

"Come on Doctor, the biker's not that clever, he was coached by you."

"I was taking care of a vulnerable patient."

"By breaking the law."

"By doing my job."

"You'll get an opportunity to explain yourself to the board, until then I've had your privileges suspended."

Margaret turned and walked away, leaving Tara standing there stunned. After a few moments, she started walking back out to her car. She wasn't sure where to go. Jax would be at the clubhouse. The vote was this afternoon. She didn't want to go home, she couldn't care for Abel right now. Lena was in her surgery. Rachel was off for the day. She went out and sat in her car. She really wanted a ride on the back of Jax's bike. That would help.

She drove around and eventually got to the clubhouse and waited outside for Jax. He would need her support right now and she really didn't want to talk about her day. She stood waiting for him, leaning against the post.

The clubhouse door opened and Jax walked out. When he saw her, he dropped his eyes to the ground and swaggered toward her. She saw the patches missing from his cut and then looked up at him. She brushed his hair away from his face and touched his cheek.

"You ok?" she asked, knowing he wasn't, but what else was there to say at that point. Jax shrugged and raised his eyes from hers. Tara dropped her hands to his chest where he patches were missing. She tapped her fingers on the empty spot over his heart and then looked up at him. "I have some vacation time coming, let's just...get away for a few days. The beach, the desert, I don't care."

"What about the kid?"

"Take him with us," Tara said as if it was obvious. "Let's just go. Tonight."

Jax thought for a minute. "Ok."

Tara smiled at him and nodded as Gemma approached from across the lot. She looked at Jax's chest.

"I need to talk to you," Gemma said.

Jax steppe back. "Its done Ma," he said shaking his head.

"Meet me at my house," Gemma said. She looked at Tara seriously. "Both of you."

Jax shook his head and stepped forward to hug Tara. "We can just go home," Jax whispered.

"No, we should hear what she has to say," Tara whispered into his neck.

Jax nodded. "I'll follow you."

Jax & Tara

They got to the Teller Morrow house and Jax let them in with his key. Tara went into the kitchen and boiled some water. Tea seemed like a fitting drink for what was about to happen. Jax sat at the table and smoked while they waited.

The door opened and Clay and Gemma walked in. Jax stood and turned. Clay looked surprised to see Jax and Tara at his dining room table. Gemma and Tara caught each other's gaze and Gemma stood up from where she was leaning.

"Sit down, both of you," she commanded. Gemma walked into the dining room to her seat. Clay sat at the head of the table.

Tara thought this should be a family moment and walked into the kitchen to give them some time and space.

"You too, sweetheart," Gemma said as Tara walked into the kitchen.

Tara turned to make sure Gemma was talking to her.

"Sit, you know what it is I have to tell them," Gemma said taking her seat.

Tara set down the kettle, stunned. She had assumed this was about Jax going Nomad. She couldn't believe Gemma was playing this card tonight.

Tara stepped back into the dining room and made her way toward the seat next to Jax.

"What is this about?" Clay asked quietly.

Tara sat, her gaze on Gemma, watching her, willing all of her strength to Gemma. This would be the hardest thing Gemma would ever have to tell Jax and Clay. She needed all of the strength in the world to get through this conversation.

Jax looked at her, but she couldn't meet his eyes. She hadn't told him the whole truth. But she reached over and held his hand. She hadn't heard the whole story yet, and she needed to touch him to feel safe.

Gemma looked down at the table and began.

"The night of Bobby's party, I didn't get into an accident driving home. I was attacked. A minivan, pulls up behind me. A girl, jumps out in a panic. Says her baby's choking. The girl was very convincing. A god damn doll in the car seat. She hit me over the back of the head with a...black jack, something. I came to, handcuffed to a chain link. The utility house out by the access road. They wore masks. There were three of them. When he spoke, I knew his voice. The tat on his throat. Zobelle's right hand. Weston. Told me to deliver a message to you. Stop selling guns to color. Said if I didn't tell you, they'd find me and do it again." Gemma paused as everyone around the table waited for her to confirm the worst thing that could happen to her. Tara nodded, her eyes glistening. "They raped me. All three of them. More than once."

Jax let go of Tara's hand, physically trying to control his rage. He slammed his hand on the table, causing Tara to jump. Tara watched as Clay tried to process the information. Jax got up and walked around the table. He reached for Gemma's hands and lifted them to his face, Gemma began to cry. Jax kissed her hands, in a sort of apology. Then he turned to Clay and put his hand on his shoulder. Clay reached up and held Jax's hand. Jax held Clay for a moment before walking to the dining room door and turning to wait for Tara.

Tara stood, feeling so many emotions. She held Gemma's eyes before she went to Jax's side. He pulled her close and held her to him as they walked toward the door. He opened the door for Tara and paused. She waited outside the door for him. He reached for something, looked back at his mother and then followed Tara out the door.

He held Tara close and tensed. Tara realized he suddenly knew what had her so on edge about being in danger. It had struck the women. He looked around and put her in her car, then followed her home.


	27. Chapter 27

A/N: I have no rights to SOA

Chapter 27

Episode 10: Service

When they got home, Jax led her into the house. They sent Neeta home and Tara went to change and check on Abel. When she came back to the kitchen, she found Jax sewing his patches back onto his cut.

She sat down on a chair near him and pulled one knee up to her chest. "I wanted to tell you, but..."

Jax gave her a hard look. "You did the right thing, keeping her secret. You had no choice."

"Are you going after Zobelle?"

"Yeah," Jax said. He looked back at his cut. "I'd do the same for you."

"You already did," Tara said, reminding him of Kohn's body buried somewhere outside Charming. Tara leaned forward. "You can help wondering, your dad's manuscript. Would that be his solution? More violence?"

"If Gemma had gotten raped on John's watch, he'd have written a whole different book," Jax replied.

Tara nodded and they heard a knock at the door. Jax reached for his gun and stood to go to the door. Tara panicked and stood with him.

"Its alright," Jax said touching her shoulder. "Stay here." He went to the door and opened it slowly, finding Clay on the other side.

"Sorry, I know its late," Clay apologized.

Abel began to cry from his nursery as Clay caught Tara's gaze.

"I'll get him," Tara said realizing Clay and Jax needed to talk.

"No, I got it," Jax said handing her the gun. "Come on," he said, leading Clay to the nursery.

Tara looked down at the gun in her hand as the men walked away. She realized that if she thought shit was crazy before tonight, her world was about to tilt on its side. Jax had heard about the rape less than an hour before and was already answering the door with gun in his hand to protect her and Abel.

Jax & Tara

Tara made herself a cup of cocoa while Jax and Clay were talking. She sat down in the kitchen and pulled one knee up to her chest, holding her warm mug close to her. After a little while, she heard them come out of the nursery. She felt a hand touch her shoulder and looked up at Clay.

"Clay," Tara said, not sure what to say to him.

"Doc, I...thank you for...taking care of her," Clay said. "I noticed you had come a sort of truce, but I never questioned it. I should have," Clay paused, circling his thumb on the back of her shoulder. "Just, thank you."

Tara tried to give him a smile and reached up to pat his hand.

They stayed like that for a moment, then Clay leaned down and kissed the top of Tara's head before leaving.

Jax clicked the door locked and then walked over to Tara and squatted down next to her. "Its been a long day for all of us, let's go to bed."

Tara smiled and nodded. Jax stood up and waited for her to stand and followed her to the bedroom. Tara got into bed and Jax stripped and then got into bed next to her. He wrapped his arms around her, cocooning her in warmth and safety.

"I haven't said thank you," Jax whispered.

"You don't have to."

Jax nuzzled her neck. "I do have to, thank you, for everything."

Tara fell asleep in Jax's arms minutes later.

Jax & Tara

When Tara woke, Jax was already gone and Neeta had arrived.

"Morning Neeta," Tara yawned walking to the coffee pot.

"Morning Tara," Neeta said from the sink. "Jackson had to go to the shop early this morning."

Tara nodded. "I should go over to Gemma's soon."

"Do you want breakfast?"

"No, I'll just grab a banana while I get ready."

"You should eat better Tara."

"I know, Neeta."

Jax & Tara

Tara drove over to the Morrow house and knocked on the kitchen door.

"Its open," she heard Gemma call.

She walked in and saw Gemma, still dressed from the day before, sitting at the table, smoking a joint.

"Morning," Tara said walking to the dining room.

"Hey."

"Doing ok?" Tara asked as she sat down.

"Sure."

"It was brave, doing what you did," Tara said.

"It had to be done," Gemma said, blowing it off. "Snap Jax and Clay out of their bullshit."

"It had to be done for you," Tara said. "Do you want to talk about it?"

"There's nothing to talk about," Gemma said sitting forward. "Clay's never going to want to be inside something that's been ripped up like me."

"Jesus Christ, Gemma, Clay loves you," Tara couldn't believe that was what Gemma was worried about.

"Love don't mean shit," Gemma said. "Men need to own their pussy. His has been violated. He'll find another. It's what they do."

Gemma got up and walked upstairs, leaving Tara at the table. After a few minutes, she got up and went home.

Jax's bike was in the driveway and Neeta's car was gone. She must have taken Abel to the park. She went into the house and walked into the bedroom and found Jax loading up his guns. He jumped when he heard her and she raised her hand to calm him.

"Jesus," Jax said. "I thought you were at work."

"I have that vacation time," Tara said leaning against the door frame.

"Right, shit I'm sorry we can't go," Jax apologized.

"Of course, I know."

"Did you see my mom?"

"Yeah, she's kind of numb," Tara said, playing Gemma's reaction down.

"Maybe you could keep an eye on her today?" Jax asked.

Tara nodded, that was definitely in her plans. "Ok."

Jax picked up his bag and walked toward her. He stopped and gave her a meaningful look. "I love you."

Tears sprung up in Tara's eyes. "I love you, too."

Jax kissed her hand and walked past her down the hall to head back to the clubhouse.

Total disclosure. She couldn't keep her suspension from Jax any longer. She wanted him to hug her. She turned and followed him down the hall way.

"I got suspended from St. Thomas," she said as she followed him.

Jax stopped and turned.

"They figured out what I did for Chibs, there's a hearing in two weeks."

"Jesus Christ, what does that mean?"

"Worst case scenario, I lose my license, best case, a black mark that follows me my whole career."

"Shit."

"I wasn't going to tell you, its the last thing you need with everything that's going on, but I just, I don't...I don't want any more secrets," Tara said covering her eyes and then dropping her hands. "Jax."

Jax put down his bag and stepped closer to her. He lifted her chin to look at him. "Its ok, we'll get through it," Jax said. "Just like everything else.

Tara nodded and swallowed her tears as Jax hugged her and caressed her hair. She relaxed into him, holding on. He could make her feel so safe, no matter what was happening.

Tara inhaled and wanted to get it all of her chest. She didn't tell him she was referring to her conversation with Gemma, but she had to get the thoughts out.

"You know it would kill me if I knew you were sleeping with other women," Tara said still holding him.

Jax pulled back confused. "What?"

"Cheating, its a deal breaker for me," Tara said stepping back and brushing her hair out of her face.  
"And at some point, playing house isn't going to be enough." She was nervous and couldn't look at him.

"Tara, can we talk about this..."

Tara shook her head. She couldn't stop. "I may want a baby or two."

Jax smiled. "Jesus Christ," he sighed.

"And I need to know that whatever this is, its heading in that direction."

"Tara."

Tara looked down. She had gushed everything. "I know, I'm sorry. I just, I needed to say all of that. I probably should have done it in smaller doses."

"I haven't been with anyone since this became whatever this is," Jax said starting from the beginning. "And I wouldn't have told you all of the shit that I have if I didn't think this was moving toward something more."

Tara began to sob, so happy it was all out, but so stressed from holding it in and not knowing for so long.

"Its alright," Jax said, pulling her close. "Come here."

Jax held her for a few minutes before he kissed her hair. "Tara, I hate to leave, but we have tons of shit going on, I need to get back to the shop."

Tara nodded. "I know."

"So what are you going to do today?"

"Ummm, get a pedicure?"

Jax laughed. "Whatever you want, babe, I will call you later."

Jax & Tara

Tara was lying on the couch, channel surfing. She loved the crappy shows on cable these days. Jax had only been gone twenty minutes when her phone rang.

"Hello?"

"Doc, its Bobby Elvis."

"Hey Bobby," Tara said confused by this call.

"There was a bit of a scuffle here at the clubhouse and we were hoping you could come patch Tig up."

"Sure, sure," Tara said sitting up. "I will be right there."

Tara closed her phone, got up and went to the closet to get her bag. She got in her car and texted Jax, telling him she was heading over to the clubhouse to patch up Tig and drove over to the clubhouse. When she pulled up, Half Sack was waiting outside for her and he led her into the clubhouse.

"He's in the apartment," Bobby said.

She nodded and followed Half Sack.

When she got to the apartment, she assessed Tig's wounds and began to clean them. As she was finishing she ventured to get the story behind Tig's wounds.

"Dare I ask?" Tara said.

"Just a scuffle, me and a brother," Tig tried to play it cool.

Tara nodded and raised her eyebrows. She handed Tig peroxide and gauze. "Clean up the scrapes on your hands."

Tig took the supplies and stood to go to the bathroom to clean up his hands.

Tara noticed Half Sack stumbling around and leaning on things for support. "You ok?"

"I think something may be going on with the implant," Sack said turning.

"Going on?" Tara said turning, not sure exactly what he was talking about.

"Can I show you," Sack said unbuckling his belt.

"Ah, um, ok," Tara answered as he pulled down his pants.

She looked and was surprised at the swelling, redness and other things going on with Sack's testicular implant. "Oh!" she said raising her hands. "My God."

"That's bad right?" Sack said.

"That's very, very infected," Tara said staring at it. "Half Smmm," she looked up at him. "You have to get to an ER, now."

"Alright," Sack said as the door opened. He turned.

"Holy, Mary of Ball," Clay said seeing Sack's situation. He turned to pull up his pants.

"You have kind of like, elephant nuts," Bobby commented as Tig walked out of the bathroom and immediately threw up.

"Pull your pants up and I will take you to the hospital," Tara said packing her bag.

Jax & Tara

Tara led Half Sack into the emergency room and saw Katie, one of her favorite ER nurses. "Hey Katie," Tara greeted.

"Hey Dr. Knowles," Katie said giving her an odd look.

"Yeah, yeah I know, but I'm bringing a friend in for treatment," Tara said gesturing back to Half Sack. "You are going to love me after this."

Katie smiled and handed her some paperwork. "Rank this emergency."

"About a seven."

"Come on back and you can fill this out while you wait in the exam room."

"Half Sack, come on," Tara said to him.

They walked into an exam room and Katie helped Half Sack onto the bed. "So what are we here for today."

Half Sack looked at Tara.

"Alright," Tara said. "Half Sack, em, Kip, here lost a testicle while he was over in Iraq and recently had a testicular implant, that has become extremely infected."

Katie raised her eyebrows and looked at Tara who smiled. Then at Half Sack who nodded.

"I will get the doctor on call."

Tara sat down and started filling out the paperwork with Half Sack's answers until the door opened. "Hey Tara," Rachel said coming in.

Tara smiled. "Rachel, this is Half Sack."

"That name doesn't sound like it is quite accurate today."

"No," Half Sack answered. "Elephant Balls fits better today."

"Alright, let me take a look," Rachel said. Half Sack stood and unbuckled his pants and pulled them down.

"Oh, my God," Rachel said. "How long has this been bothering you?"

"For a few days."

"Alright, I'm going to take a blood sample and then pump some antibiotics into you until we know what the course of action is here."

Jax & Tara

Tara drove back over to the clubhouse after they put Half Sack in an ambulance and sent him over to the VA hospital for the procedure to remove the implant.

Lyla was sitting on the picnic table and she decided she needed to mend fences. Opie obviously had feelings for her and that meant Lyla must have some redeeming quality.

She parked the car and walked over to the picnic table and sat next to Lyla.

"Long day, huh?"

Lyla looked nervous. "Yeah, it was."

"Lyla, I'm sorry. I have been a total bitch."

Lyla scoffed. "Yeah, you have."

"Look, Donna was one of my best friends and Opie still is. I've known him all my life and it surprised me that he moved on so quickly."

"It wasn't as quick as it appeared, but I understand."

"Can we start over?" Tara asked.

"Sure."

Tara laughed and then told her about Half Sack's problem until the door to the clubhouse opened and Clay walked out followed by the others.

"Be good to them girls, its been a long day," Clay said.

Tara turned and watched Clay. "She's in the office."

Jax sat down by Tara and she turned and smoothed his hair, putting her arm around him. He kissed her neck and put his arms around her.

"So, busy day?"

"A doctor's work is never done."

"Not with us around anyway."

Jax leaned his forehead against hers and rubbed her knee.

"Take me home, VP," Tara whispered suggestively in his ear.

Jax stood up and turned to grab Tara's hands and pull her off the picnic table. Tara stood up and let Jax pull her into his arms to kiss her. He turned her around and held her in front of him as he guided her to his bike.

"Night Ope!" Jax called back laughing.

"Night Lyla!" Tara mimicked laughing too.

Jax got on his motorcycle and Tara climbed on behind him. She wrapped her arms around his waist and let him drive her home in the night air. This was the ride she had needed all day long.


	28. Chapter 28

A/N: I have no rights to SOA

Chapter 28

Episode 22: Culling

Tara went to check on Half Sack and he was released. The procedure to remove his implant only required an overnight stay. She got him home and settled and told him to spend the day relaxing and recuperating. After that, she went home and wrote Neeta a check for the current week and two weeks out and told her that she would be on paid vacation until further notice.

Tara spend the day cleaning the house and paid bills ahead for a couple of weeks and then waited for the next move from Jax.

Tara was rocking Abel in the rocking chair when Jax got home.

"Tara?" he called from the doorway.

"In here," she called quietly while laying an almost sleeping Abel in his crib. She rubbed his tummy to lull him the rest of the way to sleep.

Jax came up behind her and kissed the side of her head and reached down to stroke Abel's tummy.

They stood for a moment and took in the peaceful moment of just watching Abel sleep. Jax reached around and pulled on Tara's hip to lead her out of the room. Tara walked into the kitchen and started a pot of coffee.

"Coffee?"

"You want to talk so I'm assuming its going to be a late night."

Jax smiled and pulled Tara into a hug. "We are going into lock down at 9 tomorrow morning," Jax said. "We will be living at the clubhouse with others who would be possible targets as we get our mission underway."

"Others?"

"Just families of members, Unser, maybe a few others."

Tara raised her eyebrows as she pulled back.

"Look, Gemma and Chibs have already been hurt, we can't put anyone else in danger," Jax said sitting down at the table. "We have called in every nomad and everyone who can be spared from other charters. All of the gates will be closed, protected by armed guards. Armed guards will be on the roofs. No one will leave until the danger has subsided."

Tara sat down. Lock down, living in the clubhouse with thirty or more people. This was her world turning on its side.

"Its the best I can do, Tara," Jax said shaking his head. "I can't do what I have to do if I'm worrying about you and Abel. You will be safe at the clubhouse, you will have plenty of guards who will lay down their lives to protect you."

Tara blinked a few times and nodded. "What about you?"

"This afternoon, I had Rosen get the paperwork in order for you to be Abel's legal guardian if anything should happen to me. I wrote out a will and I wrote you a letter."

Tara looked down "Fuck, Jax."

"Its just precautionary, I have everything in the world to come back to, but I had to make sure that you and Abel were taken care of."

Tara looked down and nodded. "Its the right thing to do, you had to," Tara said. "What about Kenny and Ellie?"

"Opie took care of that today, too, Donna's parents will take them."

Tara nodded. "As long as he has it taken care of," Tara said. "How long should we pack for?"

Jax shook his head. "Three or four days."

Tara stood up and poured a cup of coffee and grabbed a pad of paper and a pen and began writing.

"What is that?"

"A packing list," Tara said.

Jax stood up and kissed her temple. "Thank you."

Jax & Tara

The next morning, Tara finished up the breakfast dishes while Jax loaded the car.

Jax walked through the back door while she was putting the dishes away. "Hey, can you pack your medical bag?"

"I already thought of that," Tara said nodding. Jax continued to the bedroom to get a few more things.

"We have to leave in 10 minutes," he called from the hallway.

"Alright," Tara said finishing up the dishes and packing Abel's bottles and formula.

She heard Abel begin to fuss and Jax go to get him. She walked down the hallway and handed Abel's diaper bags to Jax and kissed his cheek.

She went to the bedroom and packed up the medical supplies she had laid out on the bed to inventory earlier so Gemma could pick up extra necessities while shopping.

She finished packing up and looked around the bedroom to make sure she had everything. Then she checked in the laundry room, bathroom, nursery and kitchen before walking out the front door and locking it up.

Jax was in the front seat of her car waiting so she climbed in and started the engine.

"Got everything?" Jax asked.

"I think so," Tara said smiling nervously.

"It will be fine," Jax said patting her knee as she began to back out of the driveway and head over to the clubhouse.

It was only a few blocks away, but when they pulled up the gate was closed and there were guards everywhere, like they were entering an army base.

"Honk the horn," Jax said as she got closer.

She honked and the guy at the gate opened it for them.

They pulled in, followed by the black van and saw Juice running toward them.

"Stop here," Jax said and Tara did. "I'll have one of the guys unload for us in a few minutes."

Tara got out of the car and grabbed a diaper bag and reached in for Abel. She followed the line of women and children into the clubhouse and made her way over to Gemma. The clubhouse was full of men in cuts and biker women. There were a lot of children around also. Everyone was chatting and greeting one another and Tara felt like an outsider. She knew none of these women and only a few of the men.

Gemma pulled her into a hug as Clay walked up. He gave Tara a kiss on the cheek and then put his arm around Gemma and led her to the middle of the clubhouse as Tig whistled.

"Everybody," Tig hollered. "Listen up."

Clay cleared his throat. "I want to welcome you all to Club Reaper, I'm glad you all made your reservations early because as you can see we are booked to capacity. You're here because you're family and because SAMCRO takes care of its own. The next couple of days, this club's got some business to handle that could put our members and the people connected to us in...unfriendly situations. Now, chances are, nothings going to happen, but people have already been hurt on my watch. And that ain't never going to happen again. Nobody gets in, nobody leaves without an escort. You got a safety concern, you talk to Piney. You got a comfort concern, you talk to my queen. Under this roof, you will all be safe. I want you to make yourself at home. I love all of you."

The guys around Tara started clapping and cheering as Clay stepped down from the chair he was standing on.

Abel was the only baby in the clubhouse and Gemma told her she had a playpen set up in the apartment and they could set up Abel's stuff in the apartment. Tara took Abel to the apartment and put his stuff in there, then set up a changing table on a dresser.

She took a deep breath and picked Abel back up and smiled as he smiled at her. She walked back into the bar. She talked to Abel and tickled him as they walked, making him giggle and smile. Mary was sitting nearby and Tara sat down next to her.

"Hey Mary," she greeted.

"Hi, Tara," Mary smiled reaching for Abel. "How is he doing?"

"He is perfect," Tara said reaching over to tickle Abel's tummy.

"So how are you dealing with all of this sweetie?"

"Oh, I'm trying to be strong, but I'm wavering on the edge of panic."

Mary smiled. "It is always like this, that is why I left."

"But you are still here," Tara said realizing that her connection to this club would follow her even if she left.

Mary nodded and looked over at Lyla. "The kids seem to like her."

"Yeah," Tara said taking Abel back because he was reaching for her.

"You like her?"

"She's not Donna, but she and I have made a truce."

Mary chuckled. "No one will ever be Donna, we just need someone who will be good to Opie and the kids."

Tara nodded as Lyla came over to sit by them.

"Hey Lyla," Mary greeted. "You ok, baby?"

Lyla shook her head. "Are we the only ones who find this abnormal?"

The three women looked around the club and saw the other women there talking and laughing like they were at a barbeque.

"Apparently," Tara smiled.

Gemma walked over. "Stop being stuck up, we are the hostesses here," she admonished. "And everyone wants to meet Abel, so come on Tara, let's show the little prince off."

Tara looked at Lyla and raised her eyebrows as she stood to follow Gemma.

Jax & Tara

Tara put Abel down for his morning nap late that day. She knew he would probably sleep for over an hour, so she went back into the clubhouse and saw Gemma sitting at the bar. She went over to her and sat on the stool next to her. "Hey," she greeted.

"Hey," Gemma said wearily.

They watched the security feeds like they were a soap opera for a few seconds before one of the women came by with a pot of coffee and offered some to Gemma.

"Thanks," Gemma said as the other woman filled her mug.

"You want some coffee, doll?"

"Oh, I can get it," Tara said.

"I got it, cream and sugar?"

Tara felt uncomfortable. "Sure, black, two sugars."

The woman walked away and Gemma leaned in.

"They need to do that," Gemma explained. "To show respect."

"Oh please," Tara shook her head.

"Don't just toss that off," Gemma said. "You've earned that sweetheart. You're not just some crow eater. You're Jax Teller's old lady. And that means something, in this clubhouse and in this town. People need to show you respect, and you don't take shit from anyone."

Tara could tell that Gemma was talking about the situation at the hospital. She felt like Gemma was educating her on her role in the club and in the town. She knew she was expected to have the mindset like she was someone, but she had been out of Charming and knew that in the grand scheme of the world, being the 'old lady' to a MC's VP was not something. But here, in this little town, she had to remember that she was someone.

The woman returned with her coffee and Tara smiled at her. She took a sip and mulled over the fact that she was 'someone' while she watched the security feeds.

Jax & Tara

A little while later, there was some excitement at the gate and Piney went out to see what the deal was. Gemma cleared out the clubhouse when she saw Piney walking back with Chuckie. Tara remembered Jax telling her about the compulsive masturbator who had had his fingers chopped off.

"Doc," Piney said as they walked through the door. "We need some medical attention here, burns."

Tara grabbed her bag from behind the bar and sat down to look at the hands of the masturbator. She took off the wrappings and cleaned his wounds. As she was rewrappng his hands, she put a tube of ointment in front of him.

"You need to put this ointment on every couple of hours," Tara directed. "Otherwise, you run a pretty high risk of infection."

"Man," Gemma said staring at his hands. "You must have really pissed somebody off."

"My personality is such that there is no middle ground," Chuckie replied. "People either love me or loathe me."

The door opened and shut as Chuckie was talking. "Christ, you just won't die," Clay said as he walked in causing Chuckie to chuckle.

"He has some eye witness intel on the CaraCara fire," Piney informed them as Tara finished wrapping Chuckie's hand.

Jax walked over to her and kissed her cheek and went and perched on a table near her.

"Come on Doc," Gemma said. "Let's go run those errands."

"You take somebody," Clay reminded her.

"Don't worry," Piney said following her. "I'll put someone on her."

"Thank you old man," Clay said.

Tara threw away her gloves and stopped in front of Jax. She put her hands on his cheeks and kissed him before following Gemma out of the clubhouse.

Gemma elected Tara to drive and they drove in silence for a while.

"Was your dad a Catholic?" Gemma asked pointing to the plastic sculpture of Mary on the dashboard.

Tara scoffed. "No, superstitious," Tara paused. "You seem better. A little more at peace."

Gemma reached forward and pulled Mary off the dashboard. "You believe in God?"

"Not that God," Tara said under her breath. "Something, I believe there's something connecting all of us. You?"

"I believe we all got a job to do," Gemma said.

"Fate," Tara said plainly.

"Service," Gemma corrected. "For you, its medicine. You're a healer and nothing should ever stop you from doing that."

Tara thought about what Gemma might mean by that and what service Gemma might have.

"For you, its family."

"Yeah, I get it now," Gemma said. "God wants me to be a fierce mother. That's my path," Gemma finished putting Mary back on the dashboard.

Tara and Gemma went to St. Thomas and Gemma planned to wait for Tara in the chapel. Tara had a few charts to complete and hoped to get through the files without running into Margaret. She thought about what Gemma said about people in town giving her respect and how she could translate it to Margaret.

Tara was sitting at her desk filling out her last bit of unfinished paperwork when Margaret Murphy walked in.

"I'm just completing my charts," Tara said curtly.

"That should have been done already," Margaret said.

"Yes, I know."

"Well," Margaret said smugly. "You may not have to worry about paperwork after next week."

Tara tried to keep her rage in check and find the words to convey how angry she was about the situation.

"I pity you," Tara said turning to look at Margaret. "You walk around here with your little administrative degree pretending like you know medicine. You're just a cheap suit, too stupid and lazy to get into med school, so now you compensate by making the healers jump through hoops."

"Well," Margaret said smugly again. "Someone's true colors have finally bled through. I guess you and that biker whore you travel with..."

Margaret's use of the word whore snapped Tara's serenity and she left her chair and put her hand on Margaret's throat, shoving her into the shelves behind her.

"How dare you, you don't know her, you don't know any of them," Tara said. She could hear Margaret choking so she released her hold on her.

"Oh my God, you hit me, you are finished," Margaret said stunned by Tara's movements. She jumped toward the phone. "I'm calling security, this is assault."

Tara knew she couldn't stop now, she had to finish this and she had to use the influence she had as Jax Teller's old lady to protect her medical license.

She hip checked Margaret and turned around and shoved her back. "No!" Tara growled before hitting Margaret with a solid right hook that sent Margaret to the ground. "That's assault."

Tara summoned up her inner Gemma as well as she could. She reached over and locked the door to the office and pulled Margaret up by her shoulder.

"I know where you live," Tara began in her sternest voice that wavered with nerves. "Where your kids go to school. SAMCRO has the cops on the payroll. This town is in its pocket. You say a word about this to anyone, it will be the biggest mistake in your little red life." Tara took a deep breath. "Do you understand what I'm saying?"

Margaret, her face full of blood and tears, nodded. Tara let her go and turned to pick up her bag. She pulled out her gun and spun the revolver. "And I suggest you drop this bogus claim against me." Tara put the gun back in her bag and turned to Margaret and put her hand on her hip. "There are a lot of people who need my help."

Tara picked up her bag and walked toward the door to leave the office.

Tara walked out of the office and down the hall. The adrenaline still pumping through her veins. She had hit someone. It had been a decade since that happened. She leaned up against the wall outside the chapel and put her hands over her face. This was either career suicide or the only thing to save it. She had to focus on the positive. Jesus Christ, the look of terror on Margaret's face was disturbing. She had never given that look to anyone.

Gemma came out of the chapel. "Baby, what's wrong?"

Tara shook her head and stood up. "Let's just go."

Jax & Tara

When they got back to the clubhouse, Tara decided to sit out on the picnic table. She really wanted to go home so she wouldn't have to be surrounded by so many people, but she knew that wasn't possible.

After a while, she heard the roar of motorcycles coming down the street and then the gate open. Jax and the others pulled up. Tara smiled as Jax got off his bike and came over to her. He sat next to her and put his arm around her waist and kissed her cheek.

"Rough day?"

"You could say that," Tara whispered. "How was yours?"

Jax let her go and waited until the others had gone inside before he spoke.

"At dusk, we are going to have a rumble with Weston and his crew," Jax whispered looking at the ground. "One of us is going home in a body bag tonight."

"Shit Jax, great way to cap off a shitty day," Tara whispered loudly looking at him angrily.

"Tara," Jax said.

"No, this wasn't the deal, Jax," Tara whispered angrily. "You going off knowing you have a fifty percent chance of not coming home, not part of the deal."

"Tara, I will be fine," Jax said putting his hand on her thigh.

"You had better be fine, because I can't do this without you," Tara said with a tear thinking about how she was possibly losing her medical license and how Jax's mother was on the verge of psychosis.

Jax smiled and pulled her closer. "I love you, Tara."

Jax & Tara

Ten members of the MC, including all of the able bodied SAMCRO, with a few members of other charters, went out to the parking lot to head to the fight. All of the men kissed their women goodbye, aware of the fact that they might be coming home in ambulances, or the worst case scenario, body bags.

Jax pulled Tara to him and held her flush against his body, resting his hands on her ass. Tara stroked his cheeks and kissed him firmly. She pulled away from the kiss and held his face firmly in her hands, holding his eyes. Tears welled up in her eyes as Jax disengaged himself. He kissed her cheek and patted her ass. "I've got to go," he said walking away from her.

Tara turned and watched him climb on his motorcycle. She was on the verge of panic watching him go. She knew he had to, that there was no stopping him, and that didn't help to calm her nerves. Tara watched as these men left to fight for Gemma's honor, for their honor and to keep Charming the same. She turned and walked into the parking lot, hoping for one last glimpse of Jax before the gate shut behind the motorcycle club. She watched the gate clink shut and almost screamed in frustration.

Gemma pulled Tara close. "Come here," she said wrapping an arm around Tara. "Come here," she repeated pulling Lyla close. She kissed Tara's cheek and then kissed Lyla's. "They'll be alright, let's get them all inside," Gemma instructed trying to distract the women at her sides. Gemma turned them and ushered them inside.

Lyla reached for Tara's hand and held it as they walked back into the clubhouse.

The kids were sent to the dining room to play while the women made dinner and waited for the guys to return. Lyla and Tara stood at one of the counters chopping vegetables for the salad and fruit for a fruit salad. Tara tried to take their minds off everything by chatting with Lyla.

"So, how old is Piper?"

Lyla smiled. "Nine, he is in fourth grade."

"Have you gotten him into any sports or after school activities?"

"No, but he really likes music so I'm trying to get him some drum lessons lined up."

"That will be fun," Tara said with a smirk.

"Yeah, I know," Lyla laughed. "So, tell me about medical school."

"Oh, well, school was the easy part, its the internship and residency that really shows what you are made of," Tara said. "But I wouldn't trade any second of it."

"Even for being here?" Lyla asked.

"I'm guessing you have heard the story?"

Lyla smirked. "Yeah, you could say that, but it would be nice to hear your version."

"Well," Tara looked around and made sure there was no one close enough to hear. "We were nineteen and we had been arrested three times for stupid crap, the most recent was indecent exposure, but we were lucky that the cops hadn't caught us until later in the evening. I had planned to take a year off and then go to college in San Diego, but I left the next day and went to live with my dad's cousin until the spring semester started."

"That doesn't sound that bad."

"The thing is, to Jax it seemed like I planned to leave without saying goodbye, but in truth, I planned my exit strategically."

"What do you mean?"

"My dad's house is across the street from Opie's and I knew exactly what time Opie would be leaving to go to work, at Teller-Morrow, where he worked with Jax. I timed my putting my suitcases in the trunk of the car for when Opie would see it. He took the bait, told Jax and Jax showed up so I could say goodbye."

"How did he take it?"

"Badly, I sort of knew he loved me, but the only time he ever showed it for sure was when he showed up that morning and the way he looked so heartbroken when I pulled away."

"You never talked to him after that?"

"Not until a few months ago."

"And you are right back where you left off," Lyla said putting down her knife.

"No, not really, but close. We have a lot of learning to do."

The girls tossed the salad and threw away the peelings.

"Got that salad?" Gemma asked.

"Yep," Tara said turning with the salad in hand.

"Let's eat," Gemma announced.

Jax & Tara

Several hours later, after the children had been put to sleep, the men came back. Tara and Lyla went to the picnic table and waited for Jax and Opie.

Jax walked up to Tara and gave her a kiss.

Tara pulled back and examined his face. "Not too bad," she said not finding much damage. "Are you hurt?"

Jax shook his head. He took Tara to the office and sat her on the couch.

"How did it go?" Tara asked.

Jax shook his head. "Not well, Hale arrested Weston and Zobelle before we could finish either of them."

"What?" Tara was flabbergasted. "How did Hale manage that?"

"He followed us to the rumble and then found out that Unser let the guards at the cigar shop go."

"Jesus Christ, so what next?"

"We wait for them to get out," Jax said pulling Tara up next to him.


	29. Chapter 29

A/N: I have no rights to SOA.

A/N2: This is it. I will miss writing this for the next few months. You can keep up with me at The Biker and the Princess until Season 3 starts, but until then, this story will be in hiatus. When Season 3 starts, I plan to write each chapter after each episode. I look forward to writing for you again in three short months!

A/N3: I'm also cooking up a little Juice/OC story. Watch for that to come out. Have a great summer!

Chapter 29

Episode 13: Na Trioblidi

Gemma, Tara and Lyla followed the guys to the police station to wait for information on when the Zobelle and Weston would be released. They got to the station before dawn and lounged around on the benches waiting for Unser.

There wasn't much chatter and every one kept to themselves for the most part. After several hours of waiting, Unser came out and whistled.

Jax pushed himself off the railing and went closer, Tig sat up, Clay stood and the other guys came up the steps.

"What?" Clay asked.

"Stahl's been locked in a room with the FBI for two hours. No idea what's going on," Unser said shaking his head.

"What about Weston?" Jax asked.

"Still waiting to hear from the DA," Unser answered. "Sorry," he apologized for his lack of intel before walking away.

Jax came back to the railing and leaned against it, just barely brushing Tara's arm. She watched as Clay and Gemma had a quiet conversation.

"Sack, stay with my mom and Tara," Jax said leaning over.

Tara guessed that meant it was time for the women to head back to the clubhouse.

"Absolutely," Half-Sack said jumping down from the railing.

Tara hadn't even realized he was standing behind her and she turned to look at him.

"Thanks, bro," Jax said turning back.

Jax put his hand on Tara's back. "Alright?"

Tara touched his cheek. "Yeah," she said leaning in to kiss him before walking away.

The girls headed back to the clubhouse and helped make breakfast for the group there. The women tried to lighten the mood, but Tara could feel in her bones that everything was about to spiral out of control and there was nothing she, or Jax, could do to stop it.

Jax & Tara

After breakfast, Gemma went through the kitchen and realized they needed more supplies. Before they could leave, they heard a group of bikes pull in. By the time they got out to the lot, the van was pulling away.

Everyone but Jax, Chibs and Opie was there and Tara had a sneaking suspicion that Weston had been released. She was also happy to note that Jax and Opie were back to working together and she wanted to find out how that went down.

"Where are you three off to?" Bobby asked walking up to them.

"Supplies," Gemma said patting his arm.

"Be careful," Bobby warned. "Mayans are in town," he said before walking over to Half Sack to fill him in on the situation.

Gemma cursed before getting into the front seat. Tara put the car seat in the base in the backseat of her car before climbing in to the drivers seat.

Tara drove over to the Sunflower Mart and followed Gemma around picking up supplies. Gemma took a couple of bags and went out to open the trunk and Tara paid for the groceries, letting Sack carry most of the bags. Tara followed Sack out of the store and set her bags down so she could put Abel in his carseat. She opened the passenger side door and leaned into the back to put Abel into his seat and by the time she stood up, Gemma had taken the keys from Sack and gone to the driver's door.

"I'm driving," Gemma announced.

"Ok," Tara said slowly, getting into the car.

Gemma was focused on something ahead of them and it made Tara nervous. Then she saw what Gemma was staring at. The blonde that Gemma had chased down the street before Gemma broke Tara's nose.

The blonde was getting in her vehicle. "That blonde," Tara said. "She's the one you chased. Who is she Gemma?" Tara said starting to panic.

Gemma turned to her, her jaw tight. "Zobelle's daughter," Gemma said finally. "She's the one who told me her baby was choking, hit me over the head."

Gemma started the car and began following the blonde.

"Where are we going?" Tara asked, not sure if she wanted the answer.

"Forward sweetheart," Gemma said cryptically.

Tara heard the bike behind them and was thankful for Half Sack. She wished she could get in contact with Jax, but she couldn't get him worried about this right now. He was risking his life and the most she could do was handle the situation with Gemma.

She sat quietly as Gemma followed Zobelle's daughter into a quiet neighborhood on the other side of town.

When Zobelle's daughter pulled over, Gemma pulled over a block behind her.

"What are we doing here Gemma?" Tara asked quietly. "That rape would have destroyed most women, but it made you stronger, wiser, compassionate, and whatever it is you think you have to do, you're past it," Tara said, her fear rising quickly now that the car was stopped.

"My son, my husband, their brothers, are out there risking their lives, their freedom," Gemma said. "This is how I do my part. God's put her in my path so I can fix that part of me that they ripped open. I'm supposed to do this."

"Jesus," Tara cursed under her breath. "Do you even hear what you're saying?"

"Get my grandson home safe," Gemma sad to her with a strange smile on her face. "Love you Tara. I'm glad you're with my boy."

Tara was frightened now. This was Gemma's goodbye speech to her. Tears started to fill her eyes. "Gemma, please don't do this."

"I'll be ok," Gemma said leaning over to hug Tara. She kissed her cheek. "I'll be ok," Gemma said again before she turned and got out of the car.

Tara got out of the car and walked around the back of it toward Half Sack. He walked across the street to her.

"Hey, where is she going?"

"Stay here," Tara said, her arms over her chest. "She may need to get out fast."

"Ah, shit," Half Sack said looking back toward the house Gemma was walking to. "Where are you going?"

"I have a few things I need to get at Jax's, then I will head back to the clubhouse."

"Be safe, I will meet up with you soon," Half Sack said.

Tara nodded and got in her car. She sat for a few minutes to compose herself before she turned the car around and headed over to Jax's house. She pulled in the driveway and got Abel out of the car. She checked her surroundings and went into the house. She set the carrier on the counter and began packing a few more of Abel's supplies.

A few minutes later the door opened and Tara's heart stopped. She turned quickly, "Jax?" she called.

"It's just me," Half Sack said from the door.

"Where's Gemma?"

"I don't know," Half Sack said walking into the kitchen. "Feds raided the house, I had to leave."

"Ah, shit," Tara said turning around. Her worst fears had come true. She put Abel's stuff in the bag.

"Better call Jax," Half Sack said.

Tara took a deep breath and went to the house phone to dial Jax's cell.

"Hey," Jax answered.

"Um, I didn't want to bother you with this," Tara said shakily. "It's Gemma, she followed Zobelle's daughter into...oh!" Tara squealed as she turned and saw the Irishman she had patched up pointing a gun at her.

Tara couldn't catch her breath, she had never had a gun pointed at her before. She stepped back as the Irishman came closer. He took the phone and hung it up. She locked eyes with the man as she continued to retreat. He pushed her into a chair and she stumbled but sat. She couldn't think.

The Irishman turned his attention to Half Sack. "Weapon," he demanded and Sack handed him his gun.

"What are you doing?" Tara asked. "What do you want?"

"Gemma killed my Eddie," he said, his eyes trained on Sack. "I figured maybe, I kill an Old Lady, to even the score."

He pointed the gun in Tara's face and she gasped. Sack made a move and the Irishman pointed the gun at him. "Don't get brave boy-o. Sit. Sit!"

When the Irishman screamed, it startled Abel out of his nap and he began whining. Tara gasped and Sack glanced at the baby carrier as he moved toward a chair. The Irishman kept the gun pointed at Sack and went to the baby. He looked at him and then rocked his chair. "There we are," he said calmly.

He looked at Tara and Sack. "A son for a son," he said reaching for a knife out of the knife block. He pulled out the largest knife and put it up to Abel. "Seems about right."

Sack and Tara both lunged toward the baby but Sack was closer and the Irishman turned and sunk the knife into Half Sacks abdomen. Sack gurgled and moaned as the Irishman twisted the knife before pulling it out.

Tara couldn't think, she was so frightened and then Sack was on the ground and she knelt next to him, looking at his lifeless form in front of her. The Irishman pointed the gun back at her and she sat back. She watched as he put the knife down and reached for Abel, picking him up out of the carrier. He picked up the gun and she watched as he began crying.

"Stand up," he commanded pointing the gun at her. She did as she was told. She knew that the only thing she could do now was stay alive so they would know who had Abel. He herded her down the hallway and into the nursery. He continued pushing her until her legs bumped the rocking chair and she sat. He kept the gun trained on her as he backed out of the room.

She heard the hall closet open and in seconds he was back with duct tape. He put the baby down in the crib and grabbed her hair. "Don't move a muscle or I will slit the baby's throat."

Tara sat still as Cameron taped her to the rocking chair. Praying that Jax would get here before the man left, she stayed still resisting slightly as he moved her limbs. He put tape over her mouth and then picked up the baby and ran out of the house.

She tried to pull against the tape and sat there struggling until she heard the motorcycles pull up. She started trying to scream but couldn't get loud enough for them to hear her. She heard the door bust open and someone moan when they saw Sack on the floor.

"The baby, Tara!" she heard Jax scream as he ran down the hall. "Oh Jesus Christ," he said when he saw her. She cried a little as he loosened the tape around one of her wrists.

"Thank you," she mumbled before he pulled the tape from her mouth. She took a deep breath.

"Baby, are you ok?"

"He took Abel," she spat out. She watched that sentence hit Jax like a ton of bricks.

"What?" He stood and looked in the empty crib, unbelieving. "Who took him?"

"That Irishman I patched up," Tara said, not sure of his name. She breathed a sigh of relief now that Jax was there.

"Cameron," Opie supplied.

Chibs leaned back against the wall.

"You gotta call Clay," Opie said when Jax looked unsure.

Jax pulled out the phone and dialed Clay's prepay. Opie knelt beside Tara and untaped her and gave her his cell phone. "Call Hale."

"I need you," Jax said into the phone. "Cameron was in my house, killed Half Sack, taped Tara to a chair and took Abel. He has to be headed to the marina. Meet us on the road there."

The men took off, running out of the house as Tara stared after them.

She stood up and moved to the futon and dialed Hale's number.

"David Hale," he answered.

"David, its Tara," she whispered trying to control her emotions.

"Tara, what's wrong?"

"The Irish killed Half Sack and took Abel."

"Where are you?"

"Jax's house."

"I will be right there, stay right where you are."

Tara nodded and hung up the phone. She pulled her jacket closed around her and hugged herself. She kept her mind blank and sat, unmoving until two police came into the room. She felt someone sit next to her and touch her knee.

"Tara, what happened?"

Tara looked at Hale. She started breathing heavily. "Cameron, he's Irish, came in and threatened to shoot me and then saw Abel. He was going to kill Abel so Half Sack jumped him. He stabbed Half Sack and then taped me to the chair and took Abel."

"Who let you out?"

"Jax, Opie, Chibs, they left to try to catch the Irishman, said something about the marina," Tara got out before she began to sob. David pulled her to his shoulder and let her cry as he brushed his fingers through her hair to comfort her.


	30. Chapter 30

A/N: Welcome Back! I have no rights to Sons of Anarchy. But I sure am happy Season 3 has started!

Chapter 30

(Episode 3:1-So)

The local police cordoned the house off as a crime scene while Tara told Hale what she knew. She fell silent and her mind went blank. When she started thinking, she would start to break down and forced her mind blank again. She was barely aware of Hale's supportive touches. When the coroner showed up, Hale pulled Tara up from the futon and guided her out of the house. He shielded her from the scene in the kitchen as they passed the door. As Tara stepped onto the front steps, she heard the sound of the approaching motorcycle club.

She watched as the men approached and went to the street. The baby, there was no sign of the baby. Her eyes filled as Opie climbed off the bike and went to her. He shook his head and she crumpled to the ground, Opie and Hale catching her before she hit. Abel was gone. SAMCRO couldn't stop him. The invincible SAMCRO couldn't get the baby back.

Tara was barely aware of being moved into a car and was only comforted by the sound of the bikes around the car. Blank, focus on blank, Tara thought as the car moved slowly down the street. She was only aware the car stopped when the door opened and it startled her. She looked up and saw Juice reaching for her hand. She took his hand and stepped out of the car, stopping when she saw Jax collapse to the ground next to his bike.

Opie and Chibs were with him, pulling him to his feet and dragging him into the clubhouse. Tara felt her breath leave her and started hyperventilating. Juice pulled her close and stroked her hair, murmuring in her ear as she began to sob again. When her sobs subsided, he moved her into the clubhouse and she forced her mind blank as she entered.

Lyla and Mary moved to take her from Juice and flanked her sides as they moved her to the couch. Both women sat close, their arms around her and patted her arms and thighs.

She had no idea how long she sat there, watching the movement in the clubhouse, comprehending none of it. "Where's Jax?" she ventured to ask quietly.

"His dorm room," Mary replied quietly.

Tara stood and the entire clubhouse stopped. All eyes were on her as she began to walk to the apartment. She slowly opened the door and found Jax sitting on the floor, staring at the floor. He raised his eyes to her and dropped them again. She went to him and sat next to him noting that he did not acknowledge her and she forced her mind blank again.

Jax & Tara

Tara was barely aware when the door opened and food and drink appeared. Jax had been subsisting on Jack and weed and she definitely took a toke when he passed his joint to her. Unaware of how many hours they had spent like that, she was surprised when Lyla and two crow eaters came into the room and moved her into the bathroom. The crow eaters stood outside and Lyla stayed behind.

"If you don't get yourself in the shower, I will have to help you," Lyla said gently.

Tara looked at her and nodded. She turned around and turned on the hot water. Lyla stepped out and Tara undressed and stood under the hot water, letting the water soothe her and she took the time to gather her strength.

She turned the water off and dried off. Lyla knocked and handed Tara some clean clothes and smiled as she closed the door. Tara changed and opened the bathroom door to find the girls had moved Jax into the bed where he was passed out cold.

"Clay has talked to Gemma and wants to talk to you," Lyla explained.

"How long have we been here?"

"You guys have been in here about 24 hours, they have called in some help from other clubs and charters in finding some intel."

Tara nodded and followed Lyla and the crow eaters out of the dorm room.

Everyone paused as she entered the clubhouse again. She shook her head and sought out Clay. He walked toward her and pulled her into a hug. She inhaled sharply as he let her go. He led her into the chapel where Opie, Chibs, Juice and Piney were waiting.

"Tell us everything from that day," Clay said.

Tara recounted that day to them. She drew strength from the men around her but removed her emotion from the discussion. She finished her story and answered questions automatically.

"Where is Gemma?" she asked suddenly realizing that Gemma wasn't present.

"We have her stowed away somewhere with Tig and a few Oregon guys," Bobby replied after a moment.

Tara nodded, "Well, then, I should just get back to work, we still have guests."

Clay nodded and Tara stood to go back out to the clubhouse. She walked to the crow eater behind the bar. "Have we made dinner yet?"

The girl looked at her surprised and shook her head.

"Alright, gather some girls, we need to feed the kids and the guys," Tara said turning and going to the kitchen.

Lyla and Mary joined her and began helping her. She felt them watching her as she began to gather a meal together.

"Please," Tara pleaded. "I can't do what I need to do if everyone treats me like glass."

Mary reached over and touched her arm. "Everything will be ok."

Jax & Tara

Two days later Hale called and told Clay Jax and Tara could go home. Juice helped Tara load their stuff into the Cutlass and Opie and Chibs dragged Jax to the car where he slumped in the front seat, higher and drunker than Tara had ever seen him.

Tara stood at the drivers door of her car and took a deep breath.

"Tara, love, do you want us to go with you?" Chibs asked.

"We have to do this by ourselves at some point, Chibs," Tara said. "Thanks, though, you just work your end here."

Chibs kissed her cheek and opened the door for her. Tara got in and smiled as Chibs closed the door. She looked over at Jax as she turned the ignition and was happy his eyes were open, but he would not, maybe could not, lift his head.

She pulled out of the Teller Morrow parking lot and started silently down the road and headed home. When she pulled in the driveway and parked, Jax silently got out of the car and walked into the house. Tara followed him as he went directly to the nursery, sat down in front of the crib and pulled out a joint.

She couldn't believe he was handling it this way, she had never seen him so broken and had no idea how to help him. He hadn't looked at her since she told him Cameron had taken Abel and there was nothing she could do. She shook her head and walked to the kitchen when she saw the blood stain on the floor. She stopped cold, seeing the stain remembering the way Half Sack jumped to protect Abel. She slid down the wall and hugged herself as she stared at the stain. She could still hear Half Sack gurgle as he fell to the floor and see his lifeless body lying there.

Hours passed as Tara sat there on the floor, staring at the stain. When she finally shook herself clear, she noticed it was nightfall and went to check on Jax. He had moved, only to get the Jack Daniels and more weed, but he was back on the floor in front of the crib. Eyes still to the ground, refusing to look at her. Tara turned and went to lay on the couch, she tried to sleep, but it alluded her. Some time around dawn, she dozed off.

Jax & Tara

Late in the morning, Tara woke and went to make coffee. She sat in her chair by the window and sipped the coffee. She could just barely see the blood stain from her chair and had to force herself not to stare at it. She would have to get new flooring in the kitchen installed.

Tara heard a knock at the door and went to open it. She took a deep breath as she cautiously opened the door and saw the club standing there. Relief washed through her because if anyone could shake Jax out of this, they could.

"Nursery," she said opening the door wide and stepping back to let them in. She watched all of the men walk down the hall way, Opie and Chibs first, Clay and Juice following. When Clay saw the condition Jax was in, he turned and looked back at her.

Tara threw up her hands and steadied herself on the post. "He's been like this since it happened," Tara said trying to hold the tears in. "I don't know what to do."

"We'll take care of him," Clay said turning.

Tara watched as Opie carried Jax out of the nursery and into the bathroom. It was too hard for her to watch. The love of her life, who was strong, protective, always knew what to do, was broken. She turned and walked into the kitchen, appreciative of Piney's pat on her back as she walked by him.

She put her hands on the counter and took a deep breath. When the guys started trickling into the kitchen, she snapped back into action and checked to see if anyone needed anything.

"Coffee?" Opie said shakily. Tara turned and got him a fresh cup and poured him a cup of coffee.

"Thanks," Opie said as she turned away to put the carafe down.

Tara turned and looked around the room and summoned up her courage. She walked over to Clay. "Can I talk to you for a second?"

"Sure," Clay said, waiting for her to lead him out of the room.

Tara led him to the nursery and paced the floor a few times before stopping. She put her hands on her hips and faced Clay.

"Hale pushed it back as far as he could, but I have to talk to Stahl and the FBI today, tell them what I saw," Tara blurted out.

Clay nodded. "Ok."

"Well, I tried to ask Jax what I should..." Tara started before Clay interrupted her.

"As much of the truth as you can," Clay said. "We want everybody looking for Abel. Give them the basics. The Feds know who Cameron is, his Real IRA ties, all you got to do is leave out the details about our association."

Tara was flummoxed. "But if those details help find him?"

"They won't," Clay said with confidence. "Cameron killed Sack, took my grandson, cause Stahl lied and framed Gemma. That's the real truth."

Tara let out a breath she had been holding.

"Hey," Clay said pushing himself away from the crib and holding Tara's shoulders. "You done good sweetheart, you really stepped up. You're the best thing that happened to Jax." Tara let out a whimper. "We are all so glad you are around," Clay said leaning forward and kissing her on the forehead.

Clay tapped her shoulder before letting go and leaving the room. Tara was always surprised when he showed his gentle, loving side to her and it was hard to get used to. Tara heard him pause outside of the nursery and stepped into the doorway to see Jax standing there, looking more like himself than he had in days.

"Give me a minute?" she heard Jax ask Clay before stepping into the nursery.

She watched him wearily, worried about what he was about to say. He leaned against the dresser and she walked over next to him, turning and leaning against it too.

Tara let out another breath and shook her head. "I think you blame me," she stated, watching his face.

"This has nothing to do with you," Jax said shaking his head, looking at the god damned floor again. Tara looked away, trying to control her anger. "None of it does."

Tara shook her head, knowing he was pushing her away. "None of it?"

"I'm sorry this happened, I had no right asking you for this," Jax said staring at the floor. Tara just wished he would look at her.

"Asking me for what?"

"Wanting you to stay, be part of what I am," Jax said shifting. "I didn't think it through," Jax said finally looking at her, but with cold eyes. "Obviously I do that," Jax said, looking away again. "I don't think shit through, what it might do to other people."

Tara had no idea how to respond. "I'm not other people," she replied forcefully.

"You should have gone back to Chicago," Jax said, still keeping his eyes from hers. Tara could not believe what she was hearing. "The shit that happened with Kohn, that should have been the end," Jax said meeting her eyes again.

His eyes were cold again and Tara couldn't believe he was saying this with a sound mind. "You're not making sense," Tara whispered.

Jax nodded. "This has to be the end. You gotta get out, away from Charming, away from me."

"Jax," Tara started shaking her head. "You can't just expect me..." she stood as Jax interrupted her, putting his hands to his face.

"Just, Tara," Jax said putting his hands in front of his face. "Please don't complicate it, ok? It's simple. You don't belong here."

Tears filled Tara's eyes as Jax stood to leave. She turned to steady herself on the dresser, starting to cry as she heard the door closed and then something in her brain switched. She was pissed and had to destroy something. She began throwing things off of the shelves, flipping furniture over and tore the shelves off the wall before she finally got control of her rage.

She took a deep breath and let the tears fall as she looked around the room.

Jax & Tara

Tara picked up her jacket and purse and left the house for her appointment with Stahl.

She went in and sat down.

She began her story about going to the house to get some more bottles and Sack coming in and Cameron following.

"When Cameron grabbed the baby, where were you?" the FBI agent asked.

"I, uh, slid down to the floor next to Half S..., um, Kip's body."

"And he didn't say anything? Why he was taking the baby? About his son being killed? Ransom?"

Tara shook her head. "I told you, no," she said softly.

"Smallest detail can help us," the agent explained.

"He forced me into the nursery, tied me up and then left with Abel," Tara said with a sigh. "He didn't say a word. I don't know anything else."

The agent looked at Stahl who looked at Tara. Tara looked at her lap. She wanted to tell him more but she couldn't because Stahl was there, no doubt protecting herself in this. She took a deep breath and let it out.

The FBI agent stood. "Thank you Dr. Knowles, for coming in. If you remember anything else, or are contacted by someone, please give me a call," he said handing her his card.

She stood, took the card and nodded before picking up her purse to leave.

Stahl left the room first and Tara followed, leaving the station to go to her her. She walked around Stahl as the Chief approached.

"You ok?" Unser asked her.

"Yeah," she said nodding, as she kept moving.

"I'm fine, too," Tara could hear Stahl behind her. "Thanks."

"You know, I find it very hard to believe that you never bumped into Cameron Hayes before the other day," Stahl said putting her hand on Tara's door. "He's been in town for months running guns for your future father-in-law."

Tara put her elbow on the roof of her car. "And I find it hard to believe you've still got a badge after what you did to Gemma."

"Gemma came in, guns blazing, and I barely escaped with my life," Stahl stuck to her story.

"You're a despicable woman," Tara said in a low voice, eyes piercing into Stahl. "Stay out of my business."

Tara opened her car door and Stahl slammed it shut again, bringing rage out in Tara.

"Or what, Doctor? Hmm? What you going to have one of Jax's boys gun me down?"

"I don't need a boy to handle my shit," Tara informed. "You stay away from my family," Tara said forcefully opening her door and getting in the car. Tara started the car, giving Stahl one final hard glare and pulled out of her parking place. She saw Clay waiting for her and glared at him as she drove off.

Jax & Tara

Tara drove a few blocks and pulled over. She was so angry at the world. At Jax, Stahl, Cameron. She wanted to scream. Her cell rang, startling her.

She reached into her purse, and pulled it out. "Hello?"

"Dr. Knowles, this is Margaret Murphy."

"Margaret, hello."

"We dropped the claim against you and scheduled you for a surgery in an hour"

Tara let out a breath. "Alright, see you in a few minutes."

Tara closed her phone and put her hands on the steering wheel. She took a deep breath and tried to squash her feelings before driving to the hospital.

Jax & Tara

Tara managed to avoid contact with anyone when she got to the hospital and changed quickly into her scrubs and got ready for the surgery. As she washed up, she kept her mind blank and when she got in, she saw the patient was a small baby, about Abel's size. She stood there, holding her clamps and remembered being in the same position with Abel. She looked at her hands and wondered what she was doing, how everyone had let her go this far, and thought of how much of a fraud she was.

A sob caught in her throat as she began to panic. Abel, God Abel.

"Are you alright," Dr. Demet asked from across the table.

"Can..can you take this?" Tara asked the intern next to Dr. Demet before turning and leaving the operating room. She ripped off her mask and gloves trying to catch her breath and bent over, supporting herself with her hands on her knees. She turned and squatted on the floor and pulled at the collar of her drape and tried to catch her breath. God, where was Abel? She couldn't leave. This was a part of her. She belonged with Jax. She had a home with him, she was a mother now. She had to go to him, snap him out of his shit.

She left the operating prep room and ran to the doctor's lounge to change, praying no one would be in there and when no one was, she changed quickly and left the hospital.

When she pulled into the driveway, she saw both the truck and the motorcycle, so she knew Jax would be home and would have seen her destruction.

She got out of the car and went to the front door. She paused there and took a deep breath and shook her hands before going in. She glanced in the kitchen, seeing the blood stain, her breath caught in her throat, but she moved on. Jax was in the nursery.

She took a deep breath and saw the anger in Jax's face. "I'll finish up," she said stepping into the room.

"I got it," Jax responded roughly.

Tara leaned down and picked up one of Abel's toys. Jax leaned down and took it from her hand. "You should go."

Tara let out a breath she didn't realize she had been holding and shook her head. "No, you know I didn't come back to Charming to run away from Kohn, and I didn't stay because of what we did to him."

"It doesn't matter now."

Tara looked at the floor, unable to watch him. "When Donna was killed, those things you said to me in the hospital about my life being a series of hit and runs...that my face was the only one you saw..."

"I shouldn't have said that shit," Jax said throwing stuff into the crib.

Tara wanted to scream, but she picked up a stuffed animal and threw it at Jax. "It was the truth," Tara said tears springing to her eyes. "I have created this serious life for myself and then when I'm inside it I barely know myself. I have these moments sometimes when I'm in the middle of a surgery when suddenly I'm aware of my hands doing these extraordinary things and I think, 'Who's hands are these? What am I, what am I doing here?'." Tara paused and caught Jax's eyes. "When I'm with you, I never ask that question."

"I'm not the answer," Jax said defeated. "Look at me! Look at this!"

"I am ALWAYS looking at it. My brain never stops! Why am I here?" Tara stepped closer to him. "Should I be here? Am I afraid to stay? Afraid to go? Afraid to be a mother?" Tara paused drawing in a breath and shaking her head. "Shit, its endless, I drive myself CRAZY!"

"None of that matters," Jax said still fighting to push her away.

"Yeah, I know," Tara said intensely. "Its become so clear to me that the noise doesn't matter. We don't know who we are until we are connected to someone else," Tara watched him and stepped forward, putting her hands on his chest, clutching his cut. "We are just better human beings when we are with the person we are supposed to be with. I wasn't supposed to leave...I belong here."

Tara let the tears spill over as Jax comprehended her revelations. He looked up at her, eyes warmer and reached up and brushed her tear away. He stood up from where he was leaning and pulled her into a hug and Tara finally felt at home again. She buried her face in his neck and let her tears fall silently while he held her for the first time since Abel went missing.

They stood holding each other for what seemed to Tara, an eternity, when Jax pulled back. "We gotta get ready for Half Sack's funeral."

Tara nodded and turned, holding Jax's hand and led him out of the nursery.

Jax & Tara

They pulled up to the funeral home that was crowded with an abundance of SOA cuts, biker chicks and army fatigues. The police stood in front of the funeral home, more as a show of support than of force. Tara climbed off the bike and Jax followed. He wrapped his arm around Tara's shoulders as they walked into the building, giving sad smiles and nods to those who greeted them as they made their way.

Tara was filled with emotion and trepidation as they walked to the door of the casket room. Her eyes landed on the raven black casket with SAMCRO emblazoned on the side and the reaper adorning the top. Clay and the others had posthumously patched Half Sack in a show of respect for the way he had died and his cut laid across the top of the casket in lieu of flowers.

Jax guided her into the room with his hand on the small of her back. As they approached the casket, he let her pay her respects alone. She knelt down in front of the casket, tears filling her eyes. Sad for the loss of the young man who had died protecting her and Abel. She clasped her hands in front of her face as she stared at his brand new patch.

She saw Jax's hand land on the cut and she knew he knew she would stay there forever if he let her. With one last prayer of thanks, she stood and turned to see Clay standing behind her too. He pulled her into a hug where she let one last tear fall before she pulled away and summoned the strength to go play hostess with a smile.

She backed away, looking at the black casket again as Jax took her hand. This wasn't her first black casket and it sure wouldn't be her last. She knew that one day, Jax would end up in a casket like that. And the crow on her back meant that she would be the grieving Old Lady in the next room.

She turned to go, leaving Jax and Clay to have a father-son moment and hoped that Clay would have some words of wisdom to impart on Jax to push him to do what he needed to do to find Abel.

Lyla was near the door, with the rest of SAMCRO and Lyla reached for her hand and held her close, though she couldn't concentrate on the conversation happening around her. She saw Clay come back to the group and looked to Jax, who turned to see people watching him.

Tara kept her eye on Jax as he paid his respects to the man who had died protecting his family and squeezed Lyla's hand occasionally.

Eventually, the room cleared and SAMCRO and Tara were the last ones in the room. They all exchanged a look and Clay led them out of the funeral home. Tara paused for one last look at the pitch black casket and felt Jax sling his arm over her shoulders to lead her out. She wrapped her arm around his waist and leaned into him heavily as they stepped outside.

Suddenly, they heard shots erupt from the street and Tara felt Jax shove her to the ground, throwing himself on top of her. Jax stood to survey the situation, keeping a hand on Tara to keep her down as they saw a van begin to speed away and the cops began to shoot at the van. Jax pulled Tara up when the danger was over and she watched as Hale was run down by the speeding van. She reached for Jax as he moved away, to survey the damage done and she couldn't catch her breath as she saw Unser and Jacob just stop and stand over Hale. Tara began to follow Jax, her body on autopilot and stopped at the edge of the yard, when she saw Jax jump down and shove the police away and begin bashing the head of the shooter into the street.

Juice pulled Tara to his side as she turned her head away, unable to watch Jax finally unleash his rage. She could hear the sound of the face being smashed into the pavement and turned back only when Opie and Bobby pulled Jax away. She knew Jax was a violent man, but had never seen him so out of control. His violence that she usually witnessed was cool and calm and calculated. Jax had just assaulted a man already in police custody and brutally beat him.

Piney and Juice put their arms around her as their brothers had a hard time holding Jax back until he finally calmed .

She dropped her head into her hands as she realized that Jax would be taken into custody and let Juice pull her into a hug.


	31. Chapter 31

A/N: I have no rights to Sons of Anarchy.

A/N2: Sorry, I was on vacation and couldn't get anything written for you. However, I have watched the episodes several times and I'm going to hold off on the next few episodes. Several things are possibly being foreshadowed and I don't want to be completely off in my story telling. So be patient and enjoy this installment. And review, if you like it, if you think I stink, review. Makes me think I am doing something others enjoy.

Chapter 31

(Episode 3:2-Oiled)

Tara watched as the officers handcuffed Jax and the paramedics loaded Chucky, the child and the gunman into ambulances and the coroner loaded David into the van. She was shocked and couldn't wrap her head around everything that had happened. When Jax was loaded into the back of the police cruiser, her mind flashed back to that night when they had been arrested for the third time. As tears began to spill down her cheeks, she shook her head, trying to let go of the impulse to flee the situation.

Juice and Piney flanked her sides and Piney pulled her into a hug when he saw her tears. "Shh, doll," Piney murmured as he rubbed her shoulder.

Tara pulled away when she noticed the rest of SAMCRO had gathered around her.

Clay reached out and touched her cheek. "It's been a long week," Clay said as he pulled his hand away. "Let's all go home, recharge and meet back up in the morning. Watch your god damned backs. Juice, Chibs, take Tara home and Juice stay at the house for the night. Jax wouldn't want her unprotected."

Tara nodded and let Juice and Chibs lead her to the line of bikes parked. Chibs grabbed her helmet from Jax's bike and tried to hand it to her, but she had turned and caught Jax's eye. She tried to read him, but he had become a foreign language to her since Abel was taken. When he shook his head and looked away, she hiccuped holding back a sob.

"Doc?" Chibs said, having seen the interaction. Tara turned to him with a blank stare and he put the helmet on her head and buckled it. "Ride with Juice," Chibs said in his thick brogue. Tara nodded and climbed onto a bike behind Juice.

Juice started the bike and patted the outside of her knee to get her attention. Automatically, she reached around him and hooked her hands. She knew this was a ride of necessity, because none of the cars were there, but it felt off, riding on the back of someone else's bike. Old Ladies didn't do that.

Jax & Tara

Tara couldn't remember the ride to the house, and was startled when Chibs touched her arm. She was sitting, stone still, arms around Juice's chest, on the back of Juice's bike.

She let go quickly and jumped off the bike, and walked quickly to the door. She turned to see if they were behind her and saw them share a look and Juice shook his head. She opened the door and went in, tossing her keys on the table and going to the refrigerator for a couple of beers. She heard Juice come in and go through the house, closing shades and curtains, checking for more boogeymen. When he turned off the porch light, she heard Chibs' bike start up and pull away.

Tara put a beer down on the table and then sat at the far end of the table, taking a swig from hers. Juice came into the kitchen and put his hands on the back of a chair across from Tara. Bending at his waist, he looked at Tara across the table from him.

"You know that this is just the beginning, right?" Juice asked.

Tara looked away from him and nodded. She couldn't even begin to imagine how bad it would be getting.

"You know that Jax loves you and is just having trouble dealing with, well, you know."

Tara looked at Juice.

"Tara, he loves you."

Tara shook her head.

"When the shots rang out, what did he do?"

Tara furrowed her brow and tried to figure out what he meant.

"What did he do?"

"He pushed me to the ground and got down on top of me."

"To protect you because he loves you."

"God damn it Juice, he would have done that to any woman in arms reach of him," Tara said slamming her hand to the table.

"No, Tara, are you in this? Or should I help you pack and take you to the fucking airport?"

Tara glared at him.

"Do you love Abel?"

"Yes!"

"Do you love Jax?"

"Yes!"

"Then get your fucking head out of your ass and start concentrating, because Jax is going to push you so hard to get away from him, and you are going to have to stand your fucking ground Tara," Juice said shoving the chair into the table and standing. "Plant your god damned feet and stand your ground."

Juice grabbed his beer and turned and walked into the living room.

Tara put her head down on the table and took a few deep breaths. She needed to take a leave of absence from the hospital, she needed to talk to Gemma, she needed to work on her poker face. She would just have to put herself in her ER mind set whenever Jax was around.

Cool, calm, collected, was a lot harder to be when her 'son' was missing and her boyfriend was pushing her away and her life was constantly in danger.

"Ugh!" Tara said picking up her beer and looking at it. She tried to remember when she had had her last period.

Fuck, who the hell knows, but she needed to mind her Ps and Qs until she knew for sure. She got up, poured out her beer and went into the living room with Juice. She plopped down in the chair and picked up the remote.

She turned on the television and began flipping through the programming guide.

"How about Ghost Hunters?" Tara suggested to Juice.

Juice furrowed his brow, trying to figure out the jump in moods and just nodded at her.

Tara blankly watched the show that she usually enjoyed. She eventually nodded off and only woke when Juice lifted her into his arms to take her to her bed.

Jax & Tara

Tara woke up the next morning, still dressed, on top of the comforter with an afghan draped over her. She got up, changed, and went into the kitchen to find that Juice had made a pot of coffee and had brought in some muffins.

By the looks of things, he was gone, but she smiled at his thoughtfulness. She ate a muffin and drank a cup of coffee before heading down to the police station to see Jax.

As she pulled up, she saw the Harleys and a smattering of SAMCRO walking back toward the bikes. She parked the car by the curb and got out as Jax walked up.

"I didn't know you were out," Tara said as the Harleys roared to life. They both turned and watched as the others drove off.

"I don't know what happens now, Tara," Jax said fidgeting. "Its gonna get a lot worse before it gets better."

Just as Juice predicted Tara thought raising her eyebrows. "I know."

"Do you? What happened last night is just the tip of the iceberg," Jax said shaking his head.

"You trying to scare me?"

"Yeah, I am," Jax admitted.

Tara looked at him and tried to figure out the best reply. She stepped forward and kissed him softly, then playfully bumped her nose to his. "I'll see you later," she said turning and going back to the car.

She watched him as she climbed in the car. She let go of the confident, unflappable face for moment before staring him down as she drove away.

Her next stop was the hospital, to fill out a leave form and turn in to Margaret Murphy.

She sat at a desk in HR and filled out the form and managed to avoid Rachel and Lena on her way to Margaret's office.

She glanced in and saw her at her desk, so Tara knocked on the door frame.

Margaret turned around and hung up the phone she was dialing.

Tara entered and handed her the paperwork. "I need you to, um, put this through." Tara tucked her hands in her pockets.

"Leave of absence?"

"All the paperwork is there."

"For how long?"

"Six months," Tara said anxiously.

Margaret sighed. "I saw what happened in the surgery yesterday. Panic attack?"

"Not sure, its never happened before," Tara said, looking down, hating that Margaret saw that.

"I'm guessing you've never watched a man get stabbed to death before, either. You should never have been back in the OR that soon."

"Well, now you get your way, I'll be gone," Tara said defensively. This woman always managed to get her on the defensive.

"Dropping out for six months will hurt your career," Margaret said looking down. "Maybe you should take a few personal days to think about this."

Tara was confused. "What do you care about my career?"

"Unlike your very heated response, my actions against you were not personal. I was protecting this hospital. Same reason I'm telling you to rethink the leave. St. Thomas needs good surgeons," Margaret said handing her the paperwork back and leaving the room.

Tara stood there, trying to figure out what had just happened.

Jax & Tara

Tara went back to the house and unable to just sit around, she went to finish cleaning Abel's room. As she folded up a blanket to put it away, she saw a notepad with Gemma's phone number on it. She really needed to talk to Gemma, just hear her voice.

She went into the bedroom and grabbed one of the prepaid phones out of a drawer and went back to Abel's room and sat down on the futon to call Gemma.

"Yeah," she heard Gemma answer.

"Gemma, its me," Tara said with a catch in her voice.

"Something wrong?"

"No, just calling to check on you."

"You on your cell?"

"Using one of Jax's pre pays."

"You're learning," Gemma answered smiling.

"Yeah," Tara said with a laugh. "I guess."

"You ok sweetheart?"

"I don't know," Tara answered honestly. "Guess I just needed to hear a friendly voice."

Gemma sighed. "You've been through it baby, what happened with the Prospect, that's shit no one should have to see."

Tara realized then, that they hadn't told Gemma the whole story.

"Gotta hold on to family, baby, that's whats getting me through it," Gemma said sincerely. "Jax, Abel, don't let go of them, keep your strength."

Tears started welling up in Tara's eyes. "Yeah."

Tara heard a loud noise and a scream on Gemma's end.

"What was that?" Tara asked.

"Shit, I'll call you back," Gemma said hanging up the phone.

Tara heard the dial tone and sat up, looking at the phone. What ever had just happened couldn't be good.

She got up and started cleaning again, waiting for a call from Gemma.

It only took about ten minutes for her to get a call back.

"We need you up here," Gemma said when Tara answered.

"What happened?"

"My dad shot Tig, he is fine, but we can't take him to the ER."

"No, I will pack a bag and be up there soon. Where is there?"

Gemma told her where to find the address book and what page it would be on and instructed her to take the address book with her.

Tara quickly packed some clothes and was working on her medical supplies when she heard Jax pull up.

When the door opened, she nervously checked to make sure it was Jax before continuing to pack her stuff.

"Where are you going?"

"Gemma called, something happened with your granddad, she wants me up there."

"No," Jax said. "If you get caught with my mom, that's aiding and abetting. Federal crime."

"Well, what do you want me to tell her?"

"Tell her your taking a leave of absence."

Tara sighed. "I was going to tell you."

"And the beating you put on your boss? Were you going to tell me about that too?"

Tara looked into his eyes, trying to figure out why he felt so strongly about her taking a leave.

He held her gaze until his phone rang.

Tara watched him answer.

"Yeah? When? K, I'm on my way," Jax said into the phone.

"What is it?" Tara asked.

"I'm not sure, I'll be back in a little while," Jax said. "We need to finish this conversation," Jax said turning to leave.

Tara couldn't believe the way he was treating her and she needed to get away from him before he really pushed her away.

Angry, she picked up her bags and walked out of the house.


	32. Chapter 32

A/N: I have no rights to Sons of Anarchy.

Chapter 32

(Episode 3:3-Caregiver)

Tara got to the Gemma's father's house after midnight and fell asleep in her car. She was so tired lately and just couldn't make it to the door. She slept like the dead and never heard the phone ring the three times he called. When the sun came up, she woke up and went to the door.

Gemma opened the door and gave her a hug. "It's good to see you baby," Gemma said while they hugged.

"You too, Gem."

"Did you stop somewhere over night?"

"No, I fell asleep in the car when I got here."

"You should have come in."

"The house was dark and I was really tired," Tara considered how tired she was and she decided to check one more time to see if her period had started.

"Bathroom?" Tara asked.

Gemma pointed and Tara went in. She sat down and considered what being pregnant would mean to the whole scheme of their lives. She stood up and looked into the toilet. Nope, no period. Time to take a test. She flushed the toilet and washed her hands before going back out to the living room.

"Tig is upstairs," Gemma said pointing to the stairs.

Tara went up the stairs and walked down the hall way.

"Tig?" Tara called.

A door opened. "Hey, Doc," Tig greeted.

"How is your shoulder?"

"Sore," Tig answered walking back into his room.

Tara followed. "Well, let me see."

Tig pulled his shirt off and sat down on the corner of the bed. Tara set to work on his shoulder.

She dug the slug out of Tig's shoulder and then went about cleaning the wound.

"Well, you're going to be fine. There's no bone or muscle damage," Tara said cleaning the dried blood from the wound.

"Thanks, Doc, I'm sorry I pulled you away from your work," Tig said sincerely.

"Its ok," Tara said.

"How's, um, Jax holding up?"

"I don't know," Tara said putting away some unused supplies as she heard Gemma calling from downstairs. "I'm sure he tells you guys more than he does me."

"Eh," Tig said checking out the bandage Tara was putting on his shoulder.

Gemma came into the room. "Have you seen Nate, he's not in his room."

"No, not since this morning," Tara replied wondering if they ever got a break in this family.

"He's gone, so's the hunting rifle," Gemma said.

"Oh, shit," Tig supplied. "You know, I did hear a car about twenty minutes ago."

Gemma turned and rushed down the stairs and Tara dropped her supplies to follow. They got the the front door and the car was gone.

"Oh, shit," Gemma said putting her hand to her forehead. "The Caddy's gone."

"Is he ok to drive?" Tara asked looking around.

"That depends on which decade he thinks he's cruisin in."

"Where would he go?"

Gemma let out a breath. "I have no God damned idea."

"Well, someone must know his routine."

Gemma gave her a look and shook her head. "Yeah, somebody does."

Gemma turned and went back into the house and Tara followed, getting a bad feeling about the next surprise Gemma was going to unleash on her.

They walked slowly down the basement stairs, stopping about ¾ of the way down. There was a blindfolded woman, taped to a wheelchair, wearing a flowered nightgown.

"Who the hell is that?" Tara whispered.

"That's his caregiver," Gemma supplied.

"Oh my God," Tara said trying to figure out the implications of what was happening here. "Are you Insane?" she asked Gemma quite seriously looking for an answer.

"It's complicated," Gemma answered.

"Is someone there?" the caregiver called out.

Gemma continued down the stairs. "Amelia, I need to ask you a question."

"Yeah, and I need to take a piss like an hour ago," Amelia bit back.

"Oh, sorry, I forgot," Gemma said turning around and picking up a large metal bedpan. She turned back and said "Here," getting Amelia to lift herself so Gemma could slide the bedpan under her.

Tara knew she shouldn't be so surprised, but couldn't help feeling shocked. She felt like she was in an alternate universe.

"Nate took off in the car. Any idea where he might be heading?"

"What was he wearing?"

"I don't know."

"Depends, he could be a hundred different places."

"Could you be a little more specific?"

"I'm done," Amelia said forcefully.

Gemma took the bedpan and handed it to Tara. Tara definitely did not want to be handling the bedpan.

"If you cut me lose I will help you find him," Amelia bargained.

"I can't do that."

"Look my hands and my feet are numb. My ass is killing me. You can keep a gun on me. I'll make a few calls, help you find him. That's the deal."

"Let me remind you of your circumstances, sweetheart," Gemma said crossing her arms in front of her. "You are tied up in a basement with no family, no friends anywhere in the States. You drop off the planet, no one knows. No one cares."

Tara was very uncomfortable with this.

"Jesus Christ," Amelia said. "Are you threatening to kill me?"

"No," Gemma said, acting like that was the most appalling thing she had been accused of. "But I look around this room, I see a drill, box cutters, a welding torch, lots of shit to make you really uncomfortable."

Tara put her hand over her mouth at the thought of torturing this woman.

"You psycho bitch," Amelia swore.

Tara agreed. Gemma was a bitch who was on the verge of psychotic.

"Listen, you ain't heard nothing Chiquita," Gemma said getting in her face. "If anything happens to my dad because of your stalling, I'll make you end up in this wheelchair permanently."

Amelia spit in Gemma's face.

"Bitch!" Gemma said swinging a right hook at the prisoner.

"Gemma!" Tara cried out.

Gemma turned and stomped up the stairs, slamming the door.

Tara took a minute to calm herself and looked at Amelia before she followed Gemma up the stairs.

Tig handed her her bag and keys at the top of the stairs and asked her to go drive around the town to look for him.

She gladly took the break he offered her and went out to her car.

She drove up and down every street in town, went into the hardware store, mini mart, and the grocery store. She decided to check the pharmacy, and pick up a pregnancy test before she headed back to the house. She checked her phone before she went in and Jax had called twice that morning. She shook her head. She couldn't talk to him until she had an answer to her current dilemma and it didn't help that he was angry at her. She would keep her phone on her so she wouldn't miss the next call.

She went in and found Tig and Gemma in the kitchen.

"I went up and down every street. Checked the mini mart, the gas station, there is no sign of him," Tara reported.

"We tried calling a few of his friends and there's nothing," Tig told her.

Gemma sighed. "I can't believe I just let him drive away. Jesus! How could I do that? Stupid bitch."

"You have her tied up in a basement," Tara said.

"I'm not talking about her," Gemma yelled before she picked up the phone book and hurled it at the curio cabinet.

Gemma left the room in a hurry and Tara let out the breath she had been holding.

Tig shrugged at her. "Go check the caregiver."

Tara glared at him and turned to grab her medical bag before going down stairs.

She set her bag down next to the chair and sat on the bench next to it.

She reached and touched Amelia's cheek.

Amelia gasped and flinched.

"I'm not going to hurt you," Tara said, waiting a moment before turning her face to check her cut.

"You're the doctor they were waiting for? I wasn't expecting a woman."

"I'm going to have to clean that out," Tara answered reaching for some alcohol swabs. "It will sting a little."

She dabbed at the cut.

"I can't see 'em, but I would guess that my hands are a nice shade of purple by now" Amelia said.

Tara looked at her wearily. "Can you feel your fingers?"

"No, they're numb. No circulation."

Tara thought about it. "I'll cut one hand free, let the blood flow back in. Don't try anything stupid."

Tara walked over to the work bench and got one of the infamous box cutters and went back over to the caregiver and cut the tape on one of her hands. She set the box cutter aside and massaged the hand she had cut free.

"Can I trouble you for the bedpan? Sorry," Amelia said.

"Its ok," Tara said looking for it.

Tara went over and picked it up and went back to her. She tried to slip it under her and Amelia couldn't get high enough. Suddenly she realized that Amelia was not trying to lift anymore and her world went black.

Jax & Tara

Tara started to wake up when she felt her feet being touched. She sat up when she heard footsteps on the stairs and realized she was barefoot and Amelia was gone. She tried to get up and stumbled, cursing herself. Then she made her way up the stairs. When she got out of the basement she saw Amelia holding a knife to Gemma's throat and went and picked up the heavy pair of Christ's hands from the living room and slammed them into Amelia's head.

Amelia was knocked off balance and Tara dropped her weapon as she leaned heavily against the wall, the urge to throw up or black out strong.

Gemma grabbed Amelia and slammed her against the wall. Amelia made noises similar to the noises Half Sack had made and Tara was horrified, looking at Amelia's face.

She had been stabbed. Gemma moved back, and Amelia fell to the floor, a knife sticking out of her chest.

"Oh, my God," Tara said sliding to the floor. She crawled over to her and put her hand on her neck to feel for a pulse. She couldn't believe in less than a week that 2 people had been stabbed in her presence. This had to be some kind of karma.

"Ooooh," Tara said pulling her hand back and backing away. "She's...she's dead."

Gemma stood up and stared at Amelia. "Her blood, not mine." Then she walked away.

Tara tried to catch her breath and was overcome with the urge to vomit again. She took a few deep breaths and reached up to her head, holding the bloody, throbbing area and fought the urge to vomit.

Tara sat back down, her back against the wall and the world went black again.

Jax & Tara

"Tara," Gemma said, touching her arm. "Come on, get up, let me look at your head."

Tig leaned over and put his hands under her arms and lifted her to her feet, holding her steady as she made her way to the kitchen table. He helped her into the chair and Gemma went and got an ice pack and a blanket for her.

She wrapped the blanket around Tara's shoulders and looked at the cut on Tara's head. "I wouldn't have taken Jax to the hospital for a cut like that," Gemma said to Tara.

Tara nodded and let Gemma put the ice pack on her head. Tara's phone rang again and it was Jax. She couldn't talk to him now, so she ignored the call. Gemma patted her shoulder.

Tig went over and looked at Amelia's body. He sighed and took the knife out of her chest and then got the bleach from the laundry room. He went over to the sink, tossed a towel over his shoulder and rinsed the knife with water and then started pouring bleach over it, making sure no blood was still on the knife.

Gemma helped Tara hold the ice pack, standing behind her.

Finally Tig sighed. "I leave you girls alone for 10 minutes," Tig said loudly, frustrated with his babysitting services.

"Any ideas here?" Gemma asked impatiently.

"Jax can't know about this," Tara said worried.

"Yeah, this is the last thing the club needs," Gemma said moving to another chair.

Tig walked to the table. "Well then, we'd better work fast. They're making a run for the Irish. They're going to be up here tomorrow."

Tara felt Tig stop behind her, she knew she probably had a concussion and this was too much on top of that.

"Oh, perfect," Tara muttered.

"Bachman," Tig said. "Bachman's based out of Crescent City, he can probably be here in an hour or so."

Gemma looked alarmed. "The cleaner guy?"

"Yeah, he's independent, he works for around 2 or 3 grand, but he is good."

"I have some cash here, but not that much," Gemma said. "Will he take jewelry?"

"I'll call him."

"Alright, go keep my dad busy," Gemma told him looking at Amelia's body. "We'll take care of her," Gemma said touching Tara's shoulder.

Tara looked up at Gemma. "We will?"

"Hey, you're the one who decided her fingers needed to breathe," Gemma sat down again. "You don't want Jax to find out about this, we gotta handle it."

The urge to vomit won. Tara put down the icepack and got up quickly, dropping the afghan as she ran for the sink. She barely made it to the sink, but lunged over it, pushing her hair back. She felt Gemma come up behind her, and hold her hair back for her.

"Concussion?" Gemma asked.

Tara took a few deep breaths and hoped that's all it was. Probably not. She definitely needed to take that test, but she knew what the result would be.

"Mmmm, I'm ok," Tara responded trying not to cry as she stayed over the sink. Tears filled her eyes as she dry heaved again.

After a few more moments, she stood and nodded to Gemma and they went over to Amelia. Tara leaned over and picked up her feet, Gemma leaned over and hooked her hands under her arms and they lifted her. They carefully drug her down the stairs and then hoisted her onto the hospital bed in the basement.

Tara let out a deep breath as her phone started ringing again. She pulled her phone out of her pocket and turned to follow Gemma up the stairs. She paused at the bottom, seeing Jax's number flashing on the screen.

Gemma turned and looked at her.

"Talk to him," she commanded before going up the stairs.

Tara took a deep breath, and held on to the railing. The physical exertion had made her dizzy. And all she wanted to do was blurt out the news. But she knew that Jax was not in a place where he could accept this with the happiness it should be. She wasn't in a place where she could accept it with the happiness it deserved.

She pressed the send button and held the phone to her ear. "Hey."

"Finally," Jax commented.

"Sorry, there's, um been a lot going on here," Tara responded going up the stairs.

"What was the crisis with Nate?"

"Do you really wanna know?" Tara asked sitting down half way up the stairs.

"Shit."

"Apparently your granddad went off the rails a bit, shot Tig, thought he was an intruder."

"Jesus Christ."

"Well, he's ok, its pretty much superficial."

They both paused.

"Look," Jax said. "I'm heading up there tomorrow, you just stay put, ok?"

"Yeah, look, I'm sorry I left the way I did."

"It's ok, as long as everyone's safe."

Tara turned and looked at the dead caregiver. "Everyone's fine."

"I gotta go, be safe, I will see you tomorrow."

"Yeah, see you," Tara said hanging up the phone. She just sat still on the stairs until the door opened behind her.

Tig was standing there. "Go keep Nate busy."

Tara stood and nodded. She went up the stairs and past Tig, Gemma and who she assumed was Bachman. She was happy to sit with Nate. There was no way she wanted in on the cleaner deal.

A few minutes later, Gemma came up and handed her a list. "Go into town and get these things."

Jax & Tara

By the time she got back from the store, her head had started throbbing again and she got the icepack and sat down on the couch again. They were watching television with Nate and eventually, Gemma helped him to bed.

They sat in silence waiting for Bachman to finish. It was late by the time he finally came up the stairs. They all stood and looked at him.

"All done," Bachman said.

"Where is she?" Tara asked.

"Where is who?" Bachman replied darkly.

Tara was horrified.

Gemma sighed and handed Bachman cash. "Here's $1600."

"Um, take the rest in goods, anything," Tig told him, looking around the room.

Ironically, Bachman went over and chose the pair of Christ's hands that Tara had hit Amelia with and walked out of the room.

Tara looked over at Gemma and gave her a slight smile.

"Why don't you go to bed, Baby? You look like shit," Gemma said to Tara.

"Thanks, Gemma, thanks," Tara replied.

"Tig, help her up the stairs."


	33. Chapter 33

A/N: I have no rights to Sons of Anarchy.

Chapter 33

(Episode 3:4-Home)

Gemma let Tara sleep in a bit before she woke her for breakfast.

Tara went into the bathroom and took the test. She put the cap back on the stick and set it on the counter while she got ready for the day. After a few moments, she looked and saw the word pregnant on the screen. She nodded and wrapped it in tissue and shoved it back in her bag.

She took a shower and dressed. She went downstairs and found Gemma and Tig in the kitchen. Gemma put food on the table and Tara dished some up after Tig got his.

Tara picked at her food and just pushed it around her plate until Gemma took it from her. Gemma gave her a questioning look and Tara just shook her head.

Gemma stood at the sink, rinsing the dishes. "I need you to be my dad's power of attorney. There is no one else who can and no one else I trust."

Tara nodded. She hated that it came down to her, but everyone else in the family was a fugitive or out on bail.

"The papers are there on the table, will you take them in and explain it to my father, get him to sign?"

Tara nodded and picked up the papers, looking through them herself before going in to talk to Nate.

She went to the den and looked at Nate. She took a deep breath before going in and sitting next to him.

"Hi, Nate."

"Good morning, Tara."

"Nate, do you know who I am?"

"You are my Jackson's girl and a doctor."

"Yes, good. Um, Gemma wants you to sign these papers. They will give me the power of attorney for you."

"Why can't Gemma do it?"

"She has to go out of town for a while and Jackson will be with her."

"What exactly does it mean?"

"Just that if there is anything you need, I will make sure you get it, any forms you have to sign, that I will read them and make sure they are alright, any medical decisions, I will have the final say. Its just a precaution, everything has been taken care of already."

Nate nodded and reached for the papers. Tara watched sadly as he signed them. She took them back and went to the computer to read up on the home they were taking Nate to that afternoon. After she was satisfied with the choice, she went to find Gemma, who was packing some stuff up.

"I explained it to Nate, I got him to sign. This gives me power of attorney, so if anything happens while you're...away."

Gemma continued packing.

"Thanks."

"Its a good place, your mom did her research. The neurologist on staff specializes in late stage Alzheimer's."

"Does it have a garden?"

"I don't know," Tara asked. She had never seen Gemma so sad, even after the rape.

"I can't believe I'm sending him off to a god damned home."

"He'll be taken care of."

"He'll die alone, just like she did."

Jax & Tara

Gemma had asked her to box up anything personal or sentimental in the rooms and she sat down to work on that task. She was happy to have a quiet, solitary task. She had been surrounded by people constantly since the wake.

She was emptying a drawer when she heard a knock on the door. She turned and saw Jax standing there.

"Hey," she said before putting the objects she was holding in the box. She stood and put her hands on her waist. "Did you just get here?"

"Yeah."

Tara smiled and walked across the room to kiss him. She was pleased that he responded this time.

"Is Nate taking all this stuff?" Jax asked walking into the room.

"No, Gemma wanted to pack up all the sentimental objects and valuables, put them in storage. The rest goes to the church."

Tara followed and watched as Jax sat on the bed and laid back.

"You doing ok?" Jax asked her.

"Yeah," she answered. He looked like he had something to tell her. "What is it?" she asked walking forward and sitting next to him.

"You want the truth, right?" Jax asked sitting up. "Then I gotta tell you what's going on."

"Ok?" Tara asked slowly.

"They're pulling our bail on the church assault. In 2 days, we are all supposed to go back inside."

"Jesus," Tara breathed out. Then, she comprehended all of what he said. "Supposed to?"

Jax reached into his jacket pocket and unfolded a piece of paper to hand to her. Tara looked at it and gasped. "Oh, my God." A picture of Cameron and Abel. She anxiously took it from him, looking at Abel. "Where is he?"

"Vancouver, somewhere."

"You're heading up there," she said as Jax took the picture back.

"Yeah," Jax answered as Tara nodded. "We hired a guy to help track him down. We're going to take Gemma, head out after Nate's taken care of."

"Did you tell Gemma about Abel?"

"Not yet." Tara shook her head and looked away. "We will."

There was a knock on the door.

"Oh, hey brother, Clay's looking for you," Tig said from the doorway.

"Ok," Jax said in reply.

"Tara, these boxes all going down?" Tig asked.

"Yes, please," she answered as Tig reached to lift one.

Jax shook his head and reached for a box, lifting it, revealing Tig's blood stain.

"That from Tig?"

Tara gulped. "Yeah."

"Where's the girl? The one taking care of Nate. Wasn't that who Tig was tappin?"

"Yeah, she, um, went home. Guatemala. I think she was freaked out."

Jax nodded and left the room.

Tara let her tears fill her eyes. So much for full disclosure. It needed to work both ways.

Jax & Tara

"Tara, could you come down here?" Jax called up the stairs.

Tara walked down the stairs for the family meeting.

Gemma was holding her wanted poster.

"Bitch aged me two years."

"So what's that going to look like? Me in Canada."

"Set you up someplace safe, off the grid. Get you good papers."

"Maybe you go redhead for a while?" Tig suggested.

"Oh, Christ, I'd rather shave my head. And when do I get to see my family, my grandson?"

"We'll figure it out," Jax answered.

Tara shook her head. They needed to tell her.

"Its our only choice baby," Clay said.

Nate walked in. Clay stood. "Its good to see you Nate, how are you?"

"Hey Grandpa."

"Why are you here?" Nate asked angrily.

"Clay's here to help me get you settled," Gemma answered.

"I don't need his help. This is what killed your mother."

"Well, the old man certainly seems to remember me," Clay said sitting back down.

"You ok, Mom?"

"You guys should just stay clear of him. Tara and I will handle it," Gemma said standing to walk away.

Tara stood and before following she stopped by Jax. "You have to tell her."

"I know."

"We'll wait till Nate gets settled. Spread out the misery."

Tara went down the basement to mark the boxes. Tig and Jax started to bring the rest of them down.

Tara stood in the basement taping boxes and marking them for storage. She wanted to go with Jax to Canada. She couldn't wait here, be away from her family. She needed to be with Jax and Gemma. She couldn't wait in Charming without Jax and Abel. She hated the thought of being there alone.

The baby, she wanted to be near him, protected by him because of the baby. She wanted to experience all of the pregnancy with him. But if he was going to Canada without her, she couldn't tell him about the baby before he left. She could not stay behind. She had to go with him. She needed him, their baby needed him and they all needed Abel. She had to be with her family. She loved her family, all of them. Jax, Abel, Gemma, all the guys, hell, even Tig, as creepy as he was.

Jax came down and quickly dropped a box. "I think that's all of them." He turned to go up the stairs.

"I want to come with you," Tara said before he left. "To Canada."

"No."

"Look, I'm the only one who's not wanted," Tara said walking over to him, trying to plead her case. "You're going to need my help."

"What I need, is for you to go back to work. Go back to work."

"He's mine, too," she said with a catch in her throat. "I want to be with my family."

"We're not your family!" Jax hollered. "Do you see how deep I'm buried here? You don't want this."

Of course she wanted this. She was buried deep, too. "Don't tell me what I want! I asked you for the truth, you gave it to me..."

"So you would stay put! You're not coming up north," Jax said starting to walk away.

"Yes I am!"

Jax spun back around and walked toward her. "You want to be an Old Lady? Then act like one! Do what you're told! Pack your shit and head back to Charming."

Tara turned and shoved boxes over. Jax stopped on the stairs when he heard the commotion. She pulled the wheelchair out and pushed it to where he could see it.

"I just helped your mother kill someone. That Old Lady enough for you?"

"What are you talking about?"

"The caretaker, she attacked your mother."

"What the hell did you do?"

"I had no choice, it was self defense. Tig helped us get rid of the body."

Gemma came down the stairs at the end of that sentence. "Got one more. What?" she asked when she saw Jax look at her angrily. She saw the wheelchair. "Oh, shit."

"What happened?" Jax asked.

Gemma gave Tara a look and Tara turned away, trying to wipe the tears from her eyes.

"Gotta go," Clay said as he and Tig came down the stairs.

"I'm dealing with something," Jax replied.

"Yeah, so are Bobby and Piney," Tig answered.

"What's going on?" Clay asked.

"Apparently, our lovely ladies whacked the caretaker," Jax said walking to look at Tara's face. "And this idiot helped them," he said gesturing at Tig.

"What?" Clay asked Tig.

"Actually, I just made a phone call," Tig answered.

"Jesus Christ," Clay said turning. "This later, let's go."

Jax glared at them each as he passed and followed Clay.

"Douchebag," Jax said to Tig as he went up the stairs.

"What happened to 'Oh, we can't tell Jax about anything.'? You two are KILLING me," Tig said as he went up the stairs.

After the door slammed, Tara shook her head and put her hand to her head. "Sorry, I lost it," Tara said plopping into the wheelchair. She knew she had been irrational, but the father of her child was being a total douchebag. "I don't know what the hell he wants anymore."

"What do you want?"

"I'm just trying to get closer. I want to go with you to Vancouver."

"No, that's a bad idea," Gemma said sitting on the hospital bed next to her.

"I thought you, more than anyone, would understand," Tara said.

"We're going to need you in Charming," Gemma answered. "If Jax goes away for that church assault, and I'm God knows where, someone has to take care of Abel. No one I trust more than you. You'll be a good mom."

Tara broke down. Abel. The baby. She was going to be a mom, a real flesh and blood mom. She started sobbing, and Gemma had no clue why what she said would affect her this way. Tara tried to calm herself. "I'm sorry." She tried to calm herself and laughed. "I'm sorry, I'd better go, help Nate get ready."

"I'll be going with you," Gemma said as Tara walked toward the stairs.

"Someone might see you," Tara told her.

"My risk," Gemma answered.

Tara left the room and went to load everyone's stuff in the car. She turned to see Gemma and Nate coming out of the house. She smiled as she climbed in the backseat so Gemma could drive and Nate could have the front seat. She gulped as she looked down at the car seat base and tried not to think of Abel. She couldn't break down over that in front of Gemma again.

Everyone was silent on the ride over and Tara looked out at the houses they were passing. She was leaving tonight and she hoped it was to go north.

Gemma parked the car and went around to help Nate out of the car. Tara climbed out of the driver's side and went around to get Nate's bag out of the trunk. She followed Gemma and Nate up the stairs silently.

"I'll go tell the front desk we're here," Tara said.

"Ok," Gemma replied.

Tara glanced back at the mother and father as she walked through the doors. She sighed as she went to the desk.

"I'm Dr. Knowles, I'm here to check in Nate Madock," Tara said to the nurse.

The nurse smiled. "Yes, we were waiting for you."

"Sorry, its late, we were closing up the house before we left."

The nurse smiled and handed Tara some forms. "We just need these signed by Nate's guardian."

"I have the forms here that give me his power of attorney."

"Thank you," the nurse said taking them to copy. "You can just sign those forms."

The nurse copied her forms and gave them back to Tara. "Where is Nate?"

"He is outside with his daughter."

"I will page Dr. Lunbar to come greet him."

Tara nodded and waited at the desk. The doctor from the website came out.

"I'm Dr. Lunbar, you must be with Nate."

"Dr. Knowles, I'm his, well, almost his grand daughter-in-law."

Dr. Lunbar smiled. "It's nice to meet you."

"You too, Doctor," Tara said shaking his hand. "I will be the contact for him, his daughter asked me to be his power of attorney."

"I'm glad you came today, you can accompany Nate on his tour."

"I would like that, he is outside."

"Let's go get him settled," Dr. Lunbar said with a kind smile.

Dr. Lunbar accompanied Tara out to get Nate.

"Please, take me home," Nate begged Gemma.

"I can't."

"Please," he pleaded. "I want to go home."

"This way, Nate," Dr. Lunbar said leaning over and taking his hand.

Tara watched as Nate became agitated and frightened.

"No, no, I want to go home," Nate said quietly as Dr. Lunbar urged him up.

"Dad," Gemma said.

"No, no, I..." Nate turned walking with Dr. Lunbar. "I have to go home."

"There's lots of people waiting to meet you, Nate," Dr. Lunbar inserted.

"I'd like to go home now," Nate pleaded.

"I'm sorry, Dad," Gemma said starting to cry.

Tara looked at the pain on Gemma's face. She touched her arm and started to follow as Dr. Lunbar guided Nate in.

"No, I...I ...I, want to go home," Nate pleaded as Tara followed them in.

"You can't," Gemma cried.

"Its ok," Tara whispered. "Its going to be alright."

Jax & Tara

Tara sighed as she came out of the doors. Nate had taken a while to settle and she had an abbreviated tour. It was comforting to get to speak to Dr. Lunbar. She noticed that Gemma wasn't on the bench where she had left her and walked down the stairs to the parking lot and looked around. Her car was gone.

Surely, she was mistaken. She walked the length of the parking lot and she was right, the car and Gemma were gone. She panicked, pulled her phone out of her pocket and dialed Jax's number.

"You've got to come get me from St. Paul's," she said when he answered.

"What? Why?" Jax said.

"Gemma's gone."

"Jesus Christ," he cursed as the phone clicked shut.

Tara put her hand on her head that was throbbing again and paced the parking lot while waiting for Jax to come get her. She just wanted to take a nap, it had been a long day and she had been fighting the urge to vomit all day.

When she heard the roar of the bikes approaching, she stepped forward and waved.

Jax pulled up in front of her.

"What happened?" Jax asked, stopping his Harley in front of her.

Tara looked around at the swarming bikes.

"She just took off," Tara said.

"What do you mean she took off?" Clay hollered walking over to her.

"I went inside to check in Nate, when I came back, Gemma and the car were gone."

"Did she say anything?" Clay asked, standing next to her.

"No, she was crying when I left her, Nate was begging her to take him home, it broke her heart."

Everyone took that in for a moment.

"Jesus," Jax swore. "She went home. She went to see her family."

"Abel," Clay said, the knowledge sinking in. He climbed back on his bike.

Jax shook his head and unbuckled his helmet and handed it to Tara. She took it and put it on, before climbing on the back of his bike. She hooked her arms around his waist and held on as they sped toward Charming. She had never ridden in this kind of formation with Jax before and she knew Jax would never do anything that would hurt her, no matter how angry he was with her. But the vibration of the bike was making her stomach roll even more.

She buried her face in Jax's shoulder and took deep breaths.

When they pulled into the Teller Morrow lot, Gemma was illuminated by headlights. She was bending over, holding her chest.

As Jax dismounted, he called out. "Ma!"

Tara got off and followed behind him.

"Ma?" Jax called as she collapsed.

Tara came up behind him and bend over her.

"Tara?" Jax asked.

Tara knelt down and felt Gemma's erratic heartbeat.

"Call an ambulance, its her heart," Tara said to Chibs who was standing behind her.


	34. Chapter 34

A/N: I have no rights to Sons of Anarchy.

Chapter 34

(Episode 3:5-Turning and Turning)

Tara gave the paramedics a brief history of her heart condition and Jax told her to ride with Gemma to the hospital. She held Gemma's hand as they worked to steady her heart beat. She gave them history information as they needed it and when the ambulance arrived, she was met by Lana and a group of others.

Tara helped move the gurney into the hospital and spurted out information to Lana and the nurses as they moved.

"Wash up," Lana said. "You are with us on this."

Tara nodded and washed her hands and worked to steady Gemma's heart rate.

After an hour, they had her stabilized and resting comfortably. She was in a sedated sleep that would last the night.

Tara went up to her locker and changed into some clothes she had left there. She freshened up and waited for Lana.

"Hey chicky, what's up?"

Tara turned and smiled.

"Want to fill me in?"

"Why don't you fill me in? I would rather not relive the last week of my life," Tara said.

Lana poured them some coffee and began to fill her in on the normal hospital gossip and Tara half listened, half zoned.

After about thirty minutes, they were paged to help move Gemma to a secured room and then they went to give the guys an update.

Lana spoke as Tara half listened.

Clay and Jax were allowed to stay in Gemma's room and the rest of the guys made themselves comfortable. Tara slept in an on-call room and got up every hour to check on Gemma and the guys.

After a long night, Tara got a page that Gemma was awake. She checked in with the nurse's station and was told Gemma was asking for Jax.

She went to the waiting room and found it empty and knew to check the chapel. She peeked in and saw the guys.

She cracked the door and stuck her head in.

"Gemma's awake, she wants to talk to you," Tara said smiling.

"Yeah," Jax said standing.

"I'll handle everything," Tig said.

"Alright, bro," Jax said grasping his hand.

"Hey, tell her we love her," Opie said.

"Yeah," Jax said following Tara.

Tara led him to the secured area and waited as the guard patted Jax down. She led him in with a small smile at Gemma. She held the door and let Jax into the room.

"Hey Mom," Jax greeted.

Tara started to walk out.

"This is on you, too, Doc," Gemma said sternly.

Tara took in a deep breath and walked back into the room. The three of them steeled themselves for a bashing from the Queen.

"What happened? The truth," Gemma asked Jax. "All of it."

Jax took in a breath. "When Cameron killed Sack, he took Abel."

Tara looked at the floor as Gemma turned her glare on her.

"The Feds weren't doin shit so we hired a bounty hunter, we got this a few days ago," Jax said pulling out the photo from the train station. He handed it to Gemma. "He's somewhere up in Vancouver. We were just trying to protect you Mom."

"Bullshit," Gemma snarled. "You were trying to protect yourselves. He's not in Vancouver. The call I got last night, triggered all this, it was Maureen Ashby."

"Who's Maureen Ashby?" Jax asked.

Tara did not miss the look between Gemma and Clay.

"McGee's old lady," Clay answered. "Friend of the MC."

"She told me Abel's in Belfast."

"No, can't be," Jax said. "Jimmy and O'Neill saw Cameron get scooped up as soon as he hit Belfast, he didn't have Abel with him."

"Well, then, somebody's full of shit," Gemma said getting worked up, setting off an alarm.

Jax moved out of the way and Tara went to the machine.

"Hey, take it easy baby," Clay admonished.

"I'll take it easy as soon as I know where in the hell my grandson is," Gemma barked back.

A nurse came in. "Alright, everyone out, she needs rest."

Clay and Jax immediately moved out of the door.

Tara and the nurse checked her numbers and make notes in her chart.

"Rest, Gemma," the nurse, Maggie said.

"I need to see my husband," Gemma said.

Maggie started to say no, but Tara moved her out of the room and explained the situation to her, that they had a family crisis going on and Gemma had to have answers or she would never calm down.

Maggie nodded as they turned the corner and found Clay and Jax.

Tara stopped.

"She wants to see you," she told Clay.

Clay turned and went back to the room and Tara touched Jax's arm.

"Call me later," Tara said.

Jax nodded and went to collect his entourage.

Tara went on with her shift, making rounds and working on paperwork.

After a couple of hours, her pager went off. She checked it and she was being paged to the ER. She got down there and Katie was at the desk.

"One of your guys is in Bed C, needs some stitches."

Tara nodded and went to Bed C and pulled the curtain back.

Clay and Piney were flanking the bed and Juice was sitting on it, looking angry.

"Jesus, again?" Tara said.

Piney smiled. "Dumbass here got jumped."

Tara shook her head and pulled out some supplies to clean his cuts.

She laid one hand on his cheek to steady him and went about cleaning the cuts on the other one. She caught his eyes and he blinked hard and looked back down.

Just as she was finishing patching Juice up, her pager went off again to go to Gemma's room.

"You all are going to keep me running for the rest of my life, aren't you?" Tara said as she handed Juice a prescription for some mild pain relievers.

Clay laughed as Piney helped Juice off of the table.

"Juice, take it easy for a while, you just got out of here. If you notice any recurrence of symptoms from your previous injury, please call me."

Juice nodded and Tara patted his arm as she headed to Gemma's room.

She stopped outside the door and took a deep breath. "You wanted to see me?" she asked as she walked into the room and closed the door behind her, careful not to catch Gemma's eye.

"Yeah"

"What is it?"

"Stahl came by, threatened to take away my deal. Guess I didn't officially turn myself in."

"But you called her," Tara said walking to the bedside. "She knew..."

"She's desperate," Gemma interrupted. Tara sat. "Pressing me for intel on the Irish. Your name came up."

"Well, she was in the room when the FBI interviewed me. I didn't tell them anything."

"Why don't you tell me?"

This was the conversation she had been dreading since the abduction. She sat back, took a deep breath. "Just what Jax said. Cameron killed Half Sack, tied me up and took Abel."

"Nothing you could of done about that?"

"He had a gun pointed to my head."

"What if it was your baby?"

Tara couldn't believe someone else was throwing that in her face. "What the hell does that mean?"

"If it was your flesh and blood, you would have thrown yourself in front of a bullet."

"That's unbelievably cruel," Tara said. "I did everything I could," she said, her voice cracking. She realized then that she must have known, subconsciously at least, that she was pregnant. She did what she could so all three of them would remain alive. If she had tried something, Cameron would have killed her and the baby inside of her and no one would know who had Abel.

"Everything except save him," Gemma admonished.

Tara shook her head and began to sob.

"How far along are you?"

Tara looked up surprised. She couldn't think for a moment. "Six weeks," she finally admitted. "No one knows. With everything else going on, it doesn't make sense."

"Quite the secret queen lately," Gemma commented.

"Yeah, well, I learned from the best," Tara replied snarkily.

"I'm assuming it's Jax's."

"Yes," Tara breathed angry that Gemma would even ask. She sighed heavily.

"Good."

"That's it?" Tara asked angrily. "Good?"

"For now," Gemma answered. "I'm not exactly in a position of influence," Gemma said raising her handcuffed hand.

Tara looked down and wiped her tears from her cheeks and heard a knock at the door.

Margaret Murphy came in and looked at Tara. "May I speak with you please?"

"Yeah," Tara nodded. Margaret left and Tara shook her head angrily before getting up and following. She was not in the mood to deal with Margaret today.

"I know you are still deciding about your leave, but we have an emergency castrososis, boy, twenty minutes old. Dr. Demeet needs an assist."

Tara shook her head. "No...no, I don't think that's a good idea," Tara said looking down.

"Well, if you have a better one, you share it with his parents, because I don't know how to tell them we may not be able to save their child," Margaret said before walking away.

Tara took a deep breath and shook her head. She couldn't save Abel from Cameron, but she could save this baby boy now. She reached for her necklace and played with it for a second. She could save this baby boy now, she decided and headed to the OR to prep for surgery.

Jax & Tara

The surgery went well and Tara was washing up when she heard the door open.

"I heard it went well," Margaret said from the doorway. "Thank you."

Tara shook her head. "There were two other surgeons qualified to assist with that procedure," she said with a questioning look. It had been rough on her in there. The smells and the emotions had almost gotten her again.

"Not with your skill," Margaret replied.

Tara threw away the paper towel in her hand and walked back to Margaret with her hands on her hips.

"What are you doing?" Tara asked quietly.

"Protecting this hospital," Margaret said. "Consider your request for leave denied."

Tara watched as she walked away and felt herself smile. She had thought that Margaret was out to get her. But Margaret felt she was a needed part of the staff. That woman was a constant source of grief, but at least she did not have it out for Tara anymore.

Jax & Tara

Tara went back to the house after checking on Gemma once more and laid on the couch flipping through the channels, landing on several mindless shows. She needed something to numb her and the banality of television was going to have to be her drug of choice.

She curled up on the couch waiting for the sound of a motorcycle to pull into the driveway, a sound she waited for until she fell asleep


	35. Chapter 35

A/N: I have no rights to Sons of Anarchy.

Chapter 35

Tara woke up on the couch, a little disoriented, before she had to leap up and run to the kitchen to vomit. Her morning sickness was going to get the best of her, or get her found out before she was ready to tell Jax.

She checked the bedroom and bathroom and found no sign that he had been there. She was angry, and confused. She thought they were at least ok, but she hadn't talked to him since the fight in the basement and it still stung every time she remembered his words, "We're not your family." Of course they were her family. They were her only fucking family. She had been his Old Lady when they were teenagers and she was his Old Lady now. He was the only one not acknowledging that.

She went to get some crackers and Sprite to calm her stomach before she had to go to the hospital. She knew he was pushing her away so she wouldn't get hurt, but when she wasn't with Jax, she tended to get herself into trouble anyway, so she needed to stay where she belonged. And she was the mother of his unborn child. This was her life now.

Jax & Tara

Tara was making her rounds in the pediatric wing when Jax tracked her down.

"I need to talk to you," Jax said from behind her as he touched her back.

Tara furrowed her brow and turned. "Follow me," she said leading him to an unoccupied family room.

"What's going on? This about Gemma?" Tara asked closing the door, noticing how uncomfortable Jax looked.

"No," he sighed. "I need to ask you for a favor."

Tara crossed her arms in front of her. "Ok," she said not looking in his eyes, hating what she saw there.

"The club came into some prescription drugs, mostly HIV stuff," Jax paused. "I was wondering if you know a clinic that might need it."

"Black market?"

"I just need a name."

"Yeah, you're going to need more than that," Tara went to sit down, she was feeling queasy again. She thought of a friend she had made and things she had witnessed at a clinic she had done some work for. He was their only shot. "I know where to take it."

"You're not taking it anywhere."

"They are medical professionals, Jax, they're not going to buy drugs from a biker. I know the money is to get you guys to Belfast," Tara felt tears welling up in her eyes. Damn her hormones, but every time she thought of Abel, tears sprung to her eyes. "Let me help."

Jax nodded slightly.

"I can take a break after I finish my rounds," Tara said. "Give me an hour."

Jax & Tara

Jax picked Tara up in the van and she told him to go to the Kellerman Clinic. She sat quietly as he drove them there. She had done some pro bono work for this clinic right after she had moved. She still consulted with them occasionally.

When they pulled up, she led Jax in through the back doors. "Wait here," she said quietly and went to the nurses desk.

"Hey," she greeted. "Is Dr. Percy in?"

"He should be coming out of Exam 4 in just a minute, Dr. Knowles."

"Thanks, Grace," Tara said stepping to the side and waiting.

"Dr. Knowles?" Dr. Percy said. "What a pleasure. What brings you here today?"

Tara looked down the hall way. "I wanted to introduce you to someone. Jax is right down the hall."

Dr. Percy started to nod. "That sounds good."

"Hey, how you doing?"

Tara led him down the hall to where she had left Jax. "Dr. Percy this is Jax. Jax, Dr. Percy."

The men shook hands. "It's just outside," Tara said in a low voice and took a deep breath as Dr. Percy headed toward the exit.

Tara opened the back of the van and pulled out a box for inspection.

"The expiration is good, these are all Alcot Labs, Jerry, nothing's generic."

"These are great," Dr. Percy said putting them back in the bag.

"We'll need the money by the end of the day," Jax said.

"I'm not sure if I can get it all," Dr. Percy explained. "Its county money, a lot of red tape."

Tara gave Jax the eye.

"Take it, get us what you can," Jax said handing the bag to Dr. Percy.

"Thank you," Dr. Percy said.

Tara smiled at him as he left and closed the van door before getting into the van. She wished they could get more of the money, but she knew Jerry was good for it.

Jax & Tara

When she got back to the hospital, she met Lana and Rachel in the cafeteria.

"You've been awful quiet lately, Doc," Rachel said.

"I'm pregnant," she said quietly.

"What?" Lana said starting to get excited.

Rachel put her hand on Lana's arm. "Are you ok?"

Tara shook her head and let the tears fall.

"Ok, let's go to the lounge," Rachel said standing up and pulling Tara with her.

Tara let them lead her to the lounge.

"Alright, we've given you space, but now its time to come clean," Rachel said when they sat in the lounge.

"When Sack was killed, Abel was kidnapped, I had to choose between living and dying, but no matter what I did, Abel was going to be taken."

"Holy shit," Lana said sitting back.

"Abel is gone, Gemma is about to go to jail for a homicide she did not commit, Jax is looking at 15 years on a gun charge, and I'm pregnant."

Tara broke down again and let the girls hug her while she cried it out.

Jax & Tara

A few hours later, a calmer Tara sat in an office working on paperwork.

The door opened and Jax walked in and sat down.

"What is it?" she asked standing to walk over to him.

"Sheriff's raided the clubhouse looking for illegal scripts," Jax said.

Tara's heart skipped a beat. "Oh, my God," she tried to catch her breath. "How'd they know?"

Jax let out a breath. "You tell me."

"What the hell does that mean?"

"You told me we could trust that doctor," Jax said angrily.

"He wouldn't say anything," Tara replied still shocked.

"Well, someone did," Jax said sitting forward.

Tara leaned forward and put her face in her hands.

Jax shook his head and spoke in a softer voice. "I get caught, I can do the years, but you, narc raps are real time, your medical career would be over, do you get that?"

"You asked me for help, this isn't my fault."

"I know, I know," Jax said nodding his head. "Its mine."

The look on Jax's face terrified her. It was the look he had when she told him she was leaving. Tara felt tears welling up in her eyes for the fortieth time that day.

"I'm done," Jax whispered before standing and pressing a kiss on her lips.

She felt numb. The tears did not spill, even as Jax left. Numbness swallowed her. She stood up and left. Suddenly, she was home, in her pajamas, lying on her back in bed. She moved her hand to her stomach and made the resolve that she wasn't done. She wasn't letting him push her away.


	36. Chapter 36

A/N: I have no rights to Sons of Anarchy.

Chapter 36

(Episode 3:7 Widening Gyre) (A gyre is a large system of ocean currents, isn't Sutter good at naming his episodes)

Tara woke up with resolve to go and give Jax a piece of her mind, maybe tell him her secret. She dressed and headed over to the clubhouse.

When she pulled up she felt eyes on her, like everyone knew something horrible about her and had been talking about her.

She walked into the clubhouse and all eyes turned to her. She continued through to the dorm rooms, heading toward the one Jax claimed as his own. She heard a door open behind her.

"Tara," she heard Opie call. She turned. "He's not in there."

"Where is he, he didn't come home last night."

Opie refused to make eye contact with her. He shook his head. "Not sure."

Opie was one of her oldest friends and she knew this was an out and out lie. One to protect both her and Jax from the truth she would find when she walked through his door. She had to go anyway. She had to see what he had done to push her away.

She turned and walked down the hall, and through Jax's door. She found him lying in bed, smoking and saw a discarded bra and heels on the floor by the bed. Her heart stopped. She knew this is what she would find, but she needed to know who it was.

The door to the bathroom opened and Tara looked up to find Ima leaning against the door jamb, wearing one of Jax's Tshirts.

"Mornin," Ima greeted smugly.

Tara felt her heart stop. She was done. He had chosen the one person he knew she would not forgive him for. He knew exactly which knife to use to stab her in the back. The longest, sharpest one. Ima.

She looked at Jax who looked like a deer in the headlights. Then she turned, slammed the door and left. She had to get out of there.

"Tara, I'm sorry," Opie offered as she stalked past him.

Tara didn't stop and went out to the car. She had to get away from this place. As she pulled away, she saw Lyla smack Ima.

She smiled because Lyla did what she wouldn't.

Jax & Tara

Tara stood at her locker, she was just doing rounds today, seeing a few patients, so she put on her white coat and just stood there.

"Hey Tara," Rachel said coming in to the lounge.

Tara just waved.

"What's up?"

"Nothing," Tara said flatly.

Her pager went off. She checked it. "Gemma beckons," she said flatly heading out the door.

She went down to Gemma's room and found her sitting in a chair looking ashen.

"You ok?" she asked moving into the room. "Nausea?" She looked into the wastebasket at her feet and saw that Gemma ha vomited. She put her hands on her hips. "Might be the meds?"

"Its not the meds," Gemma said.

Tara picked up the wastebasket and moved it to the bathroom. "Dr. Gallagher is going to release you. We will make sure you continue to get your medication. I'm sorry Gemma, I know how hard this is for you."

"Well, at least I have a new grandson on the way," Gemma said turning and touching Tara's stomach.

Tara pulled back.

"What?"

Tara walked over and leaned against the bed. "I don't think Jax is ready for another baby."

"What the hell are you talking about?" Gemma asked.

"I walked in on him and that porn slut this morning. He's been trying to push me away. It worked. We're done."

Gemma stood and came to her. "He blames himself for everything that happened to Abel. He can't handle the thought that something bad might happen to you. He's lost baby and you have to be the constant. Ride it out."

"I'm not as strong as you," Tara said. She couldn't make eye contact with Gemma. She had come so far with her and now she was out of the family.

"He wouldn't be doing this if he knew you were pregnant."

Tara stood. "He can't know. What happens with this baby is my decision. I'm serious Gemma, no one can know."

"Secret babies are a bad idea," Gemma said shaking her head.

"Please." Tara begged. She had to figure out her options, what was best for her and best for Jax and best for the baby.

"You want my silence, I need a favor."

Tara squinted at Gemma wondering what was coming.

"I need out of here. I'm going to Belfast."

"No, Gemma, no way."

"They will need me over there. I can't go away until I know Abel is safe at home."

Tara shook her head and then nodded. "Fine, this is what we do."

They sat next to each other, heads close, whispering, making their plan.

"I'm going to go pack you a bag, Gemma, we will do this just before 4."

"I love you Tara."

"Yeah," Tara said walking out the door.

Tara drove over to Jax's where all of her stuff was. She couldn't go to Gemma's, she had to act like things were normal.

She pulled in, thankful that Jax did not seem to be there and started packing a bag for Gemma.

She pulled out a bag and folded some clothes before she moved to the bathroom when she heard the front door open. "Shit," she muttered.

She continued packing some toiletries for Gemma and heard Jax speak behind her.

"You don't have to leave yet, we're headed out tonight. I just came by to pack a bag."

Tara was livid and angry that he was fine with her packing her stuff to "leave." She just continued packing, refusing to look at him or answer him.

"I'm sorry about this morning."

"It's what you wanted," Tara ground out, the sight of Ima in his shirt fresh in her mind's eye. She looked up and glared at him through the mirror. She turned and went back to the bedroom.

"I didn't want for you to get hurt," Jax said following her.

"Yes you did," Tara said, packing the clothes. "You think I am responsible for what happened to Abel. You hate me and you just can't say it," Tara said angrily. She sighed. She wanted to see how Jax would react to Gemma's theory. "Your mother thinks this is about protecting me."

"I am protecting you."

"From what?"

"Donna, Abel, Sack, take your pick."

"God you are so full of shit. You and I both know that nothing's going to happen to me. This is just about you needing a good reason for bailing, well, guess what. The PRINCE doesn't always get his way," Tara spat as she picked up the bag and left the house.

She threw the bag in the back seat and climbed in. She started the car and began to back out. Jax came out the front door and hesitated. His hesitation made her continue to pull out and drive away. Tara mentally cursed him, calling him every name in the book in her head.

She pulled into the parking lot and got out of the car. She reached back for the bag she had packed and pulled it out of the car, slamming the door. "Is this old lady enough for you, Jackson Teller?" she cursed as she turned and stalked into the hospital to commit another felony for his mother.

Jax & Tara

Tara was paged to Gemma's room by the nurse's station and went in and began a quick exam. "Her temp spiked, take her to the ice bath," she told the nurse.

She followed the gurney down the hall and saw Unser, just as they planned.

"Jesus, Gemma! What the hell happened?" Unser asked.

"Her fever spiked to 107, maybe a reaction to the new meds, we are putting her in an ice bath before she strokes out," Tara said leaving Unser in the hallway.

"Let's get her in," Tara instructed. "One, two, three," she counted for them to move her.

"Easy," an orderly instructed.

Tara tensed as Gemma hit the ice. She had to remain motionless.

"Go get Dr. Gallagher," Tara instructed the nurse next to her.

"Uh, he's in surgery."

"Then page his partner," Tara snapped. The orderlies left, followed by the nurse looking for Dr. Gallagher's partner.

"Oh, shoot," Tara said. She turned. "Can you go tell Dr. Demet I will be late for the hernia assist?" she said to the only remaining nurse. "I'll be ok," she said walking over to the ice bath. She started undressing Gemma and turned. "A little privacy," she said to the guard.

"Sure, sorry," the guard said leaving.

She watched everyone walk out. "It's clear."

"Uhhhhh, shit that's cold," Gemma moaned sitting up.

Tara turned and got her bag and handed her a towel. Gemma dried off quickly and changed. Tara handed her her white coat and led her out of the room.

"You calling Jax?" Gemma asked.

"No, you are," Tara said dialing the phone and handing it over. She swiped her card and led Gemma down a hallway.

"Its Mom, you at the hospital?" Gemma said into the phone. Tara continued leading her.

"Just listen, meet me outside the service entrance, I'll be there in a few minutes...Just go now."

Tara got her to the elevator. "Ok, I packed enough meds for a few weeks, but if you are there longer, you are going to have to find a way to fill that prescription. This elevator takes you down to the service level, the key card will get you out the back door. There's cash in the pocket, my car's in the service lot if you need it." Tara looked down the hall worriedly.

"I'm not sure the feds are going to believe I did this at gunpoint."

"You may as well have," Tara joked.

"And I'll keep my promise, no one will know about that baby."

"It's my decision, Gemma."

"What I suggest, is you wait til Jax gets back, look into Abel's eyes before you do anything."

The speaker beeped. "Security..."

"I better go," Tara said looking down the hall.

Gemma pulled her into a hug and Tara held on tight until the elevator beeped. "I'll be back in a week," Gemma assured her.

"Yeah," Tara said, trying to hold her tears. She turned and walked down the hallway, turning to look at Gemma one more time before the doors closed. She went around the corner to find Margaret Murphy.

"Where's Gemma Teller?"

"I...uh...I don't know, she pulled a gun on me and took my key card."

"Do you expect me to believe that?"

"I don't really care," Tara said getting defensive.

Margaret pulled her into a supply room. "You're committing a crime. Do you understand that?"

Tara had to tell her. It was the only way to get Margaret on her side. "That Irishman that killed the Prospect, he kidnapped Jax's son. It wasn't in the papers, the cops, they don't give a shit. It's all on Jax and the club to find him and Gemma wasn't going to jail until she knew that baby was safe. You know, maybe there was nothing I could have done to stop him from taking Abel, I don't know, but helping Gemma was my way of making up for it. And I'll deny all of it. And if the cops don't believe me, they I guess I'll suffer the consequences." She looked at Margaret for a moment and understood suddenly that this woman had been trying to help her, as much as Gemma had, in a different way, but Margaret was on her side. "Thank you."

"For what?"

"I know you are trying to help me."

Tara walked toward the door.

"Wait," Margaret said and as Tara turned, she felt Margaret's fist hit her cheek.

"Oh," Tara said falling against the wall. "What the hell are you doing?"

"They'll never believe Gemma didn't slug you," Margaret said handing her an icepack. "Let's go."

Tara could hardly believe what happened and stood in shocked silence for a minute before putting the ice pack to her cheek and following her.

Jax & Tara

Tara followed Margaret back to Gemma's room and was questioned by a guard. She told the story of Gemma pulling a gun on her and hitting her.

"I tried to go after her, but she must have used the key card," Tara explained, holding the ice pack to her cheek.

"I saw Dr. Knowles trying to pursue her, figured it was more important to tend to her wound than to do your job," Margaret explained.

After a while of questioning and paperwork that goes with a guarded patient escaping, Margaret suggested Tara head home and Tara jumped at the prospect of sleeping. She called the shop and got one of the prospects to pick her up and take her home. She climbed into their bed and held the pillow that still smelled of Jax and fell into a dreamless sleep.


	37. Chapter 37

A/N: I have no rights to Sons of Anarchy.

Chapter 37

(Episode 3:8 Lochan Mor) (Lochan Mor means great pond in Gaelic)

Tara woke with a start at dawn and quietly listened to her surroundings. When she was convinced she was alone she got up went into the bathroom. After a quick, hot shower, she pulled on her comfortable pajamas and Jax's flannel robe. She went to the kitchen and made a cup of coffee and then wandered back toward the bedroom, stopping at the door of the nursery.

She slowly walked in and stared at the empty crib. This baby was her decision. She sat down in the rocker and looked into the crib. But she wanted it so badly. It was hers and Jax's. Something she never thought was possible even a year ago. But Jax didn't want her. If Jax wanted her, it would be different, she would be rejoicing over the tiny peanut growing inside of her. But he didn't, which made every thought of the peanut feel like a stab in her heart.

She heard her phone beep in the bedroom. Shaking off all of those thoughts, she left the nursery and went to check her messages. One of the prospects was passing on a message from Piney.

"Tig arrested. Please post bail."

Tara shook her head and checked the time. She was sure this had something to do with Gemma's escape, so she dressed for work and went to dry her hair.

Jax & Tara

She walked into Charming PD and was amazed how it never changed. This place had been like second home to her for a while when she was younger and she was beginning to feel that way again.

"Can I help you?" the blonde cop, she recognized as Melissa Michaels, asked.

"I am here to post bail for Alexander Trager."

"Of course, Dr. Knowles," Melissa said and began the paperwork to put through the bail.

Tara sat in the chair by her desk and they idly chatted while Melissa put the paperwork through.

After a while, she heard the sound of boots and chains enter the room and stood.

"Ah, Doc, thanks," Tig said sincerely.

"Sure," Tara said. Tig put his hand on her shoulder, a gesture of protection only a Son would get away with. "Can we go?" Tara asked Unser.

"Get his stuff," Unser directed Melissa. Tig and Tara turned to follow her.

"Hey, um," Unser said touching Tara's arm, stopping her. "I handed over our information to the FBI. They are going to be talking to hospital personnel today about Gemma's escape.

Tara looked down and nodded. "I know."

"But if there's something you forgot to tell us yesterday, its understandable. You could catch me up now and I'll make sure the feds know it was our oversight."

Tara considered all of the possibilities and shook her head. "I didn't forget anything."

She turned to catch up with Tig.

"You're a doll, thanks," Tig said to Melissa when she gave him his cut.

"Uh, somebody else is going to have to pick up that tow truck from the impound," Unser said. "Your license has been suspended."

"What? Why?" Tig asked.

"You took three arms of law enforcement on a hundred mile an hour goose chase. It'll be two years before your behind the wheel."

"Are you serious? How the hell am I supposed to work? How am I going to ride? Come on man, you'll be dead before I get that license back."

Tara turned and shot him a smile of admiration. This man was only scary to those outside the ring.

"Get him out of here."

"Come on," Tara said putting her hand on Tig's shoulder and turning him around. "We'll call the garage, have somebody pick you up at impound."

"This is bullshit," Tig muttered as they left the precinct.

Tara got in the drivers side and waited while Tig arranged himself. Tara handed him her phone. "Call the garage, I'll drive you over now."

Jax & Tara

Tara leaned her head on the steering wheel as she listened to Tig and Kozik fight about riding together.

"Jesus, Tig, get in the truck, I have to get to work," Tara called out the window.

"Alright, alright," Tig said climbing into the passenger side.

Jax & Tara

During her rounds, Tara got a call from the shop and headed over to help them find some paper work after she finished.

She half listened to Chucky tell her his story as she went through the filing cabinet.

"I don't mind jail, I just like it here better," Chucky said.

"Yeah, me too," Tara agreed flipping to the next file.

"Where's my 5/8 socket?" Tig barked in the garage. Tara turned to monitor the situation.

"I got it."

"Hey, those aren't your god damned tools."

"Blow me," Kozik retorted.

"What!"

"I said blow me."

"I need that socket."

Their voices died down, but they continued arguing.

"God what is up with those two?" Tara asked as she and Chucky watched from the doorway.

"Not sure, but judging by their level of malevolence, there has got to be at least one vagina involved."

God she loved the frankness of the people in her life. "Thanks for the insight. I'll check the clubhouse for the receivables," she said turning away.

Tara walked out to the parking lot and watched Kozik and Tig continue to argue and noticed how everyone else was ignoring them.

She saw Lyla pull in and get out of her car and wave.

"Hey," Lyla greeted.

"Hi."

"I just want to say I'm sorry about what happened yesterday with Ima."

Tara shook her head. "Its not your fault. I, um, saw you hit her," Lyla smiled. "Thank you for that."

"My pleasure," Lyla said with a grin. "Um, could I ask a favor?"

"Ok," Tara said following Lyla to the table under the awning at the clubhouse.

They sat and she noticed how nervous Lyla looked.

"I, uh, need a good clinic for an abortion. Some place you can get in quick, pay cash."

"How far along are you?"

"Not far, eight weeks," Lyla answered.

"I can't think of any off hand," Tara said processing the information. It couldn't be Opie's. Shit did he even know Lyla eight weeks ago?

"What about Kettleman?" Tara asked of the clinic she did some work for.

"They only take HMOs, I don't want this on the books," Lyla said shaking her head. "Word gets out, it could hurt potential gigs."

Tara smiled and raised her eyebrows. "I'll ask around."

"Cool, thanks," Lyla said getting up to leave.

"Does, um, Opie know?"

Lyla stopped and turned.

"No, timings just not right," Lyla said. "I've been here before, Doc."

Lyla turned and left. Tara sat and contemplated the situation before getting up to look for the receivables.

Jax & Tara

Tara headed back to the hospital after handling the paperwork crisis at the shop and made her rounds again. When she was finished, she went in search of Margaret to ask her about the clinic for Lyla.

She saw her at the nurse's station. "Do you have a minute?"

She nodded and Tara turned to lead her to an empty waiting room.

"I gave the FBI my statement. Don't worry, I didn't change my mind."

"Oh, thank you," Tara said shaking her head. "This is about something else. A friend of mine needs a procedure, probably an MVA, but it has to be discreet. She doesn't want to report it to her HMO. It's a job thing."

"There's a family center in Merced County that will do abortions anonymously."

"Can she get an appointment quickly?"

"I'll make a call."

"Thank you."

"I guess your...friend is going to need some down time afterwards. I'll make sure its covered."

"Wait, you think this is about me?"

Margaret shook her head. "Its none of my business, but if it was, I'd tell you you were doing the right thing."

"Why? Because you think the father's a criminal?"

"Because I think the mother's uncertain about her future. She knows that would be an unstable environment for a baby."

Tara watched her leave. Her mind slowly letting that sink in. It was different hearing it from someone else, the thoughts she was having were so similar. But she was at least more positive about the situation.

Jax & Tara

Margaret gave Tara the appointment information and Tara called Lyla and told her she had an appointment and that Tara would be by to pick her up later.

Lyla was quiet on the way to the clinic and Tara let her remain so. She remembered what it was like on your way to an abortion.

Lyla registered and they sat in the waiting area quietly.

"Thanks again for this," Lyla said again. "I don't really have any people except Ope."

"Its ok, I don't mind," Tara said with a small smile.

"You must think I'm a freak, right? Porn star, baby killer."

Tara released her breath. "I don't think that. Are you sure you want to go through with it?"

Lyla nodded. "Yeah. I love Ope. Be nice to have kids with him someday."

"But not now?"

"Donna's ghost looms pretty large in that house. Ope tries to let me in, but the fear of something awful always keeps me on the outside. I don't really know the guy."

"Sarah Palin?" the nurse asked from behind them.

"Guess that's me," Lyla said standing. Tara stood with her and they hugged.

Tara pulled back. Lyla smiled. "Ok."

She turned and followed the nurse back and Tara looked at the receptionist. Lyla had a good point. Someday. But not today.

"Excuse me," she said stepping up to the counter. "I'd like to schedule an appointment."

"A follow up for your friend?"

"No, for me actually. I'm about seven weeks along."

"Sure," the receptionist said with a smile. She handed Tara a form to fill out.

Tara took a deep breath and filled out the forms, setting an appointment for the next evening.

Jax & Tara

Tara sat back down and waited for Lyla. They chatted a bit on the way home. Lyla asked Tara about Opie when they were younger and Tara regaled her with some stories about their hijinks in high school. When they got home, Lyla squeezed Tara's hand.

"Thank you."

"Its not a problem. I'm always here if you need anything."


	38. Chapter 38

A/N: I have no rights to Sons of Anarchy.

Chapter 38

(Episode 3:9 Turas) (Turas means tour, or a spiritual journey moving clockwise)

Tara spent the entire night tossing and turning. Her mind jumped all over the place. Have the baby. Don't have the baby. Have the baby. Don't have the baby. She listed all of the reasons she shouldn't. Jax didn't want her. He blamed her for what happened to Abel. He would be in jail when the baby was born. He wanted her out of his house. She was a doctor who worked crazy hours and she can't raise a baby alone.

Then she listed all of the reasons she should. She loved Jax and had always wanted a baby with him. When Abel was back and things calmed down, he would stop pushing her away. They loved each other and were adults. They had a nanny, she could raise two kids despite her schedule.

But Jax slept with that porn slut. Did she even still want him after that?

At about two in the morning, she moved to the couch and turned on the television and mindlessly flipped through the channels trying to occupy her mind with other things. She eventually dozed off but slept fitfully, waking often and rearranging herself on the couch.

Jax & Tara

When she finally fell asleep, she overslept and jumped in the shower quickly and changed into her scrubs and pulled her hair back in a clip quickly. She rubbed at the dark circles under her eyes and pinched her cheeks for some color. She could tell already it would be a bad morning sickness day.

When she got to the hospital she pulled her hair back again, so she didn't look like she had just rolled out of bed and went on her rounds. She did two pre-surgeries and went to the lounge to study up on one of the surgeries she would be assisting on that she had only seen via video in med school.

She went to check in on the first patient and sprinted down the hallway to a bathroom after the visit, her stomach rolling. As she vomited in the toilet, she again began the battle in her head. Tears rolled down her cheeks as she decided to go through with the appointment.

She dried her eyes and slowly walked down the hallway, meeting Dr. Demet who was told her it was time to get scrubbed in for the first procedure.

She saw the remaining Sons and stopped. "I'll catch up with you."

"Yeah, we heard from the guys, they got to Belfast ok," Kozik told her.

"Why don't you say that a little louder?" Tig reprimanded. "A few people in the ER didn't hear you."

"Not talking to you, shithead," Kozik said angrily.

"Hey, Easy," Piney commanded.

Tara definitely did not need this. "Well, thank you, um for letting me know," Tara said. She felt Tig studying her gently as he gave her a comforting shoulder squeeze.

"Yeah," Tig said.

Tara just raised her eyebrows at them and turned to head to the OR.

Jax & Tara

The surgery went well and Tara stepped out into the prep room to discard her gloves and drape.

"What are you doing? I thought I cleared your schedule," Margaret asked coming into the room.

"Oh," Tara said removing her mask and head covering. "I wasn't the one having the procedure yesterday, it really was a friend."

"I'm sorry I jumped to that conclusion," Margaret apologized.

She should tell her, Tara thought. "Well...you aren't wrong, I am pregnant. I made an appointment for this evening, so I'll need my day cleared tomorrow," Tara informed her.

Margaret nodded. "Do you have a ride?"

Tara moved to the sink. This was the first time she had told someone she was pregnant and it was the first time she heard herself say she was getting an abortion.

"I'll take a cab," Tara said, unable to look at Margaret.

"That's ridiculous, I can take you," Margaret said.

"That's ok," Tara tried to put her off as she was suddenly filled with doubt about the rightness of this procedure.

"I take 99 home, its not that far out of my way," Margaret rationalized.

"Alright, thank you," Tara said by the kindness Margaret continued to show her.

She watched as Margaret left and then turned and tried to stop the tears from rising to her eyes at the thought of aborting this baby. She had decided. It was just not the right time to bring another life into the Teller household. She needed to stick to that.

But she wanted this baby. She had always wanted this baby with her whole heart. Her's and Jax's. It was a long time coming and in her heart, she couldn't deny how happy she was when she realized that she was pregnant. With the last one, all she felt was panic and dread. This one, every thought of it made her heart lift.

But it wasn't the right time. Jax was about to go in for three to fourteen years.

But that made this her last chance at having a baby with him.

Jax & Tara

Tara continued the dialogue in her head until she got to the clinic. Margaret parked the car and looked at Tara.

"You ready?"

Tara broke down in tears. "No. I can't do this."

She felt the sobs begin to wrack her body and put her hands up to cover her face. She felt Margaret pull her into a hug as she cried all of the tears she hadn't cried since Abel was taken. She had tried to be so strong and had turned her sadness into anger, but the thought of aborting this baby...she couldn't think about it any more. She had made a choice. This was her baby, for better or for worse, she was about to be a mother.

As Tara felt herself calm down, she felt love from the woman who was rocking her and humming a comforting song.

"I'll take you home," Margaret said sitting back. "I'm here for you if you need anything."

Tara nodded and slumped back into the passenger seat and stared out the window, feeling more peace than she had in weeks.

Jax & Tara

That peace, however, was shortlived. Margaret stopped at an intersection and Tara heard a car coming up behind them that didn't sound like it was stopping. She turned her head just before she felt the jerk of the car as the other hit hers.

Tara looked back to see what happened.

"Damnit," Margaret cursed. "Are you ok?"

"Yeah," Tara said turning back and unbuckling her seat belt.

They got out of the car and went to the back.

"Oh my God, I'm so sorry," the Mexican girl said. "I wasn't paying attention, I..."

"Oh, it doesn't look like there is any damage," Margaret said leaning down to inspect the bumper.

"Hey, I know you," the Mexican girl said to Tara. "You're Jax Teller's girl, right?"

Alarm bells went off in her head. This was planned. Fuck.

"Uh, I, Yea..." Tara heard the door opening. "Who are you?"

"I'm his girl," the Mexican said pulling at gun on her as the guy got out of the passenger side of the car.

Tara put her hands up.

"What the hell is this?" Margaret screeched.

"The brunette's his Old Lady," the Mexican girl said.

"What about the redhead? She an Old Lady, too?" the man asked.

"I'm a doctor at St. Thomas hospital, she's a supervisor," Tara said keeping her cool.

"Check her ink," the man demanded.

Tara watched as the girl checked Margaret's arms for a tattoo and then turned her around and lifted up her shirt to reveal a large tattoo.

"Ohhh," the man laughed. "She's a supervisor alright. Come on let's go," the man said and the girl shoved Margaret into the back seat of her car and the man pushed Tara in behind her.

"Do not say a word," he commanded as he got in the front seat and started driving. "One move and I will kill you both."

They both sat stock still. Tara looked around trying to figure a way out of this, but the girl was in the car behind them and honestly, Tara was more scared of her.

The car finally stopped and the women were pulled from the car and bound and gagged and drug up some stairs to an attic and tied to a pole. Tara noticed the way the house felt empty and looked around the half empty attic that seemed filled with castoffs. Nothing useful within reach.

Eventually she fell asleep.


	39. Chapter 39

A/N: I have no rights to Sons of Anarchy.

Chapter 39

(Episode 3:10 Firinne) (Firinne is a girls name that means truth)

Tara woke when she heard bootsteps on the stairs and felt a smidgen of hope that it was Tig coming up those stairs.

Her heart sank when she saw the mean woman come up with a bottle of water. She walked over to Margaret and ripped the tape off her mouth.

The girl came over to her and ripped the tape from her mouth and gave her a drink of water.

"Guess you weren't lying, we got ourselves a doctor and her hospital boss," the man said.

Tara gulped as much water as the girl would give her. "What do you want?" she said dejectedly.

"Shut up, you don't get to ask questions," the girl informed her.

"We need a way to reach your club," the man said.

"Why? What do you want?"

The girl slapped her hard. Tara felt like a bomb had gone off in her cheek.

"What did I just say, bitch?"

"They need to make their demands," Margaret said from behind her.

"Smart, that's why she's the boss," the man said.

"Give them the number, Tara," Margaret pleaded.

Tara glared at the man, but relented and gave them the number to Teller Morrow. "You know that Jax is out of town, and I don't know all of the guy's numbers. The only way I have to reach them is at Teller Morrow Auto Repair in the morning."

The girl slapped her again and then covered their mouths with tape and the pair left.

Jax & Tara

Tara woke again when she heard the foot falls on the steps.

They both came into the attic again and Tara heard the phone being dialed.

"Let me talk to a member of the Sons," the man demanded. "You a member? Put a god damned member on the phone."

There was a long pause. "You a patch member? The guy pointing a gun at Jax Teller's Old Lady."

The girl came over and ripped the tape off her mouth as the man came forward and pointed a gun at her head and put the phone to her ear.

"Its Tara, he's telling the truth," Tara said into the phone.

"Tara?" she heard Piney say somberly as the phone was pulled away.

Tara dropped her head. Piney had always been there for her. She wished she could hear his voice more.

The man began to make his demands. "I have the doctor and her supervisor and if you want them back alive, you will have to do what I say...Kill Marcus Alvarez and take the quarter of a million dollars he has in his home safe. I will contact you in five hours to arrange a drop plan."

The man flipped his phone shut. "Give them some water and check their bindings."

The girl poured water in each of their mouth's and then checked the ropes tying them to the pole. The girl ripped some tape off the pole to cover their mouths again.

"Let her breath," the man said. "The club's cooperating," he informed her as he turned and left the attic.

"Are you ok?" Margaret asked.

"Yeah, you?"

"Sure."

"I don't know why they are doing this."

"I'm sure its about money," Margaret said.

Tara chuckled. "Well then they are out of luck cause the club doesn't have any," Tara said as the guilt sank in. Margaret was here because of her kindness toward Tara. "I am sorry this is happening to you," Tara said sincerely.

"So am I," Margaret said.

"The um, tattoo on your back?"

"Another life."

"What is it?" Tara asked. She hadn't gotten a good look at it except that it was more intricate than her crow.

"I thought I was in love."

"That's a serious amount of ink," Tara said, confused.

"I was in deep, I started off just another groupie, before I knew it, I was giving him my money, buying him drugs and dealing for him. Christmas Eve, 1989, we both OD'ed on ventinel laced heroin. He died and I woke up."

"I'm sorry," Tara said, suddenly understanding Margaret's kindness.

"I'm not, I leave it there so I remember all of that shit is behind me," Margaret said.

Tara was hit by the familiarity of those words. She had last said that phrase eight months ago to Gemma.

"Yeah," Tara whispered.

Jax & Tara

Hours passed before the couple came back up there stairs.

"Times up," the man said as the girl untied Tara and Margaret.

"For what, what are you going to do?" Tara asked

"Your crew ain't taking me serious, so I'm going to kill the red bitch."

"No," Tara said. "I'm the one you wanted."

"Yeah, well you still have some value."

Tara had to do something. She couldn't let Margaret die.

"I can get you money, let me make a call," Margaret pleaded.

"Shut up," the man hollered.

"Please," Margaret said.

Tara reached up and grabbed the girl's pony tail and flung her aside. She reached for the gun and screamed as the man's foot connected with her torso and kicked her so hard she left the floor and fell onto her side.

She saw him rearing back for another kick and hollered as she curled into a ball to protect herself. "Don't I'm pregnant."

"It's true, she is," Margaret said.

This information made the man stop long enough for the phone to start ringing. He kicked the gun away from Tara and answered.

"I'll need to confirm it," the man said. He squatted down and put the phone to her ear.

"Hello?" she asked.

"Doin ok sweetheart?" Tara heard Tig ask. She was grateful to hear a voice of one of the men who cared so much for her. One of the men she considered family.

"Yeah, we're ok," she said giving the man a hard look.

"Ok, we're going to bring you home, I promise," Tig said to her. Tara was grateful to hear that the remaining club members were willing to go to such extreme lengths to get her back.

She dropped her head as the phone was taken back.

"I'll call back to arrange a meet, if you're lying, she's dead," the man told Tig while looking directly into Tara's eyes.

The man took them down stairs to use the restroom one at a time. Untrusting, he stayed in the room while they did their business, apologetically watching them before taking them back upstairs and tying them back to the pole for another night.


	40. Chapter 40

A/N: I have no rights to Sons of Anarchy.

A/N 2: I hope you enjoyed the triple feature. More to come, the best part of the season I think!

Chapter 40

(Episode 3:11 Bainne) (Bainne means milk, which has nothing to do with Tara and Margaret's plight, but that is where we are in the grand scheme of the season)

Sometime through the night, Tara woke to hear Margaret crying.

"We are going to be ok," Tara said.

"I was thinking about Dave and the kids, they must be out of their minds with worry."

"The police will know we are missing by now, they are going to be looking for us."

"You seem to be handling this well," Margaret said calming down.

"We should try to get some sleep."

Jax & Tara

"Emerson Park, do you know where that is? Be there in an hour...I don't give a shit what you need, be there in an hour...Yeah...Noon, garbage can between the two horseshoe pits, you don't show, they are dead. Call this number after the drop."

Tara took the drink of water that the girl offered her and sat back as the couple left again.

"Fuck," Tara muttered.

"What?"

"They don't have the money."

"Wha, How?"

"That's why they put him off, they are still scrambling for the cash."

Tara dropped her head as Margaret started crying again.

Jax & Tara

The girl came up to give them their bathroom breaks and Tara was happy. She could overpower the girl easily and she didn't come into the bathroom with them.

The girl opened the door and Tara walked in and kicked the door closed hard.

"Hey bitch, shit quick, you've got five minutes."

Tara looked around the bathroom. She checked out the window and saw they were still on the second story so she couldn't jump out. She glanced around for a weapon of any kind and sat down to think. She looked up.

The mirror was cracked. She could break the mirror and use it as a weapon. The man was gone, they could get out before he came back and get to safety. She grabbed the handtowel behind her and used it to protect herself and quietly pressed against the mirror, forcing the mirror to crack more.

She pried a piece out and wrapped the towel around it to protect her hand and cut the ties from around her wrists. She knew her time was almost up, so she climbed in the bathtub just as she heard a knock. Then the girls phone rang.

"Hector?" Tara heard her say. "Little bitches!" the girl hollered and kicked the door in. Tara jumped out and sliced her neck, shoving her into the wall and forcing her into the tub. She reached down and grabbed the gun and ran upstairs to get Margaret.

"Did you call 911?"

"No there's no phones, lets just get out of here," Tara said as they descended the stairs. The front door opened and Tara drew the gun.

"Drop the gun," Hector said.

"No," Tara refused aiming for his nose. "You drop it."

"Louisa? Louisa?" the man hollered.

"She's bleeding out in the bathroom," Tara said.

Hector forced her back up the stairs, gun to gun and backed into the bathroom.

"Hector," the girl pleaded. Tara raised her gun again.

"Oh shit," Hector said.

"You need me to keep her alive."

"Do something."

"Only if you let her go."

"Tara."

"Let her leave and I'll save Louisa."

"Ok, first help me get her in the car, we gotta get her out of here, then she can go."

Tara nodded and lowered her gun. She handed it to Margaret.

"If he renigs, shoot him."

Margaret nodded as Hector hollered for help. Tara turned to to help him carry Louisa out. Margaret followed and helped get them through doors and into the back seat of the car and then Hector told her to go.

Tara climbed into the backseat knowing that saving Louisa was not going to happen but at least Margaret was out and could direct the police to what was going on.

Tara worked to stop the bleeding as Hector drove them to a discreet location and got out of the car. Tara used everything she could to stop the bleeding as Hector paced back and forth near the car.

She finally gave up, she had to tell him.

She stood up and walked to where he was crouching. He stood.

She put on her doctor's face and approached him like she would any other family.

"I'm sorry, she's gone."

She watched his face crumble and sighed. Then she saw his face fill with rage and she screamed and turned as he grabbed her and threw her onto the hood of the car and put a gun to her temple.


	41. Chapter 41

A/N: I have no rights to Sons of Anarchy.

A/N 2: As requested, you will see some of Jax's POV in here.

A/N 3: I won't be writing the overnight scene between Jax and Tara after they pick up Abel and before the breakfast. Use your imagination. I know I have ;)

Chapter 41

(Episode 3:12 June Wedding)

Tara felt his hand holding her to the car and the end of his gun against her temple. Every thought in her head was of her baby and of Jax. This would kill him. She just waited, waited to see what Hector would do. If he was going to kill her, he would have done it by now. Tears filled her eyes and relief washed over her as Hector pulled the gun away from her temple.

Then her world went black.

Belfast-Jax's POV

He felt like he had left his own body. Was he having a nightmare? He dropped the phone and sagged, Opie and Bobby catching him as Trinity took the baby.

"What?" Gemma demanded.

"Tara," was all Jax could say. He barely heard as Bobby recounted Tig's story.

Clay pulled Jax up straight. "We gotta move, we gotta get back."

Jax nodded and allowed them to put him in the van.

"Abel? Where's Abel?"

Trinity handed him into the van. "Call me when its settled, brother," she said touching his arm.

Jax nodded and pulled the baby closer.

He had to get back to Charming to find Tara and give Abel his family back.

Manchester-Jax's POV

He refused to let anyone hold Abel the whole plane ride. All he could think of was Tara, killing Salazar and putting his family back together.

Just a few short hours ago, he made peace with being alone in the world. Pushing Tara and Abel away, that was the only way he could keep them safe. But when the chips were down, he knew that his family was the most important thing and saw the truth that pushing them away was not going to keep them safe either. He had to take control and make sure they were safe. Tara and Abel were safest in the arms of SAMCRO.

His heart raced as the plane landed and adrenaline began to pump through his veins as they made their way back into Charming. All he wanted to do was kill Salazar. He couldn't rest until that wetback prick was dead.

As soon as the van stopped, he jumped out and searched for Tig.

"Anything on Tara?"

"No brother, I just talked to Unser, there's nothing new, sorry."

He let Tig lead him to the clubhouse and saw a caged in swingset.

"What's that?"

"Prospects, they spent all night on it."

Jax just nodded.

Charming-Jax's POV

Bad news and shit, that's all Tig was spewing. His mind raced. What was the answer?

"If the Mayans are looking for Salazar, they aren't going to give a shit about protecting Tara," Jax stated, blood boiling.

Clay dismissed the meeting and Jax left the room. He needed coffee. Phil poured him a mug and Jax wandered back toward Gemma and Abel.

"Nobody knows I'm back, I just want to sleep in my own bed," Gemma told Clay and Bobby.

Clay closed his eyes, Jax knew he was gathering patience.

"We'll lock down the garage, she'll be safe," Jax said.

Clay shrugged. "Ok."

"Let me dump my shit, we'll go, yeah," Jax said turning and picking up his backpack.

Jax walked back to his room and put on his comforting cut. He heard the door open and saw his mom walk in.

"Hey."

"Don't get used to staying here," Gemma said shutting the door. "You're going home, with your son and your Old Lady."

"Yes Ma'am," Jax said, he agreed with her wholeheartedly. If Tara would take him back, he would never let her go again.

Jax & Tara-Tara's POV

Tara jolted awake and felt a pain in her hip. She tried to move but couldn't. She tried to pull her arms apart and felt that they were bound, her feet too. She tried to move her mouth, finding a gag in place and realized she was moving. It was dark, but she was moving. She squirmed and realized she was in the trunk.

Fuck, she thought. How long had she been out? Hector didn't have a trunk like this. She was bound, but she knew she had room to stretch out and she knew she wouldn't fit into Hector's trunk. Shit, he got a different car. One that no one would look for.

She knew she should kick the tail light out and tried to move so she could but came upon resistance. There was a god damned bag in front of the tail lights. Fucker.

The car bounced again and her world went black.

Charming-Jax's POV

None of them knew anything. Was all of law enforcement this useless?

He had played his game with Stahl and knew that she would be no use. Unser, though truly worried about Tara, was no use in this either.

Jax half listened as Clay tried to reason with Alvarez, tried to get them to protect Tara while they hunted Salazar, but they weren't getting through to him.

"Look, I don't want to see the doctor get hurt, but her safety, it ain't my priority."

If it would help the situation, Jax would have no problem strangling Alvarez on the spot. But the only good effect it would have was momentarily quenching his urge to kill someone.

The van pulled up and Bobby got out fighting with a woman who was speaking rapid Spanish.

"Shut up!" Bobby yelled, getting Jax's full attention, the fog clearing from his head for a moment.

"Anything?" Clay asked.

"Jesus, no, her name's Ramona, I think," Bobby said calmly. "I can't understand a word she says."

Clay looked at Juice. Jax hung his head. Juice didn't speak Spanish any better than Bobby.

"Nobody speaks Spanish?" Clay asked.

Juice looked ashamed.

"Nothing?" Clay asked again.

"I'm a Puerto Rican from Queens. I speak better Yiddish," Juice defended himself.

Jax would have chuckled if Alvarez hadn't stepped in and started talking. He listened to the foreign language hoping to at least understand the context.

Alvarez dropped his gun. "Let's go."

"Stay with them," Jax ordered, everyone moving at once toward their bikes. He had to stay between Alvarez and Salazar, keep himself in the cross fire so it wouldn't reach Tara.

Charming-Jax's POV

It felt good to be on his Dyna again, flying down his hometown roads. He felt more in control than he had in days.

They pulled up at a house in Lodi. He parked by Alvarez.

"You check the house, we'll take the road," Alvarez said.

"Be careful," Jax admonished.

They began to descend on the house, guns drawn, ready to fight.

"Ese! You better come see this," Alvarez hollered, stopping Jax in his tracks.

He turned and ran, slowing when he saw the Mayans crowded around something on the ground. He let his crew get there first.

"Shit," he heard someone say.

His heart stopped. He felt shaky, but he had to see what they were surrounding.

He holstered his gun as he pushed through the men. He had to know. His heart began to thump, blood rushing through his ears. He couldn't think. He had to see it. If she was dead, he had to see her. He knelt down next to the covered bodies of two brunettes. He could see the face of the woman he recognized as Salazar's Old Lady. Fuck, he thought as he took in the sight of the long brown hair sticking out from the blanket.

He pulled the blanket back and felt a huge wave of relief come over him as he realized he did not recognize this woman. It wasn't Tara. She could still be alive. He sat back and let out the breath he had been holding. The haze covered his brain again.

Jax & Tara-Tara's POV

She felt the car stop moving and heard the trunk unlatch. She opened her eyes and glared when she saw Hector. She hated this man with her entire being. More than she had ever hated Joshua. He pulled off his shirt and pulled on the one that had been laying next to Tara. Then he put a flannel shirt over the blood covered, sweat stained shirt she had been wearing for days. He wiped her face clean and finger combed her hair. Then closed the trunk again.

She heard him get back in the car and she waited for it to move, it didn't.

Time seemed to stand still until he opened the trunk again. He leaned down.

"You draw any attention to yourself I will kill you on the spot," he sneered. "When I remove the gag and the rope from your legs, you will climb out of the trunk and follow me."

He untied her legs and removed the gag. He helped her out of the trunk and draped a coat over her handcuffs. He held her arm and led her into Jacob Hale's office.

"Tell the receptionist you want to see Jacob Hale."

Tara nodded as he opened the door and pulled her in.

"Dr. Knowles," Lucy, Jacob's little sister said surprised.

"We need to see Jacob," she said giving Lucy a look.

She heard the door open. Fuck, she thought.

"I need to see that spec sheet," Jacob said before looking up.

Hector pulled a gun and began pulling Tara.

"Inside," he ordered.

Tara shared a frightened look with Jacob as Hector pulled her into his office.

"Let Charming know they got themselves a hostage situation," Hector said slamming the door.

Tara quickly glanced around the office, looking for anything she could use as a weapon while handcuffed. Nothing.

Hector took the coat, gun trained on Jacob and told him to sit by the wall, next to the pipe.

Tara shook her head. This man was an idiot with a gun. The worst kind of idiot. And Jacob was the most useless male she knew.

Hector threw Tara into the wall and roughly turned her around. He uncuffed one of her hands, shoved her to the ground and cuffed her to Jacob, behind the pole.

"Sit there and shut up," Hector spewed as he began to pace.

Soon, the sound of commotion began to build outside of the building which only served to agitate Hector more.

She heard the police sirens approach and the sound of an army of motorcycles. SAMCRO must be back. While the thought gave her a moment of relief, she knew they were all at Hector's mercy.

She watched Hector pace and then he picked up the phone and brought it over to them.

"They will be calling any minute, you are going to do the talking," Hector said to Jacob. He thew a pad of paper and a pen at Tara. "Write this down. I want a police vehicle, like um, like a SWAT van," Hector said standing up. "Something secure. I want enough food, water and gas to get to Tecante."

"Mexico?" Tara asked.

"No, New Zealand," he replied with a smile. "What do you think, bitch? I want the roads clear of cops and safe passage over the border."

"And let me guess? A suitcase full of money," Jacob quipped, obviously sharing the same opinion Tara did of this situation.

"No, there's only one other thing I want," Hector said.

"What?" Tara asked.

"Tell them I will release Hale for those things, for you," he paused and Tara saw the gleam of hatred and glee in his eyes. "I will trade you for Jax Teller."

At that, the phone rang. They both looked at Hector. He waited for a third ring and nodded.

Jacob picked up the phone and answered a few questions, stating that they were unharmed and he had Hector's demands. As Jacob repeated Hector's demands, Tara felt a chill. This was where she would die. Right here, in Jacob Hale's ugly office at the hands of this idiot, because Jax would not switch places with her. He did not feel she was a part of his family and if Hector knew that she and Jax had split, she would be dead in a second. She knew he didn't love her anymore.

Jacob hung up the phone and Tara did her best to keep her tears from spilling. Not that she wanted Jax to switch places with her. Hector was going to kill Jax, for some reason she did not know, he hated Jax thoroughly. But Jax would not be coming to her rescue on this one.

They waited for the phone to ring back with an answer to the demands. Tara felt like the clock stopped, it felt like months since she had last seen Abel, Gemma and Jax. Her family. She would never see them again. Her heart lifted for a moment because if SAMCRO was back, they had Abel. She thought of his giggle, his serious face, his smile, the way his face lit up when he saw her. She thought of Gemma and their now strong relationship. Gemma was like her long lost mother, tough when she needed to be, but always supportive. She thought of the last hug they shared as Tara helped her escape just a few days ago. She thought of the baby growing inside her and the face she would never see. Then, she thought of Jax. How he had looked at her, how it felt to be in his arms, riding on his bike, how it felt to make love to him. How, with one caress, she could feel so safe, so loved, so wanted.

The phone ringing brought her out of her reverie and she felt a lump grow in her throat.

Jacob answered and listened. Tara watched his face. It remained emotionless until he hung up.

"They're sending in Jax."

A sick smile spread over Hector's face and Tara was filled with dread. Jax, her beautiful Jax was going to die. She watched Hector open his bag and reverently pull out a knife.

She choked back her tears. "You're going to kill him."

"No, first I'm going to kill you, make him watch. Then I'm going to kill him."

Tara glared at him and heard a knock at the door. Hector stabbed a book near him and pulled his gun as he went to the door. She watched him open the door and was filled with so many emotions when she saw Jax standing there. He searched for her in the room and the moment their eyes met, she realized he had come out of whatever jackass funk he had been in. He loved her. He came into this hell to try to save her.

"Come on," Hector said impatiently, gun trained on Jax.

Jax looked at Hector and stepped into the room.

"Shut the door, get them up," Hector demanded.

Jax raised his arms and let Hector pat him down, searching for his weapon.

"Come on, sit down," Hector got impatient again as Jax took his time "I said sit down," Hector said grabbing the front of Jax's sweatshirt and shoving him into a chair.

Tara watched, holding her breath as Jax stared down the barrel of Hector's gun.

"Let her go," Jax demanded softly.

Hector laughed and hit Jax with the grip of his gun.

Tara gasped and turned away, unable to watch this man hit Jax.

"You don't tell me what to do!" Hector hollered as Jax held his head, his eyes wide with realization.

Tara started breathing heavily as Hector moved toward the knife and pulled it from its storage place. He kept the gun trained on Jax and walked to her.

"Get up," he said.

Tara hesitated and Hector squatted down and put the neck to her throat.

"Ok, ok," she said, standing, keeping her back to the wall.

She met his eyes. If this was how she was going out, she would not do it cowardly, whimpering. She would look him in the eye and take what was coming.

"I watched my girl bleed out and die," Hector started, but was distracted by Jax rushing toward them. He turned his face to Jax and stopped him at the point of his gun.

Hector groaned and dropped the knife. He elbowed Jacob in the face. Tara watched Jax take the opportunity to tackle Hector. The gun fell to the floor and Jax crawled to it as Hector got up and ran out the door.

Tara watched Jax start to chase him and stop. He turned and came back to her. He shoved the gun into her hand. "Hey," he said holding her attention with one hand on her neck where the knife had just been pressed. "You kill anyone that's not a cop," he ordered before pressing a hard kiss to her lips.

Tara watched him take off after Hector amazed. He had come for her. He had made sure she was protected. He was off to kill Hector himself. She slid down the wall and caught Jacob's eye.

"Thank you," she said sincerely, knowing that Jacob had provided the momentary distraction that had saved her life.

Jacob nodded and sat back as they listened to the commotion in the hallway. Tara raised the gun to the door as two black clad men came through the door.

"Dr. Knowles?" he asked as they faced off, guns trained on each other.

"Yes?" Tara asked.

The man dropped his gun and raised his hands. "I'm Deputy Lawson, could you lower your gun?"

"Do you have any ID?" Tara said suspiciously.

Jacob laughed as the officer pulled out his badge.

Tara lowered her gun and offered it to the officer. He smiled as he took it.

"Are you alright Dr. Knowles?"

"Where is Jax?"

"He went after Salazar."

Tara watched as Deputy Lawson uncuffed them. He helped her stand and moved her to a chair. The deputy with him did the same for Jacob.

"As soon as its clear, we will take you outside."

Tara nodded and waited.

A few minutes later, his radio buzzed and he got the all clear to bring them out.

Tara let him lead her out, but when she saw Jax sitting in the back of an ambulance, she took off running.

He stood and reached his uninjured arm toward her and pulled her into a hug. She wrapped her arms around his neck and held on, grateful they were both alive. Her tears finally brimmed over and Jax stroked her hair as he held her.

"Sir, we need to take you both to the hospital to be checked," the paramedic interrupted.

Jax nodded and slowly pulled back from Tara.

He held the back of her head and kissed her softly.

"Are you alright?"

Tara nodded. "I think so."

"The baby?"

"Your mother could never keep a secret."

Jax raised his eyebrows.

"I need to get an ultrasound. I haven't eaten or had enough fluids and I took several good shots to the torso."

Jax kissed her again and helped her into the ambulance, climbing in behind her.

They sat on the gurney, holding each other on the ride to the hospital.

"Abel?" she asked. "When I heard you guys pull up, I assumed you had found him."

Jax nodded. "He's at my mom's house."

Tara smiled. "Thank you for finding him."

Jax & Tara

While Jax got stitches in his arm, Tara was in the bed next to him, with IV fluids going into her arm. Tara listened anxiously as he told her about Maureen and Trinity. She was nervous about the upcoming ultrasound. If the baby was gone, it would break her heart.

"When I thought we were done, I tried to sleep with my little sister," Jax said with a smirk.

"Slut," Tara smiled, mind coming back to what Jax was saying. "What stopped you?"

"Our mothers walked in on us, thank God."

Tara laughed. "I would like to meet Trinity. I always wondered what it would have been like to have a girl in your family."

Jax laughed as the doctor finished his stitches.

Just as the doctor was leaving, Rachel and Lena came rushing in.

"Oh Jesus, Tara," they said pulling her into a hug.

"Alright, don't take this the wrong way, but you stink," Rachel said pulling back.

"A shower and some clothes would make me feel normal again," Tara agreed, suddenly feeling icky.

"We'll take you to the lounge to shower and you can borrow some of my clothes," Lena said pulling a wheelchair over.

"Get in," Rachel ordered and Tara relented, glad to be back here.

"Jax," Tara said as they started pushing her away.

He got up and followed the girls. Tara knew she had him at her disposal for the rest of the day only and planned to take advantage of his attention to the fullest. Lena led him to the couch and told him to wait, they would take care of her.

Tara let Rachel talk about the hospital gossip about the situation while she showered, just a curtain away from two of her best friends. She washed her hair and cleaned the blood off her body, using almost a full bar of soap in the process. When she finally felt clean, she turned the water off and took the towel Rachel offered her.

Lena handed Tara the undergarments she kept in her locker and the extra set of clothes Lena had in hers and Tara dressed quickly.

Rachel handed her a hair dryer and stood with her while she dried her hair and then took her back to where Jax was waiting on the couch.

"We will leave you for a bit and tell Dr. Demet where to find you," Lena said giving Tara another hug. "You scared us to death."

When they were finally alone, he caught her up on some of the things that went down in Ireland. Tara held on to him, glad to have something to hold and something to think about instead of the upcoming ultrasound. Even with the horrible things Jax was telling her, every moment she thought about the ultrasound, she was almost in a panic attack.

"So, you were almost deported, blown up, shot and you found out Belfast was being led by two rats?" Tara shook her head. "Jesus, it never ends."

Jax laughed and kissed her temple as Dr. Demet came in. Tara caught her breath.

"Good to have you back, Dr. Knowles," she said with a smile. "You gave us quite a scare."

Tara smiled and grasped her hand.

"Let's head down to a private ultrasound room," she suggested as a nurse came in with a wheel chair.

Tara raised her eyebrows.

"You deserve to be pushed around for a minute," Dr. Demet said nodding to Tara to get into the chair.

Tara relented again and, petrified, held Jax's hand as they went down the hallway.

When they got to the private room, Jax helped Tara up onto the table and took his place at her side.

Tara's heart began to beat faster as they set up the ultrasound. She held Jax's hand and held her breath when Dr. Demet finally put the wand to her stomach. It took a couple of seconds but finally, Tara heard the sound of a heartbeat and lifted her head.

"There," Dr. Demet said. "Strong heartbeat, looks healthy," she said, a smile of relief on her face.

Tara smiled at the picture and then dropped her head back in relief. Her baby was ok. Their baby was ok.

She held back her tears of relief and covered her mouth as she caught Jax's eyes. She took the photo Dr. Demet handed her and pulled her shirt down as the doctor left the room. She looked at the photo and then at Jax when he took her hand.

They held each other's gaze. She forgave him for all of his shit and he had stopped blaming her for Abel. She knew he loved her, the moment he walked through that office door. She never wanted to let him go. She saw the sincerity in his eyes and all of their love when he kissed her and stroked her hair.

He nodded and she smiled. They were a family. They would always be a family. He was hers. She was his.

"Lets go home," Jax said softly.

Tara nodded and he helped her off the table. He put his arm around her shoulder, pulling her close as they began to walk through the halls of the hospital.

"I talked to Mom while you were in the shower, she's having a breakfast tomorrow."

Tara nodded. "I can't wait to see everyone."

They stopped when Margaret approached them. Jax let her go and Tara embraced Margaret.

"I'm so glad you're safe," Margaret said pulling her into a hug.

"Thank you," Tara whispered. "I'm so sorry," Tara said pulling back. She was sorry that Margaret had gotten pulled into that.

"Its ok, thank you," Margaret said. "How is the baby?"

"Healthy," Tara replied pulling out the photo Dr. Demet had printed for her.

Margaret smiled. "I may have been wrong about him, he seems like a good one."

Tara nodded.

"So what happened?"

Tara shook her head. "Louisa never had a chance, I just worked on her while I tried to find a plan. I didn't. He killed another woman, stole her car, put me in the trunk and then used me as a hostage."

Margaret nodded. "Take a few days, Jax is back, so I assume Abel is too. Call me when you are ready to be worked back in to the rotation."

"Thank you so much, Margaret."

"You just take care of yourself."

Tara laughed and hugged Margaret again. They turned and walked with their arms around each other over to Unser and Jax.

Jax smiled at them. "Margaret, thank you for everything and I am so sorry you got pulled into that shit."

Margaret shook her head. "Just take her to see Abel and have a good night."

Jax nodded and reached for Tara's hand. Tara took it and let him lead her to the hospital exit where her car was still parked.

When they got into the car, Tara looked over at Jax. "Salazar didn't cut you, you killed him and then cut your own arm to make it self defense."

"God, woman, you can look straight through me," Jax raised his eyebrows. "I couldn't go in tomorrow with him alive, planning to hurt you again. He broke the code, he went after family."

Tara nodded and leaned back in her seat while Jax drove over to Gemma's.

When Jax pulled into the driveway, Tara's heart began to race again. She was so excited and nervous. Would Abel recognize her? Would she recognize him?

Jax got out of the car and came around to open her car door. He put out a hand to help her out and then closed the door behind her. He kissed her. "Let's go see our son."

Tara smiled nervously as Jax led her into Gemma's house. He opened the back door for her and let her go in first.

Her eyes went straight to Abel and she was amazed that he looked so big and unharmed. Tears filled her eyes when she saw him looking so...fine. He was healthy, safe, happy.

Gemma put down the teapot and walked over to them. Gemma handed Abel to Jax as Tara watched, knowing that in this family, Jax had to be the one to hand him to her. It would be symbolic of her attachment to this family.

Tara caught Gemma's eyes. Gemma had to welcome her first. Gemma took Tara's hands and swept her eyes over Tara. Tara laughed nervously as Gemma pulled her into a hug. Tara tried to stop her tears as Gemma, the only mother she had known since childhood, hugged her tightly.

As soon as Gemma pulled back, Tara's eyes went directly to Abel. She had to hold him. She had to feel he was fine for herself. She had to see if his eyes would light up when she held him.

Jax handed Abel to her as Tara tried to catch his eyes. He was very involved with his toy, but as soon as Tara lifted him he caught her eyes and they lit up.

"Hi," she said, trying not to cry. "Hi."

"The baby's fine," Jax told Gemma while Tara held Abel close.

"Yeah, I know," Gemma said.

Tara kissed Abel on the forehead and just held him close. She felt eyes on her and looked up to see Jax and Gemma watching her. She smiled at them as a tear spilled over onto her cheek.

Jax stood from his spot and pulled Tara and Abel into his arms. "I have to go take care of some business."

Tara shook her head.

"Stay here, catch up with my mom and I will be back in less than an hour to take the two of you home."

Tara nodded, cradling Abel. He kissed her temple. "I love you."

"I love you, too," Tara said.

"Come on," Gemma said. "I've got some tea here."

Tara moved Abel to her hip and followed Gemma to the stove. She touched Gemma's back while she poured. "Thank you, Gemma."

Gemma turned, mug in hand, and put her hand on Tara's waist. She kissed her on the cheek. "I'm sorry I had to tell him to get him to snap back in to his head. He was going to let those people keep Abel."

Tara shook her head and took the mug Gemma offered her. "Tell me about Belfast."

Jax & Tara

Tara sat and listened as Gemma recounted their journey to Ireland while they waited for Jax. When Jax came back in, Tara was laughing at the story of Jax almost sleeping with his sister.

"I'm sorry, I should be ticked about him going after a second girl, but it serves him right it turned out to be his sister," Tara said with a chuckle.

"Thanks, you two, glad I can count on you to make fun of my mistakes," Jax said leaning down and kissing the top of Tara's head.

"Who else can you count on to point out your faults," Tara said with a wink.

"Yeah, I have to say that I wish that is one thing you and Trinity did not inherit from your father," Gemma said.

Tara and Jax looked at her expectantly.

"His sluttiness," Gemma deadpanned. "Maybe Abel will overcome that trait," Gemma said with a wink at Tara.

"I'll work on it," Tara said.

"Alright you two, that's enough. Let's go home," Jax said patting Tara's shoulder.

Tara nodded and slowly stood, holding a sleeping Abel.

"Night, Gem," Tara said letting Jax lead her out the door.

"See you in the morning, Ma," Jax said closing the door.


	42. Chapter 42

A/N: I have no rights to Sons of Anarchy.

A/N2: Here it is. The final episode of season three. I hope you enjoy it! If you do enjoy it and want more next season, hit the story alert button and give me a review with any suggestions to make next season better!

Chapter 42

(Episode 3:13: NS) (Another brilliant episode title from Kurt Sutter. Starting the season with SO and ending with NS, love it)

Jax and Tara stood over Abel's crib for the longest time just watching him sleep. Tara leaned heavily into Jax's side, feeling comforted by the arm around her waist. She was entranced with the rhythmic sound of Abel's breathing, the peaceful look on his face. The house was silent, the room was dimly lit and she was in the arms of the man she loves, expecting his second child, looking over their son. She felt at peace.

Jax leaned down and kissed her head. "Come on," he said turning her away.

She nodded, pressing a kiss to her fingers and laying them on Abel's soft, warm cheek. Then she let Jax usher her to their bed. She changed into a tank top and climbed into bed while Jax stripped to his boxers.

Jax climbed in and pulled Tara close. She smiled as he pulled her flush to his body. His hand ran down her breasts, he side and to her stomach, over her womb. She blushed as he kissed her softly.

"How far along are you?"

"About two months," Tara answered.

Jax nodded. "The wrap party?"

"I think so," Tara said with a smirk.

Jax quirked his eyebrows at her and she started to giggle.

"I'm sorry I won't be here for everything."

Tara looked down traced her fingertips down Jax's chest.

"I won't say its alright, but I will manage and you will be back soon, right?"

"I'm working on it," Jax answered.

Tara narrowed her eyes. "What does that mean?"

Jax leaned in and kissed her. She responded to the kiss and let him kiss down her neck.

"That conversation is not over, just paused," Tara said as Jax hit a sensitive spot.

Jax groaned as he came back to her lips. Tara brushed her fingers down his side as he put his hands on either side of her face, holding her to him as he kissed her, the kiss becoming harder with every second. She turned him over, feeling him pull her with him as she moved to straddle him. She ground herself against his hardening cock and began kissing down his neck. She wanted him, no preliminaries, it had been weeks since they had been together. Everything had turned upside down and inside out and things were on the way to right again. She just needed to feel him inside her, now.

She reached down and removed his boxers and her panties as he smiled. He rolled them back over and kissed her hard as he entered her. She sighed as he began to thrust into her, moaning in enjoyment as he filled her. Jax kept his eyes locked on hers, kissing her softly before he spilled into her with a groan.

Tara brushed his hair back and felt herself relax into the mattress. Jax rolled off of her and pulled her into his side as they drifted off to sleep.

Jax & Tara

They spent their last night together dozing and waking to make love several time through the night. As the sun began to stream through the curtains, Tara felt Jax staring at her. She opened her eyes, nose to nose with him. His blue eyes soft.

"Hey," he whispered.

"Good morning," she said softly.

"Good morning," he whispered with a smile. "I love you."

Tara felt herself smile, enjoying the last time they would wake up together for who knew how long. "I love you."

Jax looked down at he stomach and placed a hand there. "I love you too, son."

Tara laughed and smiled. "You don't know that."

"I have a feeling."

She sombered, thinking that it was the last time it would be just the two of them. Thinking that today was a day for their history books.

"What?" Jax whispered.

Tara touched his face, feeling his hand on her arm, the one around her back. "What ever happens today, I'm right here."

"I know."

Tara moved her hand to the back of his head, pulling him in for a kiss. One she knew would lead to the last time they would make love before he went away.

Jax & Tara

Tara peeked into the nursery as she went past and paused. Jax was holding Abel, staring down at him with the most adoring face. She did not want to ruin that moment. Jax and Abel both deserved that moment.

Jax looked up at her and caught her eye.

She smiled at him sadly. "Its time to head to breakfast."

Jax nodded and stood up. Tara pulled out an outfit for Abel to wear and together they changed his diaper and his clothes.

When they arrived at the clubhouse, Gemma and some croweaters were setting the food up on the counter and Gemma waved her away. "Spend time with your family."

Tara smiled and went back to Jax. He pulled her to his side and kissed her temple as Tig stepped forward.

"I'm so glad you are alright," Tig said kindly.

Tara smiled. "Knowing you were here, working to find me, hearing your voice, was a lot of comfort while we were in that attic."

Tig nodded and pulled her into a hug.

Kozik pulled her into a hug too. "I'll be around for a while if you need anything," he whispered.

"Thanks, Koz," she smiled.

Clay came across the room.

"Thank you for stepping up while we were gone, it is a comfort to know that you will be here, helping to run things while we are inside."

Tara smiled as he kissed her forehead.

She listened to the guys talked spiritedly, passing Abel around until Gemma called them to breakfast.

Jax pulled her forward. "You need to eat."

Tara laughed and nodded as Jax followed her through the line. Gemma handed Tara Abel's bottle and they sat at a table, eating together, taking turns feeding Abel as the whole family laughed, and talked and ate. Piney sat across from them and told Tara stories that made it hard for her to eat, she was laughing so hard.

Bobby came over and reached for Abel. Jax handed him over and put an arm around Tara's back. Bobby was smiling down at Abel when Clay came over and said something softly before pulling out his reaper cap and placing it on his head. Jax stood and hugged Clay fiercely while everyone clapped.

Tara made the rounds and eventually was handed Abel. She sat down on a bar stool, with Jax next to her and hugged Abel, smiling as she felt him stand on her leg.

Jax touched Abel's hand and he turned to him. "Are you going to give Mommy a hard time?"

Tara smiled brightly and shook her head. "He will be a little angel."

Jax smiled brightly at her. "I'll fix that when I get home."

Abel fussed and the went back to their seats to give him more of his bottle.

Jax fed him and only paused when they were hugged from behind by Opie and Lyla.

"Hey, Lyla has something she wants to say," Opie called out.

Jax stood up and faced them.

Lyla held up her left hand. "We're getting married!"

The room erupted in cheers and Tara stood up and reached for the hand with the ring. "Its so beautiful," she and Gemma exclaimed as they both hugged Lyla.

Jax & Tara

Later, Tara and Lyla were alone with the croweaters cleaning up the clubhouse.

"Are you worried?" Lyla asked.

"Today is it, after today, its you and me and a handful of SAMCRO," Tara said with a sigh. "I'm a little worried, a little scared."

"I'm here for you," Lyla said. "You and Abel and the little peanut there. I know its not as good as Jax, but I'm here."

Tara grabbed Lyla's hand and squeezed it as Abel began to cry.

Jax & Tara

Tara's cell phone rang as they all walked through the front door. Lyla ushered her kids into the living room and Tara took Abel into the kitchen where Neeta was waiting.

She leaned in to give Neeta a hug and hand her Abel as she answered the phone.

"Hello?"

"Its Gemma."

"Hey, Gemma," Tara said a little confused.

"I'm in lockup at the police station, can you come down here?"

"I'll be right there."

She hung up the phone and smiled at Neeta. "I'm glad you were able to come back."

Neeta smiled. "Go take care of them honey."

Tara smiled and went into the living room. "Lyla, I'll be right back," she said as she left the house.

Jax & Tara

She stopped at Unser's desk. "Can I talk to Gemma?"

Unser smiled. "Yeah, come on."

Tara followed him to the holding cells and found a very distraught, pacing Gemma in her cell.

"Gemma, what..."

"They dropped the homicide charges," Gemma said in a panicked voice.

"Then why are you in here?"

"I still fled custody," Gemma said waving her off. "I don't trust Stahl. She is going to get them killed."

"Gemma?" Tara asked worriedly as she watched Gemma continue to pace.

"I don't know what's going on, Tara, but this is going to end badly, Stahl is heartless and wretched."

"I know, Gemma, but what is going on?"

Gemma stopped abruptly and turned to Tara, putting her hand son the bars. "You have to go talk to Jax, make him tell you what is going on. I don't know."

"Gemma, your heart..."

"I'm fine," Gemma hollered. "Go talk to Jax."

Tara hestitated.

"Don't tell Clay about this. Go!"

Tara turned and left. She drove over to the clubhouse as the guys were all going inside. She got out of her car and Opie stopped.

"Where is Jax?" Tara asked, noticing his bike was gone.

Opie shook his head. "He should be here soon."

Tara let out a frustrated sigh.

"If Lohan comes, send her to the table, alright?" Opie said.

Tara nodded and sat on the picnic table to wait.

Jax & Tara

After a few minutes, a BMW pulled up and Lucy Lohan got out of the car. Tara stood. "Lucy, you are the boy's lawyer?"

She nodded. "I heard you were back with Jax," Lucy said. "You look great."

Tara shook her head. "They are at the table waiting for you," Tara said gesturing at the clubhouse.

Lucy nodded. "We will have plenty of time to catch up," she said before walking inside.

Tara sat back down on the table and waited.

Jax & Tara

Lucy came back out a few minutes later and they began to chat. They had been friends in high school before Tara had become wrapped up with Jax and Opie. Now, they were both professional women, both wrapped up with SAMCRO.

Jax sped by and Tara stood.

"Sorry, I have to talk to him," she said to Lucy, who stood as well because Opie came out.

"Tell Lenny's lawyer its true, we need a time," Opie told Lucy as he continued on to talk to Jax.

"You do know I charge hourly, right?" Lucy called.

"Just send it," Opie said.

Tara turned and wave at Lucy before following Opie.

"Hey! I need a minute," Tara said grabbing Jax's cut and turning him.

"Where's Abel?"

"Lyla and Neeta are with him at home," Tara explained.

"Your mother's in jail," Tara said, her voice catching.

"I know, I heard," Jax said looking away.

"The homicide charges were dropped," Tara said, tears welling. "She doesn't want Clay to know, she's terrified. What's going on Jax? Please, you can tell me."

Tara thought he might be about to spill when Chucky interrupted.

"Jax!" Chucky said dropping a box at their feet. "Look!"

Tara and Jax looked down as Chucky opened the box, revealing a box full of uncut, counterfeit bills. Tara's mouth dropped open.

"Holy shit," Jax said leaning down and examining them. He stood. "Where did you get these?"

"I was supposed to dispose of the dirty runs when I was working with Lin, I didn't."

"Good boy, Chucky," Jax said standing. He turned back to her and took her head in his hands. "Tara, do you trust me?"

She nodded.

"I can't tell you anything yet, but I promise you, everything will be fine."

"But you will tell me?"

"Yes."

She nodded again as he kissed her hard before leaning down and picking up the box of counterfeit money.

Jax & Tara

Tara had just walked through her front door again when her cell rang again.

"Yeah," she said as she picked up the baby who was reaching for her.

"Tara, I need you," Jax said.

"Where?"

"Clubhouse, leave the baby, bring the Cutlass."

"Be right there," Tara said again.

She kissed Abel and handed him to Neeta.

"I'll be right back."

"You have to stop saying that, child," Neeta said with a laugh.

Jax & Tara

Tara pulled up to the garage and got out of the car. Opie walked over to her with a map.

"What's up, Ope?"

"We need you to haul something back to Charming for us."

Tara nodded.

"You drive out to this road and park and wait for us. If anyone, stops and asks what you are doing, just say your car died and you are waiting for a tow. We will bring the package to you and you are to drive back to Charming. Follow the speed limit, stay on back roads. When you get here, pull the car into the garage bay."

Tara nodded and looked down at the map as Opie told her how to get there. She wrote out the directions and they went over the plan a second time.

"Ok, I got it," Tara said as they guys came out.

"She's all set," Opie said before leaving them.

Jax gave her a hard look. "Are you sure about this?" he asked taking her hands.

She wasn't. Her heart was racing and she was scared out of her mind. "I'm the only one who can do it." She took in the loving look in his eyes. "Admit it, you need me," she said trying to lighten the mood.

"Yes I do," Jax said seriously. "I need you to wear this," he said putting a bullet proof vest over her head. She let him strap her into it.

She looked down and the realization hit her hard. This was serious. So serious, he had just strapped a bullet proof vest on to her.

"Fancy," she said trying to calm herself.

Jax leaned his forehead against hers and took her face in his hands. "I'm not going to let anything happen to you," he promised.

"To us," Tara whispered, reminding him of the us she was holding.

Jax looked down. "Yeah."

"Promise you'll tell me everything?" she asked as he stroked her hair and tears welled up.

"You'll know everything soon enough babe," he said before leaning in and kissing her. "I love you."

"I love you," she said turning to collect the map as Clay tossed Jax a vest.

She got in her car and drove off to her rendezvous location.

Jax & Tara

Tara turned her radio up and drove out to the spot Opie had directed her to. It took a little more than thirty minutes to get there. When she arrived, she got out of her car and put on a hoodie to cover the vest and leaned up against the door.

She tried to keep her mind blank as she watched the road in the distance, waiting for the roar of motorcycles to approach. She began to fidget, waiting. Getting more nervous with every passing minute. She knew they needed her and she would do anything for her family. But she wished she wasn't stuck on the side of this road waiting, trying not to imagine the hundreds of things that could go wrong with whatever their plan was.

She heard the roar coming around the hill and turned and saw them. She walked to the trunk and opened it, watching as they all nervously watched their surroundings.

"Straight to the garage," Jax ordered the new prospect. She caught his eye as she stood by her driver's door. "You alright?"

She nodded. "Yeah," she said nervously before getting in the car with Filthy Phil and Shepherd, grateful she was no longer alone. She drove quickly, but in the speed limit and followed the directions they gave her.

After thirty stressful, silent minutes, they pulled into Teller-Morrow and she pulled the car into the garage bay. With a shudder she turned off the car and got out, walking to the car where Gemma was standing with Lucy.

She took a deep breath and let Gemma pull her into a hug. "That was stupid, baby."

"They needed me," Tara said shakily.

Jax & Tara

When the guys came back, Gemma went to hug Clay.

Tara searched for Jax.

"He's on his way, sweetheart," Clay said.

After a few moments, Jax pulled in, followed by an army of ATF agents.

Tara walked across the lot to where Jax had parked his bike. Gemma and Clay followed.

"Everything ok?" Clay asked.

"Don't know," Jax said worriedly.

"Shit," Gemma muttered.

Tara's mind flew wildly. They were going in. Her heart began to beat wildly, something bad was about to happen.

"Good afternoon," Stahl said approaching them.

Tara gulped as Jax backed away from Stahl as she approached. Was Jax scared of her?

"Where's Jimmy O?" Stahl asked. She was met with silence. "Ok, look, I can have a dozen agents here in twenty minutes and they will shred this white trash shit hole."

Clay nodded, looking crestfallen. "Get him."

Tara was not crazy about the look of malice on Stahl's face. She felt detached from her body as she began to realize what was happening. To figure out why Gemma was terrified.

Had Jax ratted on the club? Had he set this up? Was that why the homicide charges were dropped? If the club figured it out, she would be burying with in the week. She felt her throat begin to close.

"How'd you know he was here?" Clay asked as Stahl pulled out two blue folders.

Stahl turned and looked gleeful as Jax's face dropped.

"Because your VP made a deal."

Jax's face turned to rage and Tara brought her hands to her face. "SON OF A BITCH" Jax screamed as he moved toward Stahl. He was pushed back by two of her agents as the club began to close in on him.

Tara heard them screaming accusations at him, saw him trying to explain himself to them. Gemma jumped in, hoping to save him with her words, to calm Clay down. Bobby pulled Gemma out of the line of fire and touched Tara's arm.

"You are dead," Clay started. "Do you hear me! You are Dead! DEAD!" Clay hollered as he was dragged away from the group.

Tara felt her heart stop as she heard Jax's last words to Stahl and saw the angry, murderous looks on the faces of his brothers.

"You just signed my death warrant," Jax spit at Stahl.

"I'm sorry, but you know, you're mother was right, this could never work, there was just no trust and I had to make sure that the prince had turned rat."

Jax was dragged away and Tara had to touch him one last time. He had to know she loved him no matter what and she had to touch the man she loved one more time before he was killed by his brothers.

She ran to him and pulled him into a hug. The agent restraining him allowed Jax to return the hug for a second before taking him to the van.

She stepped back, trying not to panic and break down completely as Jax was taken from her forever. Hot tears rolled down her cheeks as she stood on the lot.

Her family was gone. She was not an Old Lady any more and these women who had become her sisters were no longer her sisters.

After the ATF pulled away, Lucy touched Gemma's back.

"You are due at your house in twenty minutes, we have to go."

Gemma nodded. "Tara, I'll take Abel with me, you come get him when you are ready."

Tara nodded and turned to get in her car. She drove to Jax's house and sat at the table, staring at the floor.

The fucking floor had to be replaced.

She got up and went to start doing some cleaning. No one had really been there for two weeks, she had to do laundry and dust and vacuum. That would keep her mind busy for a while.

She walked through the quiet house, picking up discarded clothing and found Jax's bag from Ireland. She opened it and began pulling out dirty clothes

At the bottom of the backpack was a stack of envelopes tied together with a ribbon. She pullled them out and found a note tucked in.

Ashby Provisions was on the letterhead. That must be Mo, Trinity's mother. She read the note.

Dear Jackson,

The truth about your father is in these letters.

You should know John like I did.

-Maureen

Tara sighed and sat down in the rocker. She had to read them.

She pulled a letter out of the middle of the stack and began reading it, knowing she was opening a can of worms she might rather wasn't opened. Jax wasn't going to be coming home. Gemma was on house arrest. She was free to read this. She needed to know.

October 3, 1993

Dear Mo,

I love you more than you could ever know. I'd do anything to be with you. Every day, it becomes more clear that I don't belong here. I'm certain now that Clay and Gemma are together. They barely try to hide it from me. Gemma hates my apathy. She hates all of me. Her chill is terrifying. I know my days are numbered Mo, and when these letters stop, you can be certain that my death will be at the hands of my wife and my best friend. At least my sweet Thomas will never suffer my life, I miss him so much. I only pray that Jackson finds a different path. He already reminds me so much of myself.

Always,

John

Tara dropped the letters into her lap. Holy Shit. John Teller was not suicidal and he was pretty sure Clay was going to kill him.

Was it possible? Were Clay and Gemma capable of that? She knew the answer to that already They were absolutely capable of that. Clay had had Donna killed. He had killed two brothers in Belfast. Who knew how many others had been victims of Clay and Gemma. Shit.

Jax was going to be killed while he was inside. When that happened she would need to get out and get away. Abel. She couldn't leave Abel. But if she took Abel, Gemma would never stop looking for them. She sighed heavily as she laid her head back.

She head a knock on the door and pulled out her gun and went to the door. When she opened it and saw the prospects, she tensed more.

"Can we come in?" Shepherd asked.

She nodded and stepped back.

Phil closed the door and pulled an envelope out of his cut. "Jax asked us to deliver this to you. He said to burn it after you read it."

Tara took it and nodded.

"Is there anything you need?" Shepherd asked.

Tara shook her head, a tear rolling down her cheek.

The boys smiled and turned to leave.

Tara went back to the nursery and sat down to read this letter.

Dearest Tara,

If you are reading this, it means Stahl and Jimmy are dead and the club will be doing short time. I'm sorry I didn't tell you the whole truth before, but I couldn't. It would have made you an accessory if it had gone wrong. This was a club vote. I'd never turn on my club, or my family. I'm sorry for the things I had to do that hurt you. I had to protect you.

Take care of yourself, take care of my sons. Don't be afraid to ask for help. You aren't alone. Take pictures, take video, I hate that I have to miss everything.

Lohan has all of the paperwork to give you access to all of my assets and giving you custody of Abel in my absence.

I love you, Tara, more than you could ever know.

Always, Jax

Tara let out a sob of relief. Jax wasn't a rat. He didn't turn his back on us. She wanted to punch him hard for the pain he caused. But she wasn't alone. She just had to keep on Gemma's good side.

Tara got up and walked to the kitchen. She pulled out a lighter and stood over the sink. She read the last line again and then lit the letter on fire. She held the burning paper until the fire burned near her fingers before she dropped it into the sink where she watched the last of the paper turn to ash.


	43. Chapter 43

A/N: I have no rights to Sons of Anarchy.

A/N2: Sorry I have been away so long. Life wasn't great, (two surgeries, and an injury) but things are on the upswing.

Chapter 43

(Interim covers additional scenes other things. Thomas's birth will be in chapter 44, as well as when Jax meets him.)

Tara sat in Jax's house surrounded by pictures of half naked women, motorcycle paraphanelia, and booze bottles. It has been less than a month since they were taken away, 26 days to be exact, and while she saw him on a weekly basis, the constant reminders of him were killing her. He had been supposed to call at 8, it was now 10 and she was anxious. Sitting in the living room shouldn't be so painful. She stood up and moved around the room, piling the knick knacks, posters and mirrors on a chair.

As she stood surveying the mostly empty room, her cell phone rang. She flipped it open, hoping it hadn't disturbed Abel, who had been sleeping lightly since Jax left.

"Hello?" she said quietly, moving to the kitchen.

"Dr. Knowles?" the woman on the other end asked.

Tara pulled the clock off the wall and put it on the table. "Yes."

Tara looked around and began gathering more things on the table.

"Dr. Knowles, this is Judy Garland, I am the assistant to the warden here at Stockton Prison."

Tara stopped short, bottle of Jack Daniel's in her hand. "Ok?" she asked noting the sound of approaching motorcycles.

"Jackson Teller was attacked tonight, stabbed three times," Judy continued. "He is in the emergency room right now at Stockton Memorial, but the doctor there is convinced he will be fine. The blades missed all major organs and arteries."

Tara opened the door as Opie and Chibs came up the walkway.

"Can I see him?"

"No, ma'am, not until normal visiting hours and only if he is out of the infirmary by then."

"Excuse me, the father of my child was stabbed while in your custody and I can not see him to make sure he is alright?"

"Ma'am..."

"No, I am a doctor, I want to see Jackson."

"That is not permissable, Dr. Knowles."

"Can I at least talk to him when he is out of the emergency room?"

"I will submit your request to the warden and see if he will allow it. I will call you back when I know."

Tara slammed her phone shut and spun on her heels to face Opie and Chibs.

"What the Hell happened?" Tara screeched. "I thought they were protected."

"Love, that was a bit of an exaggeration," Chibs said.

"You told me they were protected. Why aren't they protected?"

"Tara, we are working on it," Opie said quietly. "But that is not why we are here."

"I'm not going to the clubhouse. That is no place to live with a baby."

"Tara," Opie said shaking his head.

"No, Opie, I am trying to keep it together here and if you want me to go hide in the clubhouse, I am taking Abel and leaving. You want to keep an eye on me, you can do it here."

Tara turned and went back to the kitchen to finish what she had started.

Opie followed and watched Tara erase Jax's influence from the house. "What are you doing?"

Tara turned tears in her eyes. "I can't be here with his stuff everywhere I look without him here. I look around this place and feel like he should be pulling up in the driveway any moment. I have to make this my home."

Opie nodded. "How can we help?"

"There are boxes in the garage."

Chibs turned to go.

"Be quiet, Abel is sleeping," Tara said as he left.

Jax and Tara Jax and Tara Jax and Tara

Over the next two months, Tara personalized Jax's house. Making it more of a home where a woman lived, not a bachelor.

Tara lived for her weekly visits to see Jax. He fawned over her growing belly and praised her for how well she was handling Abel, the pregnancy, her new position at St. Thomas, the shop, and their home. He recovered nicely from his injuries but as the nights began to stretch longer and longer without Jax, Tara began looking into John's claims that Clay and Gemma would be behind his death.

She read and reread John's letters to Maureen, wishing she could contact the Irish mistress for more information. Instead, she pulled the police report that seemed a bit off. Something was missing, but Tara couldn't put her finger on it.

Tara knew Piney was John Teller's best friend. She knew Jax trusted him and looked to him as a father figure. Piney was where she would go.

The next morning, after Neeta came to watch Abel, Tara headed to work, with a quick detour in mind. Piney would be at the clubhouse for breakfast by now and all the other guys would be heading to the shop.

She pulled into the parking lot and nervously walked into the clubhouse. She needed to see his reactions to her questions almost as much as she needed to hear his answers. She needed to know if Clay would be gunning for Jax in the future and she needed to know if her unease with Clay was real. She needed to know if she should run...

One of the crow eaters was just serving Piney breakfast as she approached.

"Hi," she smiled at the woman headed back toward the kitchen. "Morning," she directed to Piney as she approached, her hands over her belly.

"Morning Doc," Piney smiled. "Gemma's out in the office."

Tara inhaled. "I was actually looking for you," she said with fake cheeriness.

"Ok," Piney said with a wide gesture. "Can I get you a cup of coffee? Decaf?"

"No, Thank you," Tara said as she put her coat over the back of the chair next to him.

"How about some of this?" Piney said offering his plate to her.

Tara smiled. "No, thanks, I'm fine," she said as she sat down.

The other mechanics that were finishing breakfast stood to go as she sat. Tara watched them leave and noted that they were mostly alone.

Time to get to it, Tara thought arranging herself.

"Can I ask you a question about John Teller?" Tara asked directly.

Piney put his fork down. "I guess."

"When he died...when he was killed...was there any suspicions that maybe it wasn't an accident?"

"He was hit by a semi."

"I, I know...the club had enemies," Tara said trying to lead him to the truth that she now knew.

"John's death was an accident," Piney asserted.

"It must have been really hard for you," Tara started again. "I know how close the two of you were."

Tara inhaled deeply.

Piney looked away.

"You know, Doc, I think maybe you oughta be going, go and deliver some babies, or whatever it is you do."

Tara looked down and smiled nervously. She needed to try one more time.

"I read something that John wrote. He mentioned how much he loved and trusted you. How you were his only real friend," Tara stopped and looked at Piney. "JT Feared Clay. He believed his life was in danger. He knew.."

Piney slammed the table, stopping Tara midsentence.

"That's enough," Piney said.

Tara looked at the table knowing now that her suspicions were true and she had to get Abel and herself out of Charming. With or without Jax.

"What ever you think you wanted to know, you don't," Piney said. "Focus on your family. Stay out of the club business. Keeping digging in this shit, you'll get hurt, Jax will get hurt, and them boys. You hear me?"

Tara held back tears. She heard him louder than he realized. "Yes."

Piney tried to lighten the mood. "Hey, whatever you read, dead history."

He stood to go, patting her shoulder as he passed.

Tara took a deep breath and stood to go, knowing what she needed to do.

Jax and Tara Jax and Tara Jax and Tara

Tara knocked on the office door of Margaret Murphy. The two had become close friends since their kidnapping three months before.

"Tara, come on in," Margaret said sweetly.

Tara went in and closed the door.

Margaret knotted her brow, wondering what would prompt the young doctor to close the door.

Tara sat and looked at her hands, trying to find the right words to say what she wanted to say.

"I need your help."

Margaret stood and went around her desk and sat in the chair by Tara.

"Anything."

"After the baby is born, I need help leaving. I have to get out but I have to give Jax the opportunity to come with me."

Margaret nodded. "Why?"

"If I leave without him, I will be back. I know it."

"Tara, Jax..."

"No, Margaret. Please understand. I have loved Jax for half of my life. Even while I was gone. He is my soulmate. He makes me who I am. I need him. His sons will need him. I have to give him a chance to come with us, to choose me and his sons. He has to choose me and his sons."

Tara broke down crying for the first time since Jax was taken away.

Margaret held her. "I will help you with anything you need, Tara, I will send you out of town in the middle of the night and box up your belongings myself to ship them to you if I have to."

"Right now, just keep an eye out for positions for me."

Margaret nodded and kissed her head. "I am here. When ever you need a break, come here."

Tara nodded and pulled away wiping her eyes. "Thank you for all of your help."

Tara stood and left, knowing she would never leave Charming.


End file.
